for love is always with you - cordeliawrites - Harry Potter (2024)

Chapter 1: he is half of my soul, as the poets say

Chapter Text

PART I

Chapter 1: he is half of my soul, as the poets say

“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell.
I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth.
I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”
— Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles

Harri Lily Potter was born in the summertime.

She was like all the things that are bright and beautiful. Delicate as the petal of a flower and as breathtaking as a butterfly in full bloom. And just as every mage that existed before her, she too, had a soul that was not yet whole and the deepest secrets of the rest of her soul on the inside of her wrist.

From the day she was born to the day her parents died the words were an ever changing litany of anger and spite.

Then James Potter fell into his last sleep. And Lily Potter took her last breath. And Lord Voldemort was torn in two.

Then the words changed.

I fear no fate—

And stayed for a long time.

It was a warm day. The first after a bitter winter. Sunlight peaked through floorboards and brightened dreary little Surrey. Children ran on bikes and scooters, mothers sat on patios drinking tea. Little peels of laughter and squealing could be heard up and down the road. It was incredibly ordinary. So much so, that you would never know of the bizarre things that occurred there.

Like babies being left on doorsteps and old women across the street who were not all that they seemed. Most importantly, like the little girl who would save them all, hidden and protected within these walls but unaware of just who she was.

Harri was sitting on her own porch and watching over privet drive. She was hiding from her cousin Dudley, who kept yanking on her ponytails while she was trying to play with her toys. He was always doing that, annoying her that is, and Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon never did anything to stop him.

Harri looked away from where her gaze had wandered to the lily flowers in Aunt Petunia’s garden and back towards her wrist. She sighed in disappointment. The words hadn’t changed. They never did. No amount of hoping or praying ever made a difference.

I fear no fate— written on the inside of her skin.

It was not that she didn’t love them, because she did. They were small and written in beautiful cursive. They were perfect. She loved them just like she thought she would love her soulmate. Completely.

But Harri wanted something, anything, to explain what they meant and why they were there.

Did her soul mate feel alone like she did? Did he love the smell of fresh orange juice or the sound of the rainfall? Did he get scared of thunder and hide under his blankets? Was he waiting for her like she was waiting for him?

Sometimes she missed him so much she ached.

She’d asked Aunt Petunia once about the ink, and all Petunia told her was these words meant she had a soulmate. When Harri asked why only she had them, Aunt Petunia's face had scrunched up like she’d tasted cow dung and Harri had just run away before she could be spanked.

The Dursleys made her wear bracelets at school to cover her words. They told her if anyone saw the writing on her wrist they’d call the police and someone would come to take Harri away. And while she didn’t particularly love the Dursleys, Harri was smart enough to know where they would take her would be worse. So she kept her mouth shut like the good girl they wanted her to be.

Then one day everything changed.

And this change came in the form of a white letter.

A white letter and the words Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Rubeus Hagrid came to collect Harri from Privet Drive on a Sunday morning in August. Aunt Petunia fussed over her pink dress and brushed her hair as he walked up the driveway.

Petunia got a sour look on her face when she saw him but she shook his hand anyway. Harri was surprised at her cordiality.

“Make sure she gets back home safely.” Petunia said through tight lips. “If anything has happened to her I will know.” Then she snatched her hand away and walked back inside.

Hagrid was like no one Harri had met before. He was a giant and unkempt sort of man but the cleanest breath of fresh air she ever smelled. Because Hagrid was kind. He answered all her questions enthusiastically and he met her excitement with his own.

She was introduced to Diagon Alley—which was wicked—and to other wizards and witches who gazed upon her with awe.

She met a bizarre man named Quirrell (of all things).

She walked into a bank and discovered goblins and...that her parents had left her everything. Her heart thudded something awful. James and Lily Potter.

She met a pale and pointy boy who came off as entitled but screamed lonely. And if there was one thing Harri knew it was that so she forgave him for his shallow words and crude arrogance.

She discovered flying and potions and charms. She let her heart hope for the first time in a long time.

But of course, nothing was perfect not even this new world of magic.

In this world existed dark wizards and dark lords and wars fought by parents who left their children orphans. In this world Harri Potter was not the shy girl who lived down the street. In this world she was the girl who lived.

And as Ollivander whispered words of old magic and old wisdom Harri got a funny feeling in her stomach.

Of phoenix core and matching wands, of the darkest magic and a lighting bolt scar.

But she let the feeling pass.

Because Harri was a witch and her parents hadn’t died in an accident, her parents had died in a war. They were heroes. Her parents were heroes and they had loved her and they never would have left her, not if they could have stayed.

When she went to sleep that night she heard voices in her head. She saw a green light, she heard a terrible scream and a whisper in the corner of her mind.

You are finally here.

For a moment she even saw a flash of red eyes, before the dream was gone.

When she woke up that morning the words on her wrists had changed.

I waited for you. It is too late now.

Chapter 2: only do not leave me in this

Chapter Text

Chapter 2: only do not leave me in this

“You said I killed you - haunt me, then!
Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad!
Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!
oh, God! It is unutterable!
I can not live without my life! I can not live without my soul!”
— Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

On the morning of the first of September 1991, the Dursley household was an overflow of nervous energy. As sunlight cascaded through the open window and the scent of flowers permeated the air. Uncle Vernon ran around looking for one thing or another. He'd already loaded his car with Harri’s trunk yet continued to mutter about fuel. Aunt Petunia fretted over breakfast while she finished plaiting the top of Harri’s head.

Dudley and Harri were the calm in the storm. Harri's cousin had barely spoken to her since he woke up. They were across one another on the dining room table but for the first time in his small age, Dudley Dursley was quiet and contemplative.

Bizarrely, Harri couldn't remember a time in their entire childhood when he hadn't been a blur of sound and movement. Though she was puzzled by it, she could barely focus on him or stomach the food in front of her. She was nauseous with worry and her thoughts were scattered.

What would Hogwarts be like? Would everyone recognize her as they had in Diagon alley? Were people going to like her? Would she be able to make friends? She had a few friends at her muggle elementary school. Ana from Romania and Sydney from Utah. And while she would miss them, she wasn't sad to be leaving.

Because something as extraordinary as magic had fallen upon her and embedded itself into her very being. She could scarcely think of anything else.

What Hogwarts house would she be sorted in? How did a castle even function as a school? What were the professors like? There were too many things she couldn't wait to learn and too many things she couldn't wait to get over with.

As for the message from her soulmate on her wrist...

Harri's fingers tightened around the fork in her hands.

'I waited for you. It's too late now.'

But what did that mean?

Harri had waited her whole life for her soulmate! And she would wait forever! How could her soulmate give up like that? Had they figured out who she was? Would she meet them today? Why was it too late? Nothing was too late.

It didn’t make sense to her ten year old mind. Giving up before you had even started.

To Harri, her words had always symbolized something deeper than just a soulmate. Her words had meant long-awaited answers and hope and destiny.

They were the rest of her life.

She'd felt impatient before as well but how could her soulmate surrender? Admit defeat?

And as if this peculiarity of her soul mark changing the night before she left for Hogwarts wasn't enough, the conversation with Aunt Petunia weeks ago had been the cherry on top of a new age of confusion and change.

After the trip with Hargrid, Petunia had pulled Harri into her room and given her a box wrapped in pink.

With unusually gentle eyes and hands, she had explained to Harri that now that she would actually be interacting with people like her, she couldn’t just cover her wrist with a beaded bracelet. Especially since almost everyone would be curious about Harri's words. Aunt Petunia explained that because of who Harri was, her notoriety and her fame, people would want to take advantage of her. Which was why it was important to hide her words and keep her secrets close to her chest. It was the time to be smart and careful.

Then she told Harri to open the box. Inside was a delicate gold bracelet that Petunia took out and softly clasped around her wrist.

It fit perfectly and didn’t move or budge. You couldn’t see Harri's words anymore.

“Lily.” Aunt Petunia elaborated. “This belonged to her.”

Harri stared at her arm with a tight throat. When she found the courage to look up and into her aunt's eyes, she saw in them a vast sadness. It surprised her.

“I didn’t get to keep much of her after she died but I got to have this.” Petunia dabbed at her eyes. “It now belongs to you.”

Despite the complicated feelings Harri held towards Petunia and her family, she felt touched. In the end, the Dursleys had taken her in and taken care of her. She knew how much worse it could have been. Also for the first time, Harri remembered that while she lost her mother all those years ago Aunt Petunia lost her sister. And perhaps in the heart she'd once thought made of stone there was a piece that still beat, a piece that never recovered.

Aunt Petunia took both of Harri’s hands in her own and tilted her chin up with a finger. “Keep it safe and stay hidden Harri.”

The sound of Dudley and a car horn brought Harri back to the breakfast table and away from a memory that felt too fragile to touch.

“Harri! Harri! Harri!” Dudley was banging his fist on the table with an egg stuck to the side of his mouth.

Harri dropped her fork with exasperation. “What Dudley?”

Dudley dropped his eyes to the floor. “It’ll be weird not having you here.”

There was a strange sort of melancholy about that. Harri sighed. How did this sort of thing happen?

She'd always wanted to leave Little Whinging and now that the change presented itself she felt not sadness exactly but something quite like it, mixed in with the excitement and nervousness.

It was like she stood at the edge of a cliff. She was afraid she'd fall rather than soar.

Harri peered over at Dudley until their eyes met and admitted. “It is weird.”

Dudley nodded, solemn.

Reluctantly, Harri murmured. “I might miss fighting with you.”

He smiled. “Yeah. I might miss it too. And you. Only a little though.”

Harri scrunched her nose. "Yes. Only a little."

Uncle Vernon burst inside. “Time to go! Don’t want to miss that train. Especially don’t want to get into rush hour traffic! In the car Harri!”

Then all at once, Harri survived the weirdness of Aunt Petunia's hug, Dudley's handshake, and Uncle Vernon's reassuring squeeze on her shoulder as they walked to platform nine and three-quarters.

She turned to Uncle Vernon when they reached the red bricks and said goodbye to him there.

He squared his shoulders. “Well then Harri. Be sharp and smart. Send a letter or two.” And he was off.

Harri breathed out in relief.

It was time to get on with the rest of her life.

And then. And then here is how it went.

She made it onto the platform with the help of a gaggle of redheads. She and one said redhead (named Ron, Ron Weasley) managed to find a carriage together and it was there they sat (on this first day and for the years to come). They bonded over Harri's scar and his family. Then a little while later there was Hermione with her big hair and a toad named Trevor and a creepy rat named Scabbers which made for a promising beginning.

Though this all almost went to sh*t when the pointy sad little boy from Madam Malkin's shoved through their door with his friends and breathed 'Harri Potter' with quiet awe and a bright glance of recognition.

Words and wands were drawn between the boys but Harri pulled Draco in and Hermione warned Crabbe and Goyle out.

Hesitantly, in a moment that altered so much, Draco and Ron apologized to each other.

Then there were the four of them: Draco, Ron, Hermione and Harri.

At least that was how they began. And it changed everything.

Also, as it turned out, Ron’s words were curled around Draco’s wrist.

“My father won’t understand.” Draco whispered and he looked terribly sad. “He won’t.”

Ron gently nudged his shoulder. “We won’t give him the chance.”

They shared a secret smile only they ever could understand and stayed close the whole train ride. Harri and Hermione shared a look of their own, one they would frequently for years.

Before they knew it the four of them managed to lose themselves in the excitement of learning magic and in the tumbling in and out of carriages. They met many other students and the rest of the journey was only red cheeks and loud laughter.

Before Harri could even blink, Hogwarts was in the corner of her eye.

It was magnificent.

Everything she'd dreamed it would be. Like the castles in all the stories.

The sorting hat sung and though it tried otherwise Harri fought her way into Gryffindor. Into the legacy of her parents and the fire of the lions. She met the twinkling eyes of Headmaster Dumbledore and the proud smile of Professor McGonagall. She also met the pinched gaze of an unkept-looking man. He did not bother hiding his displeasure.

But Harri would only learn later the true thoughts running through his mind in that first moment.

At the end of the sorting, she was introduced to a feast bigger than anything she'd ever seen and the ghosts who also called Hogwarts home. There was a poltergeist named Peeves, twins named Fred and George, dorm mates Dean, Seamus and Neville, moving staircases, speaking paintings, and a room on the top of a tower that she shared with four other girls.

Daphne, Hermione, Maria and Lavender.

That night after they got ready for bed the five of them crowded into Harri’s and talked for hours. They fell asleep squished together and with tears of laughter in their eyes. Though Harri woke up tired on the first day of school, she wasn't regretful. Not even a little bit.

Harri and Hermione walked into the great hall together the next morning to find Draco already inside. He was standing with a slight pug-faced girl who scowled at the sight of them and shifted away. Draco happily turned towards them anyway. They spoke for a little bit, divulged the secrets of their common rooms before they ran off to their respective tables.

As Harri sat down she pondered what she had learned last night and what she had been pushing away all morning.

Soulmates were able to send their thoughts to each other through the words on their wrists from the day they were born. It was not common to have no changes in your mark unless there was something wrong.

And there was. Something wrong that is.

Harri knew it deep in her heart. It had something to do with her dreams and the aching of her scar from that night so long ago. But she would figure it out. Because she refused to exist in a world where her soul was lost, where Harri couldn't find her other half. She couldn't even think of it, it was so painful.

When she had nothing she had this. She always knew she was never alone because of her words and that she was never meant to be. She would never give them up.

But something had happened, it was a feeling and a fear.

Harri slid her finger between her bracelet to rub at her words. While Daphne chatted about potions as their first class, a sharp burst of pain entered Harri's forehead. She hid her flinch and looked around in unease. Unconsciously she met Professor Quirrell's eyes. He smiled shakily at her and lifted his goblet in hello.

Harri's own eyes narrowed. There was something odd about him. Though she didn't ponder over it much because Daphne nudged her and tuned her back into the conversation.

Unbeknownst to Harri however, the thoughts on her wrist changed once again.

I can feel you close by. I can smell you.

Who… are… you?

In the abyss of the forbidden forest, a sliver of soul trembled and awakened. More aware than the blood of a unicorn could even provide, more aware than it could be by sharing the mind of a spineless wizard.

Voldemort slit his form.

His soul was nearby. It called to him.

But he had a greater purpose.

Harri Potter had come to Hogwarts at last.

And he planned to kill her.

Chapter 3: flight of death

Chapter Text

Chapter 3: flight of death

“I am a weapon made of flesh, a sword covered in skin.
I was born to kill a king.
To end a reign of terror before it can truly begin.
Fire and lighting raised him up, and fire and lighting will bring him down.”
— Victoria Aveyard, Glass Sword

Looking back, that first year at Hogwarts was an anthology of happiness.

Harri made friends for a lifetime. She lived, wandered and found a home for herself within the walls of a castle.

The words on her wrist began to change every day. Some days they were a litany of pain, small help me's. Others, they were an ever-changing realm of anger that she could feel burn her heart. Do you know how long it's been? Rarely, they were quiet and small. It's too late it's too late it's too late or the years the years.

Her soul was hurting and she didn't know how to fix it.

She and her roommates stayed up most nights talking under the covers and their days learning everything they could.

When the Daily Prophet released the news of a break-in at the wizarding bank, it piqued all their attention as Harri revealed that the vault broken into at Gringotts was one that Hagrid visited with her back in the summer.

Fred and George created havoc in the boy's Gryffindor dorms that bleed into the entire dormitory. Neville lost and found Trevor about a dozen times. Seamus burned his hair off once a month but managed to grow it back every time. Draco befriended two boys in his dorm, Theodore and Blaise. They were unexpectedly friendly. Lavender dyed her hair lavender and regretted it. Maria taught them Spanish (or tried to at least). Hermione educated the purebloods on muggles and Daphne sprained her wrist in flying lessons. Harri tried baking Angelina a birthday cake and ended up starting a fire in the common room.

Within a week of classes, she almost got eaten by a three-headed dog with Ron, Hermione, Draco and Blaise on the third floor corridor. The only thing that came out of it was the discovery of a hidden trap door beneath the room.

They studied in the library with all of the first years and Dean somehow incited a prank war that went on all year long. Alicia Spinett snuck them into the astronomy tower at night where they learned to play card games and drank hot chocolate bribed from house elves.

There were after-school lessons and game nights in the tower. The upperclassmen who shared everything and taught them how to flirt with boys. P ajama nights in the great hall and movie nights in the boy's room.

On her wrist, there was: years and years and years.

There was the troll incident that somehow didn't land them in too much trouble but instigated Snapegate of 1991. (When Snape was seen with a bite on his leg that could only be from the three-headed dog guarding a trapdoor on the third floor).

And then quidditch season had begun and everyone was consumed with house rivalry and sabotage that only magic could create.

Daphne sprained her wrist again while dropping mud-filled ballons on Marcus Flint's head.

Harri became the youngest quidditch player in a century. That day Hermione and Daphne showed her the trophy room and cabinet with her father's name on it. It was another piece of her heritage that fell into place.

On her wrist, there was: too late too late.

Her group of friends continued to grow increasingly suspicious of Snape when he messed with Harri’s broom (or so they assumed).

“It had to be Snape!” Hermione swore. "Why else was he muttering enchantments?"

“Now hold on a minute,” Blaise protested.

“He may seem a little unpleasant but Professor Snape would never deliberately try to hurt Harri.” Draco defended. “He's not a man that would hurt an innocent child."

"That's what you say." Lav snorted. "Slytherin."

Later on, they inadvertently tricked Hagrid and discovered that the three-headed dog was actually his (and named Fluffy, of course) and the secret beneath him was an object only Dumbledore and a man named Nicolas Flamel knew of.

On Christmas day Harri was surprised to receive many gifts. Not only did her friends give her presents but people from all over the school. There was even a special package under the tree with no name.

She opened it and found a secret Potter heirloom.

Ron knelt next to her when the first tear dropped. He hugged her when she buried her face in the invisibility cloak.

For the first time in a long time she let herself mourn her loss. She thought of everything her parents had given her even after they were gone. Her green eyes, her messy hair, her love of quidditch but most importantly her courage and softness.

It was a truth that was undeniable to her. Everything good about her came from them.

On her wrist: so close, I am, so close.

That night she went out in search of books about Nicolas Flamel in the restricted section. Unfortunately, she only had a moment to look before Snape and Filch were on her tail. To escape them she legged it up the stairs and ended up in an old room where she discovered something called the mirror of erised.

In the mirror's reflection, she found the faces of her lost family. As she gazed upon them Dumbledore appeared and they had their first real conversation. Something about knitted socks and the deepest desire of hearts.

When he left her he shared with her what she has known to be true all these years.

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, dear Harri.”

He could not have known even back then that Harri would hardly have the time to do anything else.

Before she walked away from the mirror she pressed her palm against the image of a legacy long gone. The Potters.

Experimentally, silently, she mouthed, 'I love you'.

No one hears, no one sees, but the tree falls in the forest just the same.

Somewhere between an argument with Draco about Neville, Harri and Hermione discovered who Nicolas Flamel really was.

The creator of the Philosopher’s Stone which could make a man richer in gold and in life.

Harri won the second quidditch match of the year despite Snape’s best efforts (and almost swallowed the snitch by the end of the game).

She then followed Snape under the cover of her invisibility cloak to find he may not have been with Quirrell but he could be trying to steal the stone for himself.

When meeting with Hagrid to discuss her suspicions, (which he confirmed, that the stone was hidden within the school) Harri and her friends ended up watching the hatching of a dragon egg. Yet, consequently, they were then caught smuggling the dragon in the middle of the night to Ron’s brother and landed themselves detention in the forbidden forest.

On the night of their detention, Harri and Draco were left alone with Fang while Hermione, Ron and Blaise went with Hagrid. Hagrid had them on the hunt for an alleged rabid animal.

Draco mumbled under his breath about how much of a nutter Dumbledore was to send first years alone into the forbidden forest at night. Harri walked beside him silently and held securely onto his elbow. She nodded along at the right moments and pretended to listen.

“I mean, wait until my father hears about this! Has he lost his mind? Sending us out here in the middle of the night where who knows what could happen!"

Really, Harri was paying more attention to the foreboding feeling in her stomach.

At night the forest ran true to its tales. The trees stretched out into the sky, skinny and abundant, old and wicked. Above them was a starless sky and in the air a dangerous mist. The wind blew from far away and noises echoed. The hoot of an owl, the howl of a wolf and the screeching of crickets. Every few minutes or so there was an absurd, unplaceable sound that made Harri’s heart sink.

She kept a firm grip on the lamp in her hand and turned to Draco to reply when they staggered upon a terrible sight.

In the center of the forbidden forest, a unicorn lay dying as a figure in a dark cloak drank its blood.

Harri tripped, Draco screamed and the figure looked up.

They both shrieked loud enough that the birds in the trees fled. Draco grabbed her arm and they ran.

Harri’s heart was pounding so loud she couldn't hear anything while they sped through the forest with Fang running ahead of them.

Her scar ached something awful and her robe got ripped by the branches. She could just about see the edge of the forest when Draco stopped. She stumbled into his back. In the middle of the path, another creature blocked their way.

He introduced himself to them as Firenze, one of the centaurs native to the forest.

“What you have just witnessed is a very dangerous act. You must leave the forest at once. It is not safe here, especially for you Harri Potter. The dark one will not follow so long as I am here so I will grant you safe passage back to Hagrid.”

Firenze guided them back to Hogwarts from behind. He was beautiful and moved his limbs with a fluidity uncommon in humans. His eyes glowed in the darkness and spoke of secrets.

Draco still had a secure grip on Harri’s hand but his face had paled to a pasty white she hadn't even known existed. Both of them were panting still and their breaths clouded the air in front of them. While they walked they couldn't help but shoot each other looks.

“What the bloody hell.” Draco mouthed to her, his hair ruffled and out of order from its usual greasy look.

Harri knew she looked as horrified as he did. She shot him a disbelieving glance back, thinking how in the past year alone they had almost been killed by a dog, a troll and now a wraith.

When they reached the edge of the forest clearing, Harri made to follow Draco but Firenze rested his hand on her shoulder and asked to speak with her.

He explained to her the horrific consequences of drinking unicorn blood and that the creature they observed had a specific purpose for doing so. Drinking unicorn blood would provide it enough strength to survive for a long enough period of time to steal the philosopher's stone.

Firenze then asked her what creature would do such a thing.

Dread chilled Harri’s bones.

For it could only be one being, one person, the same one who would turn the wizarding world into chaos, the same one who would kill a child.

Voldemort.

Firenze nodded. “Harri, the sky has foretold me much about you.” He placed his hand on her head. "You see, as a species we centaurs are trained in the art of divination. Real, natural, powerful divination. But it is an unspoken rule that we stay out of human and wizarding disputes. Although once in a while, there comes a time when silence is not the answer.”

He paused, a distraught look in his eyes.

“When you find out the wrists that your words belong to, you will have a choice. To keep it a secret or to tell. What I would advise is that secrets have a way of getting out in the wizarding world, and this one cannot. Be careful.Much depends on it. I understand that you may not understand what I am saying or why at this moment. I can only hope that when the time comes and,” he glanced at the sky. “The time will come. You will need them and they will guide you.”

Firenze pulled her closer to him and whispered. “Stay safe. Keep it hidden. We shall meet again little one.”

He then disappeared into the forest once more. It would be years before Harri saw him again and by then she would understand exactly what he meant.

For now, as the trees swayed and Fang barked, Harri stood bewildered and alarmed.

On her wrist: where where where.

After their end of year exams Ron, Hermione, Draco, Blaise and Harri established that Snape must be moving to steal the stone. They came up with a plan (which was not really a plan and more just running in headfirst to danger) to find Hagrid and question him about how to get past the obstacles to reach the stone.

Next, they found McGonagall to warn her and ask for Dumbledore so that Snape could be stopped. When that failed (Dumbledore was in London? The stone was protected adequately? They shouldn’t even know about it? Sure. Alright.) they took it upon themselves to find the stone before Snape.

Blaise stayed back in case anyone tried to get into the third floor.

The rest of them got past Fluffy, devil's snare and flying keys before they spilt up. In a chess game, Harri lost Ron and after a trick potion, Hermione and Draco could go no further.

Harri went on alone. She couldn't help but anticipate that this was the scene when the villain would be unmasked.

When she stepped into the last she gasped. Where the daunting figure of Professor Snape should have been Quirrell stood instead.

“Ah, Harry.” Quirrell spun to face her with a satisfied expression on his face. Gone was his stutter or the shape of a man afraid of his own shadow.

Her scar burned. She stayed where she was.

“I suppose,” Quirrell smirked. “That you didn’t consider it was me all this time?"

Harri had gravely misjudged this man. While he'd always rubbed her the wrong way, she never considered him to be nefarious. To think that he had been able to fool the entire school and its teachers this thoroughly was scary.

“Oh no,” he mocked as he moved forward. “Not Quirrell! Couldn’t possibly be stupid stuttering Quirrell.” his voice echoed in the room.

Harri tried to hide the way her hands trembled at his approach.

“One thing you will learn girl is that people are always disgustingly predictable.” He laughed. “They only see what they want to see, they never look beyond, never deeper. You can paint a persona and they will believe it.” He gestured to himself. “Now tell me sweet child, oh poor sweet Harri, when you came running along these steps who exactly did you expect to find?” His whole aura screamed vindictive as he reached where she was.

She swallowed the fear that threatened to overwhelm her. There was someone else in the room. The burn of her scar promised this.

“Snape.” She answered him in a frigid tone. His smugness was irritating and turned her sharp and biting.

Quirrel cackled loudly. She wanted to tell him he was nothing special no matter how much Voldemort lied to him.

“You’re not going to take that stone.” Harri said.

“And who exactly is going to stop me? You?” He looked her up and down condescendingly.

"Yes."

He scowled. “Listen here girl. What you are going to do is tell me where Dumbledore hid that stone. And then,” he bent his waist down to eye level. “You will give it to me.”

She pressed her lips together. “I won't.” And hoped her heart wouldn't beat out of her chest.

He growled and then started talking to himself, whispering, wincing. “No my lord, no, of course, of course.”

That was the moment Harri realized the presence she felt in the room was Voldemort. He was here somewhere. She scrutinized Quirrell and her eyes widened.

He stared back at her and smiled saccharine sweet and deathly fake.

“Harri. Look in the mirror and tell me what you see.” He stabbed his wand into her side.

She didn't know what to do but hoped she could stall him. She listened to what he said. He pushed her with his wand pressed against her lower back, down the steps and into a circle the mirror of erised laid in.

She peered inside it.

She didn't see her family but a reflection of herself. Her reflection winked and patted her left pocket. A weight formed there. Her reflection pressed a finger against her lips. Then it vanished and transformed.

Now the mirror showed her family again. But this time…

Harri gaped. Standing next to her was a man, a blurry form but handsome, she could tell.

She knew exactly who that was supposed to be. Her soulmate. He was smiling and laughing amongst her family.

She forgot where she was, the stone, Quirrell and Voldemort. None of it mattered in the face of this.

But then from behind her Quirrell rasped out. “What do you see?”

“Me, winning the house cup.” Harri lied distractingly.

“She is lying.” Hissed a cruel and croaky voice out of nowhere. “Show her to me.”

Quirrell argued but when Harri turned he began unwrapping his turban. To her horror, he showed his back and the face on his scalp.

“Harri Potter...” Voldemort whispered. “At long last.”

There was something terribly wrong. Harri’s gut clenched.

What Harri didn't know in that moment but something she would learn with time, was that underneath her bracelet the words on her wrist were finally giving her the answers she’d asked for so long.

Do you know what it's like to wait fifty years for someone?

I was too young and I wanted too much.

It is over now. I will be free.

And in that freedom

It is done.

“I know you have the stone.” Voldemort narrowed his eyes. “Give it to me Harri.”

“No!” Harri shook her head and stumbled back. “I won't.”

“I can bring your parents back. Give me the stone, join me and you will have them back.” Voldemort purred.

“You’re lying!” Harri shouted.

Voldemort radiated anger. He shrieked. “Kill the girl!”

Quirrell grabbed for Harri and she clasped her hands on his face and he screamed and screamed.

When she fell to the floor and Quirrell was no more Voldemort fled, a dark husk escaping through a window.

Then finally the world was dark.

And on her wrist there was nothing. It was empty.

Harri woke in the hospital wing. Silently, she reached for a glass of water. A hand placed it within reach. Headmaster Dumbledore sat beside her and humming to himself. His eyes were twinkling.

“Good morning or rather afternoon. You've woken quite late in the day.” He smiled at her winningly. “Your friends await your return at the end of year feast as does the rest of Hogwarts. Of course, you may leave whenever you choose to as Madam Pomfrey tells me you’re healing well.”

“If I had it my way headmaster she would be here another two days at the very least.” Pomfrey chimed in from where she was at her desk, observing Dumbledore with irritation.

“As is the disposition of a good matron.” Dumbledore replied. “But Harri, if you could spare me a moment. I would like to talk with you about the events that occurred yesterday.” He glanced to Madam Pomfrey and to Harri he grinned. “Events that only you and the late Quirinus Quirrell are privy to I’m afraid.”

The potions in her body had dulled her senses and made her feel more at peace than she should. When she said words they came out slow and measured. “Headmaster…he was… Voldemort was there. On the back of Quirrell's head. When he forced me in front of the mirror the philosophers stone appeared in my pocket and he tried to offer me to join him. When I refused Voldemort made Quirrell attack me...but my hands.” Harri peered down at them and wondered if they'd changed. But there they were, the same as they'd always been. Delicate and small. "They burned him and...Voldemort fled. He was just a shadow when I passed."

She looked back at Dumbledore and found a strangeness in his expression. He did not say anything for quite some time and when he did move it was to rest his hand on her head. “What you did yesterday was incredibly dangerous and could have cost you your life. I don't condone the risk you placed on yourself."

He softened. "In spite of that, you acted with great courage. I would like to thank you for what you did. You have saved us from him yet again." At the proudness in his tone, a lightnesssettled in her chest. "But I do not want you to think that it falls upon you to stop him because it does not. You are still but a child Harri. Just because you did it once does not mean you have to do it again.”

Harri nodded yet inside she couldn't help but think that it was not true. For a reason, until Voldemort was dead for a final time, it would always fall upon her.

She whispered into the quiet space between them. "Will he come back?"

“One day. But that day is not today. So relieve yourself of this worry."

For the rest of the afternoon, Dumbledore told her about the protection her mother had left her which caused Quirrell to burn. It never failed to bring tears to Harri's eyes, how much she was loved by her mother and how her love still lived on inside Harri.

At the feast, Gryffindor won the house cup by a landslide. Their table had never screamed as loud as they did then. And though the Slytherins moaned in upset, Draco grinned, perhaps unable to find it within himself to be upset when Ron was so ecstatic. Blaise and Theodore were equally content next to him, bemused and teasing.

Down Harri's table, Percy grabbed Ron and the Weasley twins surrounded Oliver Wood, spinning him around in circles. Alicia whistled and Deam jumped in joy. Dumbledore sat at the head table and raised a glass in goodwill while McGonagall stood next to him and clapped proudly. Snape could be seen to the side glowering something fierce.

Harri’s first year at Hogwarts ended in the arms of her friends as they celebrated with the rest of the Gryffindors in victory.

Chapter 4: loose lips sink ships

Chapter Text

Chapter 4: loose lips sink ships

"There you are sweetheart.
Sorry I'm late.
I was looking everywhere for you."
— Hayao Miyazaki, Howl’s Moving Castle

While that last day had been a triumph, the train ride home was somber.

Draco stood in a corner of the carriage with his arms crossed and a thoughtful look on his face. Next to him Ron tried to avoid any eye contact and busied his mouth with chocolate frogs. Daphne was playing exploding snap with Blaise across from Harri, whose eyes were closed and head on Maria’s shoulder. Hermione was leaning against their legs with a book open in her lap on the floor and Lavender was pressed against her, the only space in the carriage left open once she'd wandered in a little late.

A few seconds into the ride, Draco straightened his shoulders and broke the silence. When everyone's gazes shifted towards him, he swallowed, Adam’s apple visibly moving up and down.

“He’s come back.” Draco looked around the carriage and then rested his eyes on Harri. “He’s been biding his time just like everyone secretly thought and now he’s planning to return again. When the others, his followers, hear about this...when they hear that he’s alive…they will go looking for him.”

Ron swallowed a frog leg. Maria shivered.

“He’s gaining strength.” Blaise looked out the window.

“And when he has enough he’ll come for me,” Harri said. “I know. I realized this when I stood in front of the mirror of erised. Maybe even before, when I learned who I was.”

“There's time though.” Hermione offered.

Harri gazed at her hands unable to look at her friends. She didn’t know what it was she didn't want to see but anxiety had gripped her throat and wouldn’t let go.

Daphne leaned over for Harri’s hand with a determined look in her eyes. “Let him come. Let him come Harri. We’ll be with you when he does.”

“Yeah!” Ron chimed in, newly enthused. “If we can survive Snape we can survive him.”

“Besides,” Maria added with a fond smile “He doesn't realize how many people would stand at your side.”

“Or we’ll scare him with Lavender, I doubt he’d stick around when faced with that. She looks a right sort in the mornings.” Blaise teased and then flinched when Lavender moved to hit him in the face with her bag. “Bloody hell woman! It was a joke!” he shrieked and hid behind Draco.

“You wanker!” Lavender leapt. “Blaise you have no right to talk about me when you look like Filch after three beers at breakfast every day!”

Blaise gasped in false outrage. “I do NOT!”

Lavender hissed. “Hmm maybe not Filch, MAYBE YOU RESEMBLE THAT TROLL—

“Troll? You’ve lost your mind you have!” Blaise shouted and rose up from his seat.

“GUYS!” Draco spread his arms out between them before they attacked each other and him.

“Draco sort of looks like professor Snape when he yells quite like that doesn’t he?” Hermione whispered loudly.

Daphne groaned and pinched the tip of her nose. “Not this again.”

Maria cackled in glee and pointed at Draco. “He does, he does! It’s the twist of the nose!”

Ron mouthed to himself in contemplation and tried to imitate Draco's face but he only looked like he needed to sneeze. Draco smacked him on the head. “You’re supposed to be on my side Weaselbee!”

Harri tilted her head to the right. “The scowl I would say, his mouth wrinkles in disgust just so…”

Draco huffed and flushed pink while everyone continued to tease him.

"Oh shut up.”

“Yes Professor!”

The train station was packed and bustling with noise when they arrived back in London. People bumped into each other left and right with laughter and shouted greetings.

When Harri stepped off the train behind Ron, she hadn't expected to see all three Dursleys waiting for her but that was exactly what happened. Vernon was tightlipped and glanced at the wizards in his vicinity warily. Not far away from him was Petunia, eyeing some witches' robes in disgust. Last was Dudley standing between them with eyes glistening as he peered at the Hogwarts express.

When Harri came into view, Vernon lifted a hand above his head and shook it to signal their position.

Harri and her friends embraced each other one by one in goodbye. It would be extremely odd, now that they had spent a year side by side to suddenly be without one another. Harri thought she wasn't sure how she would survive. Certainly, she would be bored out of her mind.

Hermione had already made them promise to write as soon as possible. Harri suspected that she had created a planner listing all the days they could meet up. Not all of them would be able to as Blaise was leaving for Italy, Maria had family in Spain and Daphne's mother's house was in Paris.

Draco had long gone ahead with the Malfoy’s to avoid the inevitable meeting between them all. The clashing of his two worlds, both that he wanted and neither was he willing to give up.

Ron rushed his goodbyes as Fred and George haggled him to hurry up, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley waved at all of them, looking hassled as they pushed their kids out the barrier.

As Blaise gave Harri a goodbye kiss on the cheek and hugged her tightly enough to lift her off the floor, he was interrupted by a manicured hand on his shoulder.

He let go of Harri, his eyes gleaming in excitement. “Mamma!”

Behind him was a tall witch dressed in emerald robes and gold gleaming within the folds of her breasts. Her red lips quirked up into a smile at the sight of her only son. “Ciao amore mio.” She reached down to place two kisses on Blaise's cheek.

She then gestured to the five girls watching them. “Well darling, aren’t you going to introduce me?”

Blaise almost blushed. “Of course Mamma. These are some of my closest friends. Harri, Hermione, Daphne, Maria and Lavender.”

“Che bello Blaise!” Blaise rubbed his cheeks in embarrassment while she pinched them.

Mrs. Zabini introduced herself to them, invited them to visit in the summer and winked as she whisked Blaise away, visibly teasing him as they walked.

Harri bid farewell to her girls, gripped Hedwig’s cage and rolled her trunk to where the Dursley’s waited. They greeted each other with light hellos and Uncle Vernon practically tripped over himself in a hurry to leave the station.

Harri gave one last glance around the train station and then vanished through the barrier. She was sad to have to return to the Dursley's but she tried not to let it consume her. She would be with Hermione and the Weasleys soon. It was just a four week wait until she could visit the burrow and meet the rest of Ron’s family.

Harri looked forward to a future with sunny days spent riding her broom and a place where she belonged, a place with magic.

She piled into the car after Uncle Vernon placed her trunk in the back. Hedwig was resting between Harri and Dudley in the middle car seat.

After they’d driven away and were on the road to Surrey, Harri glanced at Dudley who’d fallen asleep next to her. Then silently, she lifted her bracelet from where it covered her wrist.

Nothing. Empty.

Desolate as it had been since the night Quirrell died.

She closed her eyes in despair. What’s wrong?

She rubbed her empty wrist and fell asleep next to Dudley.

Harri had spent a quiet ten years of her life with the Dursley’s. The only peculiar thing that had ever occurred was her landing on the school roof by mistake and the snake she accidentally on purpose let out at the zoo to terrorize Dudley.

Ten years of mundane life and one spent as a wizard and suddenly it seemed Harri would never again have a peaceful existence. One week into the summer and Harri’s friends stopped sending her mail. Harri called Hermione on the landline but Hermione swore up and down that she had sent letters.

She then suspected Dudley as the culprit of the crime. In the middle of the night, she snuck into his room and threatened his livelihood until he admitted to his transgression. But it failed because she realized Dudley was not smart enough to hide information from her and he was vehement in his denial.

Things went slightly downhill from there.

In the second week, Hermione and Harri’s daily calls stopped. Hermione didn't call and when Harri tried no one answered.

It was curiouser and curiouser.

To stave off boredom, Harri helped her aunt in the garden and read through the books Draco had gifted her for Christmas. When she had read every book back to back and became sick of the grass she made a dire decision. She decided to spend time with Dudley.

Dudley and his friends were strange. They spent seventy five percent of their time bullying little kids on the playground and the other twenty five eating.

Despite it, Harri tried to give them a chance. She thought there was nothing to lose. And what was that saying? Famous last words…

They fought over who could sit next to her and smelled constantly of sweat and a mix of cheap cologne. They’d pick things off the ground and dare each other to eat them and then whoever did would smile at her, waiting as if she was the prize. Many times, they’d stare at her like she couldn’t see and one of them might have plucked a piece of hair off her head when she wasn’t looking. One day Pierce brought her an ice cream cone he stole from a seven year old. Harry had returned the ice cream to the poor child and given up on them in exasperation. Being alone was better in the end.

On her third week with the Dursley’s, the third awful thing happened.

She got her period.

Harri had been brushing her teeth when she’d spotted the thick red blood stained all over her pajama pants. Her heart dropped and she’d almost screamed. She ran to her aunt. After that, she’d been petrified to go to the bathroom for a whole week and had sat through a three hour conversation with Petunia on the intricacies of the menstrual cycle and what it meant to become a woman.

Well womanhood so far sucked.

She started wearing bra-lets (training wheels for real bras) because her chest was growing and thus endured Dudley blushing and running away every time she was near him. The only good thing about it was that she gained a little bit of height and Aunt Petunia took her shopping.

Her fourth week with the Dursley’s was the most mentally draining. Harri hadn't been able to speak to her friends in weeks and began to doubt whether she would be able to go to the Weasleys at all.

She felt incredibly lonely and cried herself to sleep. Harri felt unwanted, just like she’d been before Hogwarts. Except now she knew what it was to be loved and desired, which made it all the most difficult to reconcile.

At the worst points, Harri flipped through the photo album Hagrid gifted her on the last day of school.

She watched the moonlight graze the smile on her mother's lips and capture the joy in her father's laugh. She ran her fingers over their beloved faces with an infinite longing and memorized the shapes and lines and similarities.

She promised to herself that someday she would give Hagrid a gift just as wonderful as this one.

The last of her Dursley days were consumed with Uncle Vernon as he stressed, sweated and rampaged the house in worry over a new business deal. His clients were invited to dinner and he had to make sure the house and its occupants were the perfect hosts. When Vernon got riled up in the evenings and lectured the family on decorum was when Dudley and Harri, in cahoots, hid from him on the porch.

The night of the dinner came up on Harri’s birthday and a mishap struck.

Aunt Petunia had spent the entire day slaving away in the kitchen. She’d cleaned every nook of the house. There was a delicious heavily decorated cake resting on the counter, the dining room table was lined in the best china and the Dursley’s were decked out to the nines.

To the pleasure of absolutely everyone, Harri was not joining them. She dressed comfortably in white shorts and a blue camisole for a peaceful night of reading. She promised Aunt Petunia not to cause any trouble and settled in her bed. Harri flicked through her old copy of Julius Caesar by Shakespeare, her gaze focused on the margins where the previous owner of the book had annotated the passages and highlighted explanations. She had the babified version of the play, where they broke down the meanings in simple terms below the original lines. When she first found it at a yard sale, it had only something to do to pass the time because it was so confusing. Now, she loved it.

Danger knows full well that Caesar is more dangerous than he. We are two lions litter’d in one day, and I the elder and more terrible.

And that was when she heard a thunderous snap. Harri jumped. Her head jerked up and she gasped.

A ghastly looking creature stood before her. Tiny, scarred and skeleton hands pressed to a stomach clothed in a dirty rag. Large, wide eyes and a bulging nose stared at her in awe. Harri would have screamed but she remembered the guests downstairs and had to stop herself with a hand on her chest.

“W-Who are you?” Harri asked nervously, she uncrossed her legs slowly and threw Shakespeare down.

“I-I-I,” the thing stuttered and then slapped itself in the face. “BAD ELF! BAD ELF!”

“Excuse me! I asked you a question.” Harri chided and lifted herself off of the bed fully.

The thing stopped and turned to her again, this time with brightened eyes. “I-I am D-dobby th-e-e house-elf.”

Harri considered him and determined that he couldn’t be a threat. She remembered Draco and Blaise talking about house elves, they were harmless. The way Dobby’s hands shook and he stuttered was telling enough. But who did he belong to?-Taking pity on the poor thing she squatted down to his level. “Oh well, Dobby the house-elf, would you like to sit down?”

Immediately his eyes widened again and a thick tear rolled down his cheek.

“So polite Harri Potter is! So kind! Asking Dobby t-to s-it down! Oh, I knew you would be!” Dobby threw himself at Harri’s feet and began to sob.

Harri panicked, aware of the loud noises Dobby was making. “Please don’t cry Dobby! Please. Just, why are you here? Did Professor Dumbledore send you?”

Dobby stopped sobbing quite so violently and wiped his nose on his sheet. He moved towards her again and gazed at her with sudden solemn eyes. “N-no, Professor Dumbledores not be knowing who Dobby is. Dobby belongs with his family. Dobby has come here t-to warn Harri Potter!”

“Warn me about what?” She went over the last twenty four hours and considered what could have possibly gone wrong but there was nothing that came to mind.

Dobby snatched her by the front of her shirt and tugged harshly. “Harri Potter is in danger! Grave danger! If she wants to be safe Harri Potter must not return to Hogwarts!”

“Not return to Hogwarts? Have you gone mad? Hogwarts is my home!” Harri protested.

Dobby yelped and began to jump up and down in agitation. “No! Harri Potter cannot! Dobby knows of a great and evil plot! Dobby has known for months! Hogwarts is not safe this year! Harri Potter must stay here! Dobby has risked much to come here!” Dobby’s voice got gradually louder the longer he spoke and the more frightened he felt.

Harri was at a loss.

She had spent her whole life within these four walls, trapped in a world where she was unwelcome and unloved. A place where she hid herself, and learned the rules so she could never be yelled at for messing up.

Hogwarts was freedom. It was quidditch—the feeling of the world beneath her and the sky above, it was Hagrid’s rock cakes and Fang curled up next to her feet, a warm hut and tea in her hand. It was Fred and George giggling and up to no good but always making her laugh. It was her first friend in the world, Ron beating her in chess, Ron beside her to battle a troll, a baby dragon, a forbidden corridor and a thief. Ron by her side always.

Hogwarts was a room on top of a tower with the four best girls. It was Draco, Maria, Lavender, Hermione and Blaise. It was the great hall in the mornings with sunshine and owls. It was fitting in, it was being wanted, being whole, it was where she was going to find her soul. Hogwarts was, Hogwarts is, everything.

Harri dragged the elves hands off her shirt but kept them in her grasp. She looked directly into Dobby’s eyes and with finality said. “I’m sorry Dobby, but that's not going to happen.”

Because there was nothing that would stop her from going home. Not Voldemort, not the Dursley’s and not Dobby.

Dobby’s face shifted and turned sly.

Uh oh.

“If Harri Potter will not listen to Dobby then Dobby will—“

Harri stopped blinking so that her eyes filled with tears.

“Please, Dobby, please. You can’t make me stay here!” Harri let fake tears fill her eyes.

Dobby’s face changed again and he started crying himself. “Oh no! Oh no no no! Mistress Harri Potter mustn’t be upset!” He apologized profusely but continued to say that Harri couldn’t go back.

There were thunderous footsteps on the stairs and then heavy bangs at her door. Dobby upset and horrified, disappeared with a snap of his fingers and a determined look on his face.

Harri breathed a sigh of instant and momentary relief. She wiped her fake tears and opened the door to Uncle Vernon’s red, furious face.

“Just what,” he hissed “is that ruckus! Keep it quiet girl or you will not like the consequences!” He slammed the door shut and left. Harri inhaled deeply and went to lie down.

While on the edge of sleep she realized that it was probably Dobby who cut off her communication with her friends and that she should probably find a way to contact Ron if she still wanted to visit the Weasleys.

Her thoughts at that point turned to Dobby’s warning. Hogwarts is not safe. There is a plot. A dangerous plot. Who was Dobby’s family? What was going to happen? It couldn’t be anything good. But whatever danger was waiting for her, Harri decided not to worry. The safest place on Earth was where Albus Dumbledore was, and lucky for her, he would be at Hogwarts.

Slowly and then all at once, Harri fell into a fitful and uncomfortable sleep.

Six hours later, she was awoken by the sound of an engine right next to her ear.

Sleepily, Harri opened her eyes slightly and then all the way when bright light beamed through her window and into her eyes. She sat up abruptly and laughed delightedly when she saw Ron, Fred and George smiling at her from within a flying car. Harri shot up from bed and leaned over her desk to open the window.

“What in Merlin’s saggy ball sack are you twats doing here?”

Ron opened the back door of the car and shouted. “Saving you of course!”

Fred rolled down his window and yelled. “Pack your trunk nugget! This is a rescue operation!”

Harri pressed her hands to her cheeks, smiling so hard it hurt and was helpless to do anything but say. “Okay!”

Full of excitement and giddy, she turned to where her trunk was open and began to throw everything in, unworried about the mess when she knew she had to be swift before the Dursleys were woken.

Within minutes Harri had dumped all her clothes, books, trinkets and photos into the trunk. The only thing left in the room was the furniture and the pillows. Harri shoved her feet into her trainers while Fred and George encouraged her to go faster in increasingly outlandish posh accents.

Harri heaved her trunk up onto the desk along with herself, and from there Ron helped her guide the trunk into the car. Harri lifted Hedwig’s cage up next and had just made it into the car seat when her bedroom door banged open.

Vernon and Petunia gaped at what was in front of them, utterly baffled.

“I’m going to the Weasleys a little earlier than expected! Goodbye Aunt Petunia! I’ll see you next summer!” Harri flung the car door shut and George at the wheel squealed. “Step on it Weasley!”

"Harri I will write to the Weasleys! You are in big trouble young lady!" Petunia shouted.

George saluted her.

“Onward captain!”

And they were off.

Within no time at all Harri had clutched the back of Fred’s seat and blathered on about everything that had happened in the past four weeks; beginning with the missing letters and ending with a house-elf named Dobby. Ron added on every few seconds excitedly about his version of events and Fred made jokes at their expense. George only did his best to keep them from falling and potentially dying.

When they’d finished their stories, Harri leaned back into her seat and breathed a sigh of rapture. Ron caught her eye and they both began to laugh for no reason at all. Maybe the high of the escape or the happiness of reunion, whichever it was, set the twins off too. The car filled with unstoppable giggling, Ron hitting the window with his eyes squeezed shut and Harri snorting.

Unexpectedly, in the middle of the night in the summer of 1992, Harri sat with the Weasley brothers in a flying car unable to stop laughing.

The Burrow was located on the periphery of Ottery St. Catchpole, a whimsical house, encapsulated by a great viridescent field.

Expectedly, Mrs. Weasley had been enormously upset with the boys for pulling such a stunt, especially considering that none of them actually had a driver's license. She'd received a call from Petunia, who had their number because Petunia insisted on having a way to contact Harri when she originally wanted to visit. Harri's aunt had been livid at the risk of the stunt the boys pulled and Harri deciding to go along with it. She'd ranted to Molly and instructed her to discipline Harri.

Though Mrs. Weasley wasn't happy about their little scheme she was very pleased to see Harri and welcomed her with open arms and a warm hug. Her form of discipline was to make waffles.

At breakfast, Harri was introduced to the rest of the family. Mr. Weasley, Ginny, Bill, and Charlie the oldest of Ron’s brothers.

Bill and Charlie were both very attractive and handsome boys, with charming smiles and lovely personalities. They both chatted with her and Charlie made her promise that she would play quidditch with him later. He also mentioned Norbert, Hagrid’s dragon they had smuggled just a few months ago.

Ginny blushed fiercely when meeting Harri and wouldn’t speak a word. Ron assured Harri that Ginny liked her immensely and was probably just embarrassed because she was obsessed with her and had spent all summer talking about her.

Mr. Weasley received Harri as warmly as the rest of the family and began a long discussion about the muggle world and all its intricacies with her.

After breakfast, Ron took Harri upstairs to his room which they would be sharing for the rest of the summer. He was blushing slightly but Harri assured him she didn’t mind at all. They giggled as they raced up to where Harri’s trunk had already been taken by Bill.

As soon as she got the chance, Harri used Ron’s owl Pig to send letters to everyone explaining why she hadn’t the chance to reply to theirs. She used the house phone to call Hermione. They had a three hour long conversation while Harri rested against the window on the second floor.

That night, they even celebrated Harri’s late birthday. There was cake and presents. When the Weasley’s sung happy birthday to her, Harri tried her best not to cry. This was the first time in her life her birthday was actually celebrated without just a little cookie. She was so touched by their kindness, Ginny even braved her for a sweet hug.

The rest of summer passed by blissfully. Every morning the family congregated in the kitchen where Mr. Weasley would read the Daily Prophet out loud, Fred would catapult eggs off his spoon to everyone at the table and Mrs. Weasley would force feed anybody (but mostly Harri) with extra food. Charlie would share stories about the dragon sanctuary while Percy argued with Bill about the functions of some charm or the other.

In the afternoons, they would play any games they could get their hands on and Ron trumped Harri at chess about fifty times. One time they even held an official tournament where the prize was the last slice of chocolate cake from the night before. Sometimes the twins would invent an outrageous game of chase that they could play around the house.

They also spent hours playing quidditch and Charlie taught Harri how to do a proper flip on the broom.

One night, after Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had gone to sleep, Bill taught them how to play poker. They used chocolate frog cards as chips and surprisingly Harri was quite skilled.

At three am that morning Harri smiled superiorly down at the boys from her chocolate frog card empire.

A week before school was set to begin Harri made plans to meet Hermione at Diagon Alley. Hermione would be outside Gringotts the Wizarding Bank and they would do their school shopping together.

The night before their trip Ron and Harri curled up in their separate beds, with cups of hot cocoa chatting about the new year.

As Ron gushed about finally getting a new set of robes, Harri nodded off to sleep and fell into a peculiar dream.

Harri was walking through a very dark and damp hallway. There was the sound of water dripping and a distant hissing. It smelled unpleasant and she could hear a girl crying.

Blue eyes shone through the darkness. A whisper encompassed the chamber.

“At last.”

Harri woke, heart thundering.

Harri ending up in Knockturn Alley should have been the first sign that their trip to Diagon Alley would not go as planned.

Borgin & Burkes was perhaps the creepiest place Harri had ever been and when she listened to Draco be berated by his father and unable to intervene it only added to her displeasure.

After Hagrid saved Harri from being eaten alive, she sprinted to hug Hermione when she spotted her standing in front of quality quidditch supplies. Hermione squeezed her tightly. “I’ve missed you so much. We were so worried when you stopped picking up the phone.”

“I’ve missed you. I’m sorry you were worried, I didn’t mean to make you.”

They drew back and stared at each other, smiling.

After, they found the Weasley's at Flourish & Blotts where a wizard by the name of Gilderoy Lockhart was having a book signing. According to Hermione, he would be their new defense against the dark arts professor. Although every woman, including Hermione, seemed to be taken by his smirking and posing upfront, Harri was underwhelmed by him.

He too clearly reveled in his fame. Harri scrunched her nose in disgust.

Mrs. Weasley located her and Hermione at the back of the shop with a sigh of relief and Charlie left to inform Bill to stop looking for Harri. Hermione found her parents in the shop and introduced them to Harri and the Weasleys.

Harri hadn’t even had a chance to examine the shop before Lockhart noticed her, staring at her scar first and her face second. His face lit up in glee and he made a spectacle of both himself and Harri. He coerced her into a picture with him and harassed her into accepting a collection of his autographed books. Mrs. Weasley was beside herself, ecstatic and fanning her face.

Harri moved to the back of the shop near the staircase, away from the attention with Ron and Hermione. There they started discussing the stops they have to make as well as going over the list of supplies. Harri had just begun to express her exasperation at Lockhart making his entire book collection mandatory when she was interrupted.

“Well, well, well...” a familiar voice drawled. “How unfortunate.”

Harri looked up. Draco was walking down the staircase of Flourish & Blotts towards them. She grinned like a Cheshire cat and Ron tried to tone down his beam, obviously thrilled to see his soulmate after a prolonged summer apart.

“I guess we can’t all be plebs like you Malfoy.” Harri teased unable to hug him as she wished to.

“Please.” Draco tilted his face up. “I am the last person in here that is a pleb—

He was interrupted by his father. He clamped a hand down on his shoulder and introduced himself. The way he talked, Harri understood more than ever why Draco didn’t want them to associate with his family. Mr. Malfoy was an arrogant, prejudiced asshole.

He stared at Harri intensely and tried to touch her scar, seemingly arrested by it. Mr. Weasley joined the conversation and shoved Mr. Malfoy’s hand aside in outrage. The situation became heated.

During the time that Mr. Malfoy belittled and insulted the Weasleys, Ron’s face flushed entirely, Draco paled considerably and Harri fumed.

She internally cheered as Mr. Weasley punched Lucious Malfoy straight on the nose.

Hagrid appeared just at the right moment and broke up the fight but not before Mr. Malfoy pitched the book he’d snatched from Ginny earlier back at her.

Just as Mr. Malfoy yanked Draco out, Ron shot him the iciest glare Harri had ever seen him give anyone. Draco looked devastated. Beneath his robe, Harri could make out capitalized angry letters moving across his wrist.

Later in the day after they’d returned from Diagon Alley and had dinner, Harri sat with Ron and tried to bring down his anger. He was reasonably upset but she implored him to see Draco’s point of view.

In the end, her talk took no effect and Ron went to sleep angry and hurt.

Harri fell asleep too, listening to the sound of Ron breathing and hopeful for a better day tomorrow. They were going to Hogwarts after all.

Unbeknownst to all inside, there, within the darkness of the house and against the fireplace, in a pile of Ginny Weasley’s school items, laid a black book.

The diary of Tom Marvolo Riddle glimmered underneath the moonlight. The soul inside quivered to life.

This is quite unexpected.
Hello there.
It seems I have found you at last.

Chapter 5: with hope at last

Chapter Text

Chapter 5: with hope at last

“I had embraced you...
long before I hugged you.”
―Sanober Khan,A Thousand Flamingos

The day started out entirely normal (that was not to say that every other day didn't) and to be completely honest Harri should have expected it to take a turn.

She woke with butterflies in her stomach, having not really slept the night before. She was too excited for the coming day.

Harri rolled over in bed and stared at Ron on his bed as he snored softly. She was silently thankful she didn't have to put up with that sound every morning.

She continued to leer at him, bored, and then rose from bed to tiptoe over to him. His nose twitched in his sleep and just as Harri lifted her feet off the ground to jump onto his sleeping body the door opened from behind.

Harri yelped and Ron sprung up. His head crashed into her torso and caused her to tumble face-first onto the wooden floor.

“RON!” Harri pushed herself onto her elbows and glared at him. Ron looked back at her with befuddlement.

“Whuzzit?” He mumbled. His hair was sticking up every which way and a line of drool was painted down the side of his mouth.

From the doorway poured in Charlie Weasley's laughter.

Harri and Ron frowned simultaneously while a fresh-faced Charlie bent over in hysterics. After a minute of laughing, Charlie pulled himself up and wiped the corners of his eyes. It really was not that funny. Romania must be very boring. “Never a dull day with you lot, is it?”

“It would appear not.” Harri huffed and grabbed Ron’s arm to help her get off the floor. She was slightly embarrassed. Charlie was cute and falling in from of him wasn't ideal.

Ron continued to sit half up in bed and kept having to catch himself from falling back asleep every few seconds. The poor sod.

“Mum says you should get ready and come down for breakfast. We’re leaving for the train station in an hour. Oh and make sure your trunks are all packed and ready!”

Charlie left the door open as he walked out, and through the gap, Harri could hear all the sounds that made up the Weasley's home. The pots and dishes banging, the sound of the shower and Fred singing through the third floor and little Ginny's footsteps running up and down the stairs. Percy and George were fighting over a bathroom sink somewhere and the smell of Mrs. Weasley's pancakes wafted all over the house.

Harri smacked the back of Ron’s head as he started to fall back onto his pillow again and ran away before he could retaliate. She gathered her clothes for the day from her trunk as Ron whinged from under his bed covers. He had a hard time getting up in the mornings.

The two of them took turns showering and dressing and when they finished, they packed the last of their things and made their way downstairs. Bill came up to say hello and shrunk their trunks for them. Harri looked around for Hedwig and found that her cage was placed below the staircase right next to Scabbers. Harri brushed her feathers and received a peck on the cheek.

At the breakfast table, Mrs. Weasley greeted them with a wide warm smile.

Breakfast was as normal as it could be, loud banter and plates passed by in rapid motion. Mrs. Weasley was on the prowl to feed and Fred was prepared to pour pink liquid into everyone's glasses of water.

After everyone had managed to finish their meals, Mr. Weasley asked them to prepare to leave. The family and Harri piled into the newly magically lengthened blue Ford Angelia that had rescued Harri from the Dursley's almost five whole weeks ago.

The drive to the station seemed to take forever as most things did when you wanted them so badly. After two months without school, all Harri wanted was to be on the train with all of her friends. She hoped to sort this mess out between Ron and Draco as soon as possible before it could fester like a wound and turn into a larger problem than it needed to be.

After an age, they finally pulled into the parking lot of Kings Cross station.

It was a lovely day, so much so, that the sun practically glittered off the pavement. There were bodies pressed together, suitcases and bags, yelling moms, laughing kids, and hassled attendants. The train whistled and goodbyes rang around spiritedly. Children, travelers, and the like, prepared for the journey ahead. Harri loved it. It was such a unique and lovely feeling. The beginning of an adventure. The first of September was as beautiful as ever.

Harri and Ron fell behind the rest of the Weasley's on their walk to platform 9 3/4. Now that he wasn't tried, Ron was just as happy as Harri.

"Bill says Hogwarts should be even better this year as second years," Ron said excitedly.

Harri nodded along, holding onto him by the edge of his jacket in case he got lost in the crowd.And just when everything was going right, it went wrong.

She had been just about to follow onto the coattails of Mr. Weasley as he guided Ginny through the barrier. Harri pushed herself forward and her trolley crashed into the wall instead of going through.

She flushed and glanced back at Ron incredulously. He looked back in bafflement.

"That's never happened before..."

Harri pulled her trolley back and pushed in again but again nothing. She cursed under her breath and then pulled away from the wall completely. It wouldn't do for someone to see them.

Harri turned to Ron feebly. “What are we going to do now?”

He puffed out his cheeks. “I guess we just wait for someone else to try getting onto the platform or for my parents to return maybe? Though we'll miss the train..."

Harri nodded her head in agreement and then suggested sarcastically, “Or we could just take the car and try to catch up with the train.”

When her comment was met by silence instead of a laugh, She narrowed her eyes. Rather than roll his eyes Ron appeared to be considering the foolish idea.

“Ron no!” Harri scolded. “We’re twelve year old children! There is so much that could go wrong. We don’t even know how to fly! We are not going to steal your father's flying car!”

Ron peered at Harri with hopeful eyes. “But Harri! Think about it. How much harder than flying a broom can it be?”

Harri closed her eyes and pinched her nose in exasperation. Boys. She mumbled to herself how bad of an idea this was but the more she thought about it the more she considered it. It went from being incredulous to incredibly tempting.

What was the worst possible outcome here? The car dropped them? Unlikely but possible. But who knew how long it would take for someone to find them? Previous experience had taught Harri adults were not to be trusted implicitly. Then again, neither of them knew how to drive and what if someone saw them lifting the car out of the parking lot? Not to mention, this sounded like it would end up how her and Dudley walking home alone from school instead of taking the bus had, with them both getting in a serious amount of trouble.

She was interrupted from making any rash decisions by a throat being cleared behind her. Ron and her spun around to find Theodore Nott on the platform, with a girl standing beside him who Harri assumed was his sister.

Nott raised an eyebrow and tilted his head in question at their waiting figures.

“Didn’t know I deserved such a welcoming party.” Harri heard him whisper under his breath.

She made a face at him. They didn't know Theodore particularly well. Only that Draco was friends with him, that he was in Slytherin house and was a pureblood.

Also that he was very handsome. He had these wide green eyes and a really pretty smile.

“Hush Theo," His sister said to him, and then to Ron and Harri. "The barriers closed then?” Her eyes widened slightly when they found Harri’s.

Even though she had a year of experiencing the wide eyes it still surprised Harri when it happened sometimes. Especially when for the past few weeks, the only time someone was surprised to see her was George when she woke him in the mornings.

Theodore sighed deeply as if Harri’s fame was a grave inconvenience upon him. “Sophia, Harri Potter” he gestured to and fro. “Harri Potter, Sophia Nott. Oh and Ron Weasley I suppose.”

Sophia was beautiful. She had golden hair and an oval shaped face. Her eyes were wide and honey brown. She reached out to shake Harri and Ron’s hands. Much more kinder than Harri expected her to be. Ron blushed a little when Sophia’s hand was in his and Harri grinned.

“My sister.” Nott uttered under his breath once again. He stared at Harri when he spoke and then back down again. It was sort of...not intimidating exactly...but something. His gaze was very captivating. Not that it was important or anything.

“Well, Harri Potter and Ron Weasley, if you would like, I can arrange for our driver to take the three of you to Hogwarts.” Sophia offered with a gentle smile.

Ron accepted right away. Harri glanced at Theodore and noticed that his face had gone slightly pink but other than that he didn't seem bothered. Sophia gave another minuscule smile and then whirled around.

Ron, Harri and Theodore looked briefly at each other and then turned to follow her to their car.

It was very nice. Leather seats, a shiny painted exterior and spacious on the inside. Their driver popped out the front door and helped them into the backseats. He even deposited their trunks and placed Hedwig’s cage in the luggage compartment. Harri let Hedwig out of her cage so she could fly to Hogwarts herself before the car began to move, and Sophia bid them goodbye after they settled in. "I'm off to a meeting, but it was nice to meet you."

The car took off in the air after turning invisible and it was just Ron, Harri and Theodore sitting facing each other with awkward looks. Fortunately for him, Ron fell asleep not even fifteen minutes into the ride. Internally vexed Harri reminded herself to kick him during the feast for having left her in this strained situation all by herself. Unable to stand the silence, she shifted her focus to the view outside.

It was spectacular. It always would be. The rolling greenery and the feeling of the world at her fingertips.

What would it be like to always be free? To be floating above the mountains without anything to hold her, to have no responsibility and to turn over, to find her person smiling at her, fingers spread out for her to hold.

Just as she was getting lost in her thoughts Nott spoke.

“It’s odd.”

Harri aimed a frown at him. “What’s odd?”

“You.” He replied in his aristocratic accent, extremely similar to Draco's and yet different. Harri glowered so then he explained further. “Your friendship with Draco. That is what's odd. You know his father was a death eater right? That his family are blood purists?”

Harri was puzzled. Draco was Nott’s friend. So why would he bring this up? Did he want to create a problem where there wasn't one?

“And yours are what? Guiltless? Accepting?” Harri questioned.

Nott frowned. “I’m not one of your closest friends.”

“If you really knew Draco you wouldn’t think it was odd at all.”

“That isn't the point. I’m just letting you know I think it’s peculiar how close the two of you are. It’s bizarre that he’s part of your friend group. You realize that?”

“I think it’s really none of your business.” The nerve of him when they didn't even know each other.

She could see Theodore purse his lips and then roll his eyes. “Fine."

"Fine."

It was silent again but this time they weren't avoiding each other's eyes anymore.

"I’m trying out for the quidditch team this year.” Theodore blurted.

“Good for you.” Honestly. Boys.

“Just providing an early warning that you should probably prepare yourself for the disappointment of losing out on the house cup.”

“In your dreams! We have a great team and everyone knows Slytherin are the worst players in the entire school. If you didn't cheat, you would never make it past the first few games.”

“How many years in a row did Gryffindor lose? Twenty? And I don’t think you can swallow the snitch this time so forget about pulling any stunts.”

"I don't think utilizing all my organs is a stunt, but if we're talking about stunts-"

Besides the slight tense beginning, the rest of their conversation and car ride went smoothly. They goaded each other about Quidditch and had an actually decent talk about second year.

Theodore hoped to get the bed next to the window in his new dorms and griped about his disappointment that Lockhart was their new DADA professor. Harri completely agreed. Theo's personality was a pleasant surprise, he was witty and easy to get along with, very much unlike the sour boy she expected. He listened attentively when she spoke and even smiled.

What was it about these Slytherins that just keep throwing her for a loop? Next thing she would know, her soulmate would be one as well.

The thought made her laugh. As if.

They reached Hogwarts a little later than the train. Ron woke up at the last minute. They quickly deposited their trunks by the entrance. They tried to rush towards the great hall but were intercepted by Snape right before the doorway.

“Just where,” Snape hissed with his great big nose. “have you been!”

McGonagall was just behind him, irritated. “Not on the train! No reports of your whereabouts! The entire school has been privy to a meltdown thinking we’ve lost three—

—Insolent, imbecilic, second years!” Snape barked.

Ron began a swift explanation.“We were just behind my dad! We swear! It wasn’t our fault! Harri was about to cross into the platform and then the barrier closed on us!”

Harri and Theodore nodded along.

Snape and McGonagall gave Ron a skeptical look and then focused their attention on Theodore.

In their faces, he deadpanned. “It was closed. We took my car. That is all.”

Snape continued to stare him down.

“I would like to make it to the feast today sir.”

Snape sneered and walked away with a dramatic twist of his robes mumbling about the many punishments he would like to bestow on them. McGonagall shook her head and gestured for them to go inside. “I will be informing the headmaster!” could be heard as they hurried away.

"Bloody offensive," Ron whispered in Harri's ear as they began to move forward. "You disobey instructions and go looking for a troll once and it’s like you can't be trusted. And well, okay not to mention the stone debacle but it worked out in the end! Frankly, they should be thankful!"

Harri had butterflies in her stomach and she surpassed Ron and Nott in their brisk walk into the hall. At the doorway, she locked eyes with her friends. Kids had started to move their heads and spotted the three of them.In a short time Lavender, Daphne and Maria had also looked over. Harri ran over and embraced them. She could hear Seamus and Ron hugging behind her and Hermione's shout of finally on her right side.

Fred and George laughed at their back luck and Dean was already collecting bets on the trouble they would get into during year. Eventually, everyone settled down for the sorting and the first years were brought in. Harri could glimpse Ginny’s red hair in the line from where she was sitting and accidentally she caught Theodore's eyes. He smiled at her and she hoped he didn't spot her blush.

Maria saw this exchange and raised an eyebrow. Harri shrugged and said. “He gave us a ride”.

The sorting went smoothly. Ginny got in Gryffindor as expected and blushed the entire time. When she sat down at the table she didn't meet Harri’s eyes. It wasn't strange because Ginny was always shy around her.

At least that was Harri's thought. Harri was wrong.

The year began brilliantly. There was contentment in her heart being back at the castle and spending every day with people she liked. Even Lockhart, with his annoying habit of singling her out, couldn't bring Harri’s mood down. Draco and Ron even made up after the first few days of school and apologized to each other. It was neither of their faults and Harri knew they were not their fathers but it would take them a long time to truly understand that.

To no one's surprise, Draco made the Slytherin quidditch team, and he and Harri had a great time trash talking each other. Ron sulked a little at being left out but Draco snuck him out a night and let him ride his new nimbus 2001. This made up for it apparently because Ron came back with his face flushed and a soft look in his eyes. It was unexpectedly expected that everything would go erroneous on the night of the halloween feast. Again.

Throughout the course of the night, Harri had heard a strange whisper through the walls. But she brushed it off even though she knew that couldn't be normal. She couldn't make out the words but she felt a foreboding in her chest as an indication. When leaving the feast, Daphne moaned about needing the toilet so Harri offered to accompany her as an excuse to follow the voice. They stumbled upon a pile of water, Filch’s petrified cat and to their dread, words on the wall in blood.

THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED.

ENEMIES OF THE HEIR, BEWARE.

When the rest of the student body arrived and Harri peered at Dumbledore, she saw something she didn't like in his eyes. Not one bit. It felt haunted.

The next day, Hermione bribed Professor Binns into telling them about the chamber of secrets. The story of Salazar Slytherin and the legend of his monster, his heir and his revenge left a frightened air on the second year students.

The series of unfortunate events continued when Draco and Harri faced each other in their first quidditch match together. Harri ended up being chased by a bludger and had her arm broken by Lockhart’s incompetence, forced to spend a painful night in the infirmary.

There was where she learned of Dobby’s deceit and Colin's petrification. There was where she learned that the chamber had been opened once before and was again.

The next few weeks, Harri and her friends debated over and over again who could be the heir and came to no conclusion. They decided to skip dueling club because most of them had no desire of being in the same room as Lockhart, much less learning anything from him. It was while they were relaxing next to the black lake however that Harri learned that she was a parsalmouth. A baby snake snuck up on Ron while he rested on Draco's shoulder and Harri told it to go away.

Her friends became silent and when she looked up, there was dread on their faces.

She learned that only the descendants of Slytherin could speak parseltongue. No one else. Harri realized how lucky she was that her friends didn't believe for a moment that she would ever want to hurt anyone.

She confided in them about the voice she heard all night in the walls and Hermione got a sharp look in her eyes. On their way back; they happened upon the back to back petrified bodies of Justin Finch Finchley and nearly headless Nick.

It did not get better from there.

Harri entered Dumbledore’s office for the first time and met Fawkes, his phoenix, whom she got to see reborn from the ashes.

The look in Dumbledore’s eyes was...

The months passed. On Christmas, Draco snuck them into the Slytherin common room so they could exchange gifts. There he confessed that he heard his father say the chamber had been opened fifty years ago.

Harri fell asleep next to the fireplace and in between her closest friends, stomach full of hot chocolate and heart full of love and yet in a place where she should feel the safest, she felt the most vulnerable. She gazed at her wrist just as she closed her eyes and for a moment she could swear she saw the faded words ‘i’ve been looking for you’ written there.

Two months later everything changed.

Harri and Ron found moaning Myrtle crying in her flooded bathroom.

It was there, that Harri found a diary.

Engraved on the cover were the letters: T.M Riddle.

In the end, it was Ron who revealed the name of Harri’s soulmate.

“It's Tom Marvolo Riddle!” Ron proclaimed “His name was on one of the trophies I had to clean in detention. Special services to the school, some fifty years back. Must’ve been a smart bloke huh?”

Harri placed the diary in her bag and forgot about it until Valentine's day when Dean's cupid dwarf caused Harri to spill ink all over her books.

If she had looked, on her wrists, faded and barely there were these words:

Who is she?

You were here…

I felt you…

Come back.

But Harri hadn't seen.

She rushed back to her room to clean up her things and noticed the diary was clear of the ink it had been drenched in. How odd. When she looked closer, she saw the name again. T. M Riddle. The name...that handwriting….that was so familiar... her so...oh God!

She would know that handwriting anywhere.

How could she ever forget?

I fear no fate—

It was etched into her memory forever. Ten years of writing on her wrist.

This diary belonged to her soulmate.

She touched it.

It’s you. It’s you. It’s you.

She opened it.

Without thought, without reason, she was writing the words.

“My name is Harri Potter.”

She cried when it wrote back.

Hello, my name is Tom Riddle where did you—

The writing stopped abruptly.

It can’t be...is…is it you?

Are you…are you mine Harri?

Harri felt stretched open, pulled apart as if every inch of her was exposed at this very moment.

Yes! It's me!

Yes.

Please, yes.

Her hands were shaking, her heart was trembling.

He wrote quickly, scrambling like he was rushing to get the words out.

My name is Tom Marvolo Riddle.

I am a memory preserved in a diary.

I can't...

You exist...

Harri Potter…I…I didn’t expect it…

It's you.

You are finally here.

I can’t believe it’s you.

Tom. Harri thought. Tom Marvolo Riddle. Tom Riddle. She memorized the words. The shapes of his letters. She mouthed his name over and over. Tom. She never knew a name could mean this much.

His diary called her to her as nothing else had. Touching it felt like swallowing the sun raw.

Finally, finally.

I can’t believe it’s really you. My soulmate. But—

A memory in a diary?

Why are you in a diary, Tom?

That I could keep waiting. That I would be alive. And finally,finally you are here. You are really here. I’ve waited for so long Harri. So long. It seems as if eons have passed by. I have been here longer than anyone should.

You don’t have to wait anymore. You don’t have to wait ever again. I’m here now.

Yes—Yes. Just a little longer Harri. Just wait for me. I’ll be out of here and with you soon.

I can’t believe it.

Me either.

It feels like everything I’ve ever lost has come back to me.

They spoke for ages that night, unwilling to let each other go. Tom Riddle went to Hogwarts too. Tom was a Slytherin, a prefect, the head boy. Tom grew up in an orphanage as lonely as Harri grew up at the Dursleys. Tom was a half blood just like her, an orphan. Perfect for each other, he said.

It’s like you were made for me.

I have known you before I even met you. As if you have been by my side this entire time.

The other half of my soul.

Harri fell asleep with the diary in her arms.

And the last words Tom wrote:

With hope at last,
Tom Riddle

Chapter 6: falling (down the rabbit hole)

Chapter Text

Chapter 6: falling (down the rabbit hole)

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don't much care where." said Alice.
"Then it doesn't much matter which way you go."
- Lewis Caroll, Alice in Wonderland

The next day Harri kept the diary in her robes, unable to part from it for even a second. During classes she stroked her hand over the bindings and at the touch a feeling of such euphoria would fill her that it left her with shivers down her spine.

After lunch and in DADA, Lockhart spent the majority of his lesson recalling the stories of his so called travels. He kept reiterating the importance of maps as if they were all six years old and not twelve.

"You see," Lockhart spoke like he was imparting some great message. "Maps are a physical image of all the world. They are supposed to guide you where you want to go. They are as ancient as the civilizations themselves and when one is lost the quickest way home can be with the help of one."

But from where Harri sat she could view all the corners of her world clearly.

Draco, Blaise and Maria on the west, laughing softly. Hermione, Lavender and Ron on the east, arguing soundlessly. Her diary and Daphne in the south, asleep quietly.

You did need maps to tell you where to go but as long as Harri had this, she had all she needed to guide her.

The second she had the chance Harri ran back to Gryffindor tower, showered and climbed into bed. Once settled, she closed the curtains, pulled out the diary and whispered. “Lumos.”

Before she had even pressed ink into paper, Tom was writing.

Hello, sweet girl.

Her cheeks flushed pink, warm to the touch.

Hi Tom

As much as she wished to talk to him, she had something important to ask first.

Do you know anything about the Chamber of Secrets? I only ask because it has been opened again. They say the last time was years ago. Do you know anything about it and who would have opened it? Or even anything about the creature inside? I heard that a girl died there.

I do.

I can show you.

She gasped.

Press your palm against the page.

Harri picked up her hand and pressed it against the white page.

For a minute nothing happened and then, slowly, a glaring light began to envelop the open pages. Harri would have fallen back in surprise, for the glare was so bright that it encompassed everything but that would have been if she had not felt herself being pulled deeper into its orb.

Harri was falling.

Falling. Falling.

And then she was not.With a start she found herself standing in a corridor. She was in the center of the room, at the front of the grand staircases of Hogwarts.

To her right stood a boy.

She didn't have to ask who, she already knew.

This was Tom Riddle.

And he was breathtaking.

His tall figure engulfed hers, his eyes bewitched her. Dark curly hair that fell into his eyes, a sharp jawline and a straight nose, a tense stare and dark green robes.

She couldn't believe he was hers.

She opened her mouth to speak, but his gaze went right through her. Harri turned and found out why. He began to ascend the steps and she followed.

She watched as he spun her a tale of great wonder. A young boy in danger of being sent to war and a school in fear of being closed off. Where Harri had expected treachery she only found a naive child harboring a dangerous pet. In the end, the school was freed and Hagrid was banished where he still stood.

In the middle of it all was Tom.

He pulled Harri out of the memory slowly. Up they went.

She protested Hagrid’s case. It couldn't be him. Hagrid would never. Not Hagrid who had taken her to diagon alley and introduced her to magic with a gentleness she hadn’t known before. Not Hagrid who sent her letters when no one else would. Not Hagrid who made them rock cakes and who gave her the kindest most precious gift anyone ever had.

Tom was quiet while she spoke and said nothing in response. He told her the memory took too much of him and that he had to rest.

She said goodnight to him early and laid down in bed, unsettled.

It didn't make sense. Dumbledore wouldn’t have kept Hagrid at the school if he was a danger. And how could Hagrid be Slytherin's heir? Wouldn't he have been sorted into the house?

And...

Why had Dumbledore been so suspicious of Tom?

Why was he lying to me? The memory seemed old...and if Tom was there, just how old was he now?

Harri never had the opportunity to question Tom again, for the diary disappeared the next day.

She left it in her room in the morning, upset about what Tom had shown her the night before. She left it pressed between her mattress and the wooden bedpost.When she came back to her room after quidditch practice, she found everything in shambles.

Lavender was outraged and ran to McGonagall right away. Hermione peered around everything in worry and Maria started to go through Harri's torn bed bindings in fury.

It was when Harri folded back her pillow that she noticed the diary's absence. She panicked. She went through the entire room in search of it but didn't find it anywhere. She ranted to her friends in distress.

“I just don’t know why this happened to us.” Lavender groaned.

“Whoever stole that diary had to be someone from Gryffindor.” Daphne frowned. "The question is why?"

“No one else could have gotten into the room.” Hermione agreed from her spot on the carpet.

They slept together on the floor that night, floating their mattresses down and huddling together for comfort. It might have been childish but they all felt afraid and the only thing that made them feel safe was each other.

It also helped to distract Harri from missing the diary. She hated not knowing where it was or who could’ve taken it from her. Even though it was just a piece of magic her soulmate had done, it still felt like a piece of him. The only one she had until she could truly meet him.

She had so many questions, how old was he to have been at the school so many years before? Where could she find him in the real world? What kind of magic had allowed him to create such a thing as his diary anyway?

Why were you in so much pain last year? Why was my ink frozen?

There was too much that didn't make sense, so much that Harri couldn't understand.

This whole school year was secrets and mystery and it wasn't interesting anymore.

In the weeks after the diary's disappearance, she worried constantly. Her only reassurance was Tom’s placating words from the diary.

We will be together soon.

After all, the diary was just a memory of Tom right? The real Tom was out there somewhere, waiting and the diary obviously had plans in place.

Life was mundane after that for a while. The attacks stopped altogether for four months and life at Hogwarts returned to its routine. The voice that Harri would hear even ceased and she could sleep in peace.

And it was all ruined on the day of the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff quidditch match.

Hermione’s petrified body was found. They were devastated. Their Hermione lying on a hospital bed. It was vile.

Ron, Harri and Draco decided to take matters into their own hands and confronted Hagrid that night. Whether Harri believed Tom or not, Hagrid had been at school during the time the chamber opened and he had to know something.

Their plans took a drastic turn when they had to hide under Harri’s invisibility cloak while Hagrid was arrested and Dumbledore ousted. For the first time in his life, Draco was furious with his father.Once the cabin was empty but for them, they heeded Hagrid's hint and decided to trudge into the forest.

Ron grabbed Drac's's hand when they stepped inside the tree line. Harri hid her smile.

“I’m just saying it's all a bit weird. Oh children, 'Find the creature drinking unicorn blood! Find the monster in the chamber of secrets!' It’s never something nice now, is it? I guess I shouldn’t have expected more from a school located next to what it literally called the forbidden forest. ” Ron ranted.

“Wait until my father hears about this,” Draco grumbled, clutching his robes and Ron's hand closer.

“Your bloody father is half the reason we’re in this mess Malfoy!” Harri hissed, stepping over a fallen tree branch. “If he hadn’t schemed to oust our headmaster maybe we wouldn’t be walking alone in the middle of the night here again!”

The air was bitingly cold and Harri could feel it even through her gloves.

“Did I mention I hate spiders?” Ron complained while pushing past a bush.

Once they’d walked close to an hour they entered the heart of the forest.

Disturbed, Harri realized they’ve been led to Aragog. Hagrid’s old pet and the supposed monster in the chamber. He was, even more, scary in person, and much larger than in the memory Tom'd shown her. Harri shuddered to think he could kill them all if he wanted to. There was no Firenze to save them this time.

Ron whimpered and hid behind Draco’s shoulder as Harri conversed with the acromantula.

Aragog was cryptic and refused to truly explain anything. It was like something out of a horror movie when Aragog offered them as a meal to his children. There were seemingly hundreds of them crawling out of trees, the ground and behind bushes. They were so very large and they flashed their red eyes menacingly.

Harri, Ron and Draco stumbled back to back.

Draco yelled. "Wands out!"

Harri’s hand glinted in the moonlight and when Aragog's eyes fell on it he immediately shouted. “STOP!”

Heart thundering, Harri and her boys stared at Aragog. Aragog gazed back at them with wide eyes. “You…we cannot touch you…you belong to him…”

"To who?" Harri shouted.

“He who must not be named." Aragog stammered. "We do not speak of it. Leave now and do not return.”

Ron didn't let Harri question Aragog any further, he tugged her arm into his and the three of them ran.Later, while they sneaked back into the tower, Ron turned to her with a muddled expression. “Why did it take him so bloody long to realize you’re the girl who lived?”

Harri shrugged.

The visit to Aragog had been almost completely useless. The only useful information he provided them with was admitting that the girl that died was killed in a bathroom. As she sunk into bed, Harri came to the realization that the girl must be moaning Myrtle.

The next day she told everyone else what she thought but they were unable to leave their dormitory to ask Myrtle. They hatched a plan to sneak out but McGonagall caught them. Later, when visiting Hermione, Harri found a note in her hand. In the note was the answer to the hissing in the walls and the monster in the chamber.

A basilisk.

Harri kissed Hermione’s forehead and ran.

Harri and Ron were hiding behind the doors of the staff room listening to the professors discuss in horror about a student's body having been taken to the chamber.

They hadn't planned to do anything irrational until the student's identity was revealed.

Ginny had been taken into the chamber. Ginny Weasley.

The two of them ran out of the room to find their friends and concocted a plan. It went like this:

Draco went to distract the professors.

His footsteps from far away come thundering into the staff room and the professors looked up to find a terrified Draco screaming murder. “HELP! HELP! THERE'S BEEN ANOTHER PETRIFICATION! HELP!”

Professor Snape was across the room and at Draco’s side in a second. “Draco! Draco! Calm down this instant!”

Professor Flitwick and McGonagall rushed to his side as well.

Draco led the three professors to where the supposed petrification had taken place while Harri and Ron listened in from the left corridor. Draco secretly saluted them with his right hand as he left.

Harri, from where she was hiding again, gestured to Ron that they should leave but then they saw Lockhart tip toe out of the room in an exceedingly suspicious manner rather than follow the other professors. They treaded behind Lockhart until he reached his office. Then they watched, incredulous, as instead of preparing to save Ginny, he began to pack his bags.

“I’ve had enough.” Ron scowled.

"That fraud!" Harri whispered. "I knew it!"

Ron kicked the office door open and stormed inside, Harri on his heels.

“You’re supposed to be on the way to save my sister, you coward!” Ron shouted, pointing to Lockhart’s suitcase with an accusation.

Lockhart whipped around with his wand pointed at them.

“What are you doing here!” Lockhart said frantically.

“Exposing a lying, cheating, scum!” Harri yelled. "What is wrong with you? Ginny could be murdered!"

Lockhart paled. "Well now see here..." and he stuttered his way through an atrocious explanation before he turned on them.

Harri stole his wand with a quick expelliarmus and then they confounded him and tied him up in his chair.Ron was just tying the last knot when Blaise and Daphne sped into the room.

“We have to get to Myrtle’s bathroom and question her about the chamber now, there’s no time left, the professors caught on.”

"What happened with Lockhart?" Blaise questioned in concern. "Isn't he supposed to be rescuing Ginny?"

"Never mind him, he's a fraud." Ron sighed. "We’re all the hope Ginny has left, we need to go."

The four of them swiftly left Lockhart’s office, leaving his body and his wand at the crime scene. They raced through the eerily quiet castle, tumbling into each other with abrupt stops and changing directions when they spotted teachers.

Harri felt like every second spent not looking was a second off of Ginny’s life.

Just as they almost made it into the bathroom Filch came storming down the floor. To avoid him, Ron opened a broom closet and they squished inside.

The closet was pitch dark and smelled of disinfectant. Daphne had snatched Harri’s hand in her own and their loud breathing was the only noise in the tiny room.

Blaise cracked open the door slightly and glimpsed outside for any more sign of Filch. When he found none, he twirled back to them with a thumbs up. "Coast is clear."

From there it only took a minute for them to find Myrtle.

Her ghost floated next to the bathroom windows and she gazed at the moon somberly. When she heard the sound of their footsteps, she spun around and sputtered. “What are you doing in my bathroom? Boys! Boys in my bathroom!”

Ron stepped forward. “We just want to ask you some questions Myrtle. Just a few. Would that be alright? We promise not to do anything.”

Myrtle scowled but said. “I suppose.”

Harri took a deep breath. “Can I ask you about the night you died?”

Myrtle let out a high pitched squeal.

Harri continued on. “You were the girl that was murdered weren’t you? You were the one killed by the monster in the chamber of secrets?”

Myrtle whimpered. “I was.”She floated right up to Harri’s face. “I was just sitting here in that stall. Crying. Because of some stupid girl who used to bully me all the time and then I heard this hissing noise and I asked who was there. But no one replied so I opened the door, and I saw these big eyes and I died.” Myrtle cried. “Not as interesting as you thought Harri? No, I guess it wouldn’t be.”

Ron leaned towards Myrtle hastily. “But you didn’t see anything about where it was coming from Myrtle? You didn’t—

—NO! I DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING!” Myrtle screeched. “WHY ARE ALL OF YOU ASKING ME THIS? YOU ARE JUST LIKE THAT BOY! STUPID TOM RIDDLE WITH HIS PERFECT HAIR AND STUPID, STUPID EYES! ASKING ME ALL SORTS OF THINGS! Did you see what it was Myrtle? Did you recognize anyone in the bathroom Myrtle? Have you told anyone anything Myrtle? You better keep it quiet Myrtle! Pretending to care! Pretending to be my friend!”

Harri froze.

Tom Riddle.

“Hold on a minute…” Blaise implored with his hand out. “Tom Riddle? The bloke whose diary Harri found?”

But Harri wasn't paying attention to anything. She moved away from everyone and stared into one of the bathroom sinks. Her mind ran a mile a minute, why had Tom questioned Myrtle about her death? Hadn’t he already convinced himself it was Hagrid?

Blaise and Ron continued to ask Myrtle questions while Harri saw the strangest thing.

On the tap in front of her, there was a snake engraved on the surface.

Of course!

She looked up and around herself in surprise. Myrtle had died in this bathroom...this sink...this was the entrance to the chamber of secrets. Hermione’s notes on the basilisk had mentioned that it traveled through pipes and no matter how many times they had searched the school in the centuries since Slytherin left, they hadn’t found the entrance.

It wasn’t in the school, it was below the school.

“Guys!” No one heard her, too busy quarreling amongst themselves. “I found it!” Harri hollered.

Blaise, Ron and Daphne turned at a breakneck speed. Harri lifted her arm and pointed at the snake engraved on the tap. “There.”

Ron came up to Harri’s side and brushed their shoulders together. “How do we get in?”

“Gee.” Daphne rolled her eyes. “How do we get into Salazar Slytherin’s super secret chamber in which he entombed a basilisk that only those who speak parseltongue can hear and only his descendants can enter?”

Ron flushed. “Right.”

The four of them looked at each other, determined. Daphne squeezed Ron’s shoulder. “We’re going to save Ginny, Ron.”

He nodded and smiled back at her. “Ready?”

Harri bent over and tried to remember how her mouth would form the words. Blaise and Daphne watched as she recalled parseltongue. Ron gripped her right hand and shook with nerves.

In the end, it was the memory of the garden snake she'd met at six and not the whispers of the basilisk that she remembered the most.

“Open.”

Harri and her friends watched in fascination as the sink began to pull apart and separate, leaving a gaping entrance into a well like fall.

Blaise jumped in first and the rest of them followed. Ron screamed when it was his turn. When Harri lept off the ground she almost gagged.

They landed on a pile of bones and dirt.

She crawled onto her knees and pushed herself up and then lent a hand to Daphne whose face was scrunched up in disgust.

Ron moaned in pain from his place on the floor. “I think I’ve broken something.”

Blaise hoisted Ron up and took his arm over his shoulder. The four of them stood in a row at the bottom of the hold and gaped into the ominous tunnel ahead of them.

It was empty but for the walls and bones.

“It smells deplorable.” Blaise said in revulsion.

“Draco would've fainted from the smell alone.” Ron mentioned hoarsely.

They trudged on.

The tunnel was pitch black. They had to take cautious steps to avoid stepping on any bones or snake skin that they passed. There was only a gentle lull and the sound of the drip of water pouring from faucets.

But any snap or loud noise scared them enough to bring them to a halt every few minutes.They continued on for a while and comforted themselves by thinking of what Snape and McGonagall would do when they got out of there.

Then they happened upon a problem.

Their pathway was blocked by a caved in ceiling, recently and purposefully placed so as to prevent anyone from entering any further.

Ron patted down his pants pockets and retrieved his wand. He cast 'diffinodo' before anyone could warn him not to.

They sprinted to take cover as parts of the fallen ceiling exploded in their faces. Harri, in a moment of shock or stupidity, ran into the line of fire and onto the other side. When silence rung she found herself separated from her friends and on the side of the entrance to the chamber all alone.

“Harri!” Daphne shouted from the other side.

“Daphne!” Harri gasped as panic sunk in. She was stuck completely blocked and isolated with who knew what inside the chamber.

“Ron got hit!” Blaise shouted. “He’s hit his head on the wall!”

“What are we going to do? Harri are you alright? Say something!” Daphne yelled.

“I’m fine!” Harri closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm fine." She pressed her hands against her thighs and waited until they stopped trembling. Ginny. Ginny could die.

Harri shook herself off, tucked her wand into the side of her skirt and made a decision. “I’m going to go into the chamber. We don't know how much time has been lost. You guys stay there and see if you can call a teacher for help okay?”

“What?” Blaise raised his voice. “Harri you can’t go in alone! There’s a basilisk in there!”

“Harri you could die!” Daphne swore.

“I have to do it! She's Ron's sister!" She faced the same decision as last year. She had to go in this alone or not at all. And that wasn't a real option, was it?

Maybe Harri wasn't a coward but she didn't feel brave at that moment. She felt sick. There were monsters on the other side of the wall. The basilisk and the heir of slytherin. She was terrified this was going to go wrong, that Ginny would die either way, that she could die as well and then she would never truly get to meet her soulmate in the flesh. But Harri was her mother's daughter and when Voldemort had told Lily Potter to step aside she stayed. So Harri was going to do the same.

“Open.”

Chapter 7: et tu, brute?

Chapter Text

Chapter 7: et tu, brute?

“Hello, darling. Sorry about that.
Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here,
sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell
and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud.
Especially that, but I should have known.
You see, I take the parts that I remember
and stitch them back together
to make a creature that will do what I say or love me back.”
— Richard Siken, Litany in Which

When Harri looked back on it, she thought she could pinpoint exactly why it all went wrong that day. It wasn't the monster in the chamber or the writings on the wall in blood. It wasn’t even Tom. It was because that was the day she realized how it would all end for her. This life, this story, this war.

From the beginning to the end, of Tom’s life to hers. From his empty wrist to her frozen one and for every lonely year, for every lost hope.

She sees it in hindsight, the inevitability of fate.

The chamber of secrets opened itself for Harri with a deafening groan. In the centuries that it had existed, the stone covering the walls had eroded over. The text written on their surfaces had faded but their purpose was clear. She could hear the dead as she walked the pathway.

The two sides of the entrance slid away and revealed a longer more open tunnel. There were engravings of serpents and a row of roman pillars lined up to a statue, of what Harri could only assume, was Slytherin.

Below his face and on the damp ground rested Ginny's body. She was still and unmoving. She reminded Harri of a muggle fairytale, sleeping beauty cursed to an eternal slumber. Pale, fragile and hopeless.

Harri's gaze moved away from Ginny to observe her surroundings. What she found caused her heart to sink.

Tom’s diary lay next to Ginny.

If Harri concentrated she could remember the remnants of a long forgotten dream.

The sound of 'at last'.

The drip of water in a sewer.

Blue eyes.

And because of that Harri knew what was going to happen before it did.

She moved as quickly as she could, dropping onto her knees when she reached Ginny. She ran her fingers over Ginny’s neck, stopped at the curve of her jaw, and pressed her fingers in searching for a pulse. To her immense relief she felt throbbing. She breathed a deep sigh and straightened.

From behind her, a deep accented voice came alive.

“She won’t wake.”

If Harri had looked down she would have seen her hands begin to tremble. She knew that voice, like she had known the handwriting, like she had known when Myrtle said his name.

“Tom.” Harri pivoted towards him with her knees still on the ground.

Their eyes locked and Harri didn’t know how to feel.

A few feet away from her stood the ghost-like figure of her soulmate. Not a phantom but not real either.

Tom was even more beautiful in life than he’d been in the memory of the diary. He was like a painting of eternal beauty and she stared at him with a deep fixation, unable to help herself. She was completely enraptured by him.

He was just as he’d always been to her: something far away and unattainable. A boy she was trying to catch but never could. Losing her grip right before he came alive.

She was six years old again and dreaming of green light and red eyes. Wanting, praying.

Tom smiled at her, his pale blue eyes lighting up. “Harri.” He seemed blasé and impossibly cool. But she wasn’t fooled by that. She could see the way he smiled nervously and the way his eyes stared in astonishment. The earnest look he gave her. She could feel his gaze like something tangible as it ran over her again and again. The longing in him was reflected in her. Her hands itched to touch him, to hold him.

As the years go by she will wish they could have stayed this way forever. Untouched by truth.

All the same, twelve year old Harri could not help herself. She broke their shared silence.

“What are you...” her mind was cluttered, unable to comprehend how Tom’s diary ended up in the chamber with Ginny. The answer was right in front of her but she couldn’t grab hold of it. As if she was playing a game without instructions. “Tom it's not safe, there’s a basilisk... we have to go! You were wrong about Hagrid being the heir.”

Tom's face shifted. It transformed from an innocent smile to a smug smirk. “Well of course I was wrong about Hagrid, Harri.” He tsked. “Haven’t you figured it out? I don’t believe that you haven't suspected it. You are my soul after all. Come on Harri, think.”

He stepped towards her, closer until there were but two feet from each other. “It was Iwho opened the chamber. It is I who am the heir of Salazar Slytherin.”

Harri blinked. She did not understand.

No…no...no…

It couldn’t be.

It couldn’t be.

Not Tom.

Please let it not be him.

“But…why would you… why would you want to hurt those people? You petrified…you petrified Hermione! The writings on the wall! Filches cat…the basilisk set loose! You did all of this? That was you? You framed Hagrid! You—killed Myrtle!”

Tom tilted his head to the side. “Well…”

Harri felt her blood boil as rage settled in. “How could you do this?”

Tom lifted his head from its tilt and frowned. His expression changed from smug contentedness to something unexplainable. “How could I do this? I had to Harri. How could I not? I had to claim my heritage. I had to take what belongs to me in blood.”

“No, you didn’t! You didn’t have to hurt people Tom!” Harri rose up onto her feet, indignant, disbelieving.

Tom sighed as if disappointed that she didn’t understand. “You know why Harri. You, more than anyone else, know what it is like to be so alone in a world where you don’t belong. To have no family, no real name and no power. I had to take it myself! I had to seize it!”

Tom moved his hands with an impassioned air like his words alone could take on a visceral form. “When I found out who I really was, that I alone was the last real Slytherin, the last parselmouth. His heir! You must know what that felt like. The confirmation that I’m more, that I’ve always been more, that I was above those who ridiculed and taunted me, who thought me below them.”

Tom kept looking at her as he spoke, expecting something from her she did not know how to give. “But my plan to complete what I had started fifty years ago became quite trivial when I heard about you Harri. ”

Fifty years ago. She felt the walls closing in on her. The truth was there, she just had to seize it.

Tom laughed. “When little Ginny first poured her heart out to me and told me about this girl, the savior of the wizarding world, I wanted to kill her. The girl who lived. The girl who defeated Voldemort. A girl who had no special powers or talents at all but who managed to defeat the most powerful wizard there was. I only had that goal in mind from then on, forget the muggleborns, I wanted you." He smiled. "Then you picked up my diary, Harri Potter herself. Only I couldn’t kill you anymore. Because you weren’t just all of the things Ginny told me. You were my soulmate. That changed everything.”

He moved even closer.

“You see, we are perfect for each other. Even you must have noticed. Both half-bloods, orphans, raised by muggles. Probably the only two parselmouths to come to Hogwarts since the great Slytherin himself. It is so fitting that we belong to each other, that we were destined for each other. The other half of my soul. Of course, I couldn’t possibly hurt you.”

Tom had spoken as if he thought the things he did were okay. That he’d decided not to murder her was nothing, that she shouldn’t feel betrayed.

Harri pressed the palms of her hands against her heart, just to feel if it was real, if it still existed. Because Tom was tugging at it and squeezing it with every word he said.

Afraid of his answer she questioned him with hesitance. “Why would you care about Voldemort?”

Tom's lips curled and there was mirth in his eyes when he replied. “Voldemort." He lifted his wand, Harri’s wand.

'Phoenix core' Ollivander whispered in Harri’s ear.

“Is my past, present, and future.”

Words in red.

TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE

Changed.

I AM LORD VOLDEMORT

Harri trembled, unable to believe her eyes.

Was it possible to be this devastated?

Dumbledore had been right. The truth was a terrible thing.

The truth ripped her apart. Voldemort? Her soulmate was Voldemort. Harri thought it would have been less painful if Tom craved her heart out from her chest with his bare hands.

In a few seconds, he’d tarnished every desire, every dream she'd ever had. Everything she’d waited for was gone with a few letters.

She could only stare heartbroken as her world fell apart. Tom Riddle was Voldemort. Voldemort was Tom. Her soulmate, her soulmate, was Voldemort.

Voldemort had taken everything from her. Voldemort killed her parents and tried to kill her. The dark lord was an evil murderer, a tyrant and a harbinger of terrible things. Hers.

She remembered last year and the look on his face on the back of Quirrell's head. The untamable darkness that radiated from him.

'Kill her!' He’d raged in utter hatred.

She remembered Firenze’s words on the edge of the forbidden forest. Remembered Aragog’s warning. The writing on her wrist for ten years frozen in time much like Voldemort was. I fear no fate— The way it had only changed when he’d been close to her and never again, not until Tom. The answer had been there all along, she’d only needed to listen.

Harri choked on a sob. Sorrow gripped her heart. She barely felt the tears as they rolled down her face.

Tom frowned. “Don’t cry Harri.” He closed the distance between them, stepping up to her and lifting her chin reverently. “My beautiful girl.”

He touched her face with the pads of his fingers ever so gently, as if she was something precious to be held. “It’ll be alright. I won’t hurt you.” Tom’s eyes covered every inch of her face, seeming to memorize every feature. Every path his gaze traced left its mark. “I’ll never hurt you again.” He brought his face closer.

Harri couldn’t move. She wouldn’t move.

Tom pushed their noses together and her traitorous heart quivered. She felt his breath and knew that meant he was almost human again.

Tom lowered his eyes. He brought his mouth ever so slightly near and brushed it against hers, softly and then all at once. Harri’s tears fell against his cheek as she kissed him back. She wanted to die knowing she kissed him at least once. Just this once.

Then she pushed him away. He pulled back hesitantly and rested his forehead on hers.

Harri closed her eyes and placed her hands on his chest. She could feel him. He was warm, he was real.

“I can’t.” Harri whispered, tears dropping. “I can’t let you do this Tom.”

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. His face hardened and the soft openness vanished. “What do you mean you can’t?”

“I won’t.” Harri croaked. “You can’t just kill someone because you want to be human again! It doesn’t work like that!”

Tom flinched away from her. “You don’t want your soulmate to be alive?” He hissed. “Do you know what it was like to spend fifty years in a diary? Do you know what it was like to wait an eternity for you? And now you don’t even want—want me—

“Of course I...I want nothing more! But you chose this! You killed Myrtle!” She shouted.

“And I would do it again!” Tom bellowed.

He was indignant, vengeful, and full of hurt. But so was she.

Apart from each other they were both left standing at an impasse. The other half of me, Harri thought with despair.

“Tom please.” She begged. “Please don’t do this.”

He faltered, his hands clenched by his sides. “Harri I can’t. Don’t make me choose. I can’t spend another second in there. Wait for me...wait for me just a little longer and we can be together...”

“I won’t let you hurt Ginny.” Harri replied in misery. “I can’t.”

Tom observed her tantamount to a stranger. He was right in front of her but it felt like he was disappearing from her. Gone was the gentle and awed boy Harri met. In his anger, he was turned to ice. For the first time that day she could see the boy who grew up to be Voldemort.

“Fine.” Tom sneered and took a final step back. “Fine then.”

What happened next was so swift, it was difficult to remember.

He called upon the basilisk embedded in the chamber. “Keep the girl away. Secure the chamber but don’t touch her.”

His plan was clever, he could continue to leech off of Ginny’s soul and free himself from the diary without Harri’s interference as the basilisk distracted her. She would not let that happen. The basilisk slithered out of the chamber and Tom continued to take and take from Ginny.

Harri ran.

Tom sneered in contempt. “Hurry.”

But the basilisk would not catch her. She raced through the tunnels, her heart in her throat and the basilisk chased behind her. The only thing that carried Harri forward was the thought of Ginny's body lying in the chamber forever.

Harri’s loyalty to Dumbledore rewarded her with a phoenix, a hat and a sword. Fawkes blinded the basilisk while she found shelter. In a stroke of luck, she reached for the sword of Gryffindor at the perfect time. Tom tried to stop her but there wasn’t much he could do in the face of a furious basilisk and soulmate.

At the edge of the Slytherin’s statue, Harri jumped and plunged the sword into the basilisk's mouth.

To her panic and Tom’s alarm, her arm slipped and a fang tore through her flesh, imbuing her with venom.

Silence echoed in the chamber.

Harri collapsed next to Ginny’s body. It had happened so quickly. Life passed in between the blink of an eye. Tom fell down with her and scrambled for her arm. He frantically stammered out spells but there was nothing to be done, basilisk poison was fatal. Tom curled himself around Harri and held her to his chest, moving them back and forth.

“It’ll be alright Harri, you’ll be alright.” He wiped his face with his arm. “There's spells! I know t-there are—

Harri could not bear to hear this.

It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore, her choice was taken from her. There was nothing for them here. She didn’t get to keep her soulmate not when he was Voldemort.

It was there laying in his arms and dying that she knew what it was she had to do. When the realization came Harri couldn’t explain the sadness in her bones or the ache in her heart if she’d tried.

It seemed for them forever had been short.

In the end, there was this: The two of them pressed together and nothing else. In death they’d be with each other.

Between them Harri wrapped her hand around the basilisk fang. She plucked it out of her arm and with the last of her energy she stabbed the diary.

Tom’s head flew up. His eyes widened in betrayal. In heartbreak. In rage and sorrow.

Julius Caesar as Brutus speared him in the chest. But which one of them Brutus and which one Julius?

“Harri...” Tom stared at her in horror as his chest burst with light. “What have you done?” He whispered brokenly.

Harri beheld him back in wretchedness, in agony. “What I had to.”

Tom screamed.

Harri whimpered.

No. No. Harri no. I did this for you! For us!

Coals would have burned easier in her flesh.

Tom was engulfed in a golden hue and as swiftly as he lived, he was gone. She knew when she lost the warmth that was holding her.

Harri was all alone again.

She creased her eyes shut in anguish and draped herself over Ginny’s body. She wept into her stomach, shaking and trembling. She grieved for everything she had lost. Fawkes settled himself on her shoulder and cried with her. She couldn’t stop even when she felt the pain of the wound go away. Even when Ginny woke up and began sobbing too, giving out apologies and explanations. All she could do was sit there in the bloody remains of the mess Tom made.

No. No. No.

She wished herself far away from there. To a place where there existed no memories of blood on the walls, a basilisk wandering the walls of a castle, and of the boy once called Tom Riddle.

That was how Snape found them. He didn’t ask questions, he didn’t say a word. He only held Harri and Ginny close as Fawkes flew them away.

“Everything is fine.” His voice was softer than she’d ever heard. “You will be alright Harri.”

But he was wrong. She wouldn’t be. Harri would never be okay again.

Snape tasked Professor Flitwick with Ginny and turned away with Harri. Instead of leading her to McGonagall’s office, he guided her to Dumbledore’s. His hand was a welcomed weight on her shoulders, the only thing keeping her upright. Harri considered absently that Snape had never been this kind to her before. Though she supposed the situation was unlike any other and required a sort of gentleness.

When they reached the headmaster's office Snape came inside with rather than leave Harri alone. Dumbledore was waiting for them at his desk, his eyes mournful in the light.

“Severus, thank you for bringing dear Harri. If you wouldn’t mind leaving us and checking on the bathroom entrance I would greatly appreciate it.”

Snape glanced at Harri and then at Dumbledore. He squeezed her shoulder again and left. Harri could not even find the dramatic swish of his robes humoring.

Dumbledore took light hold of her arm and drew her down to a seat before settling down across from her. He did not question her when she didn't speak.

Harri knew he had matters to discuss that were probably important but she couldn't bring herself to talk. The tears on her face had dried but she knew trying to say a word would bring them back.

For her entire life, she had the knowledge that one day she would meet her soulmate. She'd always believed they would be by each other's side forever, a love that would survive the eons. As the years went by she learned the world was not black and white. That there existed shades of grey. Today she learned this was one thing her love wouldn't survive. Voldemort.

To realize that he was her destiny always and Harri had just never known it was soul crushing. She had spent a lifetime hoping for something that was always going to disappoint her.

“Is there anything you would like to tell me?” Dumbledore questioned, breaking the silence. He repeated the words he’d asked earlier this year when the worst thing Harri had been hiding was a voice in the walls.

She swallowed. Could she tell him? Tell anyone? Would they condemn her and cast her aside?

The girl who lived, the soulmate of Voldemort.

Life was a cruel joke. She couldn’t bear it if Dumbledore looked at her differently. If any of them did. She couldn't face that kind of rejection from the people she cared about.

Unbidden, another tear fell. Harri sniffed and accepted the tissue Dumbledore handed her.

"There is nothing to say.” She whispered.

Dumbledore hummed. “You know sometimes I find the weight of carrying a burden alone is too heavy for one person. Especially someone as young as yourself. Letting others share it, there is strength in that.”

“You wouldn’t understand.” Harri said into the quiet of his office.

Dumbledore placed his palm upon hers. “I think you will find that I do.”

“No!” Harri thought of I fear no fate she thought of Iwait no longer. “No one…no one could.”

Dumbledore’s left hand came to rest on her cheek and unexpectedly he asked. “Do you know who the last dark one was before Voldemort?”

Harri shook her head.

“His name,” Dumbledore rasped. “was Gellert Grindelwald.”

She glanced up.

"And he,” Dumbledore's voice was unsteady. “was my soulmate.”

Harri flinched. This meant heknew. “You knew about Tom? This entire time?”

“I suspected yet I was never sure. Not until your parseltongue ability revealed itself did I have the full confirmation I needed. I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t know how to hurt you like this.”

Harri exhaled. “It’s not your fault.”

She thought she wouldn’t have known what to do in his position either. How did you tell a little girl something like that? You are doomed to a monster.

“It seems that the both of us are destined for men unlike any other.” Dumbledore continued on, unperturbed. “If you need to talk to anyone and if you feel alone in this world, know that you are not. I have walked this path and I do not wish for you to think love is gone for you." His eyes fell onto her fist. " You’ll find that there are many kinds of love and just because you were dealt this one does not make you any less than you were before. You are still the tender, intelligent and brave young witch I have come to know. He cannot take that from you. You are still deserving of all the love in the world.”

“Did you know him?” She couldn't help but ask. “Did you know Tom Riddle?” Her voice broke over his name.

“I did know him. He was a brilliant boy. I can tell you truthfully that he would have coveted you like nothing else.”

“I miss him.” She said softly. “I miss what he was to me before I knew.”

"Ah.” Dumbledore patted her arm. “There is still always hope. Tom may not be so far gone as you believe. I come back to the words I spoke to you a year ago, love is the most powerful magic of all and you must never doubt that. There is a reason you were given to each other.”

His words provided her with the slightest reassurance but even then she couldn't fully accept them.

What hope could there be left? What love?

On that June day, Dumbledore sat with her for a long time. He passed no judgment while she mourned. He gave her something more than she’d have expected: a companion.

But at that point in time, unbeknownst to Harri, Tom Riddle's diary had disappeared from the floor of the chamber where she left it.

The diary now rested below Fawkes’s perch, only a few feet from where she was at that very moment.

A trail of phoenix tears dried up.

And slowly, torn black threads stitched themselves back together.

‘Even you?’

Chapter 8: love is so short, forgetting is so long

Chapter Text

Chapter 8: love is so short, forgetting is so long

“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak,
knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.”
― William Shakespeare, Macbeth

What Harri knew, what she had always known, was that life went on.

Dumbledore took her to McGonagall’s office where everybody was awaiting her safe return. Harri faked a smile when confronted with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and their open kindness and love. She shied away from her friend's inquiries and hugs. She was hustled to the infirmary by Madam Pomfrey and watched over by McGonagall. Through it all, she just wanted to be alone.

She asked away Daphne and Maria. She hid from Lavender and Ron. She avoided Draco and Blaise. She lay next to Hermione’s bedside and held her hand. She fell into an exhausted sleep, where she was haunted by the blue of Tom’s eyes and the sound of his voice. You were my soulmate. That changed everything.

The next day she was awoken by the sun streaming in through the windows of the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey was distributing the mandrake drought to the bodies of the petrified students. Knowing the time it took for the drought to work, Harri was sure they would all wake by the time of the feast.

Then Harri would have to contend with one person she couldn't hide from, Hermione. She twisted away from her bed covers and eased herself onto her back. She gazed at the ceiling and prayed away the truth. Could it all just have been a terrible dream?

Why not someone else? Why was it Harri that had to do this? Why was she the one that was left with Voldemort? Hadn't she lost enough to him? How could Tom—how could he become that? How did the boy who was so beautiful destroy himself so thoroughly?

She cried for the boy he was. For the soulmates they could have been. For the memory of his smile and the look on his face. For when he wrote, is…is it you? Are you… are you mine Harri? For everything they had both lost.

Voldemort was not even human anymore. He was something else. A shadow. Something dark that clung to others. The man that tried to murder a baby and then a child.

Her throat tightened and she asked herself, what is wrong with you? She needed to pull herself together, just long enough to stop crying every time she remembered what had happened. Today was the end of term and there was too much to do. She didn't have the time to fall apart again.

There were goodbyes to be had and a feast to attend. If it was any other year she would be feeling sad at having to leave Hogwart, but today she wished she could feel anything at all that wasn't the sick hurt in her stomach.

Harri was numb to any other emotions that wanted to rise. She pushed them down and stored them in a lock. She threw away the key. Maybe she would open it back up once she was at the Dursleys where no one would care what she was doing or how she felt. Then she could mourn properly, then she could let him go.

Madam Pomfrey found her and made her down another potion before she let her leave.

Harri walked through the halls of Hogwarts. She tried not to think about how Tom had seen the same stones once upon a time. Had he ever dreaded the last day of school? Had he ever spent a night in the hospital wing? Did he get up early in the morning and was he the first in the great hall? She would never know.

Harri unlocked the door to her dorm and wandered inside. The girls were all still asleep. Daphne was snoring loudly, Maria sprawled on her back and Lavender was swathed in her covers. She moved to her bedside, gathered her things and took a boiling shower. She scrubbed every inch of her skin raw and changed into clothes for the way home. She tidied up her belongings and loaded her trunk.

When she was finished she laid back on her bed and curled into herself. She pressed her face into her pillow and screamed.

Her friends were worried, Harri could tell. She was being too quiet and timid. The first thing the girls did when they got up was hug her but when asked for more information she begged off and pretended she was tired. They seemed to understand that she didn't want to discuss the night before and thankfully didn’t force it out of her. Yet she didn't miss the worried looks they exchange behind her back.

They proceeded into the great hall, where they were looked at by the other students with excitement. Everyone already knew everything. Or thought they knew.

The school was just glad to be free of the basilisk and safe again. The energy and euphoria of the last day of school should have been contagious, even Professor Snape looked less murderous than usual, but it wasn't.

Ron didn't glance at Draco once. He told to Harri softly that it was Draco's father who had hidden the diary in Ginny’s basket that day in Flourish & Blotts. Harri thought they’d discussed this in McGonagall’s office but she’d forgotten. She'd been in shock the entire time.

Minutes after the feast had begun, Hermione ran into the great hall. It was the first time in that day Harri had felt any positive emotion. She hugged each of them, Hagrid was re-anointed as a professor, Dumbledore was the headmaster and Gryffindor won the house cup again.

It should have been wonderful. It was not.

Later, on the way home in the train carriage, Draco and Ron were shouting at each other. Blaise was taking Draco's side and Lavender, Ron’s. Daphne and Maria were Switzerland. It wasn’t Draco's fault but Ron was allowed to be upset.

Hermione leered at Harri the entire time.“What’s wrong?” She whispered.

“Nothing.”

Harri was sort of numb. They arrived in London shortly after and then they were hugging each other goodbye.

“You’ll come to stay with me this summer, won’t you?” Hermione fretted, holding Harri's hands. “And you’ll write?”

“Of course Hermione.” Harri replied and smiled. But it was fake and it felt wrong. “Every day.”

Maria wrapped her arms around her from behind. “And call? Right? Can we make phone calls this year?”

“Mhhm.” Harri confirmed. Maria signed happily. Daphne kissed her cheek goodbye.

Harri made to leave but Hermione gripped her wrist. “Hermione, I really have to go. My uncle is waiting.” Harri pointed to Vernon's appearing form around the corner.

“You’re not telling me something.” Hermione said, narrowing her eyes.

Harri sighed. “Yes. I'm not.” Then she took her hand out of Hermione's grip and waved goodbye.

Tom frequented her dreams at night. So did Voldemort.

Sometimes, her and Tom were together, cuddling on a picnic blanket and watching the sky. Others she was running through a tunnel and red eyes chased her. A few, there was a man she didn’t recognize. His face was cast in shadow and his hair fell to his shoulders. He hissed hello. His body was slender, his fingers long and his presence looming above her.

She remembered the crimson of his eyes long after she awoke, heart racing and lungs aching. She bathed and buried the dreams deep inside. She didn’t want to think, she didn’t want to wonder. She didn’t need to solve another mystery that wasn't going to end well. None of them had thus far. Quirrell was dead and Voldemort was free. Tom was gone.

Some nights it was all Harri could do not to cry herself to sleep.

She was very reserved that summer and did every chore without being asked. She tended to the garden and helped with the cooking. She didn’t complain once, so much so, that even Uncle Vernon took note of it. No one said anything but they noticed all the same.

Dudley asked one night at dinner. “You’re not sick are you?” Harri just blinked and passed him the gravy. Aunt Petunia observed her with something like worry.

Harri continued to grow. She gained height and her breasts enlarged enough that she had to purchase actual bras.

One day when brushing her hair she noticed that it had reached her waist for the first time in her life. Aunt Petunia came to the doorway and brushed her fingers through it.

“I want to cut it off.” Harri declared.

Petunia nodded.

They visited a salon the next day and she watched, content, as every last piece of it fell. When it was done, her hair only reached her collarbone. The hairdresser chatted her ear off the entire time about her prat of a boyfriend and Harri actually laughed for the first time since summer began.

A week later, Dudley and Uncle Vernon went on a boy's trip leaving her and her aunt alone at home. That night, Harri sat on the porch after dinner to observe the night sky. She was barefoot and wearing a blue dress with little daisies on it. Her short hair flew with the breeze and she rested her chin on her wrist.

From behind her, the door swung and Aunt Petunia came wandering out. She stopped a few feet from Harri and leaned against the pillar holding the ceiling up.

There was a grim and haggard dark dog looking upon them from the neighbor's yard. His appearance was a little strange considering that Harri hadn’t heard any murmurs about a new neighborhood pet and she would've expected Aunt Petunia would have lamented about it by now.

The dog gave a loud bark.

“Shush you.” Harri whispered.

She felt Petunia watching her from the corner of her eyes, the same as she'd done all summer. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before finally spilling out.

“What is the matter with you, Harri?”

Harri gave the same response she gave to anyone every time they asked.“Nothing.”

“You’ve been different, quieter than usual, and sad. What has happened?” She pressed.

Harri suppressed an exasperated sigh. She glimpsed at her wrist for one second and Aunt Petunia saw.

“Is it that then? You’ve found who it belongs to?”

Harri wished she could say yes. And he was wonderful. But that wouldn’t be the truth. It was difficult for her to think of a lie too because her aunt was demonstrating that she cared if only a little. Herthroat closed up and she pressed her hands to her face. She thought she’d moved past crying every time but the lump in her throat indicated otherwise.

“Oh, Harri.” Aunt Petunia said softly. She walked over and sat down next to her. She placed one hand on her arm and another around her shoulder. “Whatever it is, you don’t need that. You don’t need him.” The first tear fell. “Look, I didn’t have one of those and I found Vernon didn’t I? People like me find each other every day. You don’t need writing on your wrist to tell you who you're meant to be with.”

Harri lifted her head up and wiped her face. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.” Even though she wasn’t sure. This kind of sorrow didn’t just go away.

Petunia observed her, melancholic. “You know at times you remind me so much of Lily. She was just like this, hiding her own pain and putting up a brave front.” Harri glanced at her in surprise. They almost never spoke about her mother.

“She was a right troublemaker too. Always getting herself into arguments with people. When she—when she found out about your father she wasn’t too happy either.” Petunia chuckled. “Oh, she grumbled for weeks. James this and James that.”

Harri's heart skipped a beat. No one, not ever, had said her father's or mother's name like that, like they had existed and been real, that they could be somewhere in the world right then, people who had habits and dislikes. Not just martyrs.

Tentatively, Harri asked. “Could you tell me about my mother?”

It took her aunt a moment to reply.

But eventually, “Yes Harri.” Aunt Petunia whispered. “I could."

This. She said. This and This.

The way Lily’s hair appeared in the daylight. Her eyes when she laughed. Her face changing as she grew.

Petunia summoned the girl she knew. An abundance of happy memories.

Lily smiling as she spelled a flower into her hands, her green eyes looking into Petunia’s. Lily silhouetted by the moon, sleeping in the bed across from her. On Christmas morning the feeling of hands pushing her awake. The yell of surprise when Lily climbed into their treehouse. The sound of goodbye, I won’t forget you Tuney, I'll be home before you know it and everything left behind in the gentleness of their hugs.

The moments kept coming and Harri stared into the night, listening.

They were there all three of them, muggle and witch and the girl who was both.

Gone but not forgotten. Loved even in death.

When Hermione put her mind to it, she was a woman to be reckoned with. She called Harri multiple times a week, made sure to send letters and little presents and eventually she managed to persuade Aunt Petunia into letting Harri spend the last three weeks of summer with the Grangers.

“Lavender is sick, Maria is in Spain and Daphne couldn’t really get away.” Hermione’s voice slithered in through the telephone. Harri had the cord wrapped around her fingers and the speaker held up to her ear. It was almost bedtime and Hermione was making it clear Harri was to be prepared by eleven am the next morning or so help her. “Of course, we might be visiting the Greengrass chateau when we get to France. Maybe.” Hermione continued on excitedly.

“Do you think we could visit Draco before then?” Harri asked. “I miss him and he doesn’t send as many letter’s as everyone else.”

“It’s because of his parents,” Hermione confided. “They would be suspicious if he sent so many during summer so I don’t know if it’s really possible. You know his parents, they think I don’t belong anywhere near the magical world. His father made that quite clear last year.”

“Ugh.” Harri gagged. “I can’t stand the prejudice. It's asinine.”

“Nice word! But yeah, tell me about it.” Hermione proclaimed. “And he’s a hypocrite too. I read all about the sacred twenty-eight and the Malfoy’s were one of the first families to associate with the affluent muggles of the past to expand their wealth.”

“Discrimination and proprietorship, this is the bourgeoisie for you.” Harri said with a laugh.

Hermione groaned. “That and all the rest. I think about it sometimes, you know, the difference between Ron’s life and Draco’s. Because of the whole soulmate situation. They're just so at odds? I mean Ron was beside himself about visiting Egypt this break but Draco would probably consider it another Sunday. And it’s just something to think about I guess…”

“Yeah.” Harri said quietly.

Something to think about.

It was quiet for a second and then in a low voice, Hermione said. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but Harri? You’ve been so distant since school ended and I don’t know how to bring it up with you because you always pretend it’s nothing.”

Harri sighed and squeezed the bridge of her nose. “It’s not something I know how to talk about. It’s not something I want to talk about. I’m not ready and I just…I just need you to let it go for now Hermione.”

Another silence, then. “Did you know the Place Cachée in France has an antique Quidditch shop? It was first opened in 1392 and named by Gaston McAaron. It’s located next to Maison Capenoir a wizarding clothing store, both of course are in…"

It was only a week later that she came to pick Harri up from Privet Drive. An achingly warm afternoon surrounded England when the Granger’s came for Harri. Mrs. Granger stepped out of the driver's seat to introduce herself to Aunt Petunia at the same time Hermione sprang out and threw herself in Harri’s direction. Harri felt her mouth pull into a large grin and her cheeks stretched wider than they had that whole month.

The large black dog that had sat in the neighbor's bushes at night was outside as well. He’d been appearing frequently and now gave a low bark as Harri hugged her friend.

Both she and Hermione wore light, airy summer dresses. “I’m so glad you’re coming with us.” Hermione mumbled into Harri’s shoulder.

“Me too.” Harri pulled Hermione closer to herself before they let go.

Hermione caught hold of Harri’s trunk and they both rolled it to the car compartment. With a combined effort from both of them managed to hold it up and drop it in. Harri waved goodbye to Petunia and Mrs. Granger rounded back to the car.

They settled into their seats and were off. The hour drive passed by quickly and Hermione’s mum made small conversation with Harri the whole time. They arrived at the Granger’s by six. For dinner, Hermione’s dad made homemade pasta.

What followed was a week that made Harri think she’d found light at the end of a dark tunnel. Her and Hermione would spend their mornings watching tele in their pajamas, their afternoons in the compound pool and their nights with Hermione’s parents, talking and helping prepare dinner.

It was the most normal time Harri ever experienced and she adored it.

On the next Monday Hermione's dad drove them to Paris by car.

They visited all the cliche tourist sites, the Eiffel tower, the Arch de Triumphe and the Louvre. Harri spent her birthday in the Palace of Versailles. They visited cafés, designer stores, drank tea wherever they could find it and took so many photographs they ran out of space in the camera.

On one of their last afternoons, they explored the streets of the city on their own while Hermione's parents visited a friend.

Harri was walking backward and taking pieces of Hermione’s cotton candy when she crashed into someone behind her. Hands held her up as she stumbled sideways. She spun around in embarrassment and found a handsome boy smiling at her and holding his hands out.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking.” Harri apologized, flushing.

“No matter. It happens to the best of us.” The boy laughed. “My name is Hugo. And you?”

“Harri.”

“A beautiful name, for a beautiful girl.” Hugo leaned forward to kiss Harri on both cheeks.

“Oh.” Harri blurted, startled.

Hugo pulled back and glanced at Hermione. “And your friend?”

“Hermione Granger,” Hermione stepped forward and took his hand before he could kiss her cheeks. “Pleasure.”

Hugo smiled cheekily.

“Well Harri and Hermione, my friend and I were just about to—"

"—Hugo! I found the entrance for the—"

Harri’s eyes widened in surprise as Theodore Nott came into view behind Hugo.

No f*cking way.

Theodore wore a loose navy sweater and blue jeans. His hair was tussled from the wind and a flush rested high on his cheeks. He was smiling as Harri had never seen before and it made him look even more striking.

When he reached them, his eyes dilated in disbelief.

“Potter?”

“Nott?”

They both exclaimed at the same time.

“What are you—"

“Aren't you supposed to be—"

“You know each other then?” Hugo interrupted.

Theo’s face gained more color. “Yes, this is…this is Harri Potter and Hermione Granger. We go to Hogwarts together. Obviously.”

“The Harri Potter?” Hugo asked Harri in incredulity.

Harri sighed. “Yes.”

Theo's lips quirked. “Who else could you be with the attitude?”

“Please, coming from you?” She teased.

Hugo laughed. “I like this one and I simply meant the Harri Potter as in the Harri that Theo here—"

“Tais toi Hugo!” Theo pushed himself between them to cover Hugo’s mouth with his hand.

“No, no, please Hugo, continue.” Hermione smirked.

“That’s alright, I have my answers.” Hugo shrugged and pushed Theodore’s hand away. “Well, considering you are not muggles, Theo and I were just about to visit the Place Cachée if you would like to join us. Female company is always welcomed here in France.” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh I don’t know." Harri began but Hermione grasped her arm and spoke over her. “We would love to!”

“Perfect! Just follow me and I will guide you there safely!” Hugo offered his elbow to Hermione and they started walking ahead of Harri and Theodore.

The two of them were left staring at the ground and each other awkwardly.

“Uh..."

“So..."

They laughed.

“It’s better for us if we just follow him.” Theodore said, rubbing his hand on the back of his head.

“Alright.” Harri shrugged. “I don’t think we have a choice anyway. Hermione has our hotel room key card.”

“Key card?” Theodore frowned. “What is that?”

Harri huffed in amusem*nt. “Never you mind Theodore.”

They followed their two wayward friends, strolling the streets of beautiful Paris together. The sun reflected off every surface, the flowers were in full bloom and Harri’s lilac dress moved with the wind.

She could not believe this was her life. At times like this it still felt like some sort of hazy dream. She could have never predicted at ten years old that by the time she was thirteen she would be vacationing in this city with her closest friend. Or that she would be exploring the magical streets of Paris with Theodore Nott.

Theodore coughed, looked at her and then away. “Um, have you enjoyed summer so far?”

Harri tucked her hair behind both ears and considered what to say. There was something about him that made her feel comfortable, that made her think she could tell him the truth and it would be okay. “It’s not been the best to be honest. Better now that I'm with Hermione and away from England. But difficult.”

Theodore studied her carefully before asking. “Is it because of…well...because of what happened at the end of last year? With the chamber of secrets? I only know what the professors told us but it couldn't have been easy taking down a whole thousand year old basilisk.”

“Well yes, but not because of what you are thinking,” Harri said carefully. “It’s just that I found out something that kind of turned my world and it’s just been so hard to accept.” Harri trailed off and stared at the cobblestoned streets.

Theodore stopped walking. “I can understand having to deal with the aftermath of something that changes everything, and not in a good way."

Harri risked a glance at him and found nothing but openness in his eyes.

"It's like, one day the Earth is round and a minute later someone tells you no, not only is it not round, the Earth doesn't exist at all. If that makes sense?”

“Yeah. Yes. That.” She smiled.

Theodore returned it. “It gets better. Not right away but with time. Maybe it never heals fully but it stops hurting incessantly and you know, if you let yourself, you’ll find that there can be so much good between all the bad. There's so much more to life than we think, you know?”

“Yeah.” she whispered into the warm French air. "I know."

"That just sounded so pretentious didn't it?" Theo palmed his face.

"No!" Harri giggled. "I get it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

They stood in the middle of the street smiling at each other like oblivious idiots before Hugo shouted for them to hurry up. Their stare was broken and they started forward again but with red cheeks and the feeling of something new created between them.

Harri couldn’t help but blush as he guided her through a crowd with a hand on her back. She almost let herself think of Tom and the warmth of his body against hers but she shoved the memory down. She couldn't let that tarnish the few content moments she had.

Theodore’s touch was light and gentle, much like Harri found he himself was. The way he watched her and listened made her feel seen. It was just as if she was talking to one of her friends but slightly different. Ron, Draco and Blaise didn’t make her feel as nervous as Theodore did sometimes. He was just as pleasant as he had been last year during the car ride to Hogwarts. They didn’t interact much at school because Harri’s life was hectic and Theodore's seemed submerged in Slytherin but when they did Harri always questioned why they weren’t closer. He made her feel more.

Later, after they'd eaten more ice cream cones and popsicles than necessary, they found a photo booth and almost broke the machine using it too many times. By the end of the day, Harri had shopping bags in her arms, food in her stomach and happiness on her face.

The three weeks they spent in France, carefree and traveling, taught her that she wasn’t going to live in a cloud of sorrow forever. She would make it out the other side eventually. The ache would always be there but the wound would heal with every coming day. She could live without Tom. Without Voldemort. As long as she had her friends and her magic she could do it all.

Though she would seldom forget Tom’s face. The way he talked, the way they fit together. How could something that lasted for so little cost her so much? Why could she not even wake up without remembering the taste of his lips?

She yearned for one night without his ghost but her dreams wouldn’t allow it. They become more ominous as the days passed and on the last night of summer, she dreamt of something she could no longer ignore.

She was barefoot and walking in a dark room. There was no light, only shadow. A voice was whispering in her ear. Just a little closer Harri. Come to me. Come.

Harri followed it, arrested by the sound.

Closer darling.

She felt a shiver down her spine. There were mountains towering over her. There was something alive in the room.

Come here, Harri.

An auspicious laugh. She saw a glimpse of silver, a hint of blue.

Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure.

She reached out and—

Harri woke up shivering.

Chapter 9: once upon a dream

Chapter Text

Chapter 9: once upon a dream

“Arm yourself,
the thing that you must do is fearful, yet inevitable.”
― Euripides, Medea

The worst part of Harri’s dreams was that they were not only dreams. First year and the hissing voice she found to be Voldemort. Second year and the blue eyes that became Tom Riddle. Third year and she didn’t know what was to come but she gathered she would soon. In her dreams, she could see everything so clearly but when she was awake the memories were gone. Harri only remembered the feeling of darkness, whole and consuming. She didn’t know what it was that woke her up screaming, only that she was in pain like something swallowed her and ripped her out.

It scared her.

By the time she woke from her sleep, Hermione was already down in the leaky cauldron. The two of them had stayed there last night and planned to meet up with the Weasleys in the morning. Hermione’s parents had said their goodbyes already and Jean, Hermione’s mum, had left them cookies for the train ride.

Harri took a quick shower and packed up the last of her belongings. She then followed the smell of eggs down the stairs. She had just reached the last step when she heard. “Harri!” And her face broke into a wide smile. Ron was standing at the entrance of the restaurant. His red hair and smiling face were a welcomed sight and Harri couldn’t help but think how much she had missed him.

“Ron!” She jumped off the last step and into his open arms. She buried her nose in his shoulder and inhaled deeply. Immediately she was enveloped in a fragrance of oranges, chocolate and grass. It smelled a little bit like home to her. Mornings in the great hall and nights on the common room couch.

“Harri!”

“Oi Harri!”

Fred and George ambled over and lifted her off her feet in a giant bear hug. Oh, how she had missed this, missed them!

“Hello dear, ” Within moments she was greeted by the entire Weasley family. Molly hugged her nd kissed her forehead, Ginny blushed but managed a sweet smile, Percy, per usual, did not pay her much mind, distracted by the book in his hand, and Mr. Weasley shook her hand.

When the greetings were over, Hermione and Ron got into a heated discussion over Hermione’s new cat Crookshanks and Mr. Weasley gently tapped Harri on the shoulder. “Could we have a chat?”

Mr. Weasley took her aside and away from the crowded tables. They stood near the backdoor and he twirled his hands a little nervously before he spoke. “Now Harri, I don’t know if anyone has said anything to you about Sirius Black,”

The name was immediately familiar. He’d been plastered all over the papers for the entire summer. “Hermione and I read about him in the papers just two days ago when we returned from France.”

“Yes, yes. I had expected so.” Mr. Weasley scratched his head. “I just want—we just—we want to keep you safe. You understand that don’t you? And Sirius Black poses a threat to that.”

“Because he was a death eater?” Harri asked.

“Well yes.” Mr. Weasley said but a peculiar emotion flashed through his face. “That he has managed to escape Azkaban prison is something that endangers you very much. He lost everything when you defeated Voldemort. His family, his reputation. He went mad!”

“Oh.”

Mr. Weasley nodded solemnly. “I hope you understand when I ask of you, that you do not go looking for that man. No matter what. No matter anything you hear.” He paused and then squeezed her shoulder. “That way lies only pain. Trust me.”

“Okay,” Harri replied in agreement. “Alright. I won't.” He was just another one of Voldemort's followers wasn’t he? With the entire British wizarding world out for his arrest he couldn’t cause too much trouble and they would all be at Hogwarts anyway.

She was honestly more interested in the idea that no one has ever broken out of Azkaban before. Black must be quite clever to have done that but then again, he had waited in Azkaban for twelve years. That was a lot of time to plan out an act of revenge.

Harri noticed there was coincidentally a wanted poster of him right behind Mr. Weasley.

He really did look unhinged. Sirius Black reminded her of a man who had lost everything. It was the look in his eyes. Desolation.

Mr. Weasley smiled, relieved and they returned to their seats for a quick breakfast before flooing to the train station.

They stepped out of the floo to the usual noisy and boisterous train platform. Parents and children trying to find a place to store their trunks and bid each other goodbye. Cages were passed through open windows, the sound of laughter echoed and the train whistled.

Mrs. Weasley embraced them all for another goodbye and then they climbed onto the train.

“Should we look for everyone else?” Hermione asked, peering into the carriages for an empty one.

“No.” Ron said softly. “I’d rather just talk to you lot if that's alright.”

Harri and Hermione exchanged a pointed look. Ron could be so stubborn sometimes, especially where Draco was concerned.

They continued on until they found the last empty carriage. There was no one inside except for the sleeping body of a man. Ron shrugged and sat next to him while Harri and Hermione chose the opposite bench.

“What do you both know about Sirius Black?” Harri questioned immediately, taking off her handbag and brushing out her newly short hair.

“You mean the bloke that’s been the most talked about thing since you?” Ron chuckled. “Let’s see.” He lifted up his hand and counted off his fingers. “He’s the most wanted man in England, the minister’s offered up a thousand galleons for whoever finds him, he’s as mad as they come and he’s a Black. You know they're notorious for being loony!”

“Well besides that.” Harri said and crossed her legs. “Like his history.”

“Sirius Black was imprisoned for the murder of twelve muggles and Peter Pettigrew on November 1, 1981. He was an auror in the department of magical law enforcement for roughly two years before being exposed as a death eater. He did not receive a proper trial by the wizengamot before being sentenced. He is the only prisoner to have ever escaped Azkaban prison. He is the heir to the Black family, an ancient magical pureblood bloodline and the last of their line.” Hermione answered.

Harri and Ron stared at her.

“What?” Hermione frowned. “It was all written in the daily prophet!”

Harri turned to Ron. “I’m only asking because your father told me this morning that Sirius Black has escaped Azkaban to come after me. Apparently, he was a devoted follower of Voldemort.” Ron flinched at the name.

Hermione scowled. “That’s stupid. Why would Black wait twelve years to come after you?”

“Well he didn’t know where she was, did he? Not until she came to Hogwarts.” Ron pointed out.

Earlier than Hermione could argue, the door of the carriage opened and interrupted their conversation.

Ron frowned. “What do you want?”

Draco stood in the doorway, his face flushed and sneering. “Gee I don’t know Ron. Maybe to see you after two months but I guess that’s too much to ask from you weasel bee.”

Ron glared. “Well I want you to apologize to my sister and my family for your father's actions but I guess that’s too much to ask from you Malfoy.”

A hand shoved Draco inside the cabin. “And what I want is for you two to stop being such bloody annoying prats and make up already! But I guess that’s too much to ask from the both of you!” Lavender steamed as she stomped in.

Draco sulked for a minute more by the door and then settled in beside Ron. “Whatever. I guess I’m sorry.”

Ron pouted and then succumbed and pressed himself close to Draco. “Yeah. Me too I suppose.”

"At least give us a hug!"Draco squawked.

“I don’t know why you have to act like you haven’t been exchanging letters all summer.” Hermione laughed.

Harri thought if she rolled her eyes anymore they would fall to the back of her head. Lavender took a seat down next to Hermione and hugged the two of them. “Blaise, Daphne and Maria got stuck sitting with the Slytherins. It's alright though, there’s no room in here for them anyway. Who’s that then?” Lavender gestured to the man next to Ron.

“R. Lupin.” Hermione answered.

“How did you know that?” Ron said with wide eyes. “How do you know everything?”

“The writing is on his trunk Ronald.” Hermione indicated to the worn down trunk above the seat. “Honestly.”

The rest of the train ride should have continued on without trouble. Of course it didn’t.

The dementors came for Sirius Black and found them instead. Harri fainted at the sound of a woman screaming and she awoke to kind brown eyes pointing chocolate at her face. Professor Remus Lupin introduced himself. Harri was a bit embarrassed to have been the only one with such a diverse effect to the dementors but Draco’s shivering body behind Ron in the corner cheered her up.

They reached Hogwarts in the hour after the incident. Harri spent the sorting time in the infirmary being force fed chocolate by Madam Pomfrey while Hermione spent it in a private meeting with McGonagall.

They met up at the entrance of the great hall and walked in together.

Draco, Blaise and Ron had all grown a tiny bit taller over the summer and their voices cracked a little when they spoke. It was hilarious to watch them get flustered and irritated when pointing it out. Lavender had chopped off all her hair just like Harri and they bonded over it. Maria was now tan and blonde, Daphne’s aced had cleared up and she was delighted.

On the other side of the table, Fred and George were already arguing with Alicia Spinnet and Oliver Wood about the year's quidditch season. Next to Dean, Seamus seemed to have cracked Neville's plate?

Harri basked in the warmth of Hogwarts, it's magic and her friends. Biting into her steak, she accidentally made eye contact with Theodore. He smiled at her from across the hall. The butterflies took flight again and Maria giggled in her ear knowingly.

Dumbledore gave his yearly speech where he gave warnings to them all about the dementors. The dementors were at Hogwarts to guard the entrances and search for Black. They were dangerous creatures and no one could hide from them even with disguises, potions or invisibility cloaks (Harri thought that comment was meant only for her).

Dumbledore then introduced the new Defense Against the Dark Arts, the man from the train, Lupin and the new Care of Magical Creatures professor, Hagrid. Harri’s heart melted when she saw Hagrid wipe his tears on the tablecloth.

Snape was scowling fiercely on the left corner of the table a little more aggressively than normal and McGonagall was smiling on the right.

It was home.

Harri dreamt again and it was more frightening than the last. It was not the voice that scared her or the words but the feelings that took over. The sensation of being devoured, falling into a dark place and being squeezed, that was the terrifying part. When she awakened, it was not in her bed. Harri was standing upright in the middle of the Gryffindor common room.

She could see the sunrise through the open windows. No one else was up. She took account of herself and ambled back to her dorm room, shaken. Thankfully, none of the girls were awake. Although Crookshanks gave her a narrowed eyed look. Harri stumbled into the bathroom and splashed water on her face, she looked into the mirror and saw nothing different.

What is this?

Harri dragged herself back to bed and tried to fall asleep again. There were still three hours left before she had to wake up for the first day of classes and she didn’t want to sleep through it. She was starting Arithmancy, Care of Magical Creatures and Ancient Runes and she wanted to be awake for those.

Despite her worries, the first day of classes was spectacular. There was a buzz of excited energy everyone had about being back and it infected the air around them. They were animated and bouncing around the halls. Even the Professors were less strict and didn’t assign too much work. Fred and George were having a splendid time pranking the new first years and Peeves caused as much trouble for Filch as possible.

Harri’s morning started out with Ancient Runes, a class she shared with Hermione, Blaise and Theodore. Theodore took the seat next to her just as class was about to begin and Harri willed herself not to blush. Hermione gave her an exaggerated wink from where she was sitting next to Blaise. Harri returned her look with a dirty one.

The room had a nice aroma of vanilla and the tranquil tones of Professor Septima Vector made the class fly by.

She was relieved she decided not to take Divination after Ron and Dean recounted how boring it was on the way to Defense. They also mentioned how they believed Trelawney was mad.

DADA was better than it had been in the two years they had all been at school. Professor Lupin was the most clever and informative teacher so far, in that he actually knew what he was talking about, and did so well.

Lupin taught them about Boggarts and each student was given a turn at practicing the charm to defeat the boggart. When Harri was just about to do so herself the class ended.

She sighed in disappointment. Lupin smiled at her. “Perhaps next time Harri.”

They ate lunch in the great hall before going to care of magical creatures. Hagrid’s first time teaching started off quite well. He brought them out into a clearing in the forbidden forest to a herd of Hippogriffs. Harri was pushed to volunteer and she didn’t regret it when she ended up flying on Buckbeak's back through the Black Lake. It was almost just like riding a broom except she had to grip Buckbeaks’ fur very tight.

In a misguided attempt to impress Ron, Draco almost got himself sliced in half by insulting his Hippogriff. Blaise and Theodore carried him off to the infirmary while he moaned and embellished his pain. Ron facepalmed in embarrassment. Maria, Harri and Lavender fell over themselves laughing. Hermione just felt bad for Hagrid who seemed quite worried, but he shouldn’t have been. Draco wouldn’t do anything this year to upset Ron, even if that meant not being able to yell, 'Wait till my father hears about this!' at every minor inconvenience.

The class that caused everyone the most stress, potions, ended up starting off the calmest of all. Snape was behaving differently. He let Harri get away with things and he didn’t yell. Not that he’d ever yelled at her specifically, just in general. He had always been sort of numb to her presence. The only time he had really paid attention to her was when she got in trouble and then he would bring all his wrath down.

Now though, he did pay attention. He observed her as if he could see a difference. She felt seen by him. Like Hermione, he could see the hole that'd been left in her. That she was a little less than before.

The day as a whole was good. Nice. Another reminder that she had the rest of her life ahead of her. No matter how much it hurt to think about it.

Oh, Tom.

Why.

Harri dreamt again that night. This time, she woke outside of the common room. In front of the portrait guarding Gryffindor. The fat lady stared at her in befuddlement and Harri stared right back. At this point she was considering asking Madam Pomfrey for a sleeping potion or even actually going to Snape himself.

Harri stood at the top of the stairs for a moment longer and then went back inside. She figured she may as well leave for the early morning quidditch practice rather than stand here and panic over sleepwalking. This was Oliver’s last year as captain and he wanted them to win the cup. Harri was afraid if they didn’t he would do something drastic, like drown himself in the black lake and let the giant squid eat him.

She walked to the field in workout leggings and a sweatshirt and found Alicia and Oliver already there. The sun had barely risen up yet, it was only six. but Oliver was already flushed. Harri bid them hello and lay back on the grass on top of her bag.

Alicia joined her a moment later and they observed Oliver pace up and down the field while passing back a twizzler Alicia produced from her pocket.

The rest of the team showed up an hour later. Practice was always fun. It was relaxed and once Harri had caught the snitch a few times she could just fly on her own.

She passed Hogwarts as a blur, the wind rushing past her face and the world beneath her feet.

Flying was its own kind of freedom. It made Harri feel unstoppable. Like gravity could not even hold her down. There were no dark lords and dead soulmates in the sky. Only the stars and her.

A month passed and it was finally time for their first visit to Hogsmeade. Harry got up disoriented and could not remember if she had a dream or not. It was infinitely better than waking up and being anywhere that wasn't the dorm room.

Hermione was already getting ready in the bathroom while the rest of them laid awake in their beds talking.

Harri rolled over onto her right side and giggled at the sight of drool on Daphne’s face. To know this private side of Daphne that was messy and unkempt compared to the version of herself she presented to others was nice. It felt intimate.

Harri rose up from her own bed and dropped herself on top of Daphne’s body.

“Are you guys excited to visit Hogsmeade today?” She yawned.

“Totally. Finally, something to do on the weekends outside of the castle.” Daphne mumbled, throwing an arm around Harri and pulling her blanket over the both of them.

“Agreed!” Maria got into bed with them. “I can finally send my siblings gifts I don’t have to mail order.”

Lavender, feeling left out, sat up and climbed over her bed and Harri’s to join them. “I’m just happy to be able to shop for new clothes that I can wear during our free days. I mean how are we supposed to get boyfriends or catch our soulmates eyes if we were the same sh*t every week?”

“Ah.” Harri laughed. “The real woes of first and second year. Not being able to impress boys. Truly.”

Lavender shoved her from where she was buried behind Maria. “Piss off!”

“Oi!” Daphne raised her fist. “No fighting in the bed! ’S the law!”

“Yeah but you know what Daphne that doesn’t mean you have to spray your morning breath all over my face,” Maria grumbled. “I mean really, that’s the real tragedy."

Daphne leaned in even closer to Maria and smiled sharply. “If you’re so bothered get out of my bed.”

Maria pushed her face into the bedsheets. “Or maybe you can just not speak right in my face?”

Daphne thrust herself up, dislodged Harri and slammed her pillow into Maria's head. “There! Now you won’t have to smell it.”

Maria wrestled herself up and climbed on top of Daphne. Harri rolled away, near Lavender, where it was safe. Out of the line of fire as Daphne and Maria fought each other.

Really though, it wasn’t fighting. It would be more interesting if they used wands, a little cutting hex or two. Maybe Harri could make the pillows explode in their faces?

Hermione stepped out of the bathroom just as Daphne was about to drag Maria off the bed by her toes. She only rolled her eyes and sat down to oil her curls.

Crookshanks meowed from her cat bed.

The trip to Hogsmeade was another reminder to Harri of how breathtaking the wizarding world was. Strolling around felt like stepping into a fairy village. Every part of the town was beautiful. Something plucked out of her childhood imaginations. The only place in all of Scotland that was purely magical.

Honeydukes alone had more sweets and candy than muggles could dream of imagining or inventing. Ron and Draco had gone off by themselves but the rest of Harri's friends explored together. All of the third years roamed around the village and met up with each other to exchange purchases or visit another shop together.

By the time they were to return they were on a sugar high, running through the halls of Hogwarts with adrenaline rushing through their bones. Harri and Daphne followed Maria, Dean and Lavender up the stairs where a crowd of Gryffindors had formed. Hermione was already up there and questioning Percy and Neville. The portrait of the fat lady was slashed and the rest of the portraits were shouting.

“It’s Sirius Black it is!”

“SIRIUS BLACK!”

“He was trying to get into the tower!”

“Sirius Black threatened her!"

“Wanted entrance to Gryffindor tower!”

“He slashed her open like a melon! The barbarian!”

“Well I never!"

“—Always said that Sirius Black was no—"

“Well she ran and she won’t be coming out I’ll tell you that!”

Oh no.

Maybe Sirius Black was a larger problem than Harri had anticipated.

Dumbledore, Filch and Snape searched for Black but could not find him anywhere in the castle. The professors made a unanimous decision for the entire school to spend the night in the great hall as they continued to look through the night.

Harri fell asleep next to Ron and Hermione but not before she heard Snape warn Dumbledore that he believed someone was helping Black gain entry into the castle.

Who could Snape be talking about, Harri wondered but she didn’t get her answer.

The next day classes resumed and they were back in their beds. Harri did not stay asleep that night.

A familiar voice called her. She followed.

Come here, darling.

She couldn’t tell whether she was awake or in a dream. Harri walked and walked. It felt like the first time she touched the diary, she was unable to do anything but give herself to the voice, whole and vulnerable.

Forever had passed before she entered a dark room, where she recognized the mountains from her dreams. Although these were not mountains yet things. Hoards of things left behind.

Who left what Harri was chasing?

She looked and looked. What she needed was silver and blue.

Closer, the voice whispered. Closer she went.

In front of her, the moon shined a light and a tiara glinted bright. Harri knew what it was.

The lost diadem of Ravenclaw. The only relic left by Rowena Ravenclaw. Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure.

It called to her. Mesmerized her. She was sent into a trance.

Touch the diadem. Touch it, I say!

Harri touched the diadem. In another world, Aurora pricked her finger on the spindle.

Pain overwhelmed her and darkness dragged her down.

She screamed. Just like in her dreams Harri was pulled and swallowed.

Her head was thrown back in agony and her face gripped between shadowed hands. Blackness rose from the silver and formed over her skin. Something reached inside her and took from her. She felt coldness seep into her brain and reach for her memories.

Harri was four and asking about the words on her wrist. “Your soulmate.” The ghost of Aunt Petunia said. “They’re for your soulmate."

Harri was ten and letting a snake out of its cage. "You’re welcome.” Little Harri hissed. “I want to be free too."

Harr was eleven and walking through diagon alley for the first time. “You’re the girl who lived.” Hagrid told her. “You defeated the greatest dark wizard this world has ever seen.” And Harri asked. “But who was he Hagrid?” He whispered back. “Voldemort.”

Voldemort. Who Harri and Draco found in the forbidden forest drinking unicorn blood and Firenze had warned Harri. “Stay safe, keep it hidden.”

Voldemort, on the back of Quirrell's head. “Give me the stone.” But Harri screamed, “Liar!” and Voldemort shouted, “Kill her!"

Harri was twelve and Tom Riddle was smiling at her in the Chamber of Secrets. “Heard of you Harri Potter…couldn’t kill you anymore…my soulmate, that changed everything… both half-bloods, orphans, raised by muggles.”

Harri crying because Voldemort had taken everything from her, killed her parents and tried to kill her. The dark lord was a murderer and he was her soulmate. “How could you do this?” she yelled. The diary kissed her. She fought a basilisk, its poison set in and she destroyed the diary. “What have you done.” Tom whispered.

Harri’s dreams and Harri’s broken heart, the diadem took it all.

She collapsed. The diadem split open.

The blackness formed a man. Eyes as red as blood, skin as pale as snow and lips as pink as a rose.

Chapter 10: your handprint is on my soul

Chapter Text

Chapter 10: your handprint is on my soul

“But the heart has its own memory,
and I have forgotten nothing.”
—Albert Camus,The Fall

As Harri's consciousness returned, she expected to be in pain but found nothing but a slight ache in her muscles. Even her head, which had been grasped tightly between her hands, was silent. It was disorienting. Last she'd been awake, her mind had felt ready to combust at any moment and now was perfectly okay. In fact, strangely enough, Harri felt better than she had that morning.

She kept her eyes closed while she took account of her body. She prepared herself for whatever waited for her when she opened them. What was her life, that things like this kept happening to her? Miraculous maybe, but also insane.

Harri knew she was longer in the dark and hollow room she had been in before. This place felt empty where that room had felt heavy. Her body rested on something that was incredibly soft, like silk, from what she could feel. Maybe a sofa.

She opened her eyes. It was a brightly lit room. There was a chandelier hanging above and a carpet below. Her body was laid on a Victorian chaise lounge that was engraved with floral patterns. She shifted her gaze to the table on the right of her peripheral.

Her heart convulsed in her chest. Sitting across from her, on a glass table, was Tom.

But not the one she’d known.

Harri lurched up and it was then that she became aware of an object in her hand. A tiara. A diadem. She dropped it without a second thought. Not again.

She panicked. Heart clenching, soul aching. She couldn’t think clearly with Tom right there, she couldn’t be strong like she should be. She had barely been able to hurt the diary and even then it was only when she’d thought she would go too.

“Harri.” This Tom Riddle said.

It hurt.

“Stop.”

She pushed herself as far from him on the chaise as she could. “No! This isn’t happening. I’m not doing this again! Get out of my head!” The words fell before she could hold them in and twist them into the right thing to say.

She practically was gaping at him in astonishment. Another object Tom had stored his memory in? But—that was a lie, wasn’t it? A memory cannot consume a soul to gain life the way Tom had tried with Ginny’s.

A memory cannot die.

Tom stared back at her. His eyes were vacant. So different. So cold. “I apologize for the pain taking the diadem may have caused you. It’s been a long time, I must have forgotten the curse I placed there.”

Harri’s dreams. Those red eyes. Her magic lashed out without her control. The light bulbs above them burst and the ceiling shook.

Tom leaned forward on his elbows. “You need to calm down little dove.”

“I don’t need to do anything but get as far away from you as possible.”

“Let me rephrase that.” He said quietly. “You want to calm down. You wouldn’t want me to get upset.” From behind him a shadow formed. Harri shivered as the room cooled. The dark slivers around him slid over to her and clasped her wrists. “Or I will restrict you by force. I am not the sixteen-year-old self you met, I’m not going to falter at tears and a cherub face.”

Indignant, at his audacity and this distant act, she snapped. “You’ve just ripped through my memories without my permission, forced me through weeks of sleepless nights and you expect anything from me?”

He was not her Tom, that much he wasn’t lying about. This version of him, whatever he was, was older. Gone were Tom’s beautiful pale eyes and lovely skin, gone was his warmth. This Tom was taller and paler. He was gaunt and his orbs were as red as crimson, cheeks as sharp as a blade.

His hair reached his shoulders in waves, not the polished curls she remembered and his face didn’t give anything away, not like the diary’s. He was blank in a way. Lifeless. An empty page that Harri could not read. She didn’t know what this version of Tom was capable of.

She shrunk away from him. His eyes followed her. She wanted to be farther, she wanted to be miles away. Somewhere his slitted eyes couldn’t reach her, and she didn’t have to imagine how long she’d lain there with him staring at her. A place where she couldn't be fooled again by her soulmate.

But she also wanted to be closer. Beneath the reluctance and apprehension, she wanted to see beyond the emptiness of him and to know how this had happened to him, to both of them and she wanted to fix it.

The diadem observed her beneath lidded eyes. “There was no other way for me to acquire what I desired. Barring the few obstacles for you, it wasn’t that cruel. There are surer methods I could have tried. Your mind has shown me you know I am capable of. I wonder which naive child I could have entranced? The first years are always quite impressionable. My diary chose that little redhead, maybe I can choose the other, what was his name again? Ron Weasley?”

“You must be utterly weak to need to pray on the vulnerable. At least that diary was a child, what’s your excuse?”

The slithers that had gripped her wrists tightened uncomfortably.

“I wouldn't.” He warned.

“Don't threaten my friends.”

Riddle chuckled woodenly. “Oh Harri. But it is suchfun.”

Her stomach clenched in trepidation. “How did you get here? What do you want? What are you?”

He considered her. “I imagine you’re a bit young to learn what I am just yet. I am a part of your soulmate and that is all you need to know. But as for what I want, well, I would think that is obvious. I want my body. I want my power but I can abide my time. Don’t worry darling, I’ll only kill those who get in my way.”

Harri swallowed and pulled at her wrists. She stood up in agitation. Murder. This was how indifferent he was to murder.

“As for how I got here, well just as any of us do. I was a student at Hogwarts and I thought this was the perfect place to hide myself. The room of hidden things. Where not a soul would stumble upon me unless I desired.”

Harri scoffed. “And you wanted me to find you.”

Tom uncrossed his legs. “And you wanted to find me.”

“Of course not! I want more than anything for you to leave! After knowing who you really are how could I possibly want anything at all to do with you?” Harri denied.

It was a lie.

“Sweetheart,” He grinned. “You and I both know that isn’t the truth.”

She was angry. Of course, her body wanted nothing more than her soulmate nearby and he knew it. Is this what Dumbledore had meant? 'You’re not finished yet. Tom Riddle is not so far gone.' Was this Harri’s fate? Their fate? Just pieces of Tom and never him whole? Was this all she was going to get? Something partial and incomplete.

Tom rose from the table and over to her. She hated how much this echoed those moments in the chamber. “You know in life I spent thirty years waiting for you. Hoping for you. Even praying.” His face looked as if the very thought of doing so was repulsive, “I’d vowed to never believe in that sort of concept, fate, after my time in the orphanage. I’d sworn off my caretaker's savior. I’d told myself I was better, above it, more. Which I am. But I came to Hogwarts and I had empty wrists and so for the first time in my forsaken life, I prayed. Yet nothing came. No words, no ink. No soulmate. And then I spent forty years asleep inside this," He gestured to the diadem laying on the floor.

“And I wake up, I wake up and you actually do exist. Look. Look at this.” He held his arms out, palms up.

On ink, in Harri’s handwriting, Tom?

Her heart fluttered. There was nothing more truthful than the words on a wrist. It was difficult to not reach out and touch. It was hard to comprehend that he had her ink. She’d spent her whole life thinking about these wrists.

“You can lie all you want, to yourself and to me but I know you don’t mean it. I know you want me. I saw in your mind, Voldemort and the diary. I saw Black. Do you think these walls could truly protect you from me when they let in Voldemort himself? You need me, Harri. You need me.”

“I don’t need you and I certainly don’t trust you. The second you can’t stop me I’m going to find Dumbledore, he’ll know what to do with you.” Harri lied again.

Riddle laughed and placed both arms behind her on the couch, effectively caging her in. It was intimidating. His large figure towered over her and his arms concealed her. “Please do Harri. Give me a reason. Just one, so that I can kill one of your precious little friends. Is Hagrid still around? I think I’ll start with him.”

“You won’t touch him.” Harri sneered, pressing her hands against his chest and pushing.

He didn’t budge an inch. He lowered his face to hers. “We have a deal then. You shut your pretty little mouth and I don’t kill anyone.” Harri glared and Tom smirked back, blood-red eyes haunting her. “You may want to sit back down.”

“Go to hell.” She whispered.

“Been there,” Tom gave a mirthless smile. “I much rather like it here.”

She swallowed an angry barb and glanced away. She couldn’t stand to look him in the eyes for long, whether it was because her chest was pounding or because it hurt. His eyes followed her. They always did.

“And where is here?” Harri questioned. He'd called it the room of hidden things.

When he spoke it was hypnotizing. “The room of requirement. I found it my sixth year on the seventh floor, opposite a tapestry showing Barnabas the Barmy trying to teach trolls to dance the ballet. It’s a magical room that can only be discovered by someone who is in need. If you walk by three times and wish for something in your head, it’ll transform into that. It was the perfect place to hide me.”

He was so handsome. Even now, even with how much his face had changed. But he was darker and it was in him this darkness. Not as potent as the dark lord but close enough. With the diary, she had to look but with him it was there plain as day. Voldemort hiding in the shadows of his eyes.

Harri wanted to slap herself for desiring him anyway. She hated herself a little bit. But how could she not? Whatever he was, her soulmate stood across from her.

She could feel herself drifting off as he continued to speak, his eyes pulled her in and his words were spellbinding. Every word was taking from her and giving to him. Just before Harri fell she felt his lips pressed against her skin.

It was the only way. Forgive me one day.

She woke up in her dorm room with the diadem clutched in her hand.

Sleep.

She did.

The next day the castle was up in arms about Sirius Black. He'd tried to break into Gryffindor Tower during the night and was all that anyone would speak about. Harri had left the diadem hidden beneath the depths of her trunk. Yet when she’d reached for her pen in class it’d been inside her bag. She’d cursed under her breath and felt the diadem burn, awake under her touch.

“How did Black escape Azkaban? It's never been done!”

“I heard he was secretly part dementor actually.”

“Well my mother told me the Blacks were notorious for this sort of thin."

"Someone must have let him inside the castle, there’s no way!”

“I heard he wants to kill Harri Potter.”

“Wasn’t he—

“It’s too bad, Harri’s really pretty.”

“I’m actually related to him you know fifth removed uncle’s grandson.”

“He was quite handsome when he was young, you know?”

More annoying than everyone speaking about Black constantly, even her friends, was that the fat lady refused to guard the tower in fear of him. The Gryffindors were now stuck with the impossible and dull-witted Sir Cadogan who insisted on changing the password twice a day and made going back to the common room impossibly difficult. Sometimes they had to stop Daphne from stabbing him with her hair clips (not that they particularly wanted to).

Because life always had to add little something to cause more problems, it seemed the professors had all banded together and started a guard Harri club. She wasn’t allowed to walk in the school without a teacher beside her. Mrs. Weasley had also forced Percy into becoming her personal private bodyguard. How they assumed Sirius Black was going to catch Harri on the way to her dorm from the couch in the common room Harri had no clue.

When she made it into her room after dinner that day she felt a bone-deep exhaustion. She knew the diadem was to blame. He was more at rest than he had been since her dreams started.

She fell asleep the second she laid down and dreamt of wandering Hogwarts as a shadow. She thought she saw the tunnel in the chamber of secrets for a second but the next she was standing outside the black lake, staring wonderingly at the castle in the moonlight.

Harri barely made it to breakfast the next morning. The girls left and she stayed in the bathroom trying to cover up the bruises under her eyes.

Tom appeared in the doorway. She ignored him and ran out before he could speak. It pained her to look at him, wounded to think about how they spoke to each other. That he changed so much from when he was younger was so heartbreaking. Where was the Tom she’d first met? What happened to him to make him so unfeeling and so reserved?

She wished she could let him go.

She thought about telling Dumbledore but something stopped her. The darker part of her whispered that she would never give up any part of Tom, no matter the cost to herself.

Harri knew he didn’t have enough power to be aware all the time because he had to take it from her. It left her fatigued but she couldn’t find it in herself to be upset at him for that yet because he wasn’t hurting anyone.

The following night was much the same. They walked around the castle like ghosts. To her surprise, he took her into the Slytherin dormitory and the third year boy's room. Staring at the faces of Draco and Theodore sleeping.

There was a memory that came back to life, of two similar boys laughing amongst a crowd of unrecognizable faces. Abraxas and Tavvy Tom’s mind whispered. It was reaching for something that no longer existed.

Harri saw a group of eight boys crowded together, laughing boisterously on the common room floor. In the middle of them was Tom. She saw them go from little boys to adults to...gone.

Tom didn't know what happened to them. He was ripped away before he could.

How long exactly had he been in the diadem? What was it like to suffer like this, to have no real body? She felt her anger toward him disappear with every night. She was starting to understand.

The following afternoon, the Gryffindor quidditch match took place. Professor Lupin ended up being absent and Snape taught defense. He was particularly insufferable and spent the entire time discussing werewolves instead of their actual unit. He also assigned a useless three foot essay.

Harri spent as much time touching the diadem as she could.

The quidditch match began as horrible as it ended. It was pouring wildly and she could barely see out of her goggles. Thunderstruck and washed the earth in white. When it vanished she noticed the same dog she'd seen in little whinging on the stand in front of her

There was a moment when Harri looked into its eyes and saw something…someone else standing there....

The whole world was quiet.

Then the dementors descended.

Harri fell. And fell. And fell.

When she came to, her entire team surrounded her while holding the broken pieces of her broom. Ron was outraged on her behalf and Daphne was in the corner trying to intimidate Cedric Diggory into leaving. He apologized as she shoved him out.

Madam Pomfrey insisted (forced) Harri to spend the weekend in the infirmary. She was horrified at the dangerous effect the dementors seemed to have on her.

Night fell and Harri waited for everyone to leave before pulling the diadem out from her bag. She wanted to ask about the dementors and the screaming she’d heard as she fell.

Tom appeared as if summoned by her thoughts on her bed. He brushed a hand through her hair and Harri was surprised to feel the gentle touch.

“I—

He was interrupted by the infirmary door creaking open. Harri quickly hid the diadem under her pillow and curved her head to see who it was.

Theodore tiptoed in.

Harri sat up. “Theodore?”

“Hi.” He smiled shyly .“Can I sit?”

Harri stuttered a little. “I-yes, course.”

He sat on the bed next to her and handed her a plate. “I um I figured you would want some cake? You know, since you missed the feast.”

Harri was so glad that it was dark in the room because her stupid face was probably giving away how flustered she was. “Oh, thank you.” She took the plate.

Theodore rubbed the back of his neck. “That fall looked pretty scary Harri and I mean it’s daft that the win went to Hufflepuff? You could have died.”

She felt the diadem heat up underneath her pillow. “It’s alright I guess, Dumbledore caught me. I’m more upset about my broom. We’ve still got a chance at winning the championship for Oliver though, so it’s not the worst thing.”

“Hmm, I don’t know about that. Slytherin’s going to crush Hufflepuff and Gryffindor.” Theodore teased, his eyes beaming.

“I don’t think that’s true. Not too sure if you’re up for it to be honest. I heard one of the chasers is kind of slow.” She grinned.

He laughed. “Have you heard that Harri? That’s quite funny actually, because I’m entirely sure that I heard the exact same thing about Gryffindor's seeker.”

Harri opened her mouth to respond but paused when she heard the sound of footsteps.

Theodore looked back at the doorway. “I should probably go. I just wanted to see if you were alright.”

Harri smiled. “Thank you for coming to see me.”

Theodore smiled back sheepishly and then left. He looked back once more at the door and stumbled over his feet when he caught her still looking at him.

The second it was quiet again Tom formed next to Harri.

He curled his lips up in a mocking smile. “How sweet.”

“You went looking for him last night. I saw you. Did you know his father?”

“No. His grandfather. He was one of mine.” He had a far-off look in his eyes, probably one of the truly honest expressions Harri had seen on his face.

“Do you miss them? Your friends?”

“No.” His face turned empty once more. “They are the past now and this is my future.”

Harri couldn’t imagine it. She reached for his hand and then pulled back, thinking her touch unwelcome. He watched her and surprised Harri when he grasped her hand in between his himself. They both shuddered at the feeling of their fingers laced together. Tom closed his eyes.

“Sleep Harri. I’ll wake you in the morning .”

After Sirius Black's attack, Harri and Hermione took an interest in the Black family as a whole.

They researched them together while the diadem rested in Harri's bag. The Blacks were a noble, ancient pureblood house. Theirs was a rich history. They were known for their words, 'Toujours Pur' which meant 'Always Pure'. They'd existed for a long time.

The Blacks used to be one of the most powerful and renowned families in the wizarding world. A large family with gold to waste, a legacy to fall back on and a seat on the wizengamot.

Now, there were almost none of them left. Their family had fallen into despair. Some said it was a phenomenon called the Black madness, which made them insane when they aged and forced them to lose their minds. Others said it was the result of inbreeding. The chink in the armor of most purebloods.

Many of the great pureblood houses had perished that way, by believing they were so superior they couldn't marry out of the sacred twenty-eight. Which resulted in diseases and deformations, in the loss of magic.

The history books didn't go past Sirius, Regulus, Andromeda, Bellatrix, and Narcissa. Harri concluded that was near the time that Voldemort had risen to complete power and named them death eaters, effectively ending their line.

If one ignored the hateful prejudice, the family archive was riveting.

The Black family tree was also a sight. All of them were named after the stars.

Orion, Cassiopeia, Pollux, Arcturus, Alphard, Cygnus and so on.

It was terribly sad that they were so obsessed with their pureblood. She wondered if they'd known this fixation would be their ruin, would they have exiled their squibs? Would they have cut off those of them who married people they did not like? Perhaps if they'd kept them in, they wouldn't be almost extinct now. It was a shame to see a powerful magical line die out.

It was also disheartening that the last of them was Sirius Black.

Later that day, Harri and Hermione wandered down to the Black Lake. They mapped out the stars together. Harri tried to spot Orion the hunter.

"I wonder why the stars?" Harri whispered.

"They're magical, maybe that's why." Hermione answered. "Stars have the power to take out entire galaxies. I imagine the Blacks liked that comparison."

"I wonder if we could go speak to Phineas Nigellus Black's portrait. I now have a lot I want to ask him."

"Right, he was headmaster once,” Hermione recalled.

"Over a hundred years ago."

"That is a long time."

"It is." Harri murmured. She twirled a strand of hair between her fingers.

"Maybe they live on in the stars." Hermione suggested.

"That's a nice thought."

Harri waved at Orion.

If you're up there. You should be aware your son is causing a lot of problems.

When the constellation twinkled, she pretended it was him saying I would expect nothing less.

Chapter 11: i await a guardian

Chapter Text

Chapter 11: i await a guardian

“Don't you remember, she told him then when you were nothing but shadow and smoke?
Darling, he'd said in his soft, rich way, I was the night itself.”
― V.E. Schwab, The Invisible Life

Despite the upsetting loss of her broom, in the morning Harri found herself feeling content.

The diadem had stayed inside while she slept. Maybe he thought she needed the energy to heal but truly she did not mind that he wandered. She just worried about where it was he went.

Sometimes, in the deepest parts of her, she even felt guilty. It was because the thought of him or anyone trapped for so long inside something, aware or unaware, awake or asleep, was horrific. If all Harri had to do was lose a bit of sleep so that Tom could feel human again, she would do it a thousand times over. He could never take more than she would be willing to give. They were one soul after all and it was his as much as hers.

She left the infirmary contemplating researching the soul bond. She'd just crossed the corridor when Tom materialized beside her. None of the other students saw the man that walked beside her but he was there all the same. For a fleeting moment at least. He left again as she entered her first class of the day.

Harri let out a sigh of relief.

It was better that he didn't watch her during class because then he wasn’t a constant distraction. Now, he wouldn’t be at the forefront of her mind the entire time.

If he were there Harri knew she would fail because she would spend all her time with her eyes feasted on him.

Tom Riddle was like that. He made you forget anyone else existed at all. He was the sun and they were the planets revolving around him. He was a red giant. He was a supernova. And just like the stars, one day he too would explode and take them all with him.

In her darkest hours, she thought she might welcome it.

The afternoon went by from Potions to Creatures to Arithmancy and Defense. Hagrid decided to introduce flobberworms into the curriculum though they were pretty foul and made most of them gag. She and Neville almost caused an eruption in Potions by accidentally adding a sunflower seed to their boiling cauldron. And Arithmancy was a bore as well as defense. They practiced theory and read instead of using their wands.

When Professor Lupin finished his lecture, Harri decided to speak to him about the dementors. If yesterday had shown her anything, it was that she couldn’t continue with them haunting her step. She had to learn how to protect herself, especially if she didn't want to remember the screaming she'd heard as she fell or feel the dread that came with their presence when they were near.

Apart from that, another reason was that Harri had never lost a quidditch match before and she certainly never wanted it to happen again. Quidditch was the only thing that came to her easily, the one thing she was truly talented at. Adjacent to always landing herself in trouble but that was something that couldn't be fixed.

The defense class emptied and Harri was the only one that stayed by her desk. She waited while Professor Lupin cleaned the chalkboard to go up to him.

“Harri!” Maria’s said loudly from across the classroom, her and Lavender standing by the door. “You coming?”

She shook her head. “I’ll meet up with you guys in the library.”

“Oh, okay!”

Maria and Lavender walked away and Tom returned. He rested against the window opposite Lupin’s office, watching Harri as she loitered.

The afternoon light shone on him but his skin did not warm. It was still a shock to see his leaner frame, his more defined face, and his long hair. There was so little of the diary in him. It hurt Harri at every realization that she did not know this man at all.

She hesitated in closing her bag and instead stood where she was and took him in. He stared back. Vast and hungry, his eyes were whirlpools, they were quicksand. She was pulled in deeper with every breath.

“Harri.” Professor Lupin called.

The spell broke. Harri turned away from the window.

“Come in for a bit of tea?”

Lupin and she settled on opposite ends of the couch in his office. He kept his windows a little open and the sound of laughter and voices wafted in. The heat bathed the pillows and sitting on them warmed Harri to the core.

Tom hadn't moved from his position and he had a clear view of them through the ajar door of the office. He scrutinized Professor Lupin with an empty expression.

Lupin brought over an old china tea set with tea already prepared. He set it on the table and handed Harri a cup. She watched as he used his wand to levitate a pot and pour milk, tea and sugar into her drink.

It swirled and then mixed. Harri took a sip while Lupin mixed his own. As the hot drink settled in her stomach, she cleared her throat. “I wanted to ask you about the dementors.”

Professor Lupin set down his cup. “I expected as much.”

Harri straightened her back and tapped her fingers against the porcelain in her hands. “Besides the fact that they are dangerous creatures, they seem to have an adverse effect on me personally, more than anyone else I've seen and I was wondering why that is?”

Professor Lupin smiled softly. “Dementors are wraith-like creatures. One of the foulest to exist. They are born of fear itself and they siphon off all hope, love, and joy that exists.” He gestured outside. “A dementor wants nothing more than to take every happy memory from a person and to reduce them to something as loathsome as themselves. The reason that dementors are so drawn to you, Harri, is because they pull forth on the horror of a person’s past. They are drawn toward it and feed off of it. And you have experienced far more trauma than the average person, much less a child and that is why they are so enticed by you.”

“Oh.”

He reached over and rested his hand on her fingers. “You are a survivor and there is nothing wrong with that. It may set you apart from others but all it shows is that you are brave. Anyone who was ever great was different.”

Harri smiled wryly, staring at his hand, calloused and thin, on top of hers. “I don’t know about being great. I faint every time they are near.”

“Anyone would,” Lupin reassured. “If a dementor was that attracted to them."

“Is there a spell to ward them off? Because I don’t think I can risk falling off my broom again.”

“There is.”

“Will you teach me?”

“Of course, I will. It would be my honor to teach you the patronus charm.”

“I could kill him for you.”

Harri jolted up from her position in bed.

“Who?” She murmured sleepily.

Tom was sitting at the edge of her mattress with a book in his hand. “Sirius Black. You won’t need those pesky little private lessons from Lupin if Black is gone.”

“What? What's wrong with Professor Lupin?” She sat up properly to face him.

His eyes narrowed. “Don’t you find it strange? Since the dementors are truly such a nuisance, why hasn't he suggested giving lessons to all the students? Why only you alone in his office? You don't need him. You have me.”

“He’s doing it because I asked him.” Harri raised a brow. “Why? Do you know the patronus charm?”

He made a face, then said condescendingly. “I know magic that is far more powerful than a patronus charm with which to ward off dementors.”

“The magic you know probably requires animal blood sacrifices.”

“Well not quite. A human blood sacrifice will do.”

His disregard for innocent human life would never fail to upset her. It would always ache. This was her soul who spoke such horrors and to Harri no less, who still regretted touching Quirrell's face, a man who tried to kill her.

Tom smirked. “Why so silent Harri?”

He dropped his book onto the duvet and came nearer.

“I could teach you.” He whispered in her ear. “How to tear a man’s heart out, how to curse a soul to eternal misery. The ways a bone can break in a hand. To tear a kidney inside a body without even spilling blood.”

Harri shivered.

He laughed, his breath warm on her face. “I could be so good to you.” He trailed a cold hand up her neck, leaving goosebumps in his wake. “You’d just need to listen.” He cupped her jaw in his palms and pressed down. She held her breath. “Just one life Harri. That’s all it’d take. I could have a body.” He turned his face, moving it to her cheek. “You’d have your soulmate.” He spoke with his mouth pressed against her skin.

Harri squeezed her eyes shut and willed away the feeling of his lips against her. Lips that traced a path down her cheek.

“You’d have me. All of me.”

Her heart thudded in her chest. She exhaled. “No.”

He forced his thumb down harder. “No?” He hummed mockingly.

“You’re lying.” She whispered. “I wouldn't have all of you.”

She opened her eyes to his.

The diary. Voldemort. Him, the diadem.

There was no whole here. Tom Riddle was in pieces.

As if he had heard her, he faltered. There was a stoic in silence. Harri turned away. When she woke up he was gone. In the morning she could smell the forest on him.

Time passed.

Tom still frequented the castle at night, taking his secrets with him. She didn’t wake with a memory of anything. He always came back with a dour look about him.

He was incredibly good at hiding what he was feeling or maybe he just felt so little. He didn’t try to convince her of murder again but purely because she could tell he was planning something else. It made her nervous the way he watched her.

It was tiring walking the line between doing right and wanting him. Waiting for something to happen and wondering where it was he went but she wasn't sure how to approach him.

He hadn’t done anything technically and if she asked him about it she was almost certain he would lie. If she told someone they would take him away. And she had classes and responsibilities. Work that consumed her daytime and homework at night. And then there was after that, with Tom in her bed, when they would lay side by side and read over her ancient runes and defense work together.

It was impossible to think of anything but bask in the feeling of being with him and the warmth in her soul. How could Harri plot against him when her entire being desired nothing more than him?

At that very moment, she was by him. She was looking for a broom to use during the match against Ravenclaw and all she could focus on was the feeling of his gaze as he surveyed her from behind.

“Harri.”

She hummed.

“You are certain you left my diary in the chamber?”

She nodded, tentative.

“It is gone.”

She whipped around. “What?”

Tom was watching her carefully. “It is possible Dumbledore stole it, but I am uncertain. Others could have found their way to it.”

“What does that mean? That it’s gone?” Harri asked, befuddled.

Her diary…it still felt like her chest was being crushed to think of him.

“It means someone else is interested in me and it is not you,” Tom said.

Worry grew. Who could? “Besides Dumbledore, who would remember? Who would know?"

“That Voldemort was Tom Riddle once? No one alive.” Tom responded.

“Then how?”

“That is what I am asking. How.” He strolled closer to her and brushed his palm over the broom handles. “It is possible that…”

“That?”

“One of my followers. They could have access to the castle. I’ve been reading about myself, about the war. It was Abraxas who had my diary in the first place, and his son who gave it to the Weasley, is it too far-fetched to assume he took it back in fear of me?”

“But why would he want it back when it was destroyed?”

He tapped her on the chin. “Precisely. That leads me to think it was someone else, someone who recently gained access to the castle.” He raised a pointed eyebrow at Harri.

“Sirius Black?” Harri questioned. “You think it could be Sirius Black and he’s already gotten in the school once so it could be possible.”

Tom turned his back to the broom shelf and focused on her. “On the contrary little dove, I don’t believe it was Sirius Black at all.”

Harri frowned. “But who else?”

Tom crossed his arms. “Isn’t it peculiar that a werewolf, another dark creature, comes to teach at this school at the same time my diary goes missing, the dementors arrive and Black, a supposed devoted follower of mine, escapes?”

Harri gasped. “A werewolf? Which one of my teachers is a werewolf?”

Tom’s lips curled. “Your precious Lupin.”

“Professor Lupin is a werewolf?” She blurted. But he was so gentle?

“Yes and an obvious one at that. To me, at the least, as werewolves were one of the first creatures I charmed to my side. It is easy to imagine that Lupin came here and used Sirius Black to do his bidding for me.” Tom shrugged nonchalantly.

“But he’s so kind! Just because he’s a werewolf doesn’t mean he was one of yours.” Harri protested.

Tom ran a hand down her hair. “Naturally. I won't take action until I know it is true. Just one possibility unless another one of my followers is hiding in plain sight that we do not know of.”

“I can’t believe Lupin would do that.” She shook her head. “He’s not a rat.”

“Perhaps not. Maybe he just eats them.” Tom nudged the broom behind him, an older Nimbus model that seemed durable. “Pick this one.”

Harri scrunched her nose. “A nimbus! How did you even see that? I could have sworn...”

On the morning of the last Hogsmeade trip before winter break, Professor McGonagall broke the news to Harri that she wasn’t allowed to go. She understood that it wasn’t safe for her. Still, she hated feeling like she was missing out and left behind in the castle.

She was sulking and wandering the hallways when Fred and George popped in behind her. To her delight, they presented her with something called the marauder's map, their Christmas present to her. The map had everything Harri needed to sneak out of Hogwarts. Secret passages, corridors, rooms, and the location of every single person within the castle.

All she had to say was 'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good' and Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs welcomed her into the map with open arms.

Harri jumped and hugged the twins. “Thanks, Fred! Thanks, George!” She ran upstairs to grab her invisibility cloak and made her way to a secret passage that would get her into honeydukes and from there, Hogsmeade.

She surprised Blaise, Hermione, and Ron by popping off her invisibility cloak when she found them standing outside the shrieking shack. Blaise threw snowballs at Harri in retaliation all the way to the three broomsticks, where they left to meet everyone else.

They had just sat down when McGonagall, Flitwick, and Hagrid wandered inside the bar. To all their surprise, Cornelius Fudge was also behind them.

Daphne shoved Harri's cloak back on top of her, and she crouched underneath the table. To Harri’s annoyance, the new group picked the table right next to theirs. Draco and Ron subtly made space between their legs so that Harri could see between them. Maria and Hermione sat to Harri’s left and Blaise, Daphne, and Lavender to her right.

As they eavesdropped, none of them expected the quiet conversation that followed.

Harri's heart broke as she learned from McGonagall that her father's closest friend had been Sirius Black. His brother. His best man. Harri’s Godfather.

Her throat tightened. This was a man her father had trusted so much, so implicitly, that when Voldemort had marked them for death he’d made him their secret keeper and given Harri for safekeeping. Not only had Black betrayed them by selling them out, he’d gotten them murdered.

Harri got up and ran. She got as far into the forest as she could before she broke down and cried.

How could he? How could he?

The tears came and came.

Her friends appeared at the tree line.

“Oh, Harri,” Hermione took a devastated Harri into her arms. She felt her friends surround her. Arms, legs, and hands. Murmurs of comforting words and kisses pressed against her head. Harri cried for long enough that her sorrow turned to anger.

It was at that moment an invisible hand curled around her and whispered a promise of revenge in her ear.

There was no other word for what Harri felt other than depressed. How come no one had ever told Harri that her parents were dead because of their best friend? Wasn’t that the type of thing that someone should know? Why hadn’t Hagrid? Dumbledore? Why hadn’t Mr.Weasley when he’d warned her about him? Why did they always keep things from her as if she was a child?

It didn't help that she had begun to have nightmares about dementors. It didn’t help that she realized it must be her mother, the screaming that she heard when they were near. Lily, Harri thought brokenly, in her last moments.

When she woke up sweaty and distressed from another nightmare, Tom was laying next to her head. It was quiet before he asked. “What is it about you that is so appealing to the dementors? It cannot only be because of the things you’ve experienced. Dumbledore is older, why haven’t they gone for him? There is something else, something more. Dementors are attracted to souls.”

Harri yawned, too tired to care.

Tom glanced at her and ran a hand down her arm. “So the man was a traitor and they didn’t tell you. People will always disappoint you. That is why you never depend on anyone else. You mustn't let it affect you like this. The only way to be better is to get retribution, spill blood.”

Harri turned her face into her pillow, indicating that she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.

Tom read between the lines.“Would you like to know how I found Rowena Ravenclaw’s lost diadem?”

She perked up in interest.

He continued on knowingly, “When I was twenty-one I decided that I’d learned all I could from England. I knew the world had much more to offer and I could not truly become who I wanted to be without immersing myself in it. My years at Hogwarts had taught me much about wizards but I needed to know more. I was so hungry. I had a thirst that was inconsolable. I wanted everything, the world at my feet."

Harri could picture it vividly.

Tom went on. "I knew if I desired to be more powerful, and more renowned than Grindelwald and Dumbledore, I had to take the paths they hadn’t. I traveled to the most hidden places, to the people no one even thinks to remember. The tribes I met in the Amazon educated me more than any book I've ever read. We so often forget little dove, magic is in our bones. Just because we use wands to channel it and spells to speak it does not mean that they are the only options we have. A wizard who is in control of magic within the palms of his hands is undefeatable. ”

“Does that mean like wandless magic? Not needing a wand at all? Can you do that?”

Tom grinned. “Yes. Let me show you.”

He took one of her hands, brought it up to his lips, and blew. Harri inhaled as blue flames formed on her palm. They lit up her face and Tom’s, encasing her entire bed in an incandescent glow that reflected off the curtains and the bedposts.

They flared on Tom’s face and for a second his eyes were blue again, the ocean staring back at her.

“Tell me more.” She whispered in reverence.

He did. He told her about how he found the diadem on the outskirts of a forest in Albania. His time in Peru. The year he spent in China, learning blood magic meticulous step by step.

He came alive in these moments. His pupils dilated and his speech became impassioned. She fell asleep with his hand on her waist and this time she had no dreams at all. There was only blue beneath her eyelids.

Christmas morning was the best yet. The remaining Gryffindors gathered around the common room and exchanged gifts. Professor McGonagall decorated the room with blankets, mistletoe, hot chocolate, and cookies. Dean brought out his radio and played his favorite holiday records. All of Harri’s friends crowded together near the fireplace in their Christmas pajamas and Weasley jumpers.

Tom was upstairs in her room because he had refused to be near the Christmas joy. Fred and George loudly sang carols, and Ron and Maria competed to see who could eat the most candy. Ginny curled up on a couch, still half asleep with Alicia and Angelina on the other side. Percy isolated himself reading the paper while Seamus and Lavender tried to get the Christmas tree lights to change color.

Hermione, Harri, and Maria grabbed the packages from under the tree and passed them on to whoever’s name was on them. Once they had all the gifts organized they sat down and opened their presents from home.

Harri gasped when she saw the outline of a broom in brown packaging in her pile. Ron yelped behind her. “Bloody hell!” She tore open the wrapping and gaped while everyone exhaled. Harri hadn't just been given a broom, she'd been given a firebolt. A firebolt! The most expensive and best model broomstick to ever exist.

Harri and Ron gaped at the broom in awe. Hermione frowned and examined it suspiciously.

Maria squealed and climbed on Harri. “Ay dios mios Harri!”

Ron stuttered in his snitch-covered pajamas. “It’s so beautiful I’m scared to touch it!”

“Oliver will piss himself. We’re sure to win the championship with this Harri!” Alicia exclaimed.

“Who’s the patron?” Hermione asked, rummaging around and looking for a note. “It doesn’t say!”

“Who bloody cares?” George scoffed. “It’s a firebolt! These are only used by the best players in the world!”

“Yeah!” Ron piped in. “Victor Krum has a firebolt!”

Hermione rolled her eyes. “I don’t care if Victor Flum has one!” She turned to Harri. “You can’t just keep it! Who knows who sent it? It could be cursed!”

Harri felt herself deflate a little. She pursed her lips. “That is true.”

“The hell it is! Don’t listen to her Harri, with this—"

“No, she’s right.” Maria interrupted. “Harri’s had enough quidditch scares to last a lifetime. We should give it to McGonagall to check it out.”

Ron protested in outrage. “Give it to McGonagall so she can tear it apart? Not on my bloody watch!”

“Oi, you lot!” Fred clapped his hands. “Harri’s broom, Harri’s decision.”

Ron wrapped his arms around the firebolt. “It’s not just Harri’s broom, it’s the team's broom.”

“Please, Ronald.” Daphne huffed. “Do shut up.”

“What if Sirius Black gave her the broom and it ends up killing her?” Ginny mumbled. “Then Harri would be dead. Do you want to kill Harri, Ron?”

Ron shot Ginny a dirty look. “Fine.”

Ginny stuck out her tongue.

“But when it comes back clean I call first dibs,” Ron muttered.

“As if!”

“Ron, if you find spiders near you today…”

“You little pillock!” Maria sputtered.

“No fighting over the food!”

“That was my foot, Ginny!”

Later, cuddled up in her bed in her new sweater, Harri pondered out loud to Tom. “Why don’t you like Christmas?”

Tom was reading through Hermione's gift, an advanced copy of the History of Azkaban Prison, on the other side of the bed. “My Christmas’ were spent getting secondhand clothes and freezing in the London cold. Why do you think Harri?”

“Right.”

She drifted off, watching him through lidded eyes as he read. She woke later in the night at the feeling of movement. It was Tom running his hands through her hair.

Hermione and Ron spent the rest of winter break fighting with each other. Crookshanks wouldn’t stop attacking Scabbers and Ron was still upset with Hermione for suggesting to give the firebolt to McGonagall. Harri personally thought that Ron should let Crookshanks have at it, Scabbers needed the exercise.

She had her first lesson with Professor Lupin during that time. Though she failed to produce a corporal patronus she did form a tiny light. Lupin stayed with her after the lesson and that was where Harri learned something even more astonishing about her Professor than that of his lycanthropy.

“Don’t worry,” He insisted as he settled down next to her on the steps of the astronomy tower. “It’s a NEWT-level charm and very difficult to produce. No one gets the patronus right on their first try.”

“How long did it take you?”

“Quite a while actually as it takes a truly happy memory and sometimes it’s difficult to find that.” Lupin chuckled demurely.

“How long do you think it’ll take me?”

“I can't say for sure because it depends on how much time you spend as much as the memory you use itself. The charm is one of the most powerful defensive spells there is and that means it requires great strength from memory you chose.”

“I know I can do it.” She said to him, determined. “I just need to focus.”

Professor Lupin smiled at her, a nostalgic gleam in his eyes.“I know you will. You remind me so much of James, Harri, so much.”

Her wand dropped and she whirled toward him. “What?”

He observed her with a nervous countenance. “I wanted to tell you before many times, but I didn't know if it was appropriate. I was friends with your father. We were close. Your mother too. We were all in Gryffindor together. I cared about them very much. I would have liked to have taken care of you but I wasn't allowed and to be honest you were much safer and better of with your aunt and uncle. I wish I could have visited however I don't know where you live.”

"Surrey," Harri said, dazed. "I had no idea." And then she realized. "You knew Sirius Black then!"

Lupin exhaled with a sad look. “Yes, I did. And we had never thought that he would ever do such a thing. I swear to you, if I’d known I could have stopped it I would have offered myself as the secret keeper. It remains my biggest regret that I didn't and not a day goes by that I don’t feel it.”

There was such sorrow in him. How had Harri ever missed it? “It wasn’t your fault. You shouldn’t put that on yourself.”

“Perhaps but it is difficult to not.” Lupin smiled in a self-deprecating way. “But Harri? You need to know, you were everything to them. Everything. They would have been so proud of you, are proud of you. You have grown up to be a beautiful and intelligent witch.”

She swallowed. “You think so?”

He rested his hand on her shoulder. “He would have been fighting the boys off with a broom.”

Harri laughed, bittersweet.

In the next quidditch match of the season, Theodore’s words came true and Slytherin beat Ravenclaw. This raised Gryffindor’s chances of winning the Quidditch Cup as long as they could secure their win against the Ravenclaws.

Oliver upped their practice time by an hour and drove the team crazy with his new game plans. Harri hoped they could win because she was afraid Oliver would go into cardiac arrest at seventeen if they didn’t. That probably wouldn’t bear well for Quidditch the next year.

She continued to have patronus practice and after their lessons, she and Professor Lupin would have tea together.

He entertained her with stories of her father in his younger days and about her mother as she was at school. It was lovely to have this perspective of her parents from someone who loved them both.

He was a kind man and Harri questioned why werewolves were labeled dark creatures. She also wondered how he must have been bit and who could have done it. Clearly, he hadn't been born a werewolf, not if he had attended Hogwarts.

At the end of their most recent lesson, Professor Lupin told Harri about the dementor’s kiss. He also let her know that the ministry had given the dementors permission to administer the kiss to Black when they caught him.

On her way back to her dorm, she reflected on the savagery of this punishment and ran into Professor McGonagall when passing the great hall. McGonagall returned her firebolt with reassurance that no curses were found and made sure to let Harri know that she had to practice with it before the quidditch match. McGonagall was as invested as Oliver in a Gryffindor win.

Instead of going to her dorm as she should, Harri trekked to the black lake. She dropped down behind one of the trees with a view of the castle.

Gently, she drew the diadem out of her bag.

Tom materialized next to her and for the first time, he didn’t focus on her. His eyes latched on the sight in front of them.

“I want to show you something,” Harri said.

He glanced back at her.

She held her palm up and this time it was him who curled his fingers with hers. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She reveled in the feel of their connection, weaker than the diary and stronger than nothing. She let herself experience all the joy of the first meeting and all the pain of this second one.

Her magic sang in her.

“Expecto Patronum.”

From her wand burst a vapor that lit up the sky around them. The leaves fell back and water rippled on the lake.

Tom inhaled sharply and gazed about in rapture. Their bond flared in bliss.

And then he smiled, his cheeks dimpled and his eyes widened. Harri thought it was the first time he had genuinely smiled in forty years.

And against all odds at that moment she hoped.

Chapter 12: o captain! my captain!

Chapter Text

Chapter 12: o captain! my captain!

“If you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you.
Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it?
Carpe - hear it? - Carpe, Carpe Diem!
Seize the day, make your lives extraordinary.”
— N.H Klienbaum, Dead Poets Society.

March came in with sunshine and spring, washed away the dreary remains of February and made way for a rainy April. For Harri, life was blend of her friends, Tom and quidditch. The final match of the cup was before them and if the team failed to beat Ravenclaw they lost any chance of winning the championship.

Harri practiced every day on her firebolt, getting used to its quickness and smooth glides, both of which were leagues away from any other broom she had ever ridden.

Tom’seyes followed her from class to class.

In potions, his mouth moved against her ear giving her instructions. In defense, he distracted her from Professor Lupin’s teaching by pressing his legs against hers. In history, he gave her his shoulder to rest on while Binns droned. In ancient runes, his hands helped her solve Professor Vector’s equations and in Creatures, his fingers tucked her hair behind her ear when she cleaned up.

When he wasn't doing these things, he would sit by the window and watch the world outside. Though he was but a shadow, Tom Riddle was alive.

The sun had just finished setting. Harri was walking back to her dorm, her muscles aching from a drawn out quidditch practice. The crisp wind brushed her hair back and forgotten autumn leaves crunched beneath her feet.

Tom’s voice cut into the air.

“If I were to ask you something would you answer me honestly?”

Harri’s eyes slid to him. His body was outlined against the Hogwarts skyline, a stunning sight. The world was a maroon the exact shade of his eyes.

“Of course.”

A strand of hair flew past Harri’s cheek and Fang barked from Hagrid’s cabin a mile away. When Tom spoke, it stopped her in her tracks.

“Could you ever forgive Voldemort?”

She took a moment to think it through.

“You want me to?”

Tom blinked. “I suppose one would want for their soulmate to.”

Harri squinted. “But doyou?”

He waited a moment before speaking, surveying her closely. “Yes, that is what I am asking.”

“Do you think he deserves it?” She questioned.

“I do not not think it is about deserving. It’s only whether you are capable of it or not. He is my center soul after all.”

She could hear the words he wasn’t speaking.

Could you forgive me?

The trees swayed in the breeze and Harri tightened her jumper around herself. “I don’t think—I don’t know. He would have to feel remorse and I don’t believe he’s capable of that. I don’t believe he would want to. I think even if he found out, if he returned and he found out about me I think the first thing he would think to do is kill me. I don’t—"

“Forget I asked.” Tom said emotionlessly. There was an indescribable look on his face.

“Tom—"

But he was gone.

Unlike the last Ravenclaw and Gryffindor match, this one fell on a warm and cloudless day. The crowd was roaring and there was obvious tension between the quidditch teams. This was the match that would determine which house went on to fight for the cup.

Thus far Gryffindor was higher in points. Harri had kept Cho Chang occupied throughout the game. It had been three hours of chasing each other around the pitch and feigning snitch findings. Ravenclaw had managed to score five goals with their quaffles and Gryffindor only two.

For a while they were tied but then a Ravenclaw got Angelina in the shoulder with a bludger. This helped them gain three points. Oliver called for halftime and pressed Harri to find the snitch sooner or later until they got too much of a head and made it impossible for Gryffindor to gain enough points to make it to the final. They were also getting tired, and if Cho got the snitch then it would all be over.

Lee Jordan sung praises about Harri’s firebolt to bring up the morale.

"And it glides forth with an unparalleled smoothness. Only the best for the best seeker in Hogwarts!"

“This is not a broom commercial, get on with the game!" Professor McGonagall hissed in Lee's ear.

"I'm being commanded to stop but that thing shines brighter than my—"

"JORDAN!”

Harri laughed under her breath and saw Cho do the same. Light glinted in her lids and she caught sight of the snitch.

It floated below the Gryffindor goalpost. Harri winked at Cho and dove. She sped towards the snitch with her eyes entirely focused but Cho sped out from above and blocked her. Harri tried to get around and Cho made it impossible. Her dark hair obscured Harri’s view.

“THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR SPORTSMANSHIP HARRI! KNEE HER IN THE STOMACH IF YOU HAVE TO!” Oliver screamed at Harri from his position.

He was right. Harri flew for Cho and cut past her when she flinched. Cho tried to follow and the people in the stands underneath their brooms crouched as they fought each other.

Harri had almost reached the snitch and was stretching her fingers out to grasp its fluttering wings when an abrupt silence fell.

She looked back and shivered. There were dementors near the stands. Without thinking Harri grabbed for her wand and cast the patronus charm. Instead of waiting to see if it worked and too caught up in the fight for the win, she reached out her hand again and captured the snitch.

The crowd thundered around her.

Harri turned to check on the dementors and gasped in open delight. Where she had expected her wand to only have produced white wisps; a beautiful corporeal stag had come out. Large, bright and beautiful. Her heart soared as she watched it run.

While she stared at her patronus Madam Hooch blew the whistle and the Gryffindor team flew towards Harri.

She shrieked as they almost knocked her off her broom, grabbing her in a group hug.

“That’s my girl!” Fred shouted. “That’s my girl!”

George was spinning Harri around in his arms, broom and all. Katie, Alicia and Angelina took Harri by the neck and kissed her one by one. They fell to the ground and the other Gryffindors ran down the stands surrounded them in triumph.

Maria captured Harri around the waist and lifted her off the ground. Dean and Seamus began a chant and seized anyone and everyone they laid their eyes on for an embrace. Colin climbed onto Neville’s shoulders and captured photograph after photograph. Daphne, Lavender, Hermione and Ron crashed into Harri while yelling, “POTTER! POTTER! POTTER!”

Professor Lupin pushed through the screaming teenagers and squeezed Harri shoulder.

“That was beautiful.”

She jumped up. “Did you see Professor! Did you see my patronus?”

“I did.” Lupin beamed. “And it was magnificent.” His eyes were bright and if she didn’t know better, she would think there were tears in them.

“The dementors!” Harri blurted suddenly in panic. “Where did they go? When I turned around they were gone!”

“Well you see," Lupin took Harri by her shoulders and pointed to the left where McGonagall was shouting at Pansy Parkinson, Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crab. “They weren’t really dementors at all.”

“Idiots!” Daphne shouted.

Lavender picked up an abandoned flag and threw it in their direction.

“Pansy looks more like a drowned dog than usual.”

Ron threw up two middle fingers but Hermione slammed them down.

After minutes more of screaming, the throng of red moved into to the Gryffindor common room in high spirits. They partied all night. Fred and George surprised them with treats from Honeydukes and Dean brought out his vinyls. You’d have thought they’d won the quidditch cup, not just qualified for it by how exuberant everyone was.

They may as well have for how happy they were.

At around two in the morning the party was stopped by McGonagall who came down in her nightgown and yelled at them to, “Shut it!” with her hair curlers and eye mask still on. Colin took a photograph of that too.

Harri was dreaming.

She faded in and out of consciousness. She was on her knees and below her lay a man with dark dirty hair and sorrowful eyes. She kept shaking him, trying to force him awake. She was afraid. Something covered them, dark and heavy, something that wanted to take the man away. Then Harri was shivering, trying to hold her wand and say something, words that escaped her. She must have been calling for Tom. Harri was…

Harri was awoken by her dorm room door being thrust open.

“UP!” Angelina bellowed from their doorway. “UP! GIRLS! UP!”

Harri wrestled her way out of her bedsheets. Tom followed behind her, his interest peeked. Lavender tripped over her robe and nearly ripped out her eye mask in a rush. Maria begged to stay in bed but Alicia came in and dragged her out by the ear. They trooped down to the common room where everyone else was already gathered.

A pale faced Ron and a frustrated Seamus were swearing up and down that Sirius Black had sliced through Ron’s bed curtains.

“I’M TELLING YOU WOMAN I SAW THE MAN WITH ME OWN EYES!”

“He had horns like the devil! And claws for hands!”

"AND HE WAS STANDING IN OUR ROOM!"

"I could have died!"

Tom smirked on Harri’s right. He crossed his arms and leaned against the fireplace. “Isn’t this interesting.”

Harri flicked her hand his way and Hermione yelped when it hit her instead.

McGonagall had a difficult time believing Ron and Seamus’ story until Sir Cadogan came out of his painting to confirm he let in Sirius himself. He was immediately sacked from his position by her. And Neville was banned from Hogsmeade for loosing the password list and unintentionally giving it to Black. Another search of the school was conducted and the Fat lady was brought to guard Gryffindor tower once again.

“But why would Black be in the boys dorms if he was after me?” Harri whispered as she climbed back into bed. “It just doesn’t make sense!”

“I don’t think he was after you. Seems I was wrong, maybe there is someone else hiding in the castle.” Tom murmured in her ear.

Harri couldn’t see the wicked smile on his face but it was there all the same.

Interesting indeed.

May fell upon them in the blink of an eye and no other incidents occurred in the tower. This lulled everyone into a sense of security.

It was the night before the quidditch final and Harri was in bed early trying to fall asleep. She had a bundle of nerves in her stomach and was cursing her anxiety. She felt nauseous.

The game wasn’t life or death, Harri knew this. They could lose and it would be okay but regardless, it would be a sour result to stomach. The third year in a row that they lost the trophy.

So Harri had searched for something to distract herself. She looked through her trunk and found her second hand Julius Caesar copy.

This was the book she’d read back at the Dursleys when she couldn’t fall asleep. At first, she’d barely understood it at all. The edits the previous owner had made not making sense, leaving her to make up the story as it went. When the loneliness hit her it was the only friend she'd had and eventually, after many re-reads she’d been able to understand most of it.

The story was captivating. An amalgam of history, love and treachery.

Harri thumbed through the pages and settled on her favorite quoted passages.

“Shakespeare.” Tom must have rolled his eyes from beside her for how dry his tone was. “Muggle literature is beneath you Harri.”

She twisted her head toward him and objected. “Not at all! Muggle writing is beautiful. In fact, I would say the muggles are leagues ahead of wizards in writing and poetry.”

Tom was close enough that she could feel his face pressed against her blanket covered arm. “I saw one of these in the orphanage once. Battered beyond belief but I’d already become a student here and at that point, anything that wasn't magical wasn't interesting.” His eyes flickered over the opened page and he spread the book wider from where it was held in Harri’s hand.

He read.

“Let me have men about me that are fat. Sleek-headed men and such as sleep a-nights.Cassius has a lean and hungry look, he thinks too much; such men are dangerous.”

Tom raised an eyebrow, a curious expression on his face.

“It’s a Roman tragedy.” Harri explained. “Based on true events. Julius Caesar was a Roman general and he played a critical role in the events that led to the demise of the Roman Republic and the rise of the Roman Empire.”

Tom peered up at her. “Why a tragedy?”

Harri adjusted herself onto her right arm so that they may lay face to face. She could see every inch of his features this way, all sharp edges and pale skin.

Beautiful in the moonlight.

“Caesar was a dictator, therefore the most powerful man in the country and the senators were jealous of it. They seduced his friend Brutus to their side with the help of a man named Cassius, who was the most clever of them. Brutus and Cassius co-lead an assassination plot and killed Caesar on the Ides of March. Afterwards, Mark Antony, who had loved and been devoted to Caesar, forced them out of Rome in vengeance. He fought them in battle and won. In the wake of the fight, Brutus and Cassius killed themselves and Mark Antony was left to rule Rome.”

“And what are The Ides of March?”

“The 74th day in the Roman calendar, the 15 of March. The Romans used it as a deadline for settling debts. In the play, the line is a soothsayer's message to Caesar, a warning of his death. If he’d taken it seriously he may have survived.”

“But how did they seduce Brutus, if he was so devoted to Caesar?”

Harri cleared her throat. “In the words of Brutus, 'Not that I loved Caesar less, but that I loved Rome more.' He was afraid that Caesar may become crowned king and that would be detrimental to the Roman republic as it went against their values. In his eyes, he chose Rome over Caesar.”

“Ah,” Tom inclined his head. “I see. In reality, he was just as arrogant as he believed Caesar to be and he suffered the consequence.”

Harri smiled and teased. “Not so bad is it, muggle writing?”

Tom rubbed his knuckles against her cheek. “Still debatable.”

“Liar!” Harri pouted. “Admit it.”

He leaned in close, eyelashes casting shadows on his skin, and whispered.

“Never.”

The Gryffindor quidditch team entered the great hall to a round of applause from both the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables. Harri beamed and scanned over all the excited faces.

The team sat down to eat and Oliver practically spoon fed them breakfast. He kept reminding Harri, “You mustn’t catch the snitch until we’re ahead in points. Remember that please! Should I write it down? We need at least fifty points."

Ron pushed Oliver’s face away with his hand and said to Harri. “Just eat your food.”

They stayed long enough for Harri to get a few spoonfuls of porridge in and then rose to leave. She had just stepped out of the great hall when a hand landed on her shoulder.

“Harri,” Theodore grinned from the doorway. “You look very pre—“

“Nott!” George called back from in front of them. “No fraternization with the Gryffindor seeker!”

Theodore held his hands up as if to say it was an innocent gesture. “Just wanted to wish her luck.”

“Yeah I’m sure that’s it.” Angelina laughed.

“Move it along before I string you up by your shoelaces!" Oliver threatened.

Harri smiled at Theodore. “I don’t think I need luck but thanks anyway.”

He smiled, the tips of his ears red. “Alright then. May the best player win.”

They shook on it.

It turned out to be the most intense game Harri had ever played.

The Slytherins attempted to cheat left and right. With the number of penalties they’d already given, Gryffindor had the fifty points they needed to win soon after the game began.

At one point Oliver was hit with two bludgers to the stomach, Flint managed to catch Katie with a bat in the thigh and Angelina got knocked off her broom by Theodore. The Gryffindor side of the stand screamed in fury.

Two hours into the game and both the Slytherin beaters, Bole and Derrick, tailed Harri closely and tried to hit her shoulder with a bludger. Harri snarled and as they got close to her again she lifted her broom so that it was pointed toward the stands.

She raced ahead and the beaters began to follow. Just as she was about to hit the crowd Harri pitched her broom down with her body flat against it. Bole and Derrick, too slow to turn and not as agile as her, crashed into the wooden railing.

“And that’s on Harri Potter!” Lee howled into the mic. “The youngest quidditch player in a century—George why don’t you knock Nott off his broom! Only joking Professor no need to hit me—and Katie takes the quaffle! Flint closes in and— NO! Slytherin is in possession!”

Harri angled her broom back up, high enough to observe the pitch from a birdseye view. Her eyes roved over every inch of the field, anxious at how close the match was. Then to her left she spotted the snitch.

Her heart pounded. She pushed her broom down and hurtled for the snitch, gaining more speed as she zoomed through the air. But a heavy weight crashed into her and Harri glanced up to see Flint’s face right above hers as they went down.

“You wanker!” She hissed. She shoved his face away and kicked him in the stomach as she untangled herself from him.

When she was free she saw that she had lost the snitch. She was seething mad, glad that her kick had packed a punch as Flint was bent over his broom in pain.

Lee shouted into the speaker. “YOU LITTLE CHEATING PIECE OF DUNG!”

Harri looked up at the stands. Ron was raising his fists in anger and almost fell off his seat and Daphne—Daphne was throwing a shoe at Flint.

Blaise, the ass, cheered Slytherin on!

Harri spun to Flint and raged. “I’m going to smash your head in!”

Flint was out of breath but still found the energy to smirk at her. Harri wanted to break his nose. She was furious.

She gave him a sneer and then she soared up and searched for Draco to take revenge on the Slytherins. She found him near the north of the pitch and raced there. She vowed to never let him catch the snitch. It wasn’t even about the cup anymore, she was so cross that it was only about beating Slytherin. They’d taken it too far. She was genuinely prepared to physically fight them the second the match was over.

She shadowed Draco for the next hour. Annoying him with how quick she was to catch him whenever he tried to get away. She taunted him just like Pucey had done to Oliver.

“Go away Harri!” Draco shouted.

She wasn’t about to listen but she heard Lee call out that Fred was trapped. She turned around to find Fred and saw that he was about to be cornered by the entire Slytherin team. Both Alicia and her then dashed towards him with no sign of stopping. In fear, the Slytherins ran like the cowards they were. Fred, now free, ran to defend Angelina as he had meant to. She had the quaffle and she threw it at the goalpost.

She scored.

"And Gryffindor is IN THE LEAD!” Lee cheered. The Slytherins booed.

Harri breathed out. Finally.

She then started to look for Draco again. Draco was charging in the direction of a flicker of gold. Her stomach sunk. She didn’t even think, she pitched her firebolt forward and flew. Her hands were shaking. Too far—she was too far! She urged herself further and further until she was above Draco. He reached out for the snitch and almost grabbed it. Almost. But Harri released her broom from her hands and pounced, only her legs holding onto the firebolt, and pushed Draco out of the way. She squeezed her eyes shut, her hands extended and…

“HARRI POTTER HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WIN!”

The snitch fluttered in her hand and Harri screamed in victory. She tugged her broom back up with one hand and held the other hand high, the snitch's wings fluttering in her fingers. The arena boomed.

She panted, astonished. She listened to the thunderous applause around her. She pressed her hand to her chest and laughed in glee.

They’d done it. They’d won the quidditch cup.

The Gryffindor team charged at her and crushed her in from all sides. Oliver was crying.

Arms wrapped around her and they all whooped at the top of their lungs. Their hard work had finally paid off after three years of being together. Their last year with Oliver as captain. “WE’VE GOT THE CUP! WE’VE GOT THE CUP! GRYFFINDOR HAS WON THE CUP!”

They descended down still intertwined together and unwilling to let go. Uncaring for the sweat and tears, only feeling the glory. From the stands, the crowd leapt over the barriers and ran out to join them. Countless scarlet bodies spilled onto the grass.

They lifted each of the players into the air.

Maria and Lavender led them in a collective jump. Daphne hoisted a large Gryffindor flag up to the sky and Hermione and Percy were the loudest in their chanting. Professor McGonagall was sobbing, shaking Oliver back and forth in jubilation. Ron was beside himself, red in the face with tears, he heaved Harri up in his arms and kissed her head.

The masses led them to where Dumbledore was holding the trophy and he passed a weeping Oliver the cup. Oliver planted his lips on the gold and raised it above his head as the team surrounded him. Cameras flashed and they all cheered.

Surrounded by the people she loved, Harri looked up for the one face that was missing. She caught him hidden in the stands, clapping slowly. Harri laughed. In that second she thought she could defeat a thousand dementors at once with only the sheer will of her happiness.

Finals passed in sleepless nights and arithmancy formulas for Harri.

On the last day of the exams while Lavender ate in the great hall, Daphne and Maria hung out near the Black Lake and Hermione slept upstairs, Harri relaxed with Crookshanks outside the Divination classroom and waited for Ron, Draco and Blaise to finish their exam.

She cuddled Crookshanks and kissed the top of her head. A few minutes later, Draco strolled out with an exasperated look on his face. His hair was ruffled and his tie was undone, an unusual scene.

“That bad?” Harri asked. “Trelawney can’t be so horrible.”

“She’s worse than horrible.” Draco yawned. “It’s like she’s begging for us to cheat.”

Harri patted him on the shoulder. “At least you can just make things up, you don’t actually have to study for it.”

“I’d rather study! Books make sense! Not her tea leaves and glowing balls!” Draco whined. “If I don’t pass with an EE Father will have my hide. Bad enough that Hermione always places ahead of me.”

“I think your father has more problems than a muggleborn placing ah—CROOKSHANKS NO!”

The orange nightmare stumbled out of Harri’s arms and ran into the divination class through the door Draco had left ajar.

“sh*t sh*t sh*t!” She raced after him.

Draco groaned and ran behind her as she gave chase to the cat. They dashed inside the mostly empty room and watched in disbelief as Crookshanks darted through the desks and up the ladder into Trelawney’s office. Embarrassed, Harri treaded on Crookshanks heels, climbing up just as Ron and Blaise climbed down.

“Crookshanks get back here!”

“Bloody hell!”

“Sorry Ron!” Harri dashed up and pulled herself into the open latch by the arms. She got into the office and found Crookshanks had taken a seat below Trelawney’s feet.

Trelawney was gaping down at Crookshanks. “I’m actually quite allergic to cats so if you would please get it away!"

“Oh I’m so sorry Professor!” Harri bent down and gathered Crookshanks into her arms. “Bad cat!”

Trelawney let out a loud sneeze.

“Really I didn’t…” Harri cut herself off.

Trelawney’s mouth had flopped open.

“Professor?”

Trelawney struggled for breath and with an edge to her voice she cried out. “IT WILL HAPPEN TONIGHT.”

Harri stepped back, a little nervous.

Trelawney continued on. She proclaimed that the dark lord was alone and abandoned. She said this would change. His servant, trapped for twelve years in a prison, would free himself tonight and rejoin him. “THE DARK LORD WILL RISE AGAIN…GREATER AND MORE TERRIBLE THAN EVER…BEFORE MIDNIGHT….SERVANT AND MASTER WILL BE REUNITED ONCE MORE…”

Harri gasped.

Trelawney coughed and then looked around in puzzlement. Snorting, she shook her head. “…As I was saying it’s quite all right dear.”

Harri just stared.

Trelawney eyed her with bewilderment. “Well, hurry along now.”

Harri moved back slowly. She was dumbfounded. She didn’t have words. Was Trelawney faking it?

The dark lord shall rise again.

Harri inhaled heavily, turned, and climbed back down. The boys were waiting for her near the doorway.

“Harri? Did you get Crookshanks?” Draco demanded. “You did! Let’s go.”

Harri hesitated. “I…I…she just said…”

Ron slumped forward and grasped Harri by hand. “Don’t take anything she says too seriously Harri the woman’s a nutter.”

Harri frowned. “But I…”

Blaise laughed. “H, trust me she’s a fake.”

Draco wrapped his arm around Ron’s shoulder. “I’m just relieved we’re finished with the class. A bloody waste of time that was.”

Blaise scoffed. “You’re telling me. My mother will be furious I wasted an elective on this when I could have taken something else. She would’ve preferred muggle studies.”

Ron groaned. “Don’t remind me. My dad begged me to take that class.”

“Freedom at last.” Blaise spread his hands out. “No more crazies and hasn't anyone noticed? It's finally a year without something terrible happening.”

“Don’t say that!” Draco protested. “Mother says we must never do that or the very thing we don't wantwillhappen.”

Ron squeezed Draco’s cheek. “And we must never disobey mother.”

“Oh sod off.”

Blaise chuckled andRon kissed his soulmate in apology.

Harri was still a little baffled. She wasn’t paying attention to them, too busy going over the possibilities of Trelawney’s words. What if it was Tom? What if the diadem was the servant? Or what if he was right and it was Lupin? She needed to go talk to Tom rightnow.

The four of them trudged to the great hall and then split up to venture into their own common rooms. When Harri and Ron reached the tower, they found it filled and brimming with energy. Everyone was relaxed now that finals were over. Lavender and Dean were playing a round of chess next to the window and Maria and Daphne were involved in a high stakes game of exploding snap with Seamus, Fred and George.

Ron mumbled as he helped Harri through the portrait hole. “I’m starving. Let’s change and go to dinner early Harri,”

She distractedly replied to him. “Yeah sure.” And dashed upstairs, leaving him behind.

She pushed open the door to her room. Inside she found Hermione napping on Daphne’s bed. Harri let go of Crookshanks and dropped her bag and books onto her duvet. She bent over and shoved her hand underneath her pillow. Her fingers grasped hold of the diadem.

Tom came into view, laying languidly on the mattress.

He opened his mouth but Harri stopped him. “Are you sure about Lupin?”

"What do you mean?" He questioned.

“Because Trelawney—the divination teacher who’s supposed to be a real seer—she said that the dark lord’s servant would escape tonight and reunite with his master before midnight. And she said that he was alone right now but after—after the servant joined him then he would...he would come back more terrible and powerful than ever before and, and, I need to know, is it you? Are you trying to—trying to do something? Is that what you’ve been doing all these months? U-using me to…to..."

Straightening up, Tom stretched out his hands to take hold of Harri’s face. “Harri.”

“Are you going to bring him back or give yourself a body? If you are, just tell me! And if it’s not you—if it’s not and you swear— then I need to find out who it is. Lupin or Black or someone else because I can’t let him free himself! I can't let this happen and you owe it to me to help!”

“Shhh.” He gathered her close to his chest.

Harri whimpered into his torso, her mind running a mile per minute.

In a hushed tone, chin on top of her head, Tom whispered. “It’s not me.”

Harri stayed silent.

Tom smoothed down her hair. “Go down to dinner and when you come back we’ll talk this through. Don’t worry yourself so badly. Didn’t your friend say this woman was a quack?”

Harri frowned. “He did but the way she was felt real. Like everything she was saying would come true.”

Tom sighed and Hermione made a sleepy sound from behind Harri. “Breathe little dove, things will work out.”

“Okay.” Harri exhaled unsurely. “Okay.”

And Harri couldn’t have predicted what happened next.

But Tom might have been counting on it.

Chapter 13: beware the ides of march

Chapter Text

Chapter 13: beware the ides of march

“The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.”
―George R. R. Martin, A Song Of Ice and Fire

Dinner passed beyond Harri like the blink of an eye. There one minute and gone the next. Students had already begun to leave, some staggering off alone while others rounded the halls in groups. They were all going straight back to the dorms, ecstatic for a night of sleep without the stress of finals.

Harri and her friends stayed at their table. Draco and Blaise wandered over with plates of leftover cake.

“Ta.” Hermione accepted a slice of her favorite carrot cake from Blaise.

Lavender hummed, stealing a spoon from Maria and slicing off a bite for herself. “There's nothing as delicious as dessert after a long day.”

Daphne rubbed her stomach dramatically. “I probably need the calories after the weight these tests have forced me to lose. Did anyone else have no clue about the last question in Potions? I don’t remember anything about tree roots in the study guide.”

“I do!” Maria replied. “It was in chapter three, the one about the fungal potion?”

“Potions wasn't hard at all. Transfiguration was the most difficult personally. McGonagall makes it harder for Slytherins on purpose.” Blaise complained.

“Oh please.” Hermione sniffed. “Are we really going to talk about favoritism? Because Snape is the worst by far. You might be able to get away with forgetting about one ingredient but that's a whole point off for one of us.”

Lavender pointed an accusing finger at Blaise. “Maybe you’re just upset because you know your mother won’t let you visit England in the summer if she thinks you're falling behind.”

“I am not falling behind. I just think it’s very convenient to say the Slytherin head of house is biased but to ignore the clear preference certain professors have for other houses. It’s unfair.” Blaise argued.

"Can we not argue about Snape vs McGonagall again? We have this conversation every year.”

Hermione nodded. “Yes, I’d rather discuss that absolutely unexpected and honestly undeserved history bonus question Binns added. There was no mention of it during term and I’m afraid it will cost me because I already messed up the last essay."

“Hermione?” Draco interrupted her.

“What Draco?”

“Isn’t that Crookshanks?” He pointed towards the doorway.

Hermione’s head shot up from where it lay on Daphne's shoulder. True to Draco’s words Crookshanks was gliding through the hallway leisurely.

“CROOKSHANKS!” Hermione gasped. “Crookshanks! Get back here right now!”

Crookshanks's head turned at the sound of Hermione’s voice but he merely shot her a sly look before sauntering off.

“That cat is a nightmare.” Ron muttered under his breath.

Hermione glared at him.

Ron raised his hands in self defense.“She murdered Scabbers!”

“Yes Ron! You’ve made your feelings very clear on how you think my cat is a murderer, without any evidence I might add!”

Harri almost opened her mouth to intervene in yet another conversation that they had too often when her eyes caught on to the tiny shadow backing away from Crookshanks. That looked a lot like…

“Ron?”

“Yes?” Ron replied distractedly, scowling at Hermione.

Harri pointed behind Crookshanks. “Isn’t that Scabbers over there?”

Everyone looked to where Harri pointed and saw that Scabbers was crouched in front of Crookshanks. Crookshank's started growling and Scabbers began to back away. Crookshanks sprang forth and Scabbers ran off, the cat darting after the rat without a moment's hesitation.

“Scabbers!” Ron shouted. “Scabbers!” He jumped up and chased after his rat.

“I told you she didn’t hurt anyone!” Hermione shot up and followed. They both bolted out of the great hall together.

“We’re not allowed outside past eight.” Draco pushed his hair back and rose from his seat. "I'll get them." And he too ran off.

Blaise groaned and buried his head in his arms. “We spoke too soon. How much do you wager someone is about to get hurt?”

Daphne shook his shoulders and tugged him up by the arm. “We can’t let them go on their own! Sirius Black is out there!”

She also raised her brow at Harri, Maria and Lavender, as if to say “Well? What are we waiting for?”

Harri spared a moment to consider Trelawney's warnings and of Tom still up in her room waiting for her. Then she thought about Ron, Hermione and Draco outside, alone and likely to encounter a killer. She nodded at Daphne.

Off they all went. The five of them darted after Ron and Hermione (and Scabbers and Crookshanks too). They ran through the entrance and out into the hills, following the path past Hagrid's hut.

“I hate that bloody rat.” Blaise panted.

Maria laughed. “You have no idea.”

When they reached the Whomping Willow, they found Ron and Hermione had stopped in front of the opening under the tree, and Draco was a few meters away from them.

Daphne gasped.

Barely a foot behind Ron and Hermione was the Grim. The black dog Harri had seen at the Dursleys and at her quidditch game. The dog growled at them and Draco looked on the verge of passing out. Ron gathered Scabbers in his hands and Scabbers began squirming like he was possessed

“That’s the grim!” Lavender shouted.

“Merlin. Trelawney was right!”

“What?” Maria yelped. “Right about what?”

Daphne looked around them wearily. “What’s a grim?”

“It showed up in my tea leaves in Divination! The Grim is an omen of death. It brings the demise of any person who encounters it.” Blaise answered, watching the Grim with careful eyes.

“Great.” Lavender whined. “We’re GOING TO DIE.”

"We're not going to die!"

“Guys, what do we do?”

“He’s right in front of them!”

Harri's heart dropped as Ron's grip on Scabber's loosened and the grim flew forward and vaulted over on top of Ron. Draco screamed and Hermione took out her wand but it was too late. The grim latched onto Ron’s foot with it's mouth and with a ferocious warning growl dragged him and Scabbers into the bottom of the Whomping Willow. They watched, stuck on the outside, as the willow’s branches started whipping about ominously and Ron’s shouts echoed outward.

“f*cking hell.” Lavender crowed.

Draco inhaled sharply and tugged on his hair. He seemed to nod to himself and started walking forward.

“Draco wait!” Hermione pleaded.

“f*ck that!” Draco fumed. “I’m not letting Ron get killed by some murderous dog!” And uncaring for the tree branches, he crouched his way forward. They held their breaths as he missed getting hit by a hair’s breadth. But he made it through and jumped down the opening.

“He’s right.”

They stood in a semi circle and Harri gripped Blaise and Hermione’s hands on either side of her.“All of us or none of us.”

Lavender scrunched her nose. Daphne closed her eyes. Blaise inclined his head.

Slowly, in an orderly line, they crawled down to the hole, leaving Crookshanks behind. Harri slid down first and fell on a dusty wooden floor. With a squeal, Hermione collapsed on top of her. Quickly, they rolled over to the side as Blaise and Daphne shot down as well. Harri helped him up and behind her, Hermione gave Daphne a hand. They got out of shooting range just as Maria and Lavender tumbled down and toppled over one another.

“Which way is Ron?” Draco whispered from where he was ahead of them.

Harri, Blaise and Daphne lit their wands.

“Wait.” Maria said. “Lavender and I will stay here at the entrance. You guys go on. This way if anyone comes out we can see them.”

Harri nodded. “That’s a good idea.”

“Okay. This way then.” Daphne said and they set off quietly.

“I’ve never heard of this tunnel before.” Draco speculated. “It isn’t on the maps.”

They were following the direct winding hallway. There were cobwebs and dust covering every corner. Harri glanced up to find a hole in the roof where the sky was visible and noticed the full moon was out.

“Where do you think it leads?” Daphne questioned, holding Harri’s hand.

“Probably near Hogsmeade but I don’t know if anyone has ever been there. I’ve never heard about it either.” Blaise murmured.

Every time Harri thought they’d reached the end, the tunnel just kept going. It was getting creepy especially because they would hear the occasional noise or dirt would fall through the ceiling, frightening them. When they finally made it to the end, Draco was shivering.

“Wands up,” Hermione whispered.

They stepped through the archway out of the tunnel and into a room. It wasn't as macabre as the tunnel but still obviously aged. How long had this place been here? The windows were bolted shut and the furniture was clearly broken down.

Draco suddenly grappled for Blaise’s arm. “I know where we are!” He slapped his bicep. “The shrieking shack! We’re in the shrieking shack!”

From upstairs they heard a thud. Daphne whimpered.

Moving closer together they tiptoed up the stairs. There was only one room on the second floor and slowly they crept toward it. Blaise moved to the front and nudged the door open. They walked in one by one.

Moonlight shone in through gaps in the walls and saved the room from being completely obscure. Wind rustled outside and flipped open the curtains, exposing Ron's body splayed across the floor.

"Ron!" Draco and Harri ran to him. His leg was bleeding.

"You're awake?" Draco wrapped his arms around Ron and brushed his hair back. “Are you alright? It doesn’t hurt too much?”

“Can you step on your leg, do you think?”

"Was it that damn dog? Where did he even go?"

Ron shook his head furiously. “The grim is a person! It was a trick!” Hurriedly, he raised his hand up and pointed his finger behind the two of them.

Draco and Harri whipped around. Behind Blaise, Hermione and Daphne, the door slammed shut and a man stepped out of the shadows.

He wore the most filthy clothes, ripped and torn. He had long, dark and greasy hair that stuck to his scalp and he looked starved, his skin taut, pulled over his bones as if he had just risen from his grave. But just one look and Harri knew exactly who this man was.

Sirius Black had the saddest eyes she had ever seen. Two spheres, shrouded in despair.

He also had Ron’s wand in his hands, pointed and ready for aim. Harri noticed Blaise, Daphne and Hermione had drawn their wands too but it seemed they were too late. Black unarmed them, all of them, even Harri and Draco swiftly.

He then shifted his focus to where Harri was helping Draco hold Ron up. His eyes latched onto her. They stuttered over her lightning bolt scar, the slope of her nose, the color of her eyes and the curves of her face. It seemed to Harri, very much so, that it wasn’t her he was looking at, but rather a ghost.

Ron spread his arm out across her. Black’s eyes tracked his movements.

Harri saw Daphne and Hermione’s petrified faces behind him. They were all paralyzed, afraid that one single movement would set him off. Blaise’s eyes ran over the room looking for something that would help them. He stepped slightly to the right and almost tripped over a hole in the floor.

“I knew you’d come.” Black whispered finally. “James would’ve come for his friends too. No matter the cost.”

Harri was caught off guard by the mention of her father. The idea that Black was so heartless that he would dare to use this moment to mention the father he’d stolen from her filled her with rage. She tried to advance on him but Ron and Draco caught hold of her arms.

“Harri absolutely not!” Draco shouted.

“If you want to kill Harri you’ll have to kill us too!” Ron spat.

Something flashed in Black’s eyes. A look not unlike the one she thought might have seen in Professor Lupin's from time to time.

“You should sit down before you hurt yourself even more.”

“I don’t think you heard Ron.” Daphne whispered from the doorway.

“I don’t think he did either.” Hermione said with a face drained of blood. “You’ll have to kill us all before you’d even get near Harri.”

"Yeah!" Blaise rasped. “And I don’t think you want to do that.”

Black's yellow teeth glinted in the moonlight. “I don’t think you understand. Only one person is going to die tonight.”

From behind Hermione, the door swung open once more.

“You are quite right Sirius.”

Daphne leapt and caught Hermione by the arms, pulling her away from the figure that emerged.

“YOU!” Draco gasped.

Professor Lupin was standing in the doorway.

Harri inhaled sharply. Tom had been right. It seemed Lupin had been working with Black all along. It stung her deeply, right below her chest, even more than Black’s betrayal had. Lupin had acted as a protector. Teaching her, meeting with her, pretending he cared. Another one of her parent's friends was a coward and a turncoat.

“You bastard!” Hermione shouted. “How could you do this to Harri!”

But Lupin seemed to have not heard her or Draco, for his eyes were only for Black.

The two men stared at each other, both of their eyes questionably bright. It was like the room had disappeared for them. Lupin was rambling under his breath, things like: it wasn’t possible, that they’d switched without telling him. Black was nodding along to everything Lupin said, his hands shaking around Ron’s wand.

Within a heartbeat, Lupin crossed the room, a glazed look in his eyes. He took a trembling Black into his arms. They gripped each other tightly and hugged like brothers. The knife dug into Harri deeper.

Hermione struggled against Blaise and Daphne now, their hands the only thing holding her back. “I can’t believe this! I kept your secret! I can’t believe I thought to help you!”

“Hermione stop!” Blaise shouted.

But Hermione was a woman possessed. “Harri trusted you! I trusted you! And you betray us like this!”

“Hermione, Harri,” Lupin pulled away from Black. “Let me explain.”

“What are you talking about Mione?” Draco questioned.

“Hermione, stop struggling!” Daphne said.

Everyone began to talk over each other and their voices become indistinguishable from one another.

“He’s been helping Black!”

“No, no, I haven't—

“That essay Snape assigned—

“What essay? I don’t think I did that—

“He wants Harri dead!”

“Please let me—

Harri’s head was pounding and Ron was shaking behind her.

“HE’S A WEREWOLF!" Harri shouted. The room was shocked into silence.

Lupin stared at her incredulously. “You’ve known all this time?”

Hermione turned to Harri. “You knew?”

“You knew?”

Hermione frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Harri accused.

“I thought I was protecting him! Clearly, that was the wrong thing to do. He’s helping Black kill you!”

“I don’t want to kill her!” Lupin protested. “If we could just—just let me see your rat Ron.”

“My rat?” Ron said disbelievingly. “How the bloody hell is my rat going to prove you haven't been letting a murderous lunatic into the castle?”

“Because he’s not a rat!” Black bellowed, speaking up for the first time since Lupin entered the shrieking shack.

“What do you mean he’s not a rat!” Draco said. “You people are out of your minds!”

Lupin squeezed his nose with a put upon sigh. “I would’ve said the same, except ever since I saw the map—

“What map?” Harri interrupted.

“The marauders map—

“You stole my map!” Harri yelled.

“Well, I did help make it.”

Harri shared an incredulous look with Hermione. “You made it?”

“I’m Moony.” Lupin explained. “We made it together while we were at Hogwarts. Your father was Prongs, Sirius Padfoot and—

“Pettigrew.” Black finished, gazing at Harri. “Wormtail."

“And that's why we need the rat.” Lupin said. “Because I was looking at it after dinner and I saw all of you running this way, I would have let it go but I saw someone with you who shouldn’t be alive. I saw someone who was supposed to have died twelve years ago. I saw Peter Pettigrew standing next to Ron. I promise I haven't been letting Sirius into the castle. I would never betray you like that. I would never want to hurt you Harri. I swear. That’s why I came here. Because if Pettigrew is alive that means Sirius is innocent. And if Pettigrew is alive it means you’re in danger.”

Harri protested. “He wasn’t their secret keeper, Black was! How could he have betrayed them? How could he put me in danger when the real culprit is right here!”

“Because it wasn’t me! We switched!” Black swore. “I told them to switch us last minute, I thought I was being clever, I thought he would come after me! But he betrayed us! He gave you up! And now after thirteen years we finally have him. We can kill him.”

“But Pettigrew’s not here.”

“Yes he is.” Black said through gritted teeth. “He’s right there.” He pointed to Ron, his entire body clenched tight.

“Me?” Ron whimpered.

Draco gave Black a dirty look. “For the love of merlin, you really are mad. It’s the Black illness, probably sunk into your brain decades ago. No wonder you're this way."

Sirius growled. “Not you! The rat! The rat is Pettigrew!”

“What?"

“Impossible!”

“You’re lying!”

“What he means to say is that Pettigrew was just like Sirius, an animagus. He can transform into an animal at will.” Lupin explained, striding to Ron with his hands held out placidly. “Let me tell you the whole story.”

And this was what he said. Dumbledore had given Remus the opportunity to come to Hogwarts as a child despite him being a werewolf. He was empathetic for his situation, and they even planted the whomping willow just for him to have somewhere to transform. The tunnel that led towards the shrieking shack even had been created for him. Harri’s dad, Black and Pettigrew had become his best friends at school and when they found out his secret, instead of abandoning him they'd became 'secret animagus's’ just for him.

Black paced impatiently throughout the explanation, Ron's wand clutched in his hand with an iron grip and a furious look about him.

“But then how did...uh Mr. Black...how did you know that Pettigrew was alive without the map? How did you break out of Azkaban?” Hermione asked.

Black pulled out a worn paper from his pocket. It was ripped from a news article and on it was the picture of the Weasleys in Egypt and Scabbers on Ron's shoulder. “Once I saw this article I knew it was Wormtail with Ron and I knew that I had to leave. I stayed in my animagus form for much of my time in Azkaban and I was able to slip out that way. I swam through the water. The paper said Ron was going to be at Hogwarts...Hogwarts where Harri was…and I couldn’t let Wormtail be near her. Once Voldemort gains power again, Pettigrew won't hesitate to take Harri to him. Deliver him the last Potter to save himself. The death eaters have been plotting Wormtails death for years, ever since they learned he was the one who told Voldemort where James and Lily were hiding. To them, he’s the reason Voldemort was defeated. If he proves himself to them when the time is right by taking Harri...well...I knew I couldn’t just stay there. I finally had a chance to do something. I escaped and I’ve been living in the forest since, Crookshanks has been helping me into the castle.”

He locked eyes with Harri.

“I would never have betrayed them. I vow to you. They were my closest friends. James was my brother. My family,” his voice cracked. “I would have rather died.”

Harri’s throat tightened and her eyes filled with tears.

“Give him the rat.” She said to Ron.

“But—

“I need to know if it's true.” Harri whispered.

Ron stuck his hand inside his pockets and pulled out a terrified Scabbers.

Black pointed his wand at Ron’s hand and Scabbers writhed about violently, squealing in fright.

“Give him to me.” He croaked. “Let me kill him.”

“Sirius, no,” Professor Lupin said softly, an infinitely heartbroken look in his eyes.

“No Remus!” Sirius hollered. “I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for!”

“Ron do it.” Draco gulped.

Ron dropped Scabbers and then within the span of a second Sirius's spell hit him.

One moment he was a rat and the next he was a hunched and ugly man, paralyzed in a crouched form, with an exaggerated overbite and a horrified look in his eyes. Sirius and Professor Lupin raised their wands as one, and Pettigrew sniffled pathetically. Before they could hit him though, Harri stopped them. “Wait!”

As much anger as she had inside herself and as much as she wanted to watch them tear that filth apart, she knew she couldn’t let them do it. Harri knew deep inside the part of her where her parents lived, they wouldn’t have wanted this. They wouldn’t have wanted two people they’d love to become murderers for them.

"Let the dementors have him and justice be served. Let him rot for the rest of his life and never know peace, but don't have his life on your hands."

She was wary of their anger, but they listened. Harri’s life changed once again.

They tied Pettigrew up and began their trek out of the shack. Draco and Hermione were helping Ron, first in the line down the stairs. Behind them, Blaise and Daphne were dragging Pettigrew by his feet, purposefully letting his head hit against the edges of the floor. Professor Lupin watched them, approvingly.

Harri herself was walking next to Sirius, last in the procession.

“You know,” Sirius began nervously, glancing from her to the walls. “When you were born your parents named me your Godfather.”

Harri nodded.

“And uh, now that, now that we have Pettigrew it means that I’m exonerated.” Sirius cleared his throat. “As your Godfather, now that I’m free, I could...Back then your parents gave you to me and I was supposed to take care of you. That didn’t happen before but now, Harri, I would like it very much if I could do that. If I could take care of you now. I suppose what I’m asking is if you would let me?”

His words created light in her, like a string of hope. Harri didn’t think she could explain to him what it meant to her that was offering her a home. A real home. Somewhere she was wanted and welcomed. Somewhere she wasn’t a burden.

To leave the Dursleys...she could... Merlin. He would be her family.

"Yes." Harri smiled at him. "Yes.”

“Would you really?”

“I would like that very much.”

Sirius grinned from ear to ear and it transformed his entire face. It made him look like the boy he must have been when her father had met him.

To her, his smile felt like coming home.

It would’ve been nice if it had ended like that.

But the full moon caused Professor Lupin to transform and Pettigrew took the chance to escape. Sirius sprinted after him and Harri ran and ran. Voices called after her, chased after her, but she could only see the man dying in her dream. The man she now knew to be Sirius.

Her friends chased after her.

She found Sirius near the shore of the lake, cloaked by dementors. They were taking his soul. Harri ran to his body, she thought she might have been crying but she couldn’t be sure. She draped herself over Sirius just like she had in her dream. She tried to cast a patronus but happiness escaped her. There were too many dementors and not enough of her. Harri could hear her friends gasp as they stopped behind her. She could hear her mother screaming and feel Sirius dying. She could feel the dementors taking from her too. Their hands gripping her, moving into her line of sight.

At the sight of their soulless faces, she recalled sharp eyes and strong hands, a brilliant mind and an erring smile, she thought of Tom and, as if he’d heard her, he came.

She felt hands cover hers. Familiar lips press against her ear. “Come on my little dove. Say it with me. Expecto Patronum. ” Coolness pressed over her like a balm. She could feel him, all of him, around her. He was lightning in the middle of a storm.

Expecto Patronum. Expecto Patronum. Expecto Patronum.

And it worked.

From her wand burst her majestic stag, her protector, her guardian. It bounded forward and struck the dementors. It dispelled the darkness. The soul crushing draining blackness. It burned so brightly and the dementors absconded.

Tom turned her over. Harri had thought him a figment of her imagination but the diadem truly was here.

He held her in the dark of the forest and seemed almost human, like the diary in his last moments. His skin was colored with life. The trees of the forest swayed ominously and Remus howled in the distance. The bodies of her Godfather and her friends lay in slumber beside her, muted but safe. It was all quiet but for Tom and her.

“Tom,” Harri whispered. The world was faded, cast in a soft and foggy glow and he was the only thing keeping her upright. “How are you here?”

Tom smiled at her but he had sad eyes. “It does not matter, does it? Only that I am.”

She exhaled and raised her hand to his face. He was warm. He shut his eyes and let her fingers trace his features. Harri beheld him in awe. “Are you real?”

The diadem brought his face close to hers and rubbed their noses together. “Of course I’m real Harri.”

Harri sighed at the feeling. “That’s good.”

He laughed, bittersweet and then asked very quietly. “Can you promise me something?”

She blinked languidly, feeling very tired. “Anything.”

He caressed her cheeks gently, the pads of his fingers pressing in.

“If you find anything…anything like me or the diary don’t touch it. Don’t go near it. Give it to Dumbledore. To McGonagall even. Any version of me Voldemort may have made after the diadem would not hesitate to kill you in a second. Even the objects before me are not safe. The more I made, the more I lost myself. Do you understand? No matter what, you do not touch one.”

“But Tom,” Harri tilted her head. “You’ll be there won’t you? You can touch them.”

His face became stricken. “Just promise me darling.”

“Okay.” She said. “I promise.”

Tom leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead, right on her scar. He kept them there just as he had all these nights he’d thought Harri asleep. He tugged her closer so that every inch of them touched.

“Sleep now.”

Her world darkened once again.

____________________________

The next time Harri became aware, she was in the infirmary.

She blinked indolently and took in the scene before her.

Maria and Lavender were sitting on the bed next to her. Across the room, Ron was laid out, his broken foot tied up and Draco sleeping across from him. Snape stood at the edge of their beds glaring at them and Blaise was in the bed to their right, where he was gulping down a potion in front of him. Dumbledore was there too, listening carefully with Cornelius Fudge to Hermione and Daphne in Madam Pomfrey’s open office.

On top of Harri’s legs, sleeping soundly, was Sirius in his animagus form.

“Harri, you’re awake?” Maria got up from her own bed and pushed a bar of chocolate into Harri’s hands. “You need to eat this entire thing. Me querida, you must have defeated over a hundred dementors with that patronus!”

“For the love of..." Lavender scowled. “Don’t just shove it in her face!” She moved Maria away and broke off a piece for Harri. “Here you go.”

Harri took it reluctantly, exhausted.

“What happened to Professor Lupin?”

“We reckon he’s still out there. The headmaster sent Hagrid after him just in case though. He was heading deeper into the forest before the dementors came for Sirius.”

Harri moved to sit up. “Fudge isn’t here for him, is he? I know Pettigrew got away but we—

Maria squeezed her hand. “Don’t worry Harri. Hermione and Daphne are explaining everything. We have at least eight eyewitnesses and more importantly, we have you. There is no way they can justify giving Sirius the dementors kiss.”

“And besides.” Lavender chimed in. “He wasn’t given a trial last time. Whatever they decide, they can’t make that mistake again. He’s the heir to the Black family.”

Harri breathed, momentarily relieved, at least until heavy footsteps sauntered over.

“Awake Miss. Potter?” Professor Snape’s voice drawled.

“Yes.”

“It's quite the mess here, wouldn’t you say?”

Her lips quirked. “I wouldn’t call it a mess. A necessary change, if you will.”

“We shall see about that.” Snape’s mouth curled up reluctantly. “Make sure you finish the chocolate.”He strode off with a twist of his cloak.

Blaise sighed gratefully as Snape left and dropped down next to Maria. “I can’t believe he’s so nice to you Harri. He nearly took my head off when I first woke up.”

“Is that what you’d call nice?”

“For him?” Lavender raised an eyebrow. “That was as good as friendly.”

Hermione and Daphne’s voices tapered off and Dumbledore guided a frustrated Fudge out of Pomfrey’s office. Fudge sent a tense smile and wave to Harri and scampered out the door.

Dumbledore smiled warmly at all of them, giving Harri a reassuring pat on the head. “Harri dear, let Sirius know he is to meet me at my office this afternoon. Oh! And he should stay in his animagus form. Can’t let the secret out yet!” He then winked and left the room as well.

Hermione groaned. “How is Fudge the minister of magic?”

_____________________________

Madam Pomfrey forced them to spend their last Hogsmeade day in the infirmary. Only when night struck did she open the doors for them to leave.

Unlike her friends, Harri could not go back to the dorms as she had to report to Dumbledore’s office where Sirius and Professor Lupin waited.

She walked with her mind elsewhere. She kept circling back to the moment when the moon rose and Pettigrew escaped. Harri thought, for a moment, there was a man she’d seen, watching as Remus's transformation distracted Sirius and them, giving Pettigrew the chance to escape.

And then there was also the thing about Tom. Had he really been there? Or was Harri just imagining it? It wasn’t adding up for her. Tom was never able to go anywhere without the diadem and it had felt so real. He had felt so real.But she guessed it didn’t matter, she would just ask him when she was back in the dorm.

For now, she knocked cautiously on the headmaster's door.

“It’s alright Harri. Please come in.”

She unlocked the door. Professor Lupin and Sirius were sitting next to each other drinking tea. Both looked much healthier than last. Professor Lupin smiled kindly and Sirius grinned at her. He’d taken a shower and been given new robes but they did little for his appearance. He was still so frail and delicate, only less like an animated corpse now.

"Do sit down dear.”

Harri took the only available seat, next to him. He first explained what would happen with Sirius.

He would be given a private trial in the wizengamot, with only Fudge, Dumbledore, and Amelia Bones present. This would happen later this week but before the last day of school. Once his name was cleared of all charges, which it absolutely would be, he would be free. Harri would be given the choice of staying with her relatives or moving in with him.

If she chose him, Sirius would get full custody. She shared a feverish look with Sirius. She could scarcely conceal her delight. She felt like her feet barely touched the ground.

After Dumbledore described that, he went on to talk about her patronus.His eyes were luminous. “You should be so proud of yourself Harri. It takes great inner strength to conjure a corporeal patronus, especially in the face of dementors.”

“It takes an even greater witch, to cast a whole patronus so successfully at such a young age.” Professor Lupin added.

Sirius smiled. “Remus tells me it's a stag?”

Harri nodded.

Sirius looked wistful. “Prongs. Just like your fathers.”

It was a flare of joy and deep sadness all at once to remember this.

The conversation lasted much longer than expected, especially when Professor Lupin divulged that he was resigning from the defense position. Harri asked him to stay but he declined. He felt too guilty putting the students at risk and was aware certain people didn’t want him to continue working. Because of the length of the meeting, Harri ended up missing dinner. Instead of going back to her room so swiftly, she took the chance offered and strolled through the grounds with Professor Lupin and Sirius.

They kept the conversation light. Murmuring about their time in the castle and how much Harri had grown. Sirius shared a lot of baby stories. Most of the time, Professor Lupin, or Remus as he asked again that she call him, just watched the two of them.

By the time she made it into her dorm room, it was nearly midnight and the girls were asleep. It was okay though because Harri was giddy and eager, this gave her a chance to tell Tom everything that happened.

She slipped open her bed curtains and searched for the diadem under her pillow. But her fingers fell across empty sheets and Harri went rigid.

The diadem was missing. Tom was gone.

Harri sank to her knees.

Dear Harri,

By the time you find this letter I will be long gone.

I ask that you do not search for me.

I know in the months that we have spent together I kept much from you. I am sorry for that. And I am sorry still that I cannot give you the answers you deserve at this moment. Where I went all those nights, what I did and who I met. It will be a long time before I can. But here is what I am able to tell you.

I can tell you that I have been selfish in the choices that I have made. I blamed the hand I was dealt for the things that I did. I cared only for myself and what I wanted. I killed, stole and used the darkest of magics with no regret. I wanted power and revenge more than anything. I think I wanted to watch the world burn.

Even when I first met you, I chose to ignore the consequences of my actions and the pain they would cause. Most importantly, I didn’t consider who they would hurt the most. And that’s you, my little dove. You.

Now the time has come for me to right those wrongs. Not because I am good and not because I have changed but because you deserve it and I know now that no one in this world is as worthy of my remorse as you.

In the words of your Shakespeare (and I acquiesce, my darling, muggles are not all that terrible) the fault, dear Harri, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.

The fault is mine.

And though we will not be together I hope you will think of me, for I will be thinking of you. Even as I write this I am missing you. Know that if you have need of me, I will always come.

I hope that you never change. May you always be defiant in the face of your beliefs and courageous in the things you do.

I choose to believe that fate has not yet given up on us. If it has, then I defy it. I defy fate. For one day, when this is all over, we will have eternity together. I swear it.

So I say goodbye to you now and hope that we may meet again.

Stay safe. Stay hidden.

Yours forever,
Tom Marvolo Riddle

Chapter 14: atlas, set free

Chapter Text

Chapter 14: atlas, set free

“And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet
and the winds long to play with your hair.”
—Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

“Merlin's saggy ballsack!” Sirius tumbled back and almost fell over the kitchen table. “How did pixies get into the cabinet?”

Harri gagged and pointed downward. “By that very large hole in the bottom.”

“Damn.” He peered inside hesitantly. “How many you reckon are in there?”

“Like thirty.” Harri choked, disgusted by the state of the house.

Sirius sauntered over to the whiteboard he’d stuck on the new refrigerator and marked down a tally. “Well, that’s about five different species of insects we’ve encountered today.”

Harri shook her head. “Six actually. I found a colony of lacewing flies in the bathroom upstairs.”

Sirius cackled, pulling off his dishwashing gloves and throwing them in the disposable garbage bag. “I wouldn’t go around the bathrooms with a ten-foot broomstick sweetheart.”

Harri pulled off the face mask she was wearing with a disgusted face. “I know that now.”

“You know instead of going through all this we could just borrow a house-elf.” Sirius teased.

“Totally,” Harri said. “If I wanted Hermione to never speak to me again.”

Sirius waggled his eyebrows, pouring lemonade into two glasses. “What Hermione doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

“You don’t know Mione.” Harri replied, untying her hair. “She’ll know. She knows everything.”

Sirius drank from his own cup and laid Harri’s down on the counter for her. “I suppose we’re stuck doing everything by hand then.”

Harri sipped the drink, grinning. “And by wand.”

She thought about the hours she’d spent in Aunt Petunia’s garden, planting flowers and taking care of the grass. This was nothing difficult compared to that because now they could use magic and were. She supposed for Sirius it was different because he’d always had magic readily available but for Harri, everything was so much easier now that she could just charm things.

She sat down on one of the mismatched chairs they’d placed around the coffee table for the time being and subtly pushed a plate of apple slices in Sirius’s direction.

Sirius had been exonerated after a private trial in the wizengamot only days after the disaster in the shrieking shack. The only people present had been Dumbledore, Amelia Bones, Sirius, Harri and Cornelius Fudge. Once he was cleared, the papers hadn't wasted a second before printing the news.

The wizarding public had gone mad with the revelation that Sirius was innocent and that Harri would be living with him. Especially the purebloods, who were furious that one of their own, a Black, had been wrongly imprisoned for so long. Daphne had written Harri and explained that it left them wary that they themselves weren't safe. The public outrage and the fact that Sirius was Harri's guardian had created a lot of turmoil for the ministry. To minimize the scandal they'd paid a very large sum of monetary reparations, as well as granted Sirius an order of Merlin.

But it would never be enough. No amount of gold would ever make up for what Sirius had suffered and the years Harri had lost with him.

Two weeks of summer had flown by since then and despite the tribulations they brought with them, they had been a very very happy two weeks. Sirius, now eating healthily, gained a significant amount of weight and much of his physical state improved. However, it was a slow process and an uphill battle. His healer had him on nutrient potions and a rigorous diet, as well as routine exercises but his organs would take a while to recover. His heart had suffered the most damage after the high level of anxiety and stress it had dealt with. So Harri still worried.

Sirius put on a happy face for her. Despite that, she could see the cracks in his mask. She had told him he didn’t have to pretend with her and he could be honest about how he felt but he was still uncertain.

She had discussed having him see a mind healer with Daphne and a muggle therapist with Hermione. Harri was leaning more towards therapy because she thought it would be beneficial for Sirius to speak with someone who didn’t know anything about him. In the end, it didn't matter which he chose, rather that it was important he did one of the two.

You couldn’t heal the body and not the mind. That wasn’t healing at all. It was like putting tape over a crack and expecting it to hold together. Eventually, it would break apart.

Sirius’s mental health had been at its worst when they’d first come to Grimmauld Place, his family's home. Harri had been awed by the house and by London but Sirius had been repulsed. She knew the second she saw his face that he couldn’t live in it, not if it stayed exactly like the place he grew up in. That was why she’d suggested they tear it down and rebuild it. Harri knew that was what she would have wanted if she were in his shoes. Sirius could destroy all the awful memories in the very place that haunted him and transform it into something new.

Which was what they were now doing.

The process was helping her cope as well. She was taking out all of her frustration and pain.

Finding Tom's letter had impaired her.

She’d let herself feel the torment at first. She’d cried over it in the quiet of the night, sleeping alone for the first time in months. She’d despaired turning around and finding no watchful eyes observing her.

Tom had kept many secrets and she'd let him, hoping all the while that he would eventually tell her. But he’d left and taken the answers with him.

To leave, he would have had to become human again and gain a body. How had he done it? Through murder? And who had helped him? Where was he going?

She was annoyed that despite this she missed him. Irritated that he’d said all the things she’d ever wanted to hear in a letter and not to her face. Stung that he hadn’t said a proper goodbye.

Then she'd opened her trunk and saw her Shakespearean plays were gone. Remembered his kind words and his promises. That he had saved them from the dementors and not hurt anyone. She then thought of the things he'd promised. We will have eternity together. I swear it. And it soothed something inside her.

Acceptance came when she stepped off the train and found Sirius’s beaming face awaiting her.

Maybe the diadem had done her a favor. Given her time to live life away from the darkness, to be young. You couldn't run forever but you could hide for a while at least.

Sirius’s voice carried over her thoughts. “I’ll be gone for that night and I know you said something about inviting your friends over. The house should be done by then so it’s well good.”

Harri nodded along, tapping the condensation on her glass.

He squeezed her cheek. “Come on then, let’s go clean out the last of the pixies. After, we can start painting.”

The night was pitch black.

In the city, not one star was visible in the sky and the sound of cars driving past never ceased.

They were eating dinner on the roof. Sirius sat in front of her with a glass of red wine in hand.

He'd been free now for twenty days, two hundred fifty five hours and thirty seconds. Each one went and he breathed easier, smiled wider and slept longer. Tipsy on the little bit he’d allowed her to drink, Harri was braiding Sirius's hair.

A gentle breeze flew by and Harri was thankful her quidditch jumpers kept them both cozy. The POTTER 14 sat well on the slopes of Sirius’ shoulders like it belonged there. She ran her hands through his soft curls, breathing in the smell of the coconut oil she massaged into it every night. Sirius exhaled, relaxing into her touch.

He was a very tactile person, often hugging her and giving squeezes of reassurance. These open touches made it clear how much he cared beyond any words ever could. Everything Harri had never had in family, Sirius gave.

She saw it in the way he got out of bed every day for her even on the ones he longed not to. In the way he insisted on making her breakfast even though he hated cooking. In the way she knew he stayed outside her bedroom door long after she’d gone to sleep. He gave in to her every indulgence without deliberation and Harri felt that she could tell him anything and he would stay.

Sirius lifted a finger, knuckles littered with tattooed letters. “You see that house? In its place used to be a toy store. It was phenomenal, I remember it had three floors and trinkets on each surface as far as the eye can see. I never got to go. Mother would have sooner crucified me than take me near anything muggle, much less a children’s store. The tantrums I used to have, begging and fighting just to see it once...I didn't even want to buy a thing, I just wanted to see.” He muttered under his breath.

Harri hated Walburga Black. She hated her for denying him simple pleasures, for being the reason Sirius’ own home had been a prison for him and for leaving him to rot in Azkaban.

“Has the rest of the city changed much since you left?”

“Some of it is unrecognizable, but plenty of it is exactly the same. At least the feeling of it is. I could still drive around with my eyes closed and only my hands to lead me.”

Harri giggled. “Please do not go around closing your eyes to do anything.”

“That’s no fun.” Sirius pouted.

“Right.” Harri nodded. “What am I thinking? Not risking your life...boring.”

“I knew you’d see it my way poppet.”

She shook her head in amusem*nt. “How did Professor McGonagall cope with you?”

“With a stern fist and a bottle of fire whiskey hidden in her top drawer.”

“So you drove her to alcoholism?”

He winked conspiratorially. “ ‘Drove her ’ is a little strong of an accusation. But gently guided her? Maybe so.”

Harri tugged on his hair. “It’s no wonder she’s so adept at dealing with Fred and George, after all the experience she's had with you.”

Sirius smirked. “I bet she misses me.”

Harri sighed. “Like a gazelle misses a lion.”

“She hasn’t changed then. That's good.”

“How long has it been since you last saw her? Besides this year I mean.”

“Twelve years. Merlin. That is unbelievable. Twelve years have gone by.”

“Does it feel very long?” She asked, parting the strands on his head to finally begin the braid.

“Too long.” He said softly, sadly, ghosts in his eyes. “Each year, a whole lifetime.”

Harri wished to erase the time he spent in Azkaban. To take his hurt for him, to ease his pain and lighten his anger. They were silent as she finished with his hair. Then she hugged him from behind. She could feel him shake.

“I’m so sorry Harri. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save them.” Sirius pleaded.

“It’s not your fault.”

“I shouldn’t have told them to change the secretkeeper."

“You did what you thought would save them, all the blame lies on Wormtail."

“I could have done more. I should’ve seen what he was! I shouldn’t have suspected Remus."

“He was your friend! Of course you trusted him!”

Sirius’s trembling hands came up to clutch her own.

“Sirius.” She pressed her face into his shoulder blade. “You have to forgive yourself.”

“I don’t know how.”

Harri pressed her hand against his chest. “There are so many people that are to blame and you are not one of them. You have never been. Please Sirius. My dad—he wouldn’t have wanted you to live like this. He loved you. He loved you. He loved you.”

Sirius’s body shivered and Harri held him tighter, hoping that she could be the anchor he needed.

“It’s been so long.” Sirius languished. “And I’m so tired.”

“You don’t have to be anymore.” Harri cried and kissed him on his bony shoulder. “I’m here now. You can rest.”

Years passed in the length of minutes but eventually, he let out a long exhale. Harri breathed against him.

"It will pass. We will get through it. This sadness cannot last forever."

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

The house was completed on a warm July afternoon.

No house-elf heads and unwanted portraits, damp floors or moth bitten wallpaper were left. Sirius had lit a fire so large it burned every carpet, couch, drape and dark artifact in the entire residence. After the entire thing place had been built from scratch. They slept in a tent in the garden and reconstructed during the days. Remus came over to help a lot, but most of the time it was just Harri and Sirius. Magic sped things along and within two months everything was complete.

There were only three rooms that remained from the old Grimmauld Place. The library, the bedroom next to Sirius's and the room with the family tree.

History was important and so it should be preserved. Though unfortunately for the Black ancestors, their words, toujours pur, always pure, were no longer true. At least not by their prejudiced standards. The noble and most ancient House of Black, one of the last oldest and wealthiest pureblood families of magical Great Britain and of the sacred twenty eight would no longer be passed down to a Black. It would be passed down to Harri.

Sirius had formally and officially adopted her in the early hours of summer one morning, with a goblin, his blood and a single piece of paper, Harri became his and ended the Black pureblood line.

Her name had appeared on the family tree by the time they got home. It was for this reason that he decided to keep the room intact rather than demolish it as well. He believed they could start a new legacy.

Though the tree was beautiful. If only because it traced the generations of the family. Starting from the first of them, Licorus Black, and all the way down to the last born male, who was coincidentally Draco. Harri trailed her fingers over his stitched face and with a sudden longing, missed him terribly. She hoped a day would come when they could openly meet up between Wiltshire and London. She prayed it for Ron, who hid his soulmate under the paws of his sweaters and little sweet wrappers.

Maybe she couldn’t ever have her own but at least her friends would.

Harri dropped down to the center of the floor. With a smile and wet hair, looking impossibly handsome in his slacks, Sirius stepped into the room. He appeared more tranquil than ever. He slid onto the floor next to her and watched as she tracked the walls with her eyes, looking for any other names she might recognize.

Though once he sat down she forgot all about it and started thinking about how she would ask him to go to therapy. After a while, she plucked up her courage. “Sirius,” She crossed her legs nervously. “I, um I think, it would be good if you could talk to someone.”

Sirius rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Talk to someone?”

Harri bit her bottom lip.“I think, you know, it would be helpful if you could talk to a professional about the things going on inside your head. About, about the last decade and more. About your time in Azkaban.”

His brow furrowed.

Harri looked away and down at her hands, picking at her fingernails. “I…I can hear you at night. I know that you have trouble sleeping sometimes. I know that you are not going to move on from everything that happened overnight but I don’t know if you’ll move on at all if you keep it locked up.”

Sirius’s face tightened. “I’m not going to talk to some stranger about that. I’m not, I’m not crazy.”

“You’re not!” Harri protested, uncrossing her legs and moving closer to him.

“Then why?”

Harri seized his hands, crushing them inside her own. “Because you spent years incarcerated for a crime you didn’t commit! And you were in there, locked up with the very people who did. What’s worse? Others who were guilty walked free! I’ve been reading books Hermione's sent me. Post traumatic stress disorder and survivor's guilt really rang out to me. I think you have symptoms. They are very common in innocent prisoners and soldiers."

“I’m not a soldier."

“But you were and I think it could really help. What if you just went once? It's only speaking and it would be a muggle so they wouldn’t know about you.”

Sirius pulled his hands out of her grasp and rubbed them over his face.

“I’m not saying that you’re mad.” Harri whispered with caution. “If anything, you’re one of the most normal adults I know. But it's biology, the chemicals in your brain. PTSD is caused by high levels of stress hormones secreted to suppress hypothalamic activity. This isn't made up, it’s real. You have an injury in your brain that needs proper medicine to heal.”

Sirius took his hands off his face.

“You think I don’t notice how you struggle? How sometimes you can scarcely even leave your bed? I want you to be happy.” Harri’s voice cracked, “As happy as you’ve made me.”

Sirius sighed. “Alright.” He gently wrapped his arms around her. “For you, I’ll go.”

After that, he began to see a muggle therapist recommended by Hermione’s mum.

It was following one of his therapy sessions that Harri was baking a cinnamon coffee cake for him, waiting for him to come home. She wanted to let him know how much she appreciated him stepping out of his comfort zone just for her.

Professor Lupin, or as he wanted to be referred to now, Remus, was with Harri. Watching her bake and drinking a cup of English breakfast at the kitchen counter.

They heard the roar of a motorcycle engine and within a minute, a solemn faced Sirius walked in. His face lit up at the sight of them however and he drew Remus into a hug. Harri grinned as they embraced one another.

She finished the last layer of frosting on the cake as Sirius came over to embrace her as well. Harri giggled as he lifted her off her feet.They shared a slice of cake together and discussed the headlines in the daily prophet.

Looking around at the house that was hers and the new family she’d gained, Harri realized they were all she needed.

Being together was enough.

Because happiness, it turned out, was being bathed in love.

The months went in a summer haze.

There were Sunday brunches at the burrow with the Weasleys. Harri and Sirius eating ice cream for breakfast and riding around his motorcycle. Daphne and Blaise coming over almost every time when they were in England. Bill and Charlie stopping by on the weekends. Meeting Andromeda and Nymphadora. Lavender flirting with Sirius while Harri and Hermione threw popcorn at her.

The two weeks in July they had a monty python marathon and gorged themselves on fast food from McDonalds to Nando’s to Burger King. The first day that Ron jumped out of the floo and Sirius bonded with him over the Chudley Cannons. The afternoon Hermione brought over her monopoly and they passed hours playing. The night that Sirius taught them Flapjack, Bullsh*t and Texas Hold’em at Ottery St. Catchpole. The times it was just Sirius and Harri, up on the roof or in the kitchen, sharing everything, talking, laughing and reading.

The way everything was worth it because every day Sirius looked healthier. As if a great weight was slowly lifting off his shoulders, still there, but easing itself off.

Sirius opened the front door to two excited teenage girls.

Lavender squealed and launched herself through the doorway, past Sirius, and into Harri’s outstretched arms. “I’VE MISSED YOU!”

Sirius gaped and then straightened when a hand was shoved his way.

“Hello!” Hermione smiled up at him. “You look much better! Has Harri given you the book about plant based diets?”

Sirius scratched his neck, perplexed, and accepted her hand. “She hasn’t."

“That’s alright! I can send another one!” Hermione said then rushed past him to Harri and Lavender and tackled both of them onto the newly carpeted floor.

Blaise, who'd come earlier, was already in the living room inspecting Sirius’ record collection. He had all the greats. Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, The Beach Boys and Def Leppard.

They were only waiting for Ron now and then movie night would begin. Harri was picking herself up when the doorbell rang again and a man in uniform knocked.

“Ahh.” Sirius opened the door and stuck his arm into his pocket for money.

“Blaise come give us a hug!” Lavender padded over to him. Harri laced her fingers with Hermione and helped her off the ground.

“The house is really beautiful Harri! I can’t even tell it used to be so…”

“Creepy?” Harri laughed.

“I didn’t want to be rude.” Hermione sniffed. “But yes.”

Harri led Hermione into the living room and fell down onto the couch. Blaise sauntered over to give Hermione a peck on the cheek and reclined on the loveseat.

The floo burned and a voice echoed. “Coming through!” Ron’s body wriggled out carrying a sleeping bag and a box of cookies.

Sirius strolled into the living room with pizza boxes and a delivery bag in hand. “Alright kiddos, I’m leaving now.”

Ron shuffled into the room, waving to everyone and dropping his stuff off in the corner.

Sirius patted Ron on the back and stole a chicken wing from one of the boxes of food he had just placed down on the coffee table. “Don’t do anything I would do and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Blaise opened the pizza and tore out a slice of veggie. “That sounds difficult Sirius.”

Sirius winked, put on his leather jacket and leaned down to kiss Harri’s cheek. “I’ll be back early morning from Remus’s, have a good night sweetheart and if you need anything, I’m only a floo call away.”

“I will!”

“Bye Sirius!” Hermione said, sprawled on the carpet and sipping on a sprite she'd procured.

Sirius chuckled and stepped out the front door. “Bye children! Mommy’s out!”

Ron plopped down next to Harri and handed her the cookies. “From mum.”

Harri accepted them with a hug. “Tell your mum thanks from me tomorrow!”

Lavender spread out next to Hermione, five slices of pizza on her plate and a glass of co*ke in hand. “Have you talked much with Draco, Ron? Because I have not at all.”

Ron sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back on the couch. Harri was a little worried, he hadn’t even reached for the food yet. “We have, I mean we’ve been owling as much as possible. But it’s not the same you know? I…I can’t touch him.”

Harri thought of soft touches and a silent kiss. She thought of a body pressed against hers and the feeling of having someone always there.

Yes, it wasn’t the same. I can’t touch him.

Fortunately, movie night distracted them. They watched the Godfather and Blaise spent the rest of the night speaking in what he called his native Italian accent. Lavender pretended to smoke with the end of a spoon and puffed out her chest, quoting Don Corleone. “Great men are not born great, they grow great.”

They ended up ordering more food, this time from the kebab shop the next block over. Hermione cried herself laughing when Ron tasted it for the first time and shed a real tear. Harri showed them around the house and they ended the night with a game of crazy eights, stretched out on opposite ends of the couch.

Her friends left after breakfast and Harri fell asleep in the sunroom, waiting for Sirius to return from his appointment with his therapist.

She woke up to his arm wrapped around her shoulder.

“Long night?” he asked, grinning wide.

Harri yawned and tucked herself closer. “Mhhm.”

He ran gentle fingers in her hair. “Missed me?”

Harri nodded, burying her face into his chest. “So much.”

Lips on her head. “And I you, puppy.”

“How was your session with Dr. Howard?” Harri whispered.

“It was alright.” Sirius mumbled against her head.

“Yeah?” Harri held in a breath.

“He’s easy to talk to and you were right, it helps that he doesn’t know anything about me that I don't want him to.”

“I just want you to be okay.” She said with a tight throat. “I don’t want you to hurt anymore.”

“It will always hurt.”

“But...”

“But I need to accept what happened and the way he expresses it, it does help, it helps me see what you see. It helps me understand the other variables and the things no one could have predicted. I feel better.”

“You deserve to feel amazing. ”

He laughed cynically. “You think me too good.”

“No, I know you are.”

“You’re biased. It’s an experimental error.”

“Nope.” Harri contradicted. “It’s a constant variable. Can’t change it.”

“ERRRRR.” He squawked, shaking her shoulders. “Rebooting system now.”

Harri threw a pillow at him and he laughed more freely. The sunlight flickered over his face and he looked so much like the Sirius in the photographs Hagrid gave her.

Free at last.

Chapter 15: never have i ever before

Chapter Text

Chapter 15: never have i ever before

"But I don’t want comfort. I want God. I want poetry.
I want real danger. I want freedom. I want goodness. I want sin."
—Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

On the first day of Harri’s birth week, as Sirius had taken to calling it, he took her to a tattoo parlor.

The blue haired receptionist gave them a curious glance when they first stepped inside. Sirius, oblivious, wrapped his arm around Harri’s shoulder and closed the door behind them. Harri reddened, making awkward eye contact. Sirius didn’t notice. He sauntered up to the front desk and smiled. “Appointment for two o’clock?”

“Yes," She looked down at her clipboard. “Right this way, Mr. uh Mr. Black?”

Sirius bobbed his head, chewing his gum leisurely, one arm curled around Harri and his right hand in his jeans pocket. Sirius was so effortlessly cool. Enough that even though blue hair had been judging him moments prior, she now flushed.

“Just over by the staircase, first door on the right. Matt is ready for you.”

Sirius drew Harri away. She didn’t know how he’d found this place, much less when he’d figured out how to use their new home phone. It must have been Hermione’s fault as Harri had seen the two of them speaking near the tele on Saturday morning.

As they searched for the room Harri pondered aloud. “Am I about to get a tattoo?” She laid an arm across Sirius's waist and grinned innocently.

He chuckled. “I know I’m pretty f*cking relaxed about things but that is not happening until your seventeenth birthday.”

Harri pouted, jutting her lip out and everything. “Not even a little, I don’t know, butterfly or something?”

Sirius clicked his tongue. “Tough luck sweetheart.”

She sighed exaggeratedly. “And I thought you were supposed to be the cool Godfather.”

“You’re a little sh*t.” He laughed and tugged her closer to his chest.

They reached the spiral staircase the receptionist had directed them to and the room next to it. Inside a young man named Jamie greeted them. His arms were covered in ink. Harri's favorite was the chrysanthemum she spied decorating his neck. He gestured for Sirius to sit down. Harri grabbed one of the stools arranged around the room.

Sirius and Jamie started to discuss the placement of Sirius’s tattoo while Harri studied the paintings on the wall. Most of them were landscapes of oceans and stars.

“Harri,” Sirius called, taking off his jacket. “Don’t look until it’s finished.”

She gave a thumbs up. Sirius rolled the sleeves of his sweater and the buzzing of the tattoo gun filled the room. Harri watched the needle touch his skin and looked away, wincing. She lifted her eyes to meet Sirius’s gaze instead. He smiled and wiggled his fingers for her to hold. Harri returned the smile and entwined their hands.

The next two hours were spent listening to Jamie. He penetrated the silence effortlessly and asked all sorts of questions, especially about Sirius. And Sirius had no filter.

“That’s f*cked up,” Jaime said as Sirius explained how he'd just been released from prison after being wrongfully accused. “The same thing happened to my cousin. He was detained and sentenced within a week. There was barely any trial for him. That whole system is bollocks.”

Sirius bowed his head. “What was he in for?”

“Possession of cocaine.”

Sirius bit his lip, seeming amused. “I don’t know if they were wrong to take him in.”

Jaime wiped at his brow. “Look, he may or may not have been selling but it’s the concept. He wasn't hurting anybody. My bird told me incarcerations are more about profit. They benefit from keeping us in prison.”

Sirius rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe."

It was different in the magical world because the ministry didn’t earn money from imprisoning wizards so Sirius couldn't really relate. But they had gained an advantage by locking Sirius up. It'd been the end of a long and arduous war and the ministry knew their people wanted answers and retribution.

A part of it in their minds may have been for the right reason but on the whole, the minister had wanted the support of the public more than anything else. Otherwise, Sirius would've been given a trial. When Voldemort had fallen the ministry threw anyone they could in Azkaban. The capture of a rumored famous death eater like Sirius who'd supposedly had the Potter's killed? Well that had been an opportunity for victory the ministry just couldn't pass up, no matter how many holes there were in the story. Sirius's imprisonment had benefitted their image by giving the illusion of locking up a dangerous man.

A few minutes after the conversation died off, Jamie put the finishing touches on Sirius’s arm and uttered a list of aftercare instructions. Harri knew Sirius would ignore them all if she didn't force him to remember. Jaime wrapped the fresh ink and took his leave.

Harri dropped into Jaime’s empty chair and brushed Sirius's hair back from his forehead. “Can I look now?”

Sirius’s eyes crinkled at the corners and he shifted so that his bicep and tattoo were in full view. Harri pressed a hand on his knee and leaned in to see.

There were two stags, a father and his child. Their heads rested together, holding the other close. They watched over each other with gentle eyes. With love. The colors were exactly like that of a patronus, her patronus, of the father she had never known but always loved.

Harri’s eyes welled up with tears. She traced her eyes over the image a second time.

Sirius examined her with apprehension. “Do you like it?”

This was Sirius wearing his heart on his sleeve.

She flung herself into his arms.

"Ilove it."

Hermione had been told by Lavender who’d met a friend of Dean’s who was cousins with a boy named Jaime who was best friends with someone called Jack who would be having a party Monday night in London. Maria had port keyed into the room during Hermione's retelling of the conversation and persuaded all of them that they should go that night.

After Sirius departed for Remus’s, Harri, Maria, Lavender and Hermione left as well. They weren’t sneaking out per say, Nymphy was at Grimmauld Place and she knew what they were up to.

Harri and Hermione walked arm in arm down the street, Lavender and Maria a few steps ahead, dictating the turns and counting the house numbers. Jack’s house was over in Knightsbride, only a twelve minute walk from Harri and Sirius’s place in Belgravia, so they’d decided the easiest way to get there was on foot.

The neighborhood they entered wasn’t quiet but it was obvious that they’d arrived at the right house by the loud noise.

There were teenagers littered on the steps of Number 35 and through the open door. Inside the house was even more packed. Couples were either pressed together and snogging or in groups dancing. She could tell not one person was sober, by all the shouting and laughing.

Though the four of them didn’t really know anyone, a boy named Will welcomed them in with a beaming smile. He lead them to the kitchen, where Maria introduced them to Jack, who was sitting on his kitchen counter with an unlit cigarette in his mouth.

His friend, Sam, poured them all a round of shots and downed three in one go himself. Harri swallowed hers with a wince, feeling the vodka burn down her throat, heavy and warm. She coughed, red cheeked and glanced at Hermione who had barely taken a sip of hers. Lavender and Maria were already on a second round.

Somehow, between being passed more drinks and snacking on chips, they ended up in a circle playing ‘never have I ever’. The group consisted of Jack, Sam and three other boys Harri forgot the names of. There were two girls too, who’d introduced themselves as Emma and Millie. One of the boys next to Jack was quite handsome, dirty blonde hair, long legs and pretty green eyes. Harri couldn’t stop looking at him the entire game.

On her way to being tipsy, Maria giggled when it was her turn. “Mhhm.” She bit down on her finger. “Never have I ever… traveled by plane.”

Emma regarded her with suspicion, considering that it was obvious Maria was from Spain. Sam just shrugged and took a drink. Hermione laughed under her breath and Lavender whispered. “Muggles.”

The game went on and on.

“Never have I ever stolen anything.”

“Never have I ever cheated on a significant other.”

“Never have I ever gone to third base.”

“Never have I ever been hungover.”

Someone named Chris fell flat on his arse in the middle of the circle and had to be pulled out by his girlfriend. Harri thought at one point she saw the boy who’d let them in, Will, puking out the dining room window.

Lavender shrieked when Jack took his turn and Hermione drank for. “Never have I ever crushed on a teacher.”

“Who was it Hermione?” Harri snickered, shaking her by the arm. “Snape? Filch?”

Maria snorted and beer sprung out her nose. “Snape? Please! The images in my mind are too much!”

Hermione flushed. “Of course it isn't Snape!”

“Then whooo!” Lavender tittered, swaying forward and making kissy faces at Hermione.

Hermione pushed Lavender’s face away with the palm of her hand. “None of your business.”

The game broke up a little after that when everyone ran out of questions to ask. Maria was beginning to slur her words so Hermione hauled her away for some water and bread.

Harri and Lavender wandered upstairs with Jack. Two of his friends, Ed and Daniel, were in the living room and pulled them in for a game of beer pong. Harri and Ed teamed up against Lavender and Daniel. To avoid getting too intoxicated, Ed decided to pour mostly sprite into the cups. This didn’t work well for Jack, who wasn’t playing and ended up with a bottle of tequila in his arms.

Harri got so competitive during the game that she almost hit Daniel in the eye with the pong ball. The game ended, with Ed and her losing because he kept throwing too hard and it would land on the couch instead of in a cup.

Lavender bounced over to Harri from the other end of the table and threw her arms around her in victory. Harri sulked and demanded to play again. She was a sore loser. Lavender just tutted. “If we play I’ll end up like Maria.” Then her eyes light up. “Harri!” She latched onto her shoulder. “He’s looking at you!”

Harri tilted her head, confused. “Who’s looking at me?"

Lavender slapped her arm. “That fit boy from the circle! You know! The blonde one!”

Harri’s heart skipped a beat and she pivoted inconspicuously to look for him.

He was behind her, leaning against the banister and talking with his friends. And he was looking at her. She accidentally made eye contact and he smirked. Harri blushed, spinning around and cursing under her breath. “sh*t.”

Lavender mouthed. “He’s coming over!”

Alarmed, Harri seized Lavender’s hand. “Lav! What do I do?”

“Just be cool!” Lavender giggled.

Harri groaned. “Not helpful!”

There was a tap on her shoulder.

She turned.

“Ello.’”Blonde boy smiled.

f*ck. He was even more attractive close up. “I’m Leo.”

She had faced a basilisk and dementors, there was nothing to be frightened of here.

“Harri.” She tucked in a strand of her hair behind her ear shyly. “My name is Harri.”

“Well Harri,” Leo gestured to the packet of cigarettes in his hand. “You want to go somewhere more private?”

Leo led Harri into one of the guest bedrooms and out onto its private balcony. He dropped down on one of the cushioned chairs and pulled her down onto his lap.

Harri’s eyes widened in surprise. Leo grinned.

She didn’t know where to put her hands or what to say, but he smelled good. Really good. The sight of him alone was making her feel reckless. She’d had two shots and a cup of beer. So...reckless looked damn good to her.

Leo pulled out a cig. “Ever had one Harri?”

"No. Never.”

“Want to try it?”

She shrugged. “Sure.”

He tugged his lighter out and lit it up. He inhaled a slow drag, exhaling the smoke out the right side of his mouth. The smell wafted into the night air, bitter and pungent. Leo smirked then and pressed the tip of it against Harri’s lips.

“Open.” He whispered.

Harri parted her mouth and let him place the end inside. Their eyes met. She wrapped her lips around and inhaled. She didn’t swallow and pushed the smoke out as he watched. She coughed a little but it wasn’t horrible. It left a scratch in the back of her throat. It was a little harsh and heavy. Reminded her of the smell in the guest bathroom when Uncle Vernon had a stressful day at work, of the gas station past union road and of Surrey. A place that had been home once.

Leo flattened his lips against her neck. “Not bad.”

They continued to share, passing the cigarette back and forth between them and listening to the music reverberating from the house.

July was a warm summer night. London was a light breeze, the ease of streetlights and cars. Leo was a welcome weight underneath her. He kept her tethered to this moment and far away from thoughts about the things that keep her up at night.

After a last drag of the cigarette, he stubbed it out. Then he took her face in his hand, tilted her head toward him and pressed his lips against hers. Harri opened her mouth and he exhaled smoke inside. She let him.

Then he kissed her.

He tasted of smoke and beer and impulse.

When they drew away, Harri recalled her first kiss. This was a world away from what she had shared with sixteen year old Tom in the chamber of secrets. That kiss had been filled with so much meaning. Extraordinary peace, unbelievable hurt, and paralyzing shock.

She liked that this was so different. She liked that Leo didn’t mean anything to her. She liked that they could kiss and talk and that was all it had to be.

She leaned back in and kissed him harder. She let him make her forget everything. He guided her through the kiss, moving her face this way and that, biting her lip and massaging her tongue with his own. It went on for so long that when Harri pulled back her mouth was swollen.

"Are you alright?” Leo asked.

"Yeah." Harri replied. "But I've never done this before."

"Don't worry." Leo purred. "You're good at it."

Harri laughed under her breath. He shifted and she got up and walked over to the railing, wanting to get some air. She reclined against the balcony railing and watched him light another marlboro.

“Those will kill you if you indulge too much.” Harri said.

Leo smirked and inhaled another puff. “Yeah but privileged teen rebellion and all that, you know?”

"I know."

Sudden footsteps thudded into the bedroom and Lavender darted in through the open window. “Maria puked.”

“f*ck.”

Lavender nodded in agreement. “We’re going to leave. You ready?”

Harri brushed down her dress. “Sure.”

Leo saluted her as she walked out.

Once they were far enough from the room, Lavender grabbed Harri’s face. “Your lips are swollen!”

Harri reddened. “We kissed.”

Lavender squealed. “Baby’s first kiss! Maria is going to die! And he was so cute too…what was it like?”

“H! Lav!” Hermione’s voice slurred from the bottom of the stairs, interrupting them. “Hurry!”

Lavender pouted and made Harri promise to tell her later.

Ed from beer pong walked them a block away from Grimmauld Place. He was nice and entertained them with stories about who had hooked up with who that night.

When they reached the house, the living room light was still on but Nymphy was passed out “waiting” for them. They moved inside as quietly as possible, Hermione and Lavender helping Maria up to Harri’s room.

Harri tip toed into the living room and nudged Nymphy. “Hey,” She whispered and then moved to take out a blanket from the drawers. “We’re home safe. Thanks for staying up.”

“S’alright.” Nymphy murmured sleepily. “V’ry witch needs to have a good time. S’ven the girl who lived.” She hadn’t even cracked an eye open. Harri sent her a fond smile and unwrapped the blanket and spread it over her body. “See you in the morning Nymphy.”

“Tol' you.. call me Tonks.” She yawned, already beginning to fall asleep again.

Harri tucked her in and then wiggled out of her shoes. She strolled into the kitchen and rose onto her toes for a cup from the new cabinets. She took out the white one with the pink panther on it and then went to open the thousand pound refrigerator for a jug of water when Kreacher popped into the room.

The house-elf hadn't bothered them much since the ministry allowed him back two days ago so this was a surprise. Harri hoped Hermione didn't catch him, or Harri would be in for a lecture. Though it hadn't been her decision but Sirius's, who had explained that even though he despised Kreacher, not letting him come home would be a monstrous thing to do.

Harri tripped over her own two feet. “Kreacher!” She scolded. “How many times have I said it? Don’t just pop in! You can walk.”

Kreacher sneered. “And where has mistress been all night? Master would surely want to know about this!”

Harri stuttered for a second. “That’s-that’s—master knows exactly where I was. You should go back to sleep.”

Kreacher harrumphed. “Little mistress is lying Kreacher thinks.”

Harri groaned. “Kreacher don’t make me reconsider cleaning out your closet!”

Kreacher squawked and stamped his foot before he stormed off. She could hear him muttering curses all the while. Harri sighed, took the glass and jug and ran upstairs.

Her friends were sprawled out on her mattress. She climbed in behind Hermione and cuddled up to her back.

“Hey,” Hermione whispered under her breath. “what happened with you? You kind of disappeared.”

Harri wanted to tell her but she was worn out and Hermione’s eyes were closing.

They slept.

For her birthday, Harri was under the impression that she would have a simple day with Sirius. It even began that way. Sirius and her lazied on the couch in their pajamas all morning. Harri burnt their waffles and Sirius spilled their tea. They went through their disney collection and passed the afternoon watching the lion king.

Then at five, Charlie Weasley appeared on their doorstep with boxes in hand. Sirius coerced Harri upstairs and to her room, where she found a beautiful lilac dress waiting for her. She tried it on and settled onto her chaise to wait for them to allow her back down. Ten minutes went by and boredom took hold so she attempted to get her eyeliner on the way Daphne taught her last year.

Almost an hour she quietly treaded her way downstairs in an endeavor to figure out what was happening. To her befuddlement, no one was inside the house. She peeked into the living room, the library and the kitchen but found them all empty.

When Harri opened the window leading into the garden, a mass of bodies bounced up and screamed in her face.

“SURPRISE!”

Blaise, Daphne, Ron, Alicia and more of her friends were standing and smiling at her. Harri was hauled out by Sirius, hugged and kissed and wished a happy day.

Nymph, Hermione, Lavender, Neville, Dean, Angelina and Maria, all of them, the entire Weasley family too had come for her birthday.

Sirius had decorated their small garden with lanterns and fairy lights and ordered enough pastries from Porshchens to fill a whole table. A full bench was delegated to hold presents and another one to hold Molly’s generous cake.

The sun set, the hours passed and Sirius’s record player played tunes from the open window while they celebrated.

A tipsy Nymph entertained Hermione’s mum and dad with her metamorphous abilities. Fred and George tried to get Remus to open one of their Wheezy boxes while Ginny and Ron fought each other for a chance to fly Harri’s firebolt. Sirius played chess with Daphne. Percy and Hermione had a passionate discussion on the attributes of daraliznof freaazer’s in the kitchen.

Harri, Blaise, Lavender, and Maria spoke about their plans for the quidditch world cup with brazen enthusiasm. Sirius even opened a bottle of champagne and let the kids have a glass.

Eventually, the cake was cut and the birthday candles blown out.

With Sirius’s arms wrapped around her waist and everyone singing for her, it was overwhelming how swiftly a feeling of deep affection grasped hold of Harri and filled her from her fingertips to her toes.

One afternoon while Sirius wasn't home Harri went into their storage room at Grimmauld. She searched through the boxes for hours, looking through her parent's things.

Her mother's clothes, makeup and old school journals. Her father's toys, jerseys and cassettes. She felt closer to them this way. And it made James and Lily feel real. Like they weren't just some figment of her imagination.

They'd always been larger than life to her especially after she came to Hogwarts, a place where people had known them. She liked hearing stories about them but sometimes she despised it. Because how unfair was it that everyone knew them but her? Harri only had anecdotes and memory to go off of.

Yet she was their living, breathing legacy. She desired to make them proud. She wanted to carry them with her, make sure the world remembered that James and Lily Potter had lived and left a mark.

It was why even though she didn't like when people stared at her or murmured about 'the girl who lived', she liked the way they said her name. Harri Potter. Potter. Harri Lily Potter.

She hoped to survive and have children and she prayed her children would have children. She wanted the Potter name to live beyond her. She wished for it to extend for centuries. Let no one forget the sacrifice her parents had made. Let no one forget that they were all alive because James and Lily were dead.

Because they'd been stolen from Harri and the wizarding world owed her this debt.

When she finished going through their things, she opened their photo albums. She watched them grow from little babies to adults. She saw the way her mother's hair changed from a firey red to a muted maroon. Her father's chubby face develop into a sharp jaw.

It made her sad that they'd never gotten to share her growth. Had she even walked before they were gone? Harri wondered what it would be like to stare into her mother's eyes. To see the green that everyone obsessed over so much. Was hers as verdant?

She blew out a breath. She didn't want to cry.

In some twisted way, she thought Voldemort had turned her into the perfect soulmate for him. He'd orphaned her as he was. Placed her in a muggle home where she did not belong as he hadn't. And given her the ability to speak to snakes, an obsession of his.

He was like Oedipus, the mythical king of Thebes. Going out of his way to prevent something and ending up being the cause of it.

Voldemort was a Greek tragedy and Harri was his muse.

“Whose tale more sad than thine, whose lot more dire? O Oedipus, discrowned head."

She dreamt of Voldemort that night. Saw a new pair of frail hands and heard his eerie voice. She dreamt of the diadem too. His scarlet eyes and laugh which she would never forget. And a third person. Wailing and livid, waiting to be freed. Around his pale neck, an emerald 's' and a gold chain.

If only Harri had remembered when she woke up.

Chapter 16: civil blood makes civil hands unclean

Chapter Text

Chapter 16: civil blood makes civil hands unclean

“August of another summer,
and once again I am drinking the sun and the lilies are spread across the water.
I know now what they want is to touch each other.”
— Mary Oliver, The Pond

Coast of the Adriatic Sea, Albania

There is a place deep in the Albanian forest where all living things arrive to meet their ends. No longer do beings wander there and those foolish enough to try never return.

A man walks through the woods, undaunted by the tenor. The wind is relentless and darkness looms like a veiled omen. In preparation for a storm, the forest creatures hide in tree barks, bushes, and long dead trunks. Snakes slither deep into the earth, wolves lurk in caves and birds disappear into the sky. They all watch as this human walks to the place they do not stray anymore.

The man continues on until he meets the setting where there is nothing and no one.

His hand slips out of his pocket and a wand flicks out. As if the ground feels him, its ambiance changes.

A first drop of rain trickles down his cover and thunder rumbles, blinding the Earth in white. He lifts his cloak and red eyes reveal themselves.

Young as the day he left, Tom Riddle returns to Albania again.

“But why do we have to meet with them dad?” Ron frowned. “I don’t want to be late! The match starts at six and it’s a long way to go beforehand.”

Arthur Weasley pinched his nose in vexation. “For the last time Ronald, the Diggory’s live but a few minutes away from us. It's not much out of the way! Stop complaining and put on your shoes.”

Ron crossed his arms and sulked his way out of the house, shoes in hand.

“He’s been an absolute nightmare.” Ginny confessed to Harri, filling her backpack with her clothes. “Nothing is right, everything is wrong. We could just be sitting with him and he’d find something to complain about.”

Hermione took a bite out of her raspberry buttercream cheesecake and pondered aloud. “Knowing your soulmate and having to hide it all the time, spending months apart with only scraps of communication...it has to be difficult for him. I think we should give him room to be a little sulky. If that’s the right word.”

“It’s not an excuse to be a prat though.” Ginny protested. “And anyway, Draco will be at the Quidditch World Cup. Shouldn’t he be happy?” She zipped up her backpack and they started out the door.

“But so will his father,” Harri said. “we all know how it went last time your dad and Lucius were in close proximity to each other. Draco and Ron will probably just have to ignore one another to not cause any problems and someone is going to get upset either way.”

Hermione bit her lip. “They wouldn’t start anything with the minister there would they? All wizarding England and more will be watching.”

Ginny shrugged.

The boys were already clustered together waiting for them. It was a smaller crowd than usual. Sirius, Arthur, Ron, Fred and George only, because Bill was still in Egypt, Charlie had returned to Romania and Percy's life was now dedicated to the reign of Barty Crouch Senior.

Mr. Weasley smiled at them. “Let’s be on our way then.”

Sirius sauntered over to Harri, looking striking in his Irish jersey. “Pack any food puppy?”

“I just saw you eat like, ten pancakes.” Harri marveled.

“I’m a growing boy.” Sirius grinned.

“I’ll buy you something at the game." She said, sarcastic.

“That’ll do.”

They walked to the outskirts of Ottery St. Cachpole village where Cedric and his father waited for them. After a round of brief introductions, as they all knew of each other if did not explicitly know each other, they dredged on another fifteen minutes until they happened upon their portkey.

Harri leaned with Sirius, bracing for how her body would twist and pop. It was quick. The world churned around them in hues of blue before it settled into browns, greens and reds. She almost fell onto her tailbone but George caught her just before the ground.

They gazed a moment at the sight before them, taking in their surroundings. The grounds for the Quidditch World Cup were garish and psychedelic, with tents littered like ants around them and wizards as far as the eye could see.

Hermione and Harri, the only two there muggle-raised, ogled in awe as they walked into the campsite and around, looking for their tent.

It was on the east side next to the end, close to the ward line. Harri was delighted by the space and the illusion of the tents. It would never stop being amazing, this new world she was in.

They only stayed in the tent long enough to drop their things off and then left to explore with Ron and George.

The atmosphere was astonishing. The air was charged with anticipation and worldly exhilaration. Harri'd never seen so many people in one place, let alone wizards. She hadn't realized just how many of them there were. It reminded her there was a whole world she hadn't explored properly.

They traversed until a half hour before the game and then made their way into the stadium to their seats, where everyone else was. Harri couldn’t stop herself from gasping a the crowd inside. There must have been over two hundred thousand people swarming the stands.

And they were all hollering and whistling.

It took Harri and her friends a while to reach their destination. The minister’s box. Fudge and the Bulgarian minister of magic greeted them. Their colleagues were resting on the couches near the right side, only occasionally gazing into the stadium. Fudge wasted no time, introducing Harri to the Bulgarian minister. How proud was he, to have the girl who lived there.

Before he could make too much of a nuisance of himself, Sirius came up and tugged her with him towards their area on the left. Mr. Weasley, Fred and Ginny were already in their seats, squinting at the crowd. Hermione and George settled in beside them while Ron followed Harri and Sirius to stand at the railing.

Spotting a melancholy expression on Ron’s face, Harri laced their fingers together and gave him a squeeze. Ron smiled and gave three squeezes back. As if sensing the mood, Hermione came up to them. She rested her elbows on the barrier and tried to make her omniocular work.

That was when the last of the guests arrived.

Lucious and Narcissa strode into the room as if they were royalty. Narcissa and Sirius shared an intense look. Mrs. Malfoy stared at Sirius in a way Harri couldn’t describe properly but if she tried, she would say Narcissa seemed satisfied. Maybe she was happy, in a way, to have some family back. There was so much history between them, a glance couldn't be enough for Harri to piece it all together.

Lucius and Arthur on the other hand shot daggers at each other before looking away. Stepping in after them was someone Harri didn’t recognize.

When Sirius’s eyes landed on him, however, Harri physically felt him tense. The man that had entered was beastly, to say the least. He was muscled, with a scar slit across his nose, and a razor-edged smile. He practically bared his teeth at Sirius in a mockery of a smile, something resentful in it.

The tension couldn't have even been cut with a knife. Arthur grasped Sirius’s arm. He whispered under his breath. “Control yourself. We don't need a scene, this is not the place.”

Sirius glared at the roguish man with a fire in his eyes. Then, like a string being cut, Draco entered the room with Theodore and Blaise, breaking the strain. The wolfish man gave a scowl and turned away.

“Let it go, Sirius.” Mr. Weasley murmured.

Sirius spun his head away. Harri relaxed and focused her attention on the other situation taking place. The one the adults hadn’t noticed. Draco, in the back corner of the room now and gazing in their direction with a demure face. Ron was valiantly trying to not look back, his face flushed and Hermione speaking softly in his ear.

The match beginning then, was a relief.

Victor Krum stole the show and all their little quidditch maniac hearts, Ireland won and the stadium erupted. It made sense that no one noticed a little house-elf nervously sitting in her seat. It made sense that no one noticed the shimmering of an invisibility cloak. It made sense that Barty Crouch Jr. escaped right under their noses.

A pain in her scar woke Harri up. She rose, clutching at her bedsheets tightly. It took a minute to breathe through the pain and then another for her to remember where she was. She was sleeping in the Weasley’s tent. She straightened and wiped the sweat off her forehead. The scar continued to ache.

Harri stood to get a glass of water. She was entering the living room when voices broke out in the silence of the night.

She looked towards the entrance of the tent and found two silhouettes visible through the fabric. On light feet, she ambled to the entrance and pressed her eye through the opening to see who it was.

From what was visible, it was Sirius arguing with the man from the minister's box.

Harri had asked George about him mere hours ago as they were getting ready for bed. He explained that his name was Fenrir Greyback. He was a werewolf and the leader of a very famous pack. A notorious one at that, known for biting young children.

“Where is he?” Greyback spat at Sirius.

“Far away from you.”

The last time Sirius'd looked anywhere near this aggrieved with anyone, it'd been Wormtail.

Greyback's fists clenched, his knuckles big and hairy. “Tell him I want to speak to him.”

“If you're as close as you say you are, you can do it on your own. You don’t need me to be the middleman.”

“He won’t listen to me!” The wolf hissed, latching onto Sirius's shirt and hauling him forward.

“That’s not my problem! If you really gave a damn about what he wants you would leave him alone!”

Fenrir let out an inhumane noise. “You think I'll walk away just because you believe you know better? That you know anything? Know us? You don’t Black! He doesn’t tell you anything! There are things you'll never understand that I can give him. And you know what? He wants me, he wants the pack.”

Sirius shoved Greyback off himself. “There is nothing you can give him that is worth a damn!”

Fenrir laughed. “Is that right mutt? You suppose the past twelve years they locked you up I spent away from him?”

“Remus wouldn't."

“He already has!” Fenrir roared.

Sirius staggered back.

“You can't understand what it means to be one of us.”

“I don’t need to understand anything to know that I don't want him near you. I remember what you did even if he forgives and forgets. You are the one who damned him and I will never forgive you for it.”

“I'm trying to keep him safe!”

Sirius scoffed. “You're the one who put him in danger.”

"It's not your choice to make." Greyback moved away. “If you care about him you will look past your own selfish desires and tell him to meet me at floating point exception.” And then with a crack of apparation he was gone.

Floating point exception?

Sirius turned around. Harri sprinted across the tent and back into her bed with her heart beating a mile a minute.

Why did Greyback care so much about Remus? Was it because he'd been the one to bite him? She drifted back to sleep with these thoughts.But it was not for long.

She was shaken awake two hours later.

People were screaming. Hermione dragged Harri out of bed. Arthur snatched Ginny and apparated away. Fred and George did the same. Sirius grabbed Harri, Ron and Hermione. They apparated to the edge of a clearing outside the quidditch grounds.

When Harri looked back, she saw the whole region aflame.

Then footsteps hurried their way and Sirius readied his wand. Harri pulled out her own and aimed, disarming charm on the tip of her lips. But instead of attackers, three very familiar boys stumbled out of the trees and right into them.

“Ron!” Draco’s voice.

“Harri! Hermione!” Blaise.

“You need to leave.” Theodore.

It was a conversation of chaos, all of them talking one over the other, panicked.

“What?"

“Their—"

"Death eaters.” Theodore said urgently. “You need to take Harri away right now.”

“We didn’t—I didn’t know—” Draco said.

“They’ll go for Hermione too—"

“We have to apparate.”

“Is your father with them?”

“I—I don’t—

A loud crunch from behind.

Sirius pointed his finger at Draco, Blaise and Theodore. "You boys need to go home."

"We have a portkey-we'll be fine."

Sirius gave a sharp nod and then yanked Harri, Ron and Hermione to him. “Hold onto me."

From their right, there was a flash of red.

“MORSMORDRE!”

Someone shrieked. The world went sideways and for the first time in thirteen years a dark mark lit up the night sky.

Harri couldn't sleep the rest of the night. Hermione and Ron passed out on the drawing room couches but she stayed awake. She could hear Sirius and Mr. Weasley having a hushed conversation in the kitchen. And though their voices weren't clear enough, she didn't need to hear the words to know they were shaken and worried.

The events of the day had affected them all. Thirteen years of peace were now tainted. Harri was sure it was no coincidence. Before the pain in her scar had awakened her, she'd had a dream. She remembered it now.

There was a mansion overlooking a village below and an old man clambering up steps. Behind him had been a serpent ready to strike. Wormtail had been there too, sniffling and swearing at something. The thing she recalled was a familiar high voice. She realized it was Voldemort. He was back.

Because of this, Harri was terrified to look at her hands.

It had been three years since Voldemort’s words had gone. Three years of empty wrists that would change if she looked down.

Voldemort would try to regain his power very soon. The death eater attack was just the beginning.

From the moment Harri woke the morning she was to leave for school again, she felt that something was wrong. It felt like a visceral thing, her dream. Like he was whispering in her ear. I am coming. And that snake, for a second she'd thought it was going to eat her whole.

Her mood didn't improve when she remembered today was the day she had to leave Sirius. After spending the summer with him, loving him and having been loved in return, it wasn't easy to think about not having him beside her.

He was in low spirits too. He had eye bags that were deep and his smile was shallow. He packed Harri's trunk for her while dictating her to bed. He demanded she finish her breakfast while he did the work.

She took small portions of her toast in her mouth and laughed as he tried to stuff the abundance of things he’d bought her inside.

“I don’t need five sets of quills, there is a thing as too many quills Sirius.”

He ignored her and threw in two more. “What if one breaks? Then you’ll have none for backup. You'll be forced to use a pen or something and then Snape will take points off for caligraphy.”

“If my quill breaks I can just owl you and ask for more. Or I can go to Hogsmeade or ask my friends. But that's beside the point. The point is you don't need to worry about my quills.”

“I'll worry all I want. And the owl will take too long.” Sirius pressed a pair of boots on top of her History of Magic book and spread an extra raincoat over her quidditch robes.

“This is getting a tad excessive.”

“That is an outrageous thing to say Harri.” Sirius propped up the lid of her trunk. “Nothing excessive about being sufficient.”

She thought he was done but then he began to reach for a couch pillow.

“Sirius!”

“What?”

“We have cushions in the Gryffindor dorms.”

Sirius sniffed. “Those don’t have the same softness. These have Egyptian feathers imported from Cairo.”

She threw her hands and left to take a bath. Sirius pretended to close the trunk and then nonchalantly threw in a roll of parchment.

“I saw that!” Harri shouted from the bathroom sink. Hedwig too hooted from the open window.

“Alright! I’ll be downstairs waiting. We’re leaving in twenty minutes!”

Harri bathed and they left for King’s Cross on foot. The London skies were grey and the wind whistled harshly. Harri shivered and yanked down the sleeves of her sweater. She held Sirius's hand and his fingers laced with hers.

The train station appeared before them within minutes.

The area was packed with muggles as usual. When they reached platform nine and three quarters Sirius's mouth stretched into a wide grin. Harri realized suddenly that this was his first time back at Kings Cross in more than a decade. His first time there without her father.

She tugged on his hand. “Ready?”

Sirius frowned. “Ready for what?”

Harri smiled and pulled him toward the brick wall in a run. Sirius let out an exuberant laugh and like lighting, they shot through the passage together.

Sirius placed her trunk in with the rest of the baggage and then turned to her with sad eyes. Hedwig was already on her way to Hogwarts and there was nothing to take care of anymore.

Before Harri was ready it was time to say goodbye. Immediate sadness pinched her chest. Her eyes welled up with tears.

“Sweetheart,” Sirius smiled but his own voice was unsteady. He enveloped Harri in his arms. She pressed her face into his chest and the smell of pinecone and cinnamon encircled her like a blanket.

“I’ll miss you too.” He whispered. "You can come home anytime. If you don’t want to be there I’ll come and bring you back.”

Harri nodded shakily. “Love you.”

Sirius drew back and cupped her neck, his grey eyes watery. “I love you more than anything Harri.”

They hugged one last time and then Harri climbed up the train steps.

She found her friends in the last carriage on the train. She could see Draco gesticulating excitedly with his hands through the window and noticed that Ron’s face was lit up in more happiness than she had seen in a while. Hermione was very piqued about something and Lavender and Blaise were still settling their belongings. Daphne spotted her face in the window and shrieked.

Harri pushed open the door and dragged Draco into a hug. “It’s been way too long.”

He wrapped her in his arms and pecked her forehead. “Missed you peanut.”

Harri giggled. “Missed you chestnut.”

The train pulled out of the station and everyone sat down. Draco turned to them all with a smirk. “So.”

“Merlin.” Hermione huffed. “What is it already? You’ve been teasing us the whole morning!”

“Teasing you about what?” Harri asked.

“Some super secret thing he’s so smug to be the only one to know.” If Blaise rolled his eyes any harder they would get stuck to the back of his head.

“And what’s got your wand in a knot?” Maria implored.

Blaise crossed his arms. “He’s been on and on about this with me for days.”

“Let him be excited about something.” Ron muttered defensively.

“Just say it Draco.” Daphne laughed.

Draco grinned like the cheshire cat. “Ever heard about the Tri-Wizard Tournament?”

“Nope.” Harri said.

Hermione frowned. “I’ve read about it in Hogwarts a History briefly.”

“The Tri-Wizard Tournament?” Daphne repeated.

“Didn’t they ban that a long time ago? Like two hundred years or something because a lot of kids died?” Blaise inquired.

“The Tri-Wizard Tournament is a competition between the three largest wizarding schools in Europe. So that’s us, Hogwarts, Beauxbatons in France and the Durmstang Institute somewhere near Bulgaria or Romania.” Draco explained. “Each school has a chosen champion who competes in three tasks and whichever of them wins, gets the triwizard cup and eternal glory. One school hosts the entire thing.” He then smiled delightedly. “And this year—

“They reinstated it! We're hosting it at Hogwarts!” Blaise interrupted him. “That's it isn't it? Your father's on the board so he knows. Finally, the kneezle is out of the bag. A week you’ve tortured me with this!”

Draco stared at Blaise with great offense painted on. “I was supposed to say it you arse!”

Blaise turned up his nose. “It’s what you deserve.”

“Wanker."

“In other news.” Lavender interrupted. “Are we going to address the elephant in the room?”

Instantly, the mood of their cabin went down.

“I'm guessing your father was a part of it. Wasn’t he Draco?” Hermione questioned. “The attack at the Quidditch World Cup.”

Ron shut his eyes.

Draco looked down at his clasped hands and picked at his cuticles. Ron ran a comforting hand down his back.

“And Blaise, did you know what was going to happen? Why didn’t you say anything? A warning or…I don’t know. But to just be quiet?”

“People were hurt.” Maria added quietly.

“I know.” Draco acknowledged. “I know they were.”

“The paper said it was death eaters.” Harri said. “Voldemort’s followers? I thought your father wasn’t one, that’s why he’s free isn’t it?”

“Harri—

“What we’re all trying to say is that obviously we know you aren’t like that and you can’t control your family but you care about Hermione and Harri don’t you? You love them? Muggleborns or halfblood or pure? If you knew about an attack why wouldn’t you want to stop it?” Maria said.

“I didn’t know they were going to hurt anyone. I just, they told me and Theo it was just a little game! They didn't say they would target anybody.” Draco protested, his voice cracking.

“I was there.” Blaise interrupted. “He didn’t know they would hurt anybody.”

“Okay but what does this mean?” Hermione asked. “For the future?”

“We've known you-know-you was going to try to come back again since we were eleven. We had a conversation about it on this train.” Lavender said. “You've had some time to decide, if your father is one of his followers still, what position does that leave you? With Harri, with Hermione and with Ron? Or...”

Draco shook his head. “I don’t know.”

Harri reached across the carriage to squeeze his hand. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Exactly.” Ron agreed. “We’re going to protect each other.”

Hermione nodded.

“It’s a forever thing.” Daphne grinned.

Blaise swung an arm around Draco. “We’re stuck together for the rest of our lives. Like the nernaenen hydra.”

Lavender snickered. “That’s an image.”

“Can we talk about something else now?” Ron asked.

“Yes please.” Harri urged.

Blaise leaned in. “Like Victor Krum and how amazing he was when he caught the snitch?”

“And his feint maneuver was bloody brilliant!” Ron raved.

“I thought he was cute. He has this whole dark and mysterious thing going on.” Daphne confided.

Harri dropped her head onto Maria’s shoulder in contentment, happy to listen to her friends praise Krum. Maria shifted around to get comfortable and accidentally nudged Harri’s carry-on bag into her spleen. Harri winced and moved it onto her lap.

She felt around the right pocket whatever had poked her and her hand ran over a particularly weird bulge. She unzipped her bag and looked in search of the object. Her fingers felt her hairbrush and her invisibility cloak before they touched a cold chain. Harri frowned and pulled it out.

She stared, baffled.

In the palm of her hand lay a golden locket she had never seen before. She traced the viridescent S on its shell and murmured quietly. “Who put you in there?”

The locket glinted as if it were winking at her.

Caledonian Forest, Scotland

Fenrir prowled through his territory with his claws out on the hunt for prey. The moon was waning, leaving him more human than wolf. But this didn't prevent the inhuman anger from raging inside him.

He knew an intruder was lurking on his land. He’d felt it. He followed where the smell of a foreigner led him to the edge of his forest. When he saw the stranger draped casually underneath the giant sequoia tree, he snarled and snagged him by the neck.

Fenrir hauled the man up and slammed him into the tree trunk.

The man didn't flinch. “Uh uh Greyback.”

Fenrir sneered and tightened his grip, showing his teeth. “Give me a reason to not tear your throat out.”

The stranger smirked and like whiplash, a blinding force thrust Fenrir backward. He landed on the floor with his claws extended out in defense.

Before he could lash out again the man was standing above him with a foot on his chest. He pulled down his cloak and revealed his face.

“The time has come for you to return to your master.” Evan Rosier smirked.

Chapter 17: something wicked this way comes

Chapter Text

Chapter 17: something wicked this way comes

As Draco had told them he would, Dumbledore announced the triwizard tournament during the welcoming feast that night.

The hall erupted in delighted whispers as soon as the words left the headmaster's mouth. Everyone wanted be the house whose champion would win. Harri could hear the deliberations over who would enter and be chosen from every corner of the room. Everything felt hopeful and exciting.

The joy of reuniting and coming back to school after a long summer felt like nothing else in the world. A kind of feeling they would never find again. It was something that would be cherished forever because one day they would be old and Hogwarts only a fond memory.

But while the triwizard tournament news was exciting, for Harri one of the nicest parts of the night was the sorting ceremony. It was sweet to watch new faces walk in with surprise on their faces and it made her flush the way they would glance at her in awe.

She was thinking about last year and how Hermione and she had missed it when the side doors of the hall opened heavily and a man drenched in rainwater marched in.

Dumbledore rose to welcome him and introduced the man as the new defense against the dark arts professor. His name was Alastor Moody (or if Harri were to use Ron’s terminology, Mad-Eye Moody). According to Seamus, he was a close friend of Dumbledore’s and a legendary auror. Apparently, Mad-Eye held the record for capturing and imprisoning the most death eaters during the first war with Voldemort.

One of the first things Harri noticed about Mad Eye was that like all the DADA professors of their past he too had a unique physical trait. A fake left eye that could do a three-sixty spin and made you think he wouldn’t let anything get past him.

Lost in the moment and in a lapse of judgment Harri forgot about the locket she’d found in her bag.

The first day of fourth year classes was memorable, to say the least. Mad-Eye taught them about the unforgivables. Three curses that would land a wizard and witch in azkaban in under a minute. The cruciatus curse, the imperious curse and the killing curse.

The one that had torn apart Harri's family and destroyed her world.

Mad Eye chose to demonstrate them himself.

“Why would he teach us this?” Maria whispered under her breath.

“He’s not doing it to be cruel.” Daphne flicked an ant off her chair. “He knows it’s something we have to learn.” She glanced meaningfully at Neville, who seemed like he would be sick. “He just wants us to be prepared.”

“It’s true.” Ron shrugged. “We all lost someone in the war but if we never learn about them, how can we ever defend ourselves from them?”

They continued their conversation quietly while Moody packed away the spider he'd demonstrated all the curses on. Harri glanced around the room, observing everyone's reactions and her eyes landed on Theodore. He had grown over the summer. He towered over her where he had once been equal to Harri in height.

Moody started concluding his lesson but Harri found it difficult to pay attention, her eyes kept wandering over to Theodore.

When class ended a few minutes later, Theodore came to say hello and she couldn’t help but notice that it seemed as if he had settled into his bones. He was no longer that boy that blushed at her in Paris or averted his eyes across the seats of a car. He was at ease now and when their eyes met he smiled.

Somehow they ended up sat together at the back of the school on a bench beneath a locust tree.

“My mother died when I was six.” Theodore Nott murmured to her, sunlight caught on his eyelashes. “The healer told me she’d been ill for a long time. He said she was finally at rest then. Free of the pain.”

“That sounds horrible.” Harri’s voice was soft.

“The thing is,was,she wasn’t physically sick. Not the way people are. She was…well she wanted to die.” Theodore said while staring at the tips of locust leaves on his legs. “You see my whole life she’d been terribly sad.”

Harri’s heart ached for him. She’d never known her parents and she could not imagine the pain of loss she would have felt if she did.

He exhaled. “She’d tried for so long to be alright, to be happy, for my sister and me. But I guess it got too much because before my seventh birthday she took a wand to her head and tried to kill herself in front of me.”

Harri let out a choked sound. “It didn’t work of course. So when she returned from the hospital and while we were away from home, she found a knife and slit her wrists.”

Harri shivered and reached for him.

“Merlin, I’m—I’m so sorry.”

“She was agoodmother, I’ll always remember that. She used to read me bedtime stories and cut my hair. I know she loved me and my sister no matter the end.”

“Of course she did. How could she not?” Harri hesitated and then blurted. “My mother didn’t try to kill herself but she died in front of me. So…I understand I suppose, what it’s like to see that. ”

Theodore looked up from the ground. “In class when Moody showed the unforgivables I couldn't help but think of you, and how you might be the only other person who's seen an unforgivable touch their mother too.”

“I can still see the green light in my dreams and when dementors come near me I can hear her scream.” Harri admitted. “Can you?”

“Yes.” Theodore nodded. “It comes at the strangest times. I know it wasn’t the curse that killed her…but I…I thought it had. It leaves a mark. ”

“Of course it does. How could a child ever forget something like that?”

Theodore turned, moving closer. “It's nice to talk about this. I’ve never…no one else ever…”

“Yeah.” Harri sighed. “Is it weird that I feel like we're bridged together by our experiences?”

“I feel that too. I feel like I always have felt like I know you, from when I first saw you to now.” Theodore confided.

He had eyes that knew, that felt the exact same pain. It felt so intimate to share this with him. Nothing could tie you to someone the way tragedy did. He exhaled and he was so close like this, Harri couldn’t help but let her eyes drop to his lips. He watched her, his eyelids falling.

“Theod—"

“You can call me Theo, Harri.” He whispered. “I’d actually like it very much if you did.”

“Oh. Sure. You can still call me Harri.” She teased, nervous.

“Is that right?” Theo’s lip curled. “Good thing you’ve told me now, I’ve been calling you Helen for years.”

“Have you?” Harri laughed.

“Yup.”

She grinned. “That’s a shame. I don’t let boys who call me Helen kiss me.”

“Really?” Theo asked.

“Really.” Harri replied and then leaned in and kissed him.

It was gentle. He coaxed her mouth open with ease. Harri lifted her hands and tangled them in his hair, feeling the soft strands shift through her fingers.

Hogwarts vanished in the background. There was only the two of them and the scars on Theo’s heart that matched the shape of Harri’s own. A boy who had known pain as deep as hers.

“Detention! Detention for scaring Mrs. Norris!” Filch's shout at a first year penetrated the moment.

They laughed and broke their kiss. Harri rested her head on Theo’s shoulder.

He grinned down at her. “Would it be cringe if I said I’d been wanting to do that forever?”

“Yes.” Harri said and pecked him again.

Theo shook his head, beaming. “Whatever you say Helen.”

At first, Harri truly did fail to remember the locket but then coincidentally one day early into October she found it again. She had been bored and thumbing through Hermione’s copy of 'Hogwarts, A History'. It was by pure chance that she stumbled upon the chapter of Salazar Slytherin.

She drifted through the parts about the chamber of secrets, his dislike of muggles and ended up on a portrait of him. Her breath caught and she stared dumbfounded at the necklace hanging around his neck. It was identical to the one in her bag. The emeralds shone even in the painting.

She dropped the book and rummaged through her book bag, yanking out her locket. She glared at the picture and then back at the chain in her hand. It wasn’t possible and yet it was. It was exactly the same. The gold and emeralds still shone.

Harri didn’t understand how in the world it had landed in her bag. Unless Kreacher…unless Kreacher had thrown it in with her things…

But why would he have had this with him? The Black’s were an ancient wizarding family but why would Slytherin’s heirloom have ended up with them? Didn’t Slytherin have descendants that were still alive?

Harri grabbed the book in hand again and reread the pages, looking for the names she’d passed over before. Under the family section, she found Slytherin's list of decedents. His line had ended with the Gaunt's. Though she knew technically, the wasn't true. Tom, or at least Voldemort, was still alive. Slytherin's blood survived.

She would have to ask Draco or Theo if they had any wizarding genealogy books. Perhaps the Gaunt's sold this necklace to the Black's. It was odd that it had stayed with them, this kind of thing seemed like something Tom would've coveted.

The heir of Slytherin. He must have come from the Gaunt's. His mother, since he didn't have the last name.

It was peculiar that the locket had ended up in Harri’s hands. Then again she had Slytherin’s parseltongue, didn’t she? She was the last person to have found his chamber, she’d slain his basilisk and her soulmate was who he was.

What was it they said? Once is a chance, twice a coincidence and three times a pattern? What was it if not all connected to Voldemort, to Tom and her.

Harri cursed and rolled over onto her back. She splayed her hands over her eyes and groaned.

The door chose that moment to swing open and Daphne marched in at the same time that Hermione stepped out of the bathroom.

“I can’t believe this!” Hermione exclaimed. She was wearing a bathrobe and her hair was still damp from the shower.

Harri looked up.

“Can’t believe what?” Daphne yawned, toed off her shoes and slipped into bed.

Hermione dropped her toiletries on the floor and unwrapped her towel swathe from her head. “Harri! I can’t believe it. This is wonderful, you’re finally reading Hogwarts a History.”

“It’s more useful than I thought,” She confessed and then discreetly got up, closed the book and quickly hid the locket in her skirt before they noticed.

Hermione pulled out her hair brush. “Isn’t it just?”

“Speaking of history, we don’t have history homework or anything do we?” Daphne covered her eyes with an arm.

“We never have work from Binns and even if we did I doubt you would bother Daph.”

Hermione shook out her hair and water droplets scattered onto Lavender’s bed.

“Soz I’m not like you and Harri.” Daphne rolled her eyes.

“Just reading to pass the time.” Harri muttered.

“If you’re that bored I have something that’ll entertain you.” Daphne winked.

Interest piqued, Harri padded over to her. “And that is?”

Daphne lifted her hand up. “I think my soulmate is coming to Hogwarts!”

Harri crawled onto her back. “f*ck off! Really?!”

“Yes!” Daphne giggled. “All day, he’s been writing about England and our school and training on some boat. Usually, it’s mostly just quidditch stuff you know?”

Harri’s smile almost dropped, thinking, no she didn’t, but she caught herself. “Yeah. I know.”

Daphne gazed up at Harri with an anxious face. “I’m very nervous though. I just hope we fit I guess? That we match the image of the stranger we’ve held in our heads for so long.”

Harri remembered the diary and a boy so perfect he’d been too good to be true. “You will.” She promised. “He’ll be everything you ever wanted.”

In her heart was Tom Riddle always.

To my beloved poppet,

The house is already quiet and you’ve only been gone a month. I miss you terribly but I know you’re having fun at Hogwarts and that’s much more important to me.

Tell me everything. How are the two forlorn little souls Draco and Ron? How are Hermione, Maria, Daphne and Lavender? You know the sugar in this house is just wasting away without them.

And what about classes? Do you like them? I heard Mad-Eye is teaching you this year. Is he still barmy? He was a brilliant auror back in the day. I don’t know if I ever told you but he trained me and James for a bit. Which reminds that I should tell you I met Blaise’s mother at the ministry. That is one terrifying woman. Though she is gorgeous.

Since you’ve been gone I’ve been exploring London more and I found this lovely pub. Remus said he’d go for a pint with me just to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid. He comes over a lot more often now. He says I’m sad without you but I think it’s just an excuse to spend more time with me.

And before you ask he still won’t watch star wars. One of these days I’ll get him to, the man can only take my yoda voice for so long before it drives him over the edge.

I also hope you aren’t too upset I didn’t tell you about the tournament at school. I wanted you to be surprised by something good. You should know one of the things I snuck into your trunk included a dress and don’t worry I didn’t buy it.

Charlie did.

Jokes.

Tonks bought it for you.

Write me back very soon and did I mention I miss you? Because I do.

All my love,
Sirius Black

To my favorite person in the world,

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

Draco and Ron are well, nauseatingly happy actually. Hermione is thriving with less than ten classes and Maria is obsessed with redecorating our dorm room. Lavender has a massive crush on this Ravenclaw sixth year but he’s kind of a snob and Daphne is getting ready to meet her soulmate so that’s quite exciting. We think he’s from durmstang.

I do like my classes, Mad-Eye is weird but a good teacher. His eye is creepy though. Potions is quite interesting this year and we’re actually learning to make polyjuice. Somehow I get the feeling Snape knows we brewed it in the girls bathroom second year for fun and is holding it against us.

Blaise said he thinks it’s a good idea for you to run from his mother. I do too. I'm sure there are plenty of muggle women out there for you.

By the way, do you know Theodore Nott? He’s lovely. And I think Remus should take one for the team and definitely watch star wars with you. Also, I’m not upset that you didn’t tell me about the tourney because Draco spoiled it on the train ride over.

I’ve seen the dress you packed and it’s beautiful! I’m surprised you let Nhympy give it to me, I’m thinking maybe you didn’t see the whole thing.

I miss London, I miss our house and our Remus. December can’t come sooner!

I love you so much,
Harri Potter

“Harri! Hermione!” Ron shouted from his place in line in the great hall. “Over here! Quick! They’re coming!” Hermione and Harri hurried over to him, pushing past the Ravenclaw table. Zachariah Smith shot Harri a dirty look when she stepped on his foot. She shrugged and mouthed 'oops'.

They were assembling in the hall to welcome Beauxbatons and Drumstrang.

“Longbottom! Tuck in your shirt!” McGonagall hissed as she walked by, inspecting them. Her eyes were narrowed at Nevill'es unruly appearance. Neville winced and straightened himself.

“You’d think it was the queen or something.” Dean muttered out the side of his mouth.

Seamus snigg*red. “Please, we don't care about her.”

“I would think after four years we would have instilled some manners in you!” Harri heard Snape lecture. “For once, behave yourselves! We must not appear as fools in front of the other schools.” He paced back and forth between the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables.

Blaise mocked Snape behind his back, mouthing along and overexaggerating and Harri couldn't help but laugh. Draco and Adrian guffawed into Blaise's shoulder on either side of him.

“I’ve never been so excited for a feast.” Lavender whispered into Harri’s ear. “Just think, all those boys from Beauxbatons and all the new people we’ll get to meet. This year is going to be amazing!”

Next to them, Maria shrugged. “French wizards are not my type. I wish we had some Americans.”

“Oh please.” Daphne sniffed from her other side. “Who cares where they’re from when one of them is mine?”

“Imagine he’s from Drumstrang.” Hermione frowned. “That would be disappointing I think.”

Harri rested her back against Lavender's shoulder and looked at Theo, he was across the room and speaking to Miles. “Don’t let the stereotypes get to you. Not all of them are dark.” As if feeling her gaze, Theo looked up and smiled at her. “You’ll see. They’ll surprise you.”

“Huh.” Daphne studied Harri with interest. “You know Harri, all this talk about boys…is there anything you’d like to tell us?”

Hermione, Maria and Lavender’s heads spun to her immediately.

“Uh.” Harri stuttered. “I-uh...”

“Anything to do with a certain Slytherin? The one you were just looking at perhaps?”

Hermione gasped. “Wait a minute, the only Slytherin you like is Nott!”

“Um what?” Lavender squealed. “Theodore Nott! You’re—"

“How did I not know about this?” Maria scowled. “He’s like one of the most attractive boys in this school, barring Cedric Diggory of course.”

“Well,” Harri blushed. “It’s fairly new. And I like Draco and Blaise perfectly fine as far as Slytherins go.”

“You know what I meant! Harri this is huge!” Hermione whisper-shouted, delighted.

“All of this stuff happens and you don’t even tell us! It’s like Leo all over again!” Lavender pouted.

“Leo who?” Daphne questioned.

Maria smirked. “This boy she hooked up with over the summer, at that party we went to. I told you about it remember?”

“I can’t believe I miss everything! I knew I should’ve pressured my parents into letting me go.” Daphne crossed her arms.

“Forget Leo.” Hermione shuffled closer. “How did it happen with Theodore?”

Harri played with the hem of her skirt, nervous about their approval. “We were just talking after defense class. We had this really good conversation, and I just felt close to him. Like it’s kind of been building up for a while now and we just kissed.”

Daphne grabbed Harri’s shoulders and shook her. “That is so bloody romantic!”

“Under the sky! In the Hogwarts gardens!” Lavender swooned. “When I went on that one date with Seamus he didn’t even give me a place to sit. We just walked.”

Harri laughed.

“Girls!” McGonagall glowered in their direction and snapped her wand at them. “Posture.”

They shut up. Just in time too because a majestic carriage, pulled by literal flying horses, glided through the sunset and landed on the front lawn. They were able to see the entire thing through the windows in the hall.

The carriage door opened and in bursts of silk blue students emerged, followed by a giant Headmistress. They danced into the great hall. Harri was startled to find Hugo, Theo’s friend from Paris, in a Beauxbatons uniform. He winked at her and ruffled Theo’s hair on his way past.

After the Beauxbaton’s students settled, Drumstrang’s ship rose from the murky waters of the black lake, vast and captivating. From the hull descended an assembly of students that seemed to have returned from a snowstorm, covered as they were in furs and wools. Leading the charge inside the school, was Victor Krum himself. Harri and Ron made enthusiastic eye contact.

Drumstrang’s headmaster was the last to enter the hall. He was a lanky man with oval eyes and an overcast expression. Dumbledore greeted him and waited for the Drumstrang students to sit before he indicated the start of the feast.

The students turned and sat down, chatting animately and taking long peeks at each other. Harri herself focused on Drumstrang’s headmaster and the dour look on his face.

“Igor Karkaroff.” Daphne murmured in Harri’s ear. “He was a death eater.”

All of their eyes locked on Karkaroff and irritation struck Harri. She ground her teeth and stabbed at her mashed potatoes with a fork, frustrated and indignant that everywhere she went she was faced with this. “And why is he free and not rotting in Azkaban?”

“No one knows exactly.” Maria whispered.

“But I heard that it was because he snitched and gave them the names of other death eaters.” Lavender added quietly.

“It’s not really justice then is it.” Hermione professed. “Not when death eaters like him can just roam around without consequence.”

Unconsciously, Harri looked at Draco. No one said it but they were all thinking of Lucius Malfoy too.

Harri panted in exhaustion. She rested her hand against the tree she woke up underneath in her dream and shivered.

When she straightened up, her hand came away dirty, mud trapped in her nail beds. There was scarcely any light where she was and so when she walked forward, she tripped over a root. She caught herself last minute on the tree bark and stumbled away from the sapling.

“Darling.”

Harri whipped around. “Tom.”

“I don’t have much time.”

The diadem wore a heavy cloak and like the diary, he was fading in and out of time in front of her.

“Where did you go?” Harri asked, starting forward. “Why did you leave without saying goodbye?”

His eyes were the only light in the darkness. “Because it wasn’t goodbye.”

It was obscenely quiet and it dulled everything around them.

“Tom, what’s wrong?” Harri’s hand stretched out to him.

His arms disappeared. “Hogwarts isn’t safe.”

Harri frantically reached for him but the closer she got the further away he seemed. “What do you mean? Because of the tournament?”

Tom grew insistent. “He’s coming Harri.”

Harri shivered again and attempted to make it to him but with every step she took, he grew more distant.

“Who? Who’s coming?” Harri’s voice echoed in the silence. “Voldemort?”

Tom’s body lost color. “He—"

Something moved behind him, something dark and quick.

His mouth moved in slow motion as he shouted. “Harri run!”

“Fromwhat?”

“Me.”Whispered softly, right behind her.

Disturbed by her dream, the first thing she did in the morning was write a letter to Sirius. She left out the part about the diadem and pretended it was the diary instead. She had told Sirius all about second year and the chamber of secrets, emitting only that he was her soulmate.

After sending the letter off with Hedwig she curled up in bed and contemplated telling the whole truth. She was tired of hiding it and she hated lying to Sirius. She only didn’t know if she was prepared for him to see her differently.

She buried her face in her pillow. Her head ached. She thrust out her arm for the blanket, fiddling with the bedsheets. She felt something refined touch her. Harri peeked one eye open, curious.

Mud was splattered across her white duvet.

Chapter 18: flower of the court

Chapter Text

Chapter 18: flower of the court

“Fame is not the glory! Virtue is the goal,
and fame only a messenger, to bring more to the fold.”
―Vanna Bonta,Degrees Thought Capsules

Fleur Delacour was bewitching in the way most girls dreamt to be. She glided through the hall with a grace that was captivating. Heads turned and the wind itself seemed to move with her. The Slytherin head boy, Jacob Pucey, nearly tipped a glass of milk onto himself when she walked by him. Fleur didn’t even notice, she slid into her seat and picked up her fork while her friend's chatter descended upon her. Harri watched it happen from across the room and wished she could appear so elegant.

It had been only a day since Beauxbatons and Durmstrang arrived, a day since Harri’s dream. She hadn’t had any time to digest the events of the last twelve hours and only this morning had she thought to visit the library and search for answers. To find something that could explain if the dream had been a premonition or a warning. It couldn’t be normal to have such dreams, that in some way often became reality. Not even for soulmates.

She might be clueless about divination, seers and crystal gazing but she remembered clearly how Trelawney’s prophecy from last year had come true. She’d searched for anything she could find in the library but came up empty.

Though she had found another interesting book, unrelated to the topic she was searching for. Between 'The State of Unreality’ and ‘The Life of Cassandra’, there was a velvet green novel. The pages were lined with gold and it was immaculately preserved. What had attracted Harri to it had been the name engraved on its spine. Aries Gaunt.

But just as she had dusted off the cover to begin reading, Theo strolled into the library. He had completely distracted her with his mouth.

Now, eight hours later, she waited impatiently for the triwizard champions to be announced so she could flip through the book. Everyone else was feverish, eager to see who would be picked as champion.

Harri was curious to see who it was too, and how they would persevere through the challenges. Though she found the 'glory' part of it to be superfluous. Because she knew what it meant to be glorified by others. She had seen how fickle it could be and how destructive it was. This thing some people spent their life chasing thinking it would give them the validation they needed was insubstantial. The champions would be earning something much greater than glory.

Strength, and the love of the people who supported them. Those things wouldn't leave as swiftly as capricious glory.

Wind swept through the hall. The doors opened and a tired Barty Crouch Sr ambled inside. Ludo Bagman followed behind him, practically riding on his coattails, both literally and figuratively.

Silence befell the room. Barty and Ludo marched to the goblet of fire, which burned bright. Embers darted out as small bombs and Dumbledore rose from his seat. It signaled this: the crowning of the champions was now underway.

“Before I start I would like to impart some knowledge,” Dumbledore professed. Behind him, Karkaroff scowled. It added to Harri’s vexation. Who did he think he was to so openly disrespect her headmaster at his own school?

“I know we have come here to celebrate three chosen victors.” Dumbledore continued. “But I hope that we do not forget, in chasing glory and gold, what really matters. Your worth as a human being is not determined by the strength of your muscles or your magic. Rather, your worth comes from within. From your character. From your choices. Those are the true qualities that make one honorable or worthy to be glorified. We should not lose sight of it this year, caught up in all of these games.” With that, Dumbledore stepped off the landing and pushed his hand into the goblet.

It felt like everyone held their breaths collectively when the first piece of paper sprang into Dumbledore’s fingers.

“For drumstrang, the chosen champion, Victor Krum!”

The drumstrang students created thunder in the room with their applause and a surprisingly humble Krum made his way onto the platform. Dumbledore gave him a smile and motioned to the side door of the hall. Krum passed through the doorway.

Harri shared a look with Hermione as Ron and Seamus lost their cool.

“He’s a lege.” Ron applauded.

Seamus squeezed Ron’s shoulders and snickered. “Best quidditch player in the league.”

With a more subtle leap, another piece of paper landed in Dumbledore’s hand.

“From the Beauxbatons academy of France, the chosen is Fleur Delacour!”

A quieter but no less excited thrum filled the room. Squeals and claps followed Fluer striding to Dumbledore and then into the backroom behind Krum.

“She’s so beautiful.” Dean sighed dreamily.

“I want to marry her.” Fred agreed.

And then, with only the Hogwarts champion left to be picked, a different kind of energy took hold of the room. They were the home team. Everyone hushed as Dumbledore reached for what should have been the last paper to come out of the goblet .

“It better not be Carrington.” Daphne muttered. “He used to lock me in the bathroom when I was little.”

“Shhh,” Lavender shushed. “I can’t hear.”

The anticipation rose to a crescendo as finally Dumbledore snatched up the last paper and called out the name. “Our very own Hogwarts champion I am proud to announce is Cedric Diggory!”

And it was good. It was great. Cedric was perfect. The applause was chaotic, all of the Hogwarts houses were happy, they liked Cedric. He was kind and handsome.

Without fault, he would have done Hogwarts proud.

They whooped as a flushed Cedric made his way down and accepted a pleased Dumbledore’s arm around his shoulder. With a little bit of awe in his eyes, he received his note back and walked out the hall to festive shouts.

It should have ended there.

It didn’t.

The goblet fizzled once again. Harri knew something wasn’t right and in trepidation she grabbed Hermione’s hand.

Wary, Dumbledore held open his palm as another paper fell into his hand. Without any hesitance he called out. “It seems there is another champion.”

Another hush fell. Dumbledore’s eyes roved over the paper and his face revealed nothing. With an unclear expression, he said. “Harri Potter.”

Harri gulped. She watched as every eye in the room turned to her.

“Harri Potter!” Dumbledore repeated louder. Harri looked at Hermione with fearful eyes. Maria and Lavender gaped at her.

“Harri.” Daphne whispered, horrified.

“What the f*ck?” George mouthed.

Ron was gobsmacked.

Hermione squeezed her hand. “Harri you have to go.”

Feeling as if she was about to throw up everything she just ate, Harri stood on shaky legs. Daphne touched her hand as she walked by and Maria murmured her luck. It seemed as if the world was moving impossibly slow while she went down the aisle and to Dumbledore’s waiting figure.

Harri was afraid to look at anyone's face. She could hear the whispers start up. You could almost hear a pin drop.

Dumbledore was still emotionless when he handed her the note. Not knowing what else to do, Harri stepped into the side room and prepared herself for the worst.

“We must take precautions.” Dumbledore was in the seat across from her. “The tournament is not safe for the other students, much less for a fourteen year old.”

Sirius growled and pushed himself off his chair.

“Now you think about precautions? Now! When my Harri is already bound to participate in a tournament where she could lose her life”

Harri closed her eyes.

After a disastrous introduction with the other champions and tournament officials, Dumbledore had taken Harri to his office where a furious Sirius already awaited them.

“If I had known there was such a plot, I would have stopped it."

Sirius slammed his fist down onto the table. “Of course you should have known! Every single year there is something. Without fail, someone is always trying to kill my daughter!”

“Sirius."

Sirius threw his arm out. “I should take her away next year and never bring her back! You have proven time and time again that you cannot protect her!”

A cup of tea floated up to Sirius’s face.

“Have a sip and sit down. It will calm you.” Dumbledore said.

Harri blinked open her eyes. “Sirius, please.”

With anger still etched onto the lines on his face, he sat down timidly.

“All we can do now is help Harri pass the trials. As long as she competes she will be alright.”

Sirius scowled. “Nothing about this is alright.”

“I know Sirius.”

“I’m staying here.” Sirius commanded. His cup of tea was still untouched and the rapid rise and fall of his chest were starkly visible.

Dumbledore inclined his head. “You may stay here on the days before and during the tasks but not any more than that.”

Sirius sneered and appeared geared up to shout again. Harri didn’t want another argument that would change nothing.

“Sirius.” Harri whispered.

He glanced at her and then turned away from Dumbledore.

With a threadbare smile, Dumbledore asked. “Harri, is there anything you wish to tell us?”

“There is one thing.” Harri admitted.

Sirius frowned. “And that is?”

“I’ve been having these strange dreams.”

“Dreams?” Dumbledore questioned uneasily, shifting in his seat.

“I just,” Harri cut herself off and took a gulp of air. Sirius stared at her with worry. “I had this dream about Voldemort on the night of the quidditch world cup. He was in this large but decrepit house and wormtail was there too as well as this large snake. And there was this other man’s voice and he was being promised something by Voldemort.”

Sirius and Dumbledore exchanged an unsettled glance.

“I’ve been expecting this,” Dumbledore confessed. “I knew he would soon make another attempt.”

“What time was this Harri?” Sirius asked hoarsely.

“Before the attack by the death eaters, when we were still in the tent.”

Dumbledore brushed his beard. “Are there any other details that could be important?”

Harri was hesitant and wanted to keep it to herself, as she did with everything in relation to her soulmate, but she divulged, “There was a pain in my scar.”

“And this has happened before am I correct?” Dumbledore questioned.

“Yes.” More than anyone would know.

“When?” Sirius ran a hand over her head.

“When he was on the back of Quirrel's head.”

“It is a pattern then.”

“A pattern?”

Dumbledore linked his fingers together. “Whenever he begins to gain power again Harri feels it. Whether in dreams or pain in her scar. Maybe even just a feeling.”

Harri was grateful that he didn’t say the exact reason why.Because he is her soulmate. Because his writing would be on her wrists.

After an uncertain silence, Dumbledore go up and patted Harri’s shoulder. “We should let the student in the room get some sleep now. Harri, remember the day is always different than the night.”

Sirius walked out with her and at the bottom of the spiral staircase he swept her into a hug. She had never felt as safe as she did dwarfed in his arms. He pressed a promise against her head. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

She swallowed. She didn’t know what would happen but she knew, always, Sirius would be there.

When she made it back to Gryffindor tower there was a party going on and questions she didn’t know how to answer. She denied entering her name in the goblet but it was like nobody cared. They were all too happy to celebrate Gryffindor. The only people who did have deeper feelings about it were her closest friends.

Ron and her got into an argument. Harri could admit that she was on a short fuse and took some of her frustration out on him. But to think he didn’t believe her right away? That cut at her. Ron had always been the first to be by her side, jump first and think later. It stung that it wasn’t the case anymore.

She stormed off after talking to him and climbed into bed. Though she was unable to sleep. She wanted more than anything, more than anyone, for Tom to be next to her again. She needed a hand in her hair, a voice telling her that she was strong and he would take care of her. It was unsurprisingly difficult to sleep in this bed without him.

In a moment of weakness, she curled her fingers around her wrist and pulled down her gold bracelet.

As she had waited for and dreaded at the same time, her words had returned. She almost wished for the never changingI fear no fate- to come back.

Because now there was blank ink and Voldemort’s living thoughts on her skin.

The preparations are complete. I return.

And that was worse of all.

No one said anything at breakfast yet Harri could feel their eyes on her. It disheartened her and aggravated her to think people believed she would willingly put herself in this position.

Harri was fourteen. She was years behind in classes, magical training, and physical strength compared to the other champions. Why would she want to do the tournament?

And all the more frustrating was Ron’s behavior.

“He’s being unbelievable.” Harri whispered to Theo as she sliced her potions ingredients viciously. “What actual reason does he have to be upset with me?”

Theo stirred the mixture in their cauldron with practiced ease. “Draco told me Ron said you yelled at him last night.”

“Yelled!” Harri stabbed the salamander skin in her hand. “He’s so overdramatic! If anything, he was yelling. 'Harri why didn’t you tell me you put your name in? You don’t value me as a friend! Why would you even do it? I can’t believe this Harri!' "

Theo placed a hand on her wrist and slid the scalpel away from her. “Maybe don’t take it out on the fish?”

Harri pursed her lips, frustrated.

Theo discreetly kissed her cheek. “You’re cute when you pout.”

“I’m not pouting.” She flushed. “It's just incredibly frustrating. Fine, you know I can understand why anyone else wouldn’t think I did do it. But Ron? He’s like, he’s family to me. He knows me. It hurts that he's acting this way. ”

“I understand that.” Theo stopped stirring. “You want to know what I think?”

“I guess.” Harri waited for the potion to turn blue and then threw the salamander skin in.

“I think it’s not really about you exactly. I think he was just shocked and that he wishes he could’ve competed himself. He probably wants all that comes with it. The money and stuff. Anyone would. And he’s one of what, six kids? The attention would be really nice for him. He’s projected his emotions towards you and chances are he didn’t expect you to react the way you did either.”

Harri watched the salamander skin dissolve and picked at a loose cloth on Theo’s shirt. “He could’ve just said that.”

“And maybe you could’ve expressed yourself better as well?"

Miffed, she looked up and found him grinning. “Stop being reasonable.”

Theo laughed.

There was a knock on the classroom door. Snape scowled and threw his newspaper down on his desk.

With a slow gait and a nervous smile, Colin peered into the room. “Um, hello.”

Snape grimaced. “Get on with it.”

“They’re calling Harri in for the weighing of the wands.”

Harri gathered her things and followed Collin to one of the empty classrooms on the second floor. The other three champions were already in a circle waiting for Ollivander to examine their wands. Cedric and Krum were involved in a conversation, so Harri had no choice but to talk to Fleur. Harri found that she wasn’t as impressive in person as she’d believed.

“Ah, yez, you are Harri Potter?” Was the first thing Fleur said to her. She surveyed her with skeptical eyes.

Harri shrugged. “And you’re Fleur Delacour, the Beauxbatons champion.”

Fluer twirled a golden blonde strand of hair. “Can I ask you a question little girl?”

Harri’s nose flared in annoyance.

“Why would you want to compete in a tournament wiz wizards who are so much more competent?”

“I didn’t.” Harri clenched her jaw. “I didn’t put my name in.”

“That iz the story you are going with, iz it?”

“It’s not a story. It’s the truth.”

Fluer grinned then. “We all have liez we try to convince ourselvez are sincere.”

“I’m not a liar.” Harri forced a smile. “And if I was, I wouldn’t be a very good one.”

“If you were you’d in truth be doing a very good job right now.” Fleur's eyes twinkled in amusem*nt. “I’m being convinced.”

“You saying you’re convinced is implying I’m trying to persuade you of something. I’m not. You needn’t patronize me.” Harri suppressed an eye roll.

“Oh Harri.” Fleur said delightedly. “Very good.” She latched onto her arm and the smell of sugar and vanilla exploded into Harri’s senses. “I think, we are going to be very good friendz. Don’t you?”

“You’re very odd.”

The hour passed by in a similarly bizarre fashion. Krum didn't say much at all. He was very quiet and broody, unlike anyone Harri had ever met. He didn't seem to care or have any questions for Harri though which definitely made him more likable than most.

Cedric was as good natured as he always was but Harri was irked with him as he still seemed to think she had put her name in. He said it wasn’t a bad thing but it still displeased her.

The actual weighing of her wand had been the nicest part.

Harri had presented hers as clean and beautiful as the day Ollivander had given it to her. Clever and quick, there was nothing compared to its warmth in her hands.

He had taken hold of it with gentle fingers, his grey eyes still knowing and content.

“Eleven inches long. Made of holly and single feather from the tail of a phoenix.” He caressed it with his worn fingers. “One of the most exceptional I have ever made, I must admit Mrs. Potter.”

“It’s never led me astray.”

Ollivander returned it to her. “I trust it has served you well then.”

Harri smiled. “Always.”

“Are you still cross with me?” Cedric asked her the next morning, intercepting her walk to Hagrid’s hut. Cedric's hair was wet from presumably his morning shower yet it managed to fall perfectly around his face. If Harri wasn't dating Theo, she would definitely be crushing on Cedric.

“I wasn’t cross with you.” Harri moved to the right to make room for him.

Cedric smiled knowingly. “You were upset that I didn’t believe you.”

“It’s discouraging.” Harri said.

“Look.” Cedric stopped and touched her arm. “Harri I don’t think badly of you at all. You’re very smart and strong. If you did do it I understand. I’m in the competition too aren't I? And if you didn’t put your name in, I guess that also makes sense.”

Harri tried not to be petulant. “But you don’t believe me?”

“I…does it matter?” He ran a hand through his hair. “Fine. I believe you didn’t put your name in on purpose.”

“Okay then.” Harri said with a pleased expression. “That’s better.”

“Okay.” Cedric chuckled. “That’s good. Where are you going anyway?”

“Just to Hagrid’s for a cuppa.”

He scuffed his foot on the ground. “Alright. Can I join you?”

Instead of replying, Harri started to walk downhill again and he followed. “Fair warning if he offers you cake say no if you want to keep your teeth.”

“I’m kind of hungry though. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“Are you worried about the first task?” Harri voiced, stepping around the boulders by the forest.

“Not right at this moment.” Cedric answered. “I reckon though once I get up there I’ll be sh*tting my pants.”

“I’m quite nervous,” Harri admitted, glancing at him. “They had it shut down for years because of how dangerous it was.”

“That’s true. But I just, I don’t know. I want to make my dad proud. He’s really enthusiastic about it and he’s very proud of me. I don’t want to let him down.”

“Mine is furious. He wants to ring Crouch and Bagman’s necks.”

“That’s understandable.” Cedric peered at her in interest. The sun made his eyes golden. “Sirius Black is pretty formidable. My dad’s told me a lot of stories about him. Does he really have a flying motorbike?”

“Yeah, he does.”

“Wicked.”

"I don't get it." Lavender whined. "How do I win?"

They were playing cards, the game 'bullsh*t' to be exact, in their dorm room. Lavender was losing terribly. Which was why she was pretending like she didn't know how the game worked.

"You have to get rid of all your cards." Maria explained for the third time.

"But how can I do that when every time I get close we get to the card I don't have and you guys call me out for lying! Then I get all the cards and get further away from winning!"

"That's the game." Hermione shook Lavender's shoulders. "Get with it, or get out!"

"Maybe we can play something else." Harri suggested.

"Monopoly?" Daphne put forward.

Maria held up her hand. "Now that's not a good idea. We nearly had a brawl last time we played that."

"I can't be held accountable for my actions when something is very clearly rigged against me." Harri said.

Hermione facepalmed. "For the tenth time, it was not rigged!"

"Then how were you guys getting all the good places!"

"Luck! It's a game of chance!"

Maria groaned. "At what point do we admit that we're not the kind of people that can play competitive games amongst ourselves."

"If some people didn't cheat, it wouldn't be a problem."

Hermione balled her fists and fell back on the floor. "Please. I'm begging. Let's not talk about this again."

Harri laughed and hugged Hermione. "Don't be sad Mione. We're only kidding."

"Speak for yourself." Lavender scrunched her nose.

"You know what we could play?" Harri offered.

"What?" They all asked.

"Candyland!"

"Hmm." Hermione rubbed her chin. "We could."

"No obvious cheating there." Daphne agreed.

"I'll get the board game." Maria jumped and went to Hermione's cabinet.

"How are you feeling Harri? Better about everything?"

"Thanks to you all."

Lavender smiled. "Good. Forget about everyone else. They're all such mindless losers. Who gets mad about something like this anyway? Hogwarts having two champions is a win! It gives us a higher chance to get the cup."

"I'm nervous though because everyone is older than me."

"We'll help you." Hermione squeezed her arm. "Always."

"And since you were added without consent, I feel like the rules shouldn't apply. A little bit of cheating won't be too bad." Lavender declared.

Maria came skipping over. "So you admit you're a cheater!"

Lavender stuck out her tongue. "You can't prove anything!"

"That's all but a confession!"

Hermione shoved her pillow in her face. "When will my suffering end?"

Daphne mocked her. "When will my husband return from war?"

"Are we playing or not?" Maria spread out the Candyland board.

"Let's go."

Lavender split up the pieces. "My turn first."

"Don't we have to roll the dice for the highest number?"

"No?"

"Wait let me read the rules."

"Hermione!"

They played Candyland for two hours. Lavender won in the end.

Harri woke in the middle of the night, hands reaching for her trunk without thinking.

She opened it and pulled out the locket. She traced over the edges of it. She’d known somewhere in her mind the entire time what it really was. The diadem had warned her not to touch or interact with it but she’d already done the former and she was so tempted to do the latter.

It would be so easy to whisper open.

For just a minute she wanted nothing more. She wanted to see Tom in whatever capacity she could. She wanted the feelings of warmth and peace she could only get with him. When he was near Voldemort did not seem so impenetrable.

But then Harri remembered her first interaction with the diadem and his hunger and negligence. This piece of him, in these gold chains, has been suffering for much longer.

It would be a mistake to let it out.

Wouldn’t it?

Chapter 19: the sword of damocles

Chapter Text

Chapter 19: the sword of damocles

“I cannot fix on the hour,
or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation.
It is too long ago.
I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”
—Jane Austen,Pride and Prejudice

Harri cradled the locket in her hand and as if compelled, brought it up to her mouth. Lips poised and words on the tip of her tongue, the sound of Hermione’s bed creaking stopped her from making the mistake.

She sighed and her breath formed in the chilly night air before her. Harri quickly deposited the locket back inside her trunk and jumped into bed again. Her heart raced and her hands shook. A bead of sweat rolled down her forehead.

She couldn’t believe she had almost done that. How imbecilic was she? How wanting?

He could ruineverything.

What was worse for her than a part of Tom, trapped inside an object for decades?

And again, for the millionth time, she wondered just what these things were and how they were possible. What magic was so dark and powerful, that it could hold a piece of a wizard inside for years and years?

She would have to tell Dumbledore. She’d already lied about the diadem and she couldn’t lie about this too. As soon as it was possible she would go to him, before the locket could get into her head. Maybe…maybe the time had come for her to tell her friends too.

Surely they would know something. Certainly, they would help her with this, the secret she had been keeping for two years. They would not abandon her if she told them. Not her friends who had followed her into rooms with monsters, murderers and secret chambers. They wouldn’t leave her. They had promised each other, always.

Even if she and Ron were arguing. Families fought all the time. That was what Hermione said wasn’t it? Because she knew that Harri still had a difficult time accepting that her not being perfect didn’t mean she didn’t deserve their friendship.

Slowly over the years the unconditional love that Harri had been given chipped away at the feelings of insecurity and fear she harbored from childhood.

There was a line she used to tiptoe at the Dursleys, making sure her hair wasn’t out of place and her messes were always fixed because if they noticed…if they noticed they would send her away and then where would she be? In moments of anger, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had never made secret their threats to abandon her when she acted out. And to Harri at four, at six and eight, there had never been anything more terrifying.

It was still difficult to believe the loyalty she had been given was for free. With all the problems she caused and the situations she brought them into, sometimes she questioned how much longer it would be before they became tired of it.

Harri thought of how Ron hadn’t wanted her to buy him those sneakosopes. He wouldn’t understand that she felt like she owed at least that much. She thought of when people first met her and saw the scar first. The awe and respect, or the shock and surprise. The way they would never expect her to be so normal inside. How these people that gossiped about her in school and in the papers would never know who the girl who lived truly was. How she could be insecure, vulnerable and wanting to be liked so much.

She was the pretty house down the street where they would never be let inside.

Moody didn’t speak to her directly in class but he watched her.

Though Harri had assumed such a decorated war hero and auror would not be interested in her. Pondering this during the lesson, she almost missed Draco calling her.

“Psst.” He whispered and when she didn’t answer. “Harri!”

Maria, next to her, swirled around and glared at him. Harri sunk down from her chair and tipped her head back to indicate that she was listening. “What?”

Draco looked to his side at a stoic Ron and then back to her. He propped himself up onto his elbows and said, “Ron told me to tell you…that uh..” A glance back to Ron who huffed and murmured something in his ear. Draco nodded and then to Harri repeated. “…That he heard from his brother that he wants you to meet him near the forest tonight.”

Harri bit her lower lip, interested piqued. “Um, which brother?”

Draco opened his mouth and then his brow furrowed. “Uh..Ron?”

Ron rolled his eyes and began to whisper in Draco’s ear again. From next to Maria, Lavender smacked Ron’s desk. “For f*cks sake Ron. Really? You’re going to be this overdramatic?”

Ron ignored her and finished whispering. Draco turned to face Harri again. “Charlie.”

Harri nodded and tapped her quill against her desk. “And will Ron be there?”

Draco made a pleading face and glanced back at Ron hesitantly. Ron didn’t move again. Draco exhaled. “No more questions please.”

Hermione and Blaise flicked a squished-up paper ball at Draco from two desks down. “You’re ridiculous.” Blaise mouthed and Hermione smothered her laughter under her arm.

Draco scowled at them and smoothed down his hair. “Peasants.”

When the sun went down it was time for Harri to leave for the forest. She had invited Theo to come along with her. As a precaution, her invisibility cloak was in her bag as experience had taught her that you can never be too careful.

“So Charlie Weasley,” Theo inquired, lacing their fingers together and leading her out of the school. “I don’t think I’ve seen him before. He wasn’t at the quidditch match with you was he?”

“No. He’d already left for Romania by then. That’s where he works.” Harri swung their hands back and forth between them. His fingers were boney but so warm. He was wearing a navy sweater, one that contrasted his light blue eyes.

They reached the supposed meeting place in no time. Came to stop at the bottom of a scrawny birch tree only a few meters away from Hagrid’s cabin. “Really? Romania's far from home. It must have been a culture shock to move there after Hogwarts.” The night cast shadows upon Theo's face yet his gaze was still piercing.

“Charlie's not one for that sort of thing. He loves change, his brother Bill is just like him. He works in Egypt, as a curse breaker.” Harri came to rest against him. “I think it’s nice that they get to see more of the world than just Britain. I definitely want to go away after Hogwarts.” Theo wrapped his arms around her and Harri wrapped hers around his neck. It felt good to be enveloped in him, to be this close to another human.

“You don’t want to keep studying?” He looked at her softly.

“My studies can wait. I want to see the world after all this." If Voldemort didn’t kill her first.

“If I could I would too.” Theo hummed. “The world with you by my side. That would be something.”

They kissed long, open mouthed, and soft. Until “Merlin!” was yelped from behind them. Someone was always interrupting their kisses.

Their embrace was broken by the sound and they turned together to see Ron covering his face, Draco cackling and Charlie Weasley, amused, standing between them. Harri was surprised to see Ron there when she’d only been expecting Charlie. She and Theo hiked towards them.

Draco stopped laughing and slapped Theo on the back before he introduced him to Charlie. Harri halted in front of Ron and they stared at each other awkwardly, both prepared to speak but shy to begin.

“I’m sorry!"

“I overreacted!"

They giggled and it seemed that was all they needed to break the tension.

“I shouldn’t have yelled.” Harri apologized, grinning. “I was just so upset that you out of everyone didn’t believe me.”

“I was being thickheaded,” Ron said in earnest. “I let my own insecurities get in the way. I believe you! And even if you had put your name in, I should have been ready to support you. You’re my best friend and I messed up. I’m sorry Harri.”

Harri breathed out and shook her head, feeling twenty pounds lighter. “You’re not stupid Ron.”

Then they were hugging. It the feeling of cold water down a parched throat. Somehow it made all the frustration of the past week fade away.

“Finally.”Draco intoned beside them. “I don’t like it when you’re both not annoying everyone together.”

Ron scoffed. He drew away from Harri and shoved Draco’s shoulder. “We’re not annoying you prick.”

Charlie cleared his throat. “Now that it’s all well and good we should probably get on.”

“What is it that we’re doing exactly?” Theo inquired. He stepped closer to Harri and took her hand again.

“And why are you here Charlie?” Harri questioned. “Did you get a few days off?”

“Not exactly.” Charlie said. “Put on your cloak Harri and try to cover all of you. I’m going to show you what your first task is.”

They weren’t little anymore, especially the boys who all seemed to have grown ten inches over the summer, and so they didn’t fit perfectly under her invisibility cloak the way they used to. It was a tight fit. The four of them were squished against each other as they trudged as silently as possible behind Charlie.

They followed him for a while before they came upon a clearing passed a clear dome. Once they passed through the dome, warmth brushed over their bodies as hot as coal and the sound of yelling and loud roaring entered their ears. Charlie halted in the center and like in a movie, the whole scene panned out in front of them.

“Bloody hell.” Ron swore, mouth opened in an O.

“Oh.” Draco whispered.

“Goblin sh*te.” Theo cursed.

Four gigantic fire breathing dragons were caged in the dome. Harri’s first task.

They left the forest in a somber mood and though the boys tried to comfort her, Harri felt nauseous and sick to her stomach the whole time. All night all she could think of was the heat of the fire as it lit up the night sky and the terrified looks in all of their eyes.

Monday morning found her and her friends crammed in the library as they tried to find spells, charms and curses that could help Harri come out of the first task unscathed.

Hermione and Blaise had gotten permission from McGonagall to search the restricted section. They were going through the books they’d found. Draco had written a letter home and asked Dobby if he could smuggle his dragon hide boots into school. Lavender, Maria and Daphne had found research about the previous tournament tasks and Ron had brought notebooks from Charlie, where he’d written everything he’d learned over his years at the dragon sanctuary.

“You’d think he wouldn’t have had this much time.” Ron complained. “This is so much stuff! How am I meant to read it all?” He pushed his hair back and slumped into his chair.

“You can divide it into portions,” Lavender showed Ron how she’d highlighted specifically important chapters. “See? First, cut out the unimportant months and then focus on when he was learning about their nesting habits and their prowess.”

Ron bobbed his head and began to flip through Charlie’s diaries again. Once in a while, he’d throw one onto the floor. Harri hoped he’d find something. Ron was the best at discovering information no one else could find. He played chess extremely well and had an eye for detail that was unparalleled.

Laughter ran into the library from the open window, and Harri glanced up, rubbing at her eye and saw Cedric walking past with his friends. She startled and jerked up from her seat.

“Where are you going?” Daphne tugged on Harri’s sweater. “You haven’t read over Ludgen’s theory of fire bending curses yet.”

“Cedric,” Harri pointed. “I have to warn him about the dragons.”

That was how she ended up following behind his group of friends like a stalker. Zachariah Smith would surely have a real reason to dislike her if he turned around. She waited until Cedric was alone and then reached out for his arm.

Cedric looked down, taken by surprise. “Harri,”

“Hi. I have to tell you something. Can we talk?”

Cedric nodded. Harri led him away and down to a private alcove.

“The first task is dragons. We’re going to have to fight dragons.” Harri revealed.

Cedric’s breath hitched. “How do you know that?”

“Someone told me." She confessed. "But that’s not important. All the other champions probably know. I’m sure of it. I thought you should too. ”

Cedric ran a hand through his hair. “Dragons.” He breathed out in awe. “I’ll be damned.”

They both would be if they didn’t figure out some way to win.

And like all things that were impending, the first task arrived quicker than anyone expected.

The night before, Harri and her friends stayed up preparing. By some stroke of luck or perhaps with the help of a cup of hot chocolate, Ron and Hermione figured out how Harri would compete.

“You’re the best quidditch player I know.” Hermione insisted, sprawled out on the floor with a blanket over her head. “And with the firebolt, you’ll be fast, almost quick enough to escape the dragon.”

“You know how to slip in and out,” Ron said from inside Harri’s bed covers, freckled feet pressed against her own. “And you know the landscape. The dragon is large, which means your deftness will help you more than anything.”

Daphne stretched out her arms above her head and yawned. “So a fly rather than an ant. Less of a chance to be stepped on right?”

“More of a change to be swatted though.” Maria mumbled into the carpet.

Lavender pinched her in between the elbow harshly. “Nothelping.”

“I’ll be quick and I can hide from its line of sight that way.” Harri repeated.

“If you don’t make it,” Ron whispered. “will you leave me your firebolt?”

“Do it, Harri!” Daphne shouted. “Then I can beat him with it.”

“What crawled up your ass and died?” Ron leaned over the edge of the bed to look at Daphne.

“Let’s just sleep,” Lavender said, and behind her, Daphne pulled Ron down and trapped him in a headlock.

“Lets.” Maria yawned again.

They slept for only two hours. After Harri showered Hermione plaited her hair into two french braids and Maria painted her nails Gryffindor red. Angelina and Alicia brought them breakfast and they cuddled in bed for a few minutes until it was time for Harri to go.

“Sirius is waiting for you outside H.” Daphne smoothed her hands down Harri’s arms and straightened out her clothes. “He’ll take you to the tent with the rest of the champions.”

Hermione fretted with Harri’s flyaways. “I’ll leave the window open and the firebolt positioned in front. That way, when you summon it, it’ll have a clear path to you.”

Lavender shoved a piece of toast into Harri's mouth. “Don’t forget A-C-C-I-O. Enough power into it but not too much.”

“And if it doesn’t work right away don’t panic.” Maria urged. “That’ll just make everything worse. Remember: you know this. You can do it.”

Daphne tugged Harri into her arms. “You have to come out alive and with working limbs that’s all that matters.”

“I will. I promise. I’ve survived worse haven’t I?”

Maria rested her head on top of Harri's and Lavender and Hermione’s arms swathed from behind.

“Girls!” Dean knocked on their door. “She’s going to be laaaate!”

Fred yelled. “Let our champion out the door!”

“Don’t get your panties in a twist.” Lavender threw a sock at him. “We’re coming.”

“Like to see my panties would ya Lav.” Fred teased.

“Alright.” Hermione withdrew from them. “You go. We’ll be there.”

Harri hugged them one last time and left. The common room was empty and the portrait was left open.

Sirius was waiting on the steps. His arms were crossed and he had a Gryffindor jersey on. He beamed as she stepped out and pulled her in.

He cradled her head on his shoulder and pressed a soft kiss in her hair. “You ready puppy?”

“Mhhm.” Harri said into his shirt.

“I’m not. I’ve never felt more anxious in my life. I wish it was me instead, though I know you’ll do amazing, I can’t help but worry.”

“I understand.”

“You know I’m not afraid to jump in if need be.” His hands ran soothing warmth down her back.

“You can’t.” Harri squeezed him. “It’s for me to do.”

“This feels like impending doom.”

“The sword of Damocles, that’s the phrase, right?” Harri rested her head on his neck.

“Yes sweetheart.” He let out a hollow laugh under his breath. “That’s right, how does it go again? 'There was a sharpened sword above his head...'”

“ '..that hung there by the thinnest simple thread.'”

Harri listened to the pitter patter of his heart and the next hour appeared less frightening.

The trek to the tents went by in the blink of an eye and so did the choosing of the dragons.

Time was nimble and like the turning of a book, the pages passed by until a white faced Cedric prepared to walk out of the tent.

Impulsively, Harri drew him into a hug.

In another life it could have been awkward though in this one it was solace. They gave each other a decisive regard and this time Cedric stepped out with his head held high.

Harri paced back and forth while he went, she whispered accio under her breath and mimicked the wand movement again and again. She tuned out the screaming from outside and felt her legs tremble. She convinced and unconvinced herself that she could do this and that she couldn’t.

Harri cursed whoever put her name in the cup as she remembered how she could be in the stands watching. Instead, she was feeling as if she would implode.

The noise outside reached a crescendo, the same as it had done when Fleur and Victor caught their dragon eggs. Harri knew it is time for her to go.

She traipsed out into the rocky landscape to shouts and the blazing fire of a furious mother Hungarian horntail.

She ran behind a large boulder to elude the flames. After what felt like minutes but was seconds, the fire ceased. Harri, with shaking hands, grasped her wand from its holster and rose from her crouch. With a sharp inhale of breath, she peeked around the rock.

It was a mistake.

The horntail roared in rage and struck out with her claws first. Harri escaped by the skin of her teeth. She slid down to the ground and hid against the cornerstone.

The dragon howled and tried to wrench herself away from her chain. She pulled and succeeded in ripping away a piece.

“ACCIO FIREBOLT!”

As the last screw unbound the horntail from its shackles, Harri’s firebolt smacked into her palm. Droves of shouts and shrieks boomed around her when the dragon broke free and set its flames on Harri once more.

She flung herself onto her broom and the horntail was right behind her, chasing her into the sky on heavy wings. The air around them was ignited in dragon flame. Harri led the horntail on a chase around the castle, underneath bridges, through water and on the roof of her tower. When there was enough distance between them, she sped back to the pitch and as quick as lightning, seized the golden egg.

Harri hadn’t thought she’d ever hear screams for her as loud as they’d been in the quidditch cup but with blood rolling down her arm and the golden egg in hand, cheers for her reverberated even through the ringing in her ears.

Music boomed in the Hufflepuff common room so loud that anyone scarcely hear themself think. It was here that they were having their party, celebrating the passing of the first task. Everyone had come out, even the durmstang and beauxbatons students.

Cedric’s smiling face was what welcomed Harri and her friends into the room.

Never having been in the Hufflepuff basem*nt before, Harri was excited to see it. Their place was wide and the moon shined through the circular windows that surrounded it. It was comforting and welcoming, bathed in yellows and decorated with greenery.

Daphne and Lavender immediately wandered over to the food table and Maria drew Hermione away to dance. Ron made a b-line for Draco, who was laughing as he watched Hugo drink. Theo was also there with Blaise talking to some girls from beauxbatons. Harri made to go over to him but Cedric propped his hand on her shoulder.

“Come with me.” He smiled conspiratorially and then took her to a private corner of the room where Fleur and Victor were.

“The last of us is here.” Cedric announced.

“Harri!” A buzzed Fleur flew out of her seat and dragged her into an embrace. “You were brilliant today!”

Harri touched her back. “You too! Not that I got to see it, but you made it out so...”

Fleur giggled and took Harri’s hand, dragging her into a seat. “So clearly that iz well enough!”

Krum inclined his head to her and raised his glass. “It waz well played.”

Harri smiled.

“Especially the flying.” He continued on in earnest. “I waz very impressed. I did not expect you to be such a gifted flyer. We will have to play a game sometime when all of thiz iz over.”

“I would love to. I saw you at the world cup and you were amazing. Do you think you would teach me how to perfect your wronski feint?” Harri gushed, humbled by his compliment.

“Me too!” Cedric blurted from his seat, a glass of butterbeer in his hand. “You can’t teach Harri all the secrets. I’ve got to secure Hufflepuff a quidditch victory one of these days.”

“No you don’t.” Harri teased.

Fleur waved her hands around in front of them. “No more of thiz quidditch talk! Letz talk about the big reveal of today!”

Harri tilted her head. “What reveal?”

“Say it Victor!” Fleur clapped her hands. “Tell them! They might know who she iz!”

As Harri lived and breathed, she swore Victor Krum blushed at that moment.

He peeked up at her and Cedric. “My soulmate iz here at Hogwartz. I knew since the moment I got here by the things she wrote to me. I’ve figured out the she iz a Gryffindor but I do not know how I can find her.”

Harri’s heart leaped. “Wait, I think I might—"

“—Harri! There you are, Theo’s been looking for you—"

As if it had been fated, and well, it had been hadn’t it? Daphne came across them right then. Victor’s gaze was drawn to her like she was the north star shining upon him and he jerked up out of his seat.

Harri had only seen soulmates meet once. In first year when it had been Ron and Draco on the train. It was no less magical now as Daphne and Victor stumbled into each other's lives.

“It iz you—"

“I’ve been hoping but I—"

Daphne laughed nervously and Victor flushed bright red. There was more expression on his face than ever before. Daphne seemed to have lost her balance. Never had she ever been less than composed in front of other people but in this she couldn’t seem to catch her breath.

Harri touched both Cedric and Fleur’s arms. “We should probably give them a moment.”

“Thiz iz beautiful.”

“I love it when this happens.”

They walked out of the moment, out of their little corner and back into the clamorous party. Harri glanced back just once and felt a lump gather in her throat. If she could never have this herself, maybe it was enough to see the unadulterated joy on her friend's faces.

“I can’t wait to find my bond.” Cedric said into Harri’s ear. They ambled through the crowd and lost Fleur in seconds. “I think it’ll be soon. I’m almost seventeen and that is usually the age isn’t it?”

Harri looked up at him, this boy who was all hopeful honey eyes and kind smiles. “I’m sure you will Cedric and whoever they are, they’ll be so lucky. You’re quite lovely you know.”

He nudged her arm. “You’re not so bad yourself little Gryffindor.”

“I know,” Harri sniffed and then, “I should go find Theo.” As she remembered why Daphne had even found her in the first place.

"You should."

“And you go look for your person.”

Cedric raised his glass to her and they shared a private smile.

Chapter 20: on this night and in this life

Chapter Text

Chapter 20: on this night and in this life

“The bright star holds, even as the darkness rises.”
― C.S Pacat, Dark Rise

Hogwarts was always the most beautiful in the spring.

Yet there was something about winter in the castle, of hallways illuminated in faerie lights, snowfall at midnight and warm cocoa in the mornings, that was just incomparable.

Harri passed through crowds of students and considered how settled the atmosphere made her feel and reassured her of her decision.

“Hiya Harri!” Erin Macmillan grinned when she strode him in past the east wing. Katie Bell elbowed him, huffing.

Harri waved at them both and walked through to the north wing, going past McGonagall’s office and Terry Boot snogging Natalie MacDonald beneath the stone bridge. She skidded past the astronomy tower. “Lo’ Potter.” Marcus Flint leered, Adrian Pucey smoking rings next to him.

Her legs moved slower than she wanted and her hands were restless. Maybe it was her imagination but the halls appeared fuller than she recalled. I shouldn’t have waited so long.

She got past the courtyard, the benches, and the snow melting at the entrance.

“Harri!” George exclaimed from inside Filches office. “Where are you going? Dinner’s soon!”

“I’ll be late!”

She continued to her destination, her breaths shallow. She drifted past defense class, Gryffindor tower and clumps of Durmstang boys near the second floor staircase.Then finally, she reached the headmaster's office. His griffin waited for a password and Harri puffed out her cheeks. She took a deep breath, her fingers squeezing her bag strap. It’s the right thing to do.

“Wistleberry Dewdrops.”

The path opened for her and she climbed, tedious footsteps up the staircase, at last arriving at Dumbledore’s door. She knocked.

“Come in!”

Harri nudged open the door and stepped into the room. Dumbledore inspected her from his desk, a welcoming expression on his face. “Dear Harri, what can I do for you today?”

The portraits began to whisper amongst themselves.

The Potter girl.

The one whose soulmate—

That’s the one.

Ah, little Harri.

She’s one of yours now isn’t she Black?

Harri inhaled and strode to the desk. She stuck her fingers inside her bag and dropped Slytherin’s locket down.

“I need to tell you something.”

“The art of dancing is graceful and gentle. Passionate.” McGonagall's voice echoed through the great hall.

It was a light day in an otherwise cold month and the professors had decreed it the best time to host dancing lessons for the yule ball. Madam Maxine made everyone partner up and spread them out over the empty space.

Karkaroff stood in the corner of the hall, observing a smitten Victor moon over Daphne. Draco watched with ill hid envy as Maria and Ron partnered themselves together and Blaise scowled, an unwilling partner to Pansy who moved his arms around her. Hermione was stuck with Kevin Whitby, a jockey fifth year who seemed more adept at stepping on Hermione’s feet than guiding them. Harri’s poor friend, Kevin appeared to be trying her patience. And lastly, Lavender was in the arms of Ernie Macmillian, her latest two minute crush.

Harri was with her own boyfriend, who she didn’t mind being close to. Her left hand was in Theodore’s and her right arm was wrapped around his neck.

They were stagnant at the moment, waiting for Professor Snape to start the music again. So far it had been a tedious half hour. McGonagall had spent most of the time on a lecture of etiquette and positioning rather than actually letting them practice.

"Begin again," Professor McGonagall called. "Dance with passion all!"

“Passionate.” Theo mouthed. Harri giggled and rested her head against his chest.

“You are floating gazelles in the wind.” McGonagall continued, spreading her hands in the air. “Not uncoordinated giraffes.”

“I didn’t know she was such a romantic.” Harri said. “She just always seemed like she would cringe at chocolate or flowers.”

“Compared to Professor Snape, she's cupid. He's more of a tough-love person, in that different degrees of his sneer profess his true feelings.” Theo's knuckles caressed her lower back.

McGonagall shouted. “And…1,2,3…1,2,3…”

Harri followed Theo’s lead and concentrated on his face as they practiced the waltz. “He’s not so bad.”

Theo lifted her when she stumbled and smiled. “Not many Gryffindors believe that.”

“They don’t know him as I do.” Harri readjusted her hand position. “He’s been kind to me.”

Theo’s eyes were knowing. “He’s surprised me over the years but I’ll admit I thought him callous at first too.”

“First impressions aren’t always the best. I really didn’t like him before our second year.”

“The impression Lavender’s getting of Ernie seems accurate.” Theo gestured to their right, where Ernie and Lavender were arguing about the placement of his hand on her back.

“He better move it unless he wants her wand up his arse."

“Longbottom!” McGonagall reprimanded on the other side of the room. “Are you trying to break the poor girl!”

Neville seemed to have found himself in a difficult position trying to twirl Parvati and almost snapping her wrist instead. Harri winced.

“You’re very good at this.” She mentioned offhand to Theo.

“I was raised to be the perfect pureblood. I’ve had copious practice.”

“Were practices like this?”

“Not exactly. We had books on our heads and got cursed if we missed a step and my partner wasn’t as lovely as you.” He grinned cheekily.

“Wouldn't it have been your sister?” Harri asked.

Theo laughed. “It was my house-elf.”

“Micheal Corner! This isn’t a pub! Tuck your shirt in!” McGonagall screamed.

“Two sevens.” Ron boasted and slapped his cards onto the granite kitchen island.

“Bullsh*t.” Blaise challenged and swiped Ron’s cards from the pile. Harri watched the light in Ron’s eyes diminish into horror. Blaise flipped over the playing cards and smirked.

“Now come on, you can’t expect me to take all the cards!” Ron protested, holding his hands up in optimism.

Blaise snatched the pile from the center of the table and slid them over to Ron in delight. “Read it and weep Weasel-bee.”

Ron groaned, gathering the cards up. “How’d you know I was lying?”

“You have this tic right here,” Blaise pointed to his forehead. “It twitches a little. Did you know?”

It was Friday night, a mere two weeks before winter break and the yule ball. As a rest from exam studies, Blaise and Draco had decided to hold game night in the kitchens. They snuck out of their common rooms after nine to meet up. For a cover, Hermione had payed Fred and George to trick Filch. If all went well they wouldn’t get caught. It was unlikely too considering how occupied the professors were with the preparations needed at the school.

“H!” Lavender sung, looking through her cards. “We should really start researching about this egg.”

“I know.” Harri blew air into the cup of tea clutched in her hands. “But every time we open it, it just screeches so horribly my ears ache.”

Maria looked up. “Oh. So that was the noise I heard last night? I thought it was some crow attacking our windows or something.”

“And you just stayed asleep?” Theo reached for Harri’s drink and took a sip, arms wrapped snugly around her waist in their shared chair.

“I was really very tired.” Daphne shrugged, yawning. “After a year of thinking a serial killer is going to attack you in your sleep you kind of get used to sleeping through the crazy stuff.”

“For the galleonth time I am eternally grateful Malfoy’s have been in Slytherin for generations.” Draco sniffed.

Harri scrunched her nose in disgust. “I’d rather worry about Sirius than sleep in a dungeon. And next to the black lake too. Do you even get any sunshine there?”

“No and we like it that way.” Theo promised.

“It’s black like our souls.” Blaise added, biting into a biscuit.

“Who cares.” Ron flicked through his twenty new cards with a forlorn expression. “We should just stop. It’s midnight now, isn’t it? Anyway I’ll never get rid of all of these.”

Draco grinned and kissed his soulmate's shoulder in sympathy. “Alright Weasley.”

“You guys go on.” Hermione gestured to the door. “Lav and I are going on a walk around the castle. We’ll be up soon.”

“Okay.” Harri rose from Theo’s lap and stretched out her arms, observing sleepily as her friends gathered their things.

“Goodnight.” Theo smiled and leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Sweet dreams.”

The yule ball came the weekend before break. Lavender advised the girls to start preparing a little past noon if they wanted to be ready on time. Harri was doubtful of the idea at first but soon discovered that Lavender was right. They spent an hour constructing homemade face masks and Angelina brought her new polaroid camera out to take pictures of them. Afterward, it took over two hours for all of them to finish showering. By the time it was three Katie had started waxing upper lips and Alicia was threading eyebrows.

It had seemed tedious but was the opposite.

Four came and found them cracking open Harri’s chips box and sneaking in salsa. Five and hair was being charmed and makeup applied. Six and the boys were out the door while they slipped into their dresses. Harri didn’t know if the ball would be a good time or not but she found that she didn’t care. The past six hours had been the hardest she’d laughed in ages and it didn't matter if the rest of the night was terrible.

The dress Nymphy had bought for her was the most stunning thing she had ever seen. The shade, the design and the shape. It was off the shoulder and a cream color with intricate golden flowers stitched in. She never wanted to take it off. She felt like a princess. Looking in the mirror Harri couldn’t even recognize herself.

And Hermione was a vision in pink, Daphne bewitching in lilac, Lavender alluring in red and Maria ravishing in green. They went and grouped by the fireplace in their dresses, chattering excitedly while McGonagall took photos. Harri wanted to keep this moment locked in her memories for the darkest days.

Bright eyed and ecstatic they left for the ball, walking down the grand staircase as if they were living in a fairytale. Harri didn’t know how she’d gotten to this place. She’d grown up in a small house with muddy knees and pointy elbows. This life was not something she could have ever seen coming.

“We’re going to go on ahead Harri and Daph,” Hermione said when they reached the last set of stairs. “We’ll see the two of you after the opening ceremony.”

Lavender ran a last hand over Harri’s hair. “Remember to not trip under any circ*mstance. It would give that absolute cow Rita Skeeter a chance to print more stories. If I have to read another fake article from that fraud I will do something drastic.”

“We’ll be watching!” Maria promised and pulled Lavender away.

Daphne turned to Harri, a little green.

“It’s nothing.” Harri reasoned, glancing at Daphne’s timid face. “We know the boys already. Why should we be nervous?”

“That’s right,” Daphne nodded. “I mean, you fought a dragon! This is just…a dance.”

“Right.” Harri exhaled. “Just a dance.”

When she took that last step off the stairs the first thing Harri caught eye of was the great hall as the doors closed. It was completely transformed. It barely resembled the home she knew. Snowflakes were falling from the ceiling but never hitting the ground. There was an abundance of christmas trees and lights, chandeliers of woven glass and gowns as far as the eye could see. Professor McGonagall had really outdone herself because as cliche as it sounded it truly resembled a winter wonderland. Plucked out of Harri’s wildest dreams.

Her eyes dropped from the hall to Theo waiting for her in front of the doors. He looked impossibly handsome in his black robes. She knew Cedric and Cho were somewhere to his right and heard Victor greeting Daphne on her left. Fleur and her date were there too but Harri couldn’t look away from Theo.

“He is handsome Harri.” Daphne giggled in her ear, taking Victor's hand. “I’d never really noticed him like that before even though I’ve objectively always known it and we grew up together.”

Harri walked to him.

Theo beamed and held out his arm. “You look…”

“Stunning!” Fleur came over and brushed the design stitched in Harri;s gown. “The dresz is divine!”

Harri barely had time to compliment her back for McGonagall dashed over and told them they were pressed for time. She organized them into a line, Cedric and Cho first. Harri linked her arm with Theo's and they shared a private smile. "You look handsome." She whispered. His ears pinkened.

The doors opened with a flourish and a hush fell over the room. Inside all three schools were gathered in two rows, waiting for the champions and their partners to enter the room.

Violin strings rippled.

“You’re the most beautiful.” Theo whispered in her ear. “That was what I meant to say.”

Harri looked away, blushing.

In the background, a slow song began. She was aware of Theo lacing their fingers together and of his hands on her waist. She could feel the way he was looking at her and suddenly she was lost for words. She could feel the flashes of photographs being taken and see the people blurred behind Theo, but somehow all she could really focus on was this thing between them. Because something was happening here. They unconsciously moved together so that barely an inch separated them. Harri could smell caramel.

The song passed. And another. So many that soon they were enveloped in a swarm of people and dancing to the weird sisters. Harri felt giddy. Maria was being twirled around by Hugo, Fred and Angelina seemed to be doing some weird and interpretive dance that George was laughing his ass off at. Daphne and Victor were lost in each other and Hermione was as loose as she’d been at the quidditch final, hair down, shoes off and shouting out every word to every song. Flitwick and Sprout were doing some bizarre jig. A delighted Seamus was within a crowd of Beauxbaton girls having the time of his life and Dean was showing Katie Bell a damn good time. Sweetly, even Dumbledore and McGonagall were swaying in a corner.

Eventually, Harri ran out of breath and Theo left to get them drinks. She found Ron by the tables and sat down in the empty place next to him.

He was slumped in his chair and the only student sulking about. She readjusted her hair and fanned her face.

“Why the long face?” Harri petted his back. “You should go dance Ron.”

“I’m fine right here.” He mumbled and sent a withering glance to the crowd where Harri caught Draco dancing with Pansy.

“You know it’s only because he had to.”

“Well, he doesn’t have to look so happy about it.” Ron grumbled.

“It’s not like he finds her appealing in any way.”

Hermione and Blaise came over with punch in their hands and sat down. “This is better than I imagined!” Hermione was grinning. “And everyone looks unbelievable. I can't believe we're at an actual ball.”

Blaise speared a slice of cake for all of them to share and Theo came back with soda for Harri. He draped his outer robe onto Blaise's head.

“Disgusting.” Blaise hit him over the back and threw the robe onto the table.

“Lavender’s having a wonderful time.” Harri pointed out, staring at where she and Maria were slow dancing with some Beauxbatons boys.

“Wasn’t she kind of your date Ron?” Theo asked. “Why aren’t you with her?”

Ron scoffed. “Because I’m loyal. Unlike certain people.”

Blaise glanced at Ron and then Harri. She made a cut it out motion with her hand. Theo spotted it and chuckled under his breath. Blaise continued on anyway. “Lav’s our friend what would be wrong about you dancing together?"

“It’s the principle of it. Why would I hang all over her? Why wouldn’t I try to be respectful?” Ron stabbed at Blaise's cake with a fork.

“Uhhh.” Blaise stammered. “forgive me but I’m not following. Who are we really talking about?”

“That unfaithful prat I call my better half.”

“Right.” Blaise gave Theo and Harri a look. “But he doesn’t even like Pan. He thinks she’s annoying.”

“Forget it.” Ron frowned and took the whole cake away from Blaise. “When is this thing over? It feels like forever.”

“It’s hardly been two hours!" Hermione got up. "Come on Ron, dance with me then. I'll make you laugh.” Ron objected but he was no match for Hermione’s determination. She dragged him out of his seat and onto the floor, chocolate cake and all.

Blaise picked himself up too. “I’m going to find something else to eat.”

Harri nodded her head distractingly and glanced outside while Theo replied to Blaise. The moon was barely noticeable in the sky because of the little lights hung up everywhere covering up its glow. There were a few couples hiding in bushes and snogging. And there was...Igor Karkaroff silently strolling out.

Interested, Harri pushed herself up.

“Theo.” She tapped his arm. “Would you like to take a walk?”

Theo looked outside. “Really? It’s freezing out there. Are you sure?”

“I would really like to see something.” Harri adjusted her sleeves and took his hand.

“Alright.” Theo pulled on his robe and touched her back.

They left through the front door, passing a giggly Lavender and Hugo and handsy Roger Davies and Fleur.

Harri followed Karkaroff as he slipped past the carriages and out into the hills.

“Where exactly are we going?” Theo asked.

“We’re following someone.” Harri walked faster as Karkaroff headed toward the direction of Hagrid’s hut. He kept glancing back warily so Harri made sure to keep her and Theo at a great distance. The edges of her dress touched the snowy ground.

“What is it with us and this forest?” Theo asked, shaking snow off his shoes.

“Shhh.” Harri thrust them behind a tree as Karkaroff looked back and almost caught sight of them.

“We’re following the drumstrang headmaster?” Theo hissed into her ear. “He was a f*cking death eater!”

“I know.” She placed a hand over his mouth. “That’s why we’re following him! He’s suspicious. Now come on, he’s going inside the forest. We can hide behind Hagrid’s and listen in.”

Theo groaned but followed her anyway. As silently as possible they concealed themselves behind the blast ended skrewt cages as Karkaroff met someone on the tree line.

“I’m onto you.” Karkaroff spat at the hidden figure.

“I don’t know what you mean.” A strangely familiar voice drawled.

Karkaroff threw his arm out. “I can feel it day in and day out! I know what’s coming!”

“Then you should prepare yourself shouldn’t you? Run perhaps? You've tried it before.”

“We can’t all be like you Fenrir.” Karkaroff barked.

Harri gasped and Theo threw his hand over her mouth this time. They held their breaths as both men quietened and listened for another sound. When nothing came they resumed the conversation.

“And Severus? What of him?” Greyback questioned, still hidden from view.

“He doesn’t care. He won’t leave Hogwarts.”

"Unfortunate."

Voices appeared from behind Harri and Theo. Hagrid was coming back home with Madam Maxine in tow.

“We should not speak of such things here.” Karkaroff whispered and made to leave.

“But Igor, here is where there is so much to do.” Greyback came into the light. He had the look of a man who knew what was going to come. The distressed Karkaroff gave him a furious scowl, then spun around and trudged back to Hogwarts. Greyback disappeared into the forest.

“We should leave now.” Harri said under her breath.

They waited for Hagrid and Madam Maxine to arrive at the hut and then quietly slipped away.

“How the hell did Greyback get so close to our school?” Harri questioned. Theo was quiet. His face was as concerned as Karkaroff’s had been. “Theo?”

He stopped near the gazebo. “You know what this means don’t you?”

Snow began to fall and cover every inch of the air around them.

“I know.” Harri touched his cheek. “I know.”

“He’s going to try to come back.” Theo whispered.

“He has many times before and he's failed.”

“But this time, this time feels different.” He confessed and pressed her hand against his cheek. “My father he—"

“Harri! Theo!” Daphne’s yell came from the courtyard, loud and exasperated, interrupting Theo's words. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

“Just a moment.” Harri shouted.

Daphne made a rueful expression. “But I need Theo to come get Draco, I think he drank some of George’s spiked punch.”

“I don’t—"

"—He’s all over Ron.”

"Fine.”

Theo gave Harri a helpless smile and pecked her. “We’ll talk later?”

“Of course,” Harri brushed snow off his hair. “Go stop Draco from embarassing himself.”

He gave her a last grin and ran off. Just as he went in a flushed Ron stumbled out. He marched toward her and Daphne. “Can we leave now?”

Daphne placed a consoling arm around him. “Sure Ron.”

Harri rubbed his back. “I’ll be right behind you just let me take these heels off. I’m not sure I can walk up in them.”

Daphne and Ron left and Cedric found her a second later. “I’m glad I could catch up with you.” He called, walking over.

“Hi Cedric.” Harri leaned down to slip off her shoes.

"Hi Harri." He touched her arm. “You remember how you told me about the dragons?”

“Uh huh.”

“Well uh.” Cedric flushed a little and bit his lip. “You should take a bath.”

Harri frowned. “Excuse me?”

“In the prefect's bathroom. With the egg.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m a fourth year.”

Cedric patted her. “Trust me? Just do it. The password is pine-fresh.”

“Okay.” Harri conceded. “I’ll do that.”

Take a bath with the egg.

“He said what?” Theo's head snapped up from his book.

“To take a bath with the egg.” Harri explained again, dipping her quill in ink and writing on a new page.

“Okay we get that part.” Hugo said. “But what was he doing with the egg during a bath in the first place?”

“He obviously figured it out beforehand.” Lavender reasoned while ripping out a page from her notebook and stuffing it into her binder.

Theo shut his potions book. “You shouldn’t go there alone at night. Who knows, someone else could have decided it’s the perfect time for a bath too. With Karkaroff running around the castle and whoever put your name in the goblet, it's not safe alone.”

Maria twirled her hair on a finger and turned to Harri with a meaningful expression. “He’s right Harri. You should take someone with you.”

Harri pinched Maria’s thigh under the table. “I’ll take my invisibility cloak. It’ll be fine.”

“Uh no.” Lavender scolded, slapping Harri’s hand away from her paper. “You really shouldn’t.”

“I’ll go with you.” Theo offered, looking up at her with innocent eyes. “We can still take the invisibility cloak.”

“It’s settled then.” Maria clapped her hands. Harri pinched her thigh again.

“Wanker!”

“Meddler.”

Harri entered the bathroom with the golden egg in hand that night, not nervous but wishing she could have gone alone. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Theo to be there but that she was only fourteen and the only person who’d ever seen her in a bathing suit was Hermione. But he was waiting for her and had already submerged in the water. Bubbles floated around his hair and mischief was written all over his face. Harri put whatever insecurity she had away and took off her robe.

“Alright?” Theodore asked and placed his hands on her hip bones as she sank down. Moonlight from the stained windows cast his face in hues of reds and blues.

“Alright.” Harri whispered into the quiet.

Their faces were mere inches apart and when they kissed she was more conscious of his body than ever.They kissed as the french do. More intensely than before. Hands, arms. Breaths tangling together. Thinking of nothing else until Harri’s hand let go and the egg fell into the water. Unexpectedly, it slit open and glaring brightness lit up the bath.

“Harri.” Theo took hold of her face. “I think we have to go down.” He submerged them into the water and everything became silent but for the haunting voices that manifested from the egg.

The world was just the two of them grinning at each other in wonder. Maybe she thought, maybe they should just stay here and then nothing could touch them. But the air ran out and they both spiraled up to the surface. Sound returned and with it the troubles of the real world.

“It was mermaids,” Theodore breathed in awe, water drops clinging to his eyelashes. “Could you hear them?”

"Yes."

They sang. 'Recover what we took, But past an hour — the prospect’s black, Too late, it’s gone, it won’t come back.'

The Headmaster’s Tower, Midnight

“Where was it Harri said she found it?” Severus Snape stoked the fire in the hearth, stabbing heartily at the ashes that fell.

“She said the locket appeared first upon traveling to school,” Came Dumbledore’s drowsy voice. “But I suspect, regardless of how it happened, that it came from Grimmauld Place.”

There was a surprised silence. Severus paused and turned away from the fireplace to stare at his headmaster. “You do not think Regulus…”

“Voldemort left his diary to Lucious Malfoy. It is not a stretch to assume he would have left his locket to Regulus Black.”

“But he murdered Regulus!” Severus rubbed his forehead in consternation. “He would not have given something of such incalculable worth to a boy he considered turned traitor.”

Dumbledore stroked his wiry beard with careful consideration. “I have some research to conduct on the full matter but I am almost certain of this. There are only a few pieces I am missing.”

Severus sighed deeply. “And what of the horcrux? Will you destroy it?”

“I dare not Severus.” The headmaster rose up from his chair and pulled his window curtains apart. Silently he observed the snowfall outside, wondering if he was making the wrong choice.

“Began the preparations. I believe we shall have a new student come summer.”

Chapter 21: you’re my achilles heel

Chapter Text

Chapter 21: you’re my achilles heel

Chiron had said once that nations were the most foolish of mortal inventions.
"No man is worth more than another, wherever he is from.”
“But what if he is your friend?” Achilles had asked him, feet kicked up on the wall of the rose-quartz cave."Or your brother? Should you treat him the same as a stranger?”
“You ask a question that philosophers argue over,” Chiron had said. “He is worth more to you, perhaps. But the stranger is someone else’s friend and brother. So which life is more important?”
We had been silent. We were fourteen, and these things were too hard for us.
— Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles

The morning after the yule ball, all students were given permission to leave Hogwarts for the break. A bright eyed Sirius flooed Harri, Hermione, Maria, and Daphne in from the three broomsticks. Tired and with the night's makeup still on their skin, Harri didn’t know how they even made it into the living room before falling asleep.

The smell of chocolate raised them from their slumber in the afternoon. Harri peered through the windows, watching as snow dusted the streets of London. She closed her eyes for a minute, thankful beyond belief for a real home to come to when life was grueling. May wonders never cease.

Hermione marched out of the kitchen then and laid out tiny bowls of sprinkles and M&M's, decorations for the gingerbread houses that Daphne’s mother sent as gifts ahead of their arrival.

Fully awake now, Harri moved to sit next to Sirius, who was just on the other side of the couch hanging up fairy lights with his wand. He was a child, delighted by the colors and harassing Remus, who was adorning their tree with little ornaments by hand. Harri wrapped herself around Sirius like a rope, taking in the smell of peppermint from his aftershave. She listened to Maria and Daphne attempt Christmas carols and then filmed Hermione trying Sirius’s eggnog. It was the best night.

On Christmas morning they drank only tea for breakfast, spent two hours getting ready, and left for the Weasleys at noon. As Remus helped her out of the floo, she admired the cashmere sweater Sirius had gifted him. It was a reminder of the quiet way he and Sirius took care of each other.

Mr. Weasley greeted them and welcomed them into his overflowing home. Mrs. Weasley was as kind as ever, pulling them all into a hug as soon as she spotted them. When she held Harri she melted like butter into her warm chest.

After, Harri searched for Ron and the twins, but there were so many redheads inside she didn’t know which ones were hers. Having bizarrely never spent the holidays there she hadn’t known what to expect but Christmas at Ottery St. Catchpole was like a scene from a movie. Stacks of presents, candles, and warmth, a dining table filled with deserts and friendly faces around every corner.

While Hermione went off with Ginny and Maria trekked upstairs, Sirius called Harri and Daphne over to where he and Andromeda were debating whether jeans were appropriate wear for the day.

Andromeda had her hair pulled away from her face and her features caught Harri off guard, especially as this was really only the second time she'd seen her. The sharpness of her jaw and slope of her nose was so reminiscent of Draco. It was strange on someone else. Though Harri supposed she shouldn’t be all that surprised. Andromeda was his maternal aunt and there were some things links you could never hide, no matter how much you wanted to.

Harri wondered about that. What was it like to have lost family to something other than death? Was that why Nymphy had no siblings? Because Andromeda didn't want her daughter to suffer the same estrangement she herself had?

Harri surveyed Sirius and the eager way he spoke to Andromeda. He was keen, happier than he was to speak with most people and the smile they shared was identical in its curve. She was reminded of the room that was left untouched in their home and of Kreacher’s forlorn face as he stared at the engravings of R.A.B etched on the wooden door.

Was the Black curse indeed what Draco had spoken of, was it really the madness? Or was it loss, the emptiness that would drive anyone insane?

“How are your preparations for the second task?” Sirius asked, calloused hands running through Harri’s hair. “The spells needed to breathe underwater for an hour aren’t easy to learn for someone your age.”

It had become a routine for him to brush her hair. Harri knew he enjoyed taking care of her like this. The part of him that recognized that he could have done it for her every morning as she was growing up but never got the chance.

It was a thousand memories they hadn’t had the chance to make that they could make up for now. The little things that mattered in a big way.

“I haven’t decided what I’ll be doing but I know I can’t use transfiguration. I thought maybe I’d use the bubblehead charm.” Sirius nodded, fingers tangling in her curls. “But then I worried, like, what if I came across something that broke the charm? It would be too easy for me to panic and then everything would just spiral downward from there.”

“What did you decide in the end?”

Harri hesitated. “Well...that’s the problem…I haven’t yet.”

“Wha—Harri.” Sirius admonished, dropping his hands and coaxing her around to face him. “You haven’t decided what to do yet?”

Harri picked at her fingernails, avoiding his eyes. “It’s still fairly far away.”

“Two measly months.”

“That is plenty of time.”

“Sweetheart.” Sirius placed a finger below her chin. “Look at me.” Harri did. “Tell me what you need and I will do it for you.”

She shook her head, protest already on the tip of her tongue.

“Uh uh.” Sirius tutted. “You wouldn’t let me help with the first task after you promised me it wouldn’t be bad and what was it? Dragons. There is nothing you can say that will stop me from helping you with this one. If Dumbledore hadn’t already assured me he’d placed protections on you God knows what I would’ve done.”

“Excuse me?” Harri made a face. “Dumbledore did what?”

Sirius's face shifted. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.”

Harri scoffed. “You can’t say something like that and then not explain.”

“Fine.” Sirius rubbed his forehead. “He put precautionary charms on you that would prevent anything fatal from happening during the tournament.”

Harri twisted away from him. “What the hell?”

“You weren’t even supposed to be in this tournament. You are younger than the other champions. Don't tell me you've believed I have just let you into this dangerous situation without the reassurance that you will be alright?”

“You should have told me!” Harri protested and got to her feet, not knowing why she was this baffled but feeling incensed all the same. “It’s my life!”

Sirius picked himself up too, his jaw stiff. “No it isn’t.”

“Yes it is. What are you even saying right now?”

“Your life is everything to me. It's my life too. I wasn’t supposed to live this long, I was going to murder Peter and get myself killed fighting Voldemort. The only thing I live for now, the only thing that has any meaning is you. God forbid something happened, I wouldn't be able to exist."

Harri felt like he had just punctured her in the stomach. The fight left her as if it had never existed at all. “Sirius..."

“Do you think I could survive losing you?"

The front door opened. “The kebab shop was crowded like you wouldn’t believe, I nearly had to fight a guy for the last aloo samosa but I—" Remus paused, staring at Sirius’s pinched face and Harri’s horrified one.

Not wanting to be there or to look at her Godfather anymore, Harri darted out of the room.

“Harri don’t go!” Remus called out to her.

“Let her!” Harri heard the sound of glass break as she ran upstairs.

Thankful that her friends were already asleep, she went as far away from where they slept as she could. Maybe minutes later, maybe an hour later, Remus found her on the stairs of the greenhouse.

His smile was taut. “Would you mind terribly if I sat down?”

She ignored him. Remus audibly sighed but ultimately walked over and sat down next to her anyway. Neither of them said a word for a long time.

“He told me what you talked about.” She could feel his eyes on the side of her face. "I can understand that you don’t like that it was kept from you. I know a lie by omission is still a lie, but he was just doing what he thought was best.”

“It’s not that,” Harri mumbled into her palm.

Remus paused. “No?”

Harri turned to him, imploring. “He told me the only reason he’s alive right now is me Remus.” A muscle in Remus's face twitched. “I thought he was healthier. I thought the therapist was helping. Have I just been stupid? Am I only seeing what I want to see? It hurts so much to think that all this time I’ve thought he was getting better, he was just existing.”

Remus rubbed his hand across his chin. “These things don’t change overnight. He is trying to unlearn years of guilt and pain. But it was wrong of him to say that he's only alive because you are, please forget it. That is the worst thing to say to a child who's lost their parents, as their guardian. He can't put that on you. You are not responsible for his life.”

“I can't forget that it’s been months of what seemed like improvement. I feel so blindsided. It feels like a slap in the face. I thought we talked to each other about these things and to think that he’s been suffering silently and feeling like he can’t tell me, makes me feel sick.”

Knocking on the wall prevented Remus from responding. Harri knew who it was and petulantly didn't look at Sirius when he coughed to get her attention. She kept her gaze on Remus, who squeezed her shoulder and got up, giving Sirius a stern glance as he walked out. Sirius took his place next to Harri and opened his arms.

She wasn’t going to give in but when faced with his sorrowful eyes there was no other option. She buried her face in his torso.

“I spent twelve years locked inside my own misery and grief. I had one obsession in life and that was revenge. When your father died, when I lost Remus and my brother, I lost my purpose in life.” Sirius whispered into her hair, his arms closing her in. “When I found you and got you back, I found it again. I get up in the morning because I know that you are alive. I try to make myself better so that I can be the best for you. I know that it isn’t healthy. I want to live for myself too. I am trying. I know that what was said downstairs doesn’t make it seem like that but I am. What Remus said is right, my life is not your responsibility. But I cannot pretend that you aren't the most important thing to me. Just the thought of something happening to you—” His voice broke off. “Can you understand that? Can you forgive that?”

Harri wanted so much to reach inside of him and claw out the darkness that haunted him with her bare hands. She wanted to tear apart the guilt and see that rapturous boy from her parent's wedding photograph. Yet it didn't work like that.

“There is nothing to forgive. I don’t know how I could ever live without you either. Don’t you understand that? I need you to be okay too.”

She would never stop trying to give him that happiness again, even if it took another decade.

It was days later when Harri was back at Hogwarts with Theo that she was presented with an answer for what to do in the second task.

“Gillyweed?” Harri questioned reluctantly, holding up the jar Theo had just handed her. “It looks disgusting Theodore.” Green, long and slimy, Harri gagged just thinking about swallowing it down.

He laughed under his breath and took it from her hands, placing it on the uneven ground. “S’ the simplest solution. My sister said the gillyweed allows you to breathe underwater for an hour and also makes it easier to swim.”

He had bags under his eyes and his hair was unkempt. It looked like he’d just woken up from a sleepless night. The way he was smiling at her though you would think he’d never felt more rested. She crossed her legs and her calves brushed against the wooden log they were sitting on. “I don’t know Theo, what if I throw up?”

He pecked her cheek. His lips pressed against her skin once and then after a moment again, not stopping once he’d started. “Mhhm, just block your nose. Think of it as a nasty potion.”

Harri grinned. She turned her head and brushed their lips together, small kisses that became long and eager. Her fingers caught on his sweater and tugged him closer. He smiled against her and Harri couldn't help smiling back. They laughed into each other's mouths, pulling away only enough so that their noses bumped.

“Where did you even get it?”

“I may have stolen it.” Theo confessed.

"From who?"

"Never you mind." He gripped her chin and kissed her again.

Harri wanted to know whose bright idea it had been to hold the second task in February. The air pierced her exposed skin with an icy cold. The waters of the black lake waved ominously and in just a few minutes she would have to go in them. The only consolation was that she knew what it was that waited for her below. The merpeople, mermaids who were nothing like the sirens from muggle fairy tales.

A gust of wind blew past, sprinkling those nearest in the crowd with salt water. Harri shivered and rubbed her arms, covering up the goosebumps that consumed her from head to toe. She looked to her right at the other champions, Fleur who was just as nettled with the unfortunate weather, her beautiful face grimacing, Viktor, too, usually impassive, frowning and Cedric, the only one of them with a cheery face. “The sun isn’t out. That's a bad omen don’t you think?” He said. “Like the grim or something.”

“Or something.” Harri breathed.

“I’ve already had a bad start. I can’t find Cho anywhere.”

Harri sunk her teeth into her bottom lip and fixed her gaze on the stands again. Her eyes roved over hundreds of faces, looking for two specific ones and coming up empty. “I know what you mean, Ron and Daphne aren’t here either.”

Cedric froze and grappled for Harri’s arm at the exact moment Dumbledore cast his sonorous charm.

“Champions! Assume your positions.”

She inspected Cedric, perplexed. “What is it?”

He whispered hastily. “The thing we will miss the most. It's them!” The realization came with razor-edged clarity. Cho, Daphne, and Ron. "We've taken what you'll sorely miss."

"Oh f*ck!"

Ludo Bagman blew the whistle. “The task begins now.”

Harri threw the gillyweed in her mouth and it took a second but she gasped as it closed up her throat enough that she couldn't breathe. Cedric cast a bubblehead charm and dove into the water, throwing her a thumbs up. Without thought, Harri jumped in after him. Her body sunk down.

In the water, she watched webs form on her hands and feet. She gasped in awe at the depth of the water and her ability to breathe in it. Then Victor, who had transfigured the upper portion of his body into a shark, launched past her. This is what it took for her to remember what was at stake. Ron.She began to swim and her body guided her expertly through the currents. Every slap of seaweed felt like the tentacle of a fish.

The full description of the second task had been given to them only that morning by Barty Crouch. He told them they were not only trying to take back what was stolen from them. That was actually the last part of their challenge and ironically the easiest. Their true venture lay in the heart of the water. On the necks of their merpeople, the Selkies of Scotland.

For the second task to fully be complete they had to capture pearls from the neck of the merpeople themselves as well as take back what was stolen from them. And unlike their Irish counterparts, the Merrows, the Selkies were not alluring or seductive. They had knives for teeth and would murder for what they desired.

She knew from a book Hermione had given her to read over Christmas that the Selkie colony was located at the center of the Black Lake. This meant that she had a while to go yet.

She also knew that Victor was ahead of her but not too far which meant the sound of someone behind her was Cedric as she had no clue where Fluer was and hadn’t even had the chance to check how she’d chosen to get into the lake. Harri just hoped they all got out in time because the water was becoming perilous. A storm was coming. Harri swam and kept her wand arm prepared.

After a tumultuous thirty minutes, consisting of fighting her way through charmed little octopuses and hiding from vicious Grindylows, the selkie village appeared within her eyesight.

There were four mermaids laid out in a row in front of four columns, each carrying a spear and an icy sneer. A wall was erected behind them, like a waterfall of magic. Harri knew that Ron and Daphne were behind it. She steeled herself and released her wand from its holster.

She swam to the Selkies, eyes catching on the one in the middle.

A glimmering string of pearls hung around its neck as she’d been told. The pearls were on all of the selkies. However, the one in the middle had Ron’s tie was tethered to the pearls. Disheartenment struck her, unexpected and immediate. Ron shouldn’t be trapped at the bottom of the lake as if he was something collateral in this mess. When she found out who put her name in the goblet of fire she was going to castrate them.

"Confringo!” She shouted, aiming for the mermaid's weapon.

The selkie moved and the spell hit the mermaid instead of the spear. With a shrill screech, the now angry selkie raced to attack her. It launched its spear at Harri and nearly stabbed her foot. She swam up and cast a stupify. The mermaid dodged it and shrieked.

The water around them moved and pushed them back as they fought. The blade came for Harri again and this time she aimed her wand at it precisely, she cast reducto just before it could strike her. The spear exploded and its razor edges caught on Harri’s arms, leaving small lacerations bleeding against her skin. With urgency, Harri thrust out a hand and wrapped it around the Selkie’s neck. It screeched once more as she ripped the pearls out and then it went silent.

Harri's heart thundered furiously and adrenaline thrummed her bones. She thought she might be attacked again but the mermaid bowed and with a swift hand brought down a section of the magic wall. Harri watched as it cascaded down and space opened for her to go through. She found Ron inside, laid out at the bottom of the lake. She raced to him and heaved him up by the arms. He didn't move, his body was despondent.

Ron had never been so still. It made Harri uncomfortable. She examined the bodies around him. A tiny little version of Fleur, the delicate figures of Cho and Daphne. She hated the way they were laid like corpses.

She settled Ron in her arms and breathed in relief as Cedric came into sight. She waited for him to enter and grab Cho, and then they both watched as Fleur came through and savagely tore the pearls off her mermaid at first glance.

Fleur came to them and took her sister into her arms. She brushed her golden hair away from her face with great care. Harri looked out past the wall to see if Victor had made it yet. She was worried, he had been ahead of her and now he was late. Though maybe she had surpassed him in the seaweed when she could barely see or hear anything.

Cedric tapped at his wrist and Harri realized the hour must almost be up. Harri pointed at Daphne’s still body and shook her head no. She wouldn't leave yet. Cedric waited for a minute and then swam to Harri. He took one of her hands and wrapped it around Cho’s wrist. He then gestured back at Daphne and to himself. You two go. I’ll stay. Harri protested but Cedric tapped insistently at his wrist again and pushed Harri upwards.

Reluctantly, she acquiesced. She and Fleur left, taking Ron, Cho, and Fleur’s sister with them. Their swim back was quicker, the path probably made shorter with magic. They reached the waiting spectators and broke through the water at the same time.

Ron came alive with a choke and Cho with a gasp. Snape, Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey helped them out. Bagman threw out blankets and towels. Harri stayed in the water, unable to go fully back up until the gillyweed faded from her system. She noticed that Karkaroff was no longer present even though Madam Maxine was.

“Cedric!” Cho wheezed, shuddering in Madam Pomfrey’s arms. “Where is Cedric?”

“He iz waiting for Victor to get Daphne,” Fleur panted through heavy breaths.

“He is what?” Professor Snape hissed, darting forward.

“Oh dear.” Madam Pomfrey whispered.

“What?” Fleur questioned. “What is it?”

The water slapped against the wooden panels of the platform in warning. Snape and Dumbledore shared a look. “Krum was attacked down there. He sent up a signal half an hour into the task. He has been in the infirmary since.”

“But Daphne was still down there!” Harri shouted. “What was going to happen to her when he didn't show up?”

“The Selkies have been instructed not to harm her.” Madam Maxine reassured.

“Then there iz no izzue?” Fleur asked.

"There is." Snape ground out. “Because there was nothing said about the boy! They have every right to harm him for intruding on their territory after completing his own task."

A hurried and whispered conversation started amongst the professors while Fleur and Harri shared their own knowing look.

Harri dove back into the water without a second thought. She could hear the shouting beginning behind her.

The waves were jarring and raucous and thunder crackled in the sky. Harri felt itchiness in her neck and knew that her time was running out. She fought against the push and pull of the water and of the weakness in her limbs. Her body was exhausted now having been pushed against its limits.

She was weak and had barely made it out far when she detected sight of two human bodies coming her way. Cedric and Daphne came nearer. Then Harri noticed the four selkies giving chase behind them, all the more angrier and driven than before. She crashed into Cedric, who was a great deal worse off than when she’d left him. He had blood gushing out of his thigh and his face was ghastly pale. She seized his arm and pushed him ahead of herself.

With as much precision as she could manage, she began to shoot stunners at the Selkies behind them. Using magic depleted her energy more and because of this, one of the mermaids was able to snatch Harri's ankle within its grip. As much as she tried to fight herself free, she couldn't. She was dragged down.

Her neck stopped itching. Her eyes closed. She’d read somewhere that it took less than ten minutes to drown. How long would she last? When thirty seconds passed Harri accidentally swallowed water. Seventy and the talons clutching her went pliant. Eighty and another pair of hands gripped her.

Familiar, long, and petal veined. She knew these hands.

Tom?

Harri wanted to open her eyes. She longed to see him. Tom.

As if he'd heard her, a soothing hand ran down her back. Her eyes fluttered open the tiniest amount. Like he was real, he looked down.

She would know those red eyes anywhere.

Tom, I found another one.

His hands tightened.

I found another Riddle.

When Harri woke there were no wine colored eyes to welcome her. Only the blue hue of Dumbledore's and the terrified expression on his face.

Chapter 22: i feel like prey

Chapter Text

Chapter 22: i feel like prey

“I run from body. I run from spirit.
I do not belong anywhere.
I am not alive."
—Jalāl al-Dīn Rūmī, Spillings

“It wasn’t the grindylowz.” Victor whispered to them that night. “My memory—iz not so clear—but I know it waz not a creature that came for me.”

The four of them, the champions, were huddled in another secluded corner at another after party. It’d been an exhausting day to say the least. It was now midnight and they were in beauxbatons carriage. Madam Maxine was turning a blind eye to their gathering.

“You were in front of me initially.” Harri’s fingers tapped on her glass of beer impatiently. “I don’t understand how I didn’t see anything happen.”

Victor leaned in. “But that iz the problem, I’m not sure I waz ahead of you at all. I dove in and started swimming az quickly as I could. When I stopped to look around me, I noticed that I waz not going in the direction I had thought I was going. I did a point-me spell and realized I waz moving west instead of north az I had planned. Before I could get myself together, I found myself stuck in something. I thought at first it waz seaweed that wrapped around me but it iz no possible. I tried to move but I couldn’t and then this thing came at me. I do not want to seem like a liar but I could swear to you I thought it waz human.” Victor confided.

Fleur tutted and slapped his arm. “Victor, we know that you are not a liar.”

“We believe you.” Cedric promised. “If you say it was a person we believe it. Stranger things have happened.”

Victor’s expression did not change. He gazed at the empty space in front of him as if he was reliving the moment over again. “I could swear in that moment I recognized who it was but now I cannot remember.”

“Do you think they messed with your memory?” Harri questioned. “With mind magic?”

“Legilimancy?” Fluer gasped, pressing a manicured hand to her chest. “But thiz iz horrible! It iz forbidden.”

Victor scratched at his head in frustration. “It iz like I can see the figure coming for me and any time my mind tries to grasp the memory of a face it turns to dust in my hands.”

“Then maybe it was a potion?” Cedric suggested. “Did it hurt when you woke?”

“I do not think so. We were in water it would be difficult to administer a potion. And I felt numb. I do not even remember sending a signal up.” Victor sighed. “I do not even remember where I waz.”

“What reason does anyone have to attack you?” Fleur said softly. “You have no enemies here.”

Harri shrugged. “Maybe he wasn’t supposed to be the victim.”

“But Harri you cannot mean…”

“It would make sense, the same person who put Harri’s name in the goblet of fire could have meant to hurt her in the second task. Maybe because you two were the first ones in they just got the wrong person.” Cedric proposed.

“No.” Victor denied. “It waz meant for me. I know it sounds bizarre but it was no mistake. Whoever did this wanted to hurt me.”

Fleur set her champagne glass down forcefully. “They’ve come after two of uz already. Who’s to say which one of uz is next?”

Cedric nodded. “We were told the tasks would be dangerous but this is something else. Victor, Harri and I could have been gravely injured. Worse than we already were.”

“Yez.” Victor said. “If they cannot protect uz, then we must protect one another.”

They nodded in agreement. Young, naive and headstrong but determined enough to see it through.

“Cedric?”

The four of them looked up from their circle to see Cho smiling hesitantly at them. “Um, hello.”

Cedric's face split into a beaming grin. “Hi Cho.”

Fleur picked up her champagne and Harri’s hand. “We will just be going outside now.”

Victor smirked into his glass and rose up from his seat. “Yez we can see that you are busy now Cedric.”

Cedric reddened. “Right, I’ll talk to you later then.” They left Cedric and Cho pressed up against each other. Harri smiled, watching Cedric gaze at Cho with besotted eyes.

She then found Theo and Blaise with Hugo and George. They were next to a makeshift bar concocting drinks that were going to leave her boyfriend drunk off his arse. Theo’s face was already flushed a deep pink and she heard him egg Blaise on to take a sip of something the color of mustard. Harri stepped up from behind and wrapped her arms around his waist.

Theo’s face lit up. “Harrrrrri,” He gasped and his hands moved to cover hers over his sweater. “Guys! Look! Harri’s here.” Harri pecked him on the cheek and giggled as he swayed them back and forth. Blaise swiveled around to her on his stool with his face in an expression of genuine shock, as it had been months since they’d seen each other and not days. “f*ck! It is Harri!”

“Oh my God.” George looked up from the hardwood table. “Bless my soul, it’s Harri Potter!”

“What the hell did you put in those?” Harri questioned him, scrutinizing the suspicious cup in his hand.

George smirked and rested his elbows on the countertop. “Nothing horrible Harri, a little bit of v—"

“SHHHH!” Hugo wheezed and slapped a hand over George’s mouth sloppily. He just barely avoided slurring his words. “It’s a secret!”

Theo looked at Harri with his mouth dropped in an O. Blaise leaned into her ear and whispered. “I think it was firewhisky Harri.”

Theo nodded along seriously. “Lots and lots of firewhisky.”

“Huh,” Hugo glanced down, scratching his chin faux innocently. “Is that what that was?”

George’s shoulders shook from laughter and then Theo’s eyes widened. “Don’t look now.” He whispered to George, peering behind him. “But I think Ron is trying to climb Draco like a tree.”

George covered his eyes and moaned in disgust. “There are some things I never ever wanted to see in my entire life.”

Blaise jumped off his seat. “Quick—someone grab the soap.” And then promptly fell down, taking George with him. Harri was too busy laughing into Theo’s neck to help them up.

April brought to them Rita Skeeter’s column of lies. Hermione was depicted in writing as the promiscuous harlot after both Blaise and Ron’s hearts. Whereas, in the twist of the century, Harri and Victor were now allegedly in a secret love affair.

It was all very scandalous if not for the fact that every piece of it was fiction.

If Harri thought about it, Hermione was perhaps the only person she knew who’d never expressed a sole interest in a boy. Lavender had her summer flings and boys she kissed but never saw again. Maria had her crushes on the upper classmen and older blokes that never noticed her. Daphne had Victor and Harri had Theo. But Hermione, well Hermione was more interested in her books than ever looking twice at a boy, so it was absurd she was being painted as a slag or that people believed it.

Mrs. Weasley, of all people, failed to send Hermione chocolates for easter Sunday. If only Molly knew where her son's heart truly lay.

May yielded spring and the dawning of the third task. On the twenty-fourth of the month, Bagman summoned the champions to the quidditch field. They made their way down to the horror that was their maze for the third task. The poor quidditch pitch had been torn down to make the maze and was now completely unrecognizable.

“That man has extremely bad vibes.” Harri muttered to Cedric, Viktor and Fleur, as they continued to walk around the grounds after Bagman’s little presentation. They were skirting the edge of the forbidden forest. “There's no way he's not a fraud like Lockhart."

Cedric was walking backward, his body turned to face them. He crossed his arms behind his head. “My dad told me Bagman is a serial gambler. I would bet you a hundred galleons he has money resting on who is going to win.”

Fleur raised one of her perfect golden eyebrows. “What iz he going to do with the money? I thought he waz a famous quidditch player. He should have more than enough for his lifestyle.”

“Ah,” Victor snapped his fingers. “But that iz it, he probably spent all his money placing betz, and now iz depending on thiz to get it back.”

“Who does he have his money on, do you think?” Harri asked, kicking at a pile of fallen leaves.

Fleur, Cedric and Victor stared at her.

“What?” Harri laughed. “Me?”

Cedric brushed his hair off his forehead. “What do you mean ‘me’. Of course it’s you.”

Harri gaped at him. “Because I’m the youngest? Least experienced? Didn’t even want to do this?”

Fleur pinched Harri’s cheek.

“Ow!” She slapped her hand away.

Fleur said. “Harri, you say thiz, and yet you are tied for first place.”

“You have shown how worthy you are.” Victor shrugged.

Harri couldn’t help how nice their words made her feel even though she knew most of it was just luck. She wouldn’t have gotten half as far without the help of her friends or if not for the protective spells Dumbledore placed on her. She was sure she’d have a few more scars otherwise. “That’s not true, it’s just a matter of circ*mstance. You’re all amazing wizards.”

Cedric patted Harri on the shoulder with an indulgent smile. “Just accept it Harri.”

“Though you are correct,” Fleur sniffed, flipping her hair over one shoulder dramatically. “I should have been first place by now.”

Victor cracked a smile when someone tumbled out of the bushes to their left. Victor jolted and had his wand pointed at the figure in a matter of seconds. Cedric stepped up and spread his arm out over Harri, blocking the man from seeing her. She peeked over his arm and recognized the gaunt silhouette of Barty Crouch Senior.

“Mr. Crouch, is that you sir?” Cedric questioned, moving while Victor continued to point his wand at him. “Mr. Crouch are you alright?”

Crouch looked as if he had been lost in the forest for days. His face was haggard and his robes were completely torn. He was muttering under his breath, memos that seemed to be for Percy, dialogue about his son and then he shouted abruptly. “Warn Dumbledore!”

“What do we have to warn the headmaster about?” Harri pushed Cedric’s arm down hastily.

Crouch’s head snapped towards her and his eyes bulged. “Dumbledore!”

“Yes, headmaster Dumbledore. What did you want to say to him?” Cedric asked, wary.

Crouch scrambled onto his knees and grappled for Harri’s shirt. Cedric shoved him away. “You…must warn…you must tell him…tell Dumbledore…I’ve done something awful…my mistake…terrible. Bertha Jenkins is dead, my son, it's all my fault. You must find him! Tell Dumbledore, tell him, Harri Potter…the Dark Lord…Harri Potter...in danger...”

They glanced at each other in alarm.

“Harri we’ll keep him here you go get Dumbledore.”

“Okay.” She turned and sprinted. She raced through the school and right up to the second floor. She found Snape at the entrance of Dumbledore's office by himself.

“Professor Snape!” Harri shouted across the corridor. “It’s Barty Crouch sir! You have come something has happened to him. He keeps asking for headmaster Dumbledore to come down!”

Just at that moment, Dumbledore stepped out. He did not need any convincing to follow her. But by the time they made it to where the others waited, it was too late. Barty Crouch was gone and Victor, Fleur and Cedric were on the ground, stunned.

Harri was in a garden.

Though unkempt and overgrown, it was beautiful. Behind the garden was a gorgeous manor. It towered over a hill and underneath the slopes resided a small village. She was laying on her back and staring into the cloudless sky above. Her head rested on someone's legs and their hand caressed her arm softly.

Harri pressed her face against their stomach in contentment, knowing if she could she would never move.

“Harri.”

She glanced up.

Smiling down at her was her soulmate, blue-eyed and bewitching. Harri grinned back at him. He looked as he had a year ago when she’d shown him her patronus. Happy. It almost felt like nothing changed since then. Though everything had changed.

An eagle soared above them and Harri looked away to watch it fly past. She listened as it let out a harsh screech, sending the atmosphere into a whirlpool around them. The wind picked up and when she faced back down at the earth, it was all different.

The garden was no longer beautiful. It was downtrodden, damp and dark. A large snake slithered through the grass and its hiss resounded through the entire plane of land. Even the manor was no longer charming. Rather it was decrepit and worn.

When she looked back at Tom his blue eyes were gone and his smile had disappeared.

“The cup.” He whispered clamorously. “It’s a trap.”

She blinked at him, still drowsy. “What?”

“Don’t win Harri. Whatever you do, don’t win."

He warned and then vanished between her arms like ash.

She climbed up on unsteady feet and looked around for answers, shaken by his words. The manor, which had lain distant before, was but a few feet away now. The front door was left open. She stood before it for a moment, listening as the snake in the garden moved closer to her. Hesitantly, she advanced into the house.

Once inside Harri realized she’d been here before. She followed the sound of whispers and edged away from the foyer, careful of the closed doors. The entrance slammed shut behind her and Harri nearly screamed. Uneasy, she ventured up the grandiose staircase and into the second floor. She heard a shout from the living room and peeked inside.

Just like the last dream, a high pitched voice manifested from a divan facing away from the doorway. Wormtail was bowing down in front of it.

“I promise you,” He whimpered. “It will not happen again.” Wormtail crawled forward on his knees. She saw him take a frail hand into his own. “He is dead! Nothing will get in the way of our plans!”

“I do not care for your promises, you spineless fool!” Hissed the voice. “You almost cost me the girl! Crucio!"

Harri woke.

Wormtail’s screams echoed in her ear.

She pushed herself up onto her arms and felt her forehead. The scar was warm and it burned something fierce. She looked around her empty dorm room and noticed with relief that the only other presence was Crookshanks.

Harri breathed through her nose, thoughts running a mile a minute.

What was it the diadem said about the triwizard cup? She couldn’t remember it clearly. Like Victor had said, she had a feeling but no clear memory. Something…something about winning…

Harri didn’t know how she kept dreaming about it. Or how he had done what he did. The diadem saved her in the black lake and then disappeared. No one else had seen anyone helping her. She wondered if he watched her without her knowing. If he was one of the shadows in the forest. Why wouldn’t he come to her? What had he done?

She made the decision to tell Dumbledore about the dream instead of going to dinner. It would be stupid not to. Though when she got inside the stairwell, she eavesdropped on voices emanating from inside. She heard the dulcet tones of Fudge arguing with Dumbledore and Moody, denying the death of Bertha Jenkins.

Bertha was the woman Barty Crouch had talked about in his incoherant rant. When she'd told her friends, Ron had said Bertha was a ministry employee. She helped organize the tournament and Mr. Weasley had worked with her many times.

Harri didn’t get the chance to listen to the conversation for much longer as Moody opened the door and exposed her. The three adults left Harri to go search the castle grounds for Barty.

Dumbledore gave her a pointed look as he shut the door.

Bored and unable to help herself, she snooped around the place. She’d never been left alone inside before. She inspected Godric Gryffindor’s sword for a second but the memory of it in the chamber was still too raw to look too long. She could still feel the handle in her shaking fingers as she ran it through the basilisk.

Instead, she watched at the portraits for a minute, letting her eyes fall onto Phineas Nigellus Black. She knew he spoke to Sirius because his portrait still hung in their home. One of the only ones left, if not the only.

Though all the paintings seemed asleep Harri knew when she turned away their eyes would be on her.

She moved on to surveying different table tops and cabinets which led to her noticing a cabinet door left ajar. She opened it fully and found a basin inside. Her fingers traced what looked to be all sorts of intricate markings, like old runes. Without meaning to she became arrested by its glow.

She was pulled in and snapshots of memories flashed past her. The truth of Karkaroff’s freedom, the sins of Snape, Barty Crouch’s son, and the crazed Lestrange’s being thrown into Azkaban. Dumbledore came back to find her gasping, holding onto the basin.

Snape had been a death eater. Of course he had. But then why did it hurt?

And poor Neville, they’d tortured his parents to death. No wonder he hated the cruciatus so much. Even, Barty Crouch, the coldness with which he’d sentenced his son to prison was frightening.

She wanted to ask Dumbledore about these, but telling him about the dream was more prudent. He sat down and listened.

“Your dreams all indicate that Voldemort is coming. I knew he would try again but not so soon. I would say it is the bond as much as it is the failed curse that allows you to feel pain when he feels stronger and closer.”

Then Dumbledore told her that Barty Crouch was dead.

Harri left with the thought that the tournament was probably the least of her worries compared to all that would come next. She forgot to mention the triwizard cup, the memory like dripping away like water in her mind.

Anger was a harsh and grating emotion and yet it was all she felt for Voldemort. The lives lost, the hatred spread and all of it was his doing. How could a person feel no remorse, no mercy? To kill and torture with such ease, spread hurt and hate, begin a war and for what? To what end? How could Tom turn into such a monster and how could Harri be meant for a man that valued destruction above all else?

These were the thoughts that followed her through the next month. This and the third task. When she and her friends were not studying for their exams they were practicing protective and offensive spells. Harri was offered empty classrooms to train and Sirius was constant with his letters and with his worries.

Sooner than she felt prepared, the night of the task came. At three that afternoon Cedric and her walked together to meet their families. They were both already in uniform, red and yellow each for their respective houses.

“Are you nervous?” Harri asked, rubbing her arms to ward off the slight chill in the night air. Daphne had plaited her hair in french braids so that they pulled away from her face and it left her feeling exposed. “I keep thinking maybe I should’ve practiced more. I always end up thinking that.”

He shrugged. “I'm a little anxious but mostly because I hope to make my dad proud. He’s always been supportive of me. My biggest fan kind of and I don’t want to let him down. I also know that it’s more important that we all make it out of this so whatever that means, I’m fine with.”

“You’re kind of perfect Cedric and I doubt you’ll disappoint him. No matter what the result is.”

His lips curved up in a shy smile and he tugged on her braids fondly. “You’re sweet.”

They split up once they got to the room. Sirius, Remus and Mrs. Weasley were all waiting for Harri. She threw herself into Sirius’s arms. He chuckled and squeezed her. “I missed you too puppy.” Harri hugged Remus and Mrs. Weasley next.

After slightly awkward introductions and small talk with the other families, Harri took hers around Hogwarts. They regaled her with stories of their own adventures at school. Hearing their voices made much of the worry of the last month disappear. A quiet contentment spread through Harri and for that moment she felt calm.

When it was time for dinner and they were entering the great hall Harri saw a familiar face lingering near the staircases.

“You all go on.” She insisted. “I’ll be right there.”

Sirius looked back as she walked away and noticed who she went to. He nudged Remus in the stomach, who glanced as well and then pushed Sirius inside.

“Theo,” Harri smiled when she reached him. “I thought you’d already be inside.”

He tugged his hands out of his pockets. “I couldn’t go in without wishing you luck.”

His lips covered hers in a warm kiss and she let herself lean into him. “I’ll see you when you win.” He mumbled against her mouth. She grinned and kissed him again.

When they stepped into the hall, Harri flushed at the lecherous smirks Blaise and Draco sent their way. They stuck their tongues out and she discreetly flipped them off.

Throughout dinner, she couldn’t bring herself to eat much no matter how many dishes Sirius and Mrs. Weasley tried to send toward her. Now that the task was only a few minutes away, the worry was coming back.

Once it reached nine Dumbledore instructed Bagman to lead the champions outside. They stepped out to loud applause but were silent on the way to the maze. Only once they got there did they speak.

“I had a strange dream.” Harri said. “I can’t remember the beginning of it, but there was something about the cup. I don’t know exactly what it was but I just have a bad feeling about it.”

Viktor frowned.

“I don’t believe thiz.” Fleur rolled her eyes. “The whole point iz to get that cup.”

“So it would make sense if there was a trick to it or something.”

“Then what are we to do?” Viktor questioned.

“Just be careful, that’s all I’m saying. Send a sign once you’ve reached the cup instead of grabbing it. It will still be yours whether you touch it or not.”

“Okay.” Fleur nodded. “But victory will still be whoever reaches it first.”

“About that,” Cedric said. “Bagman says Harri and I will go first since we’re tied. I was thinking that we should stick together. We’re supposed to protect each other right? You two should stay close to each other too just in case.”

“We shall stay near.” Victor said to Fleur. “If anything happenz we will send out red light but we can get to each other first.”

Fleur inclined her head. “And if any of uz see anything suspicious at all, we send out a signal immediately. Better for all of uz to be safe than sorry.”

Harri wrapped her arms around herself. “Is it just me or is this maze a little sinister.”

“It iz more than a little.” Fleur shuddered, scrutinizing the dark towering hedges. “Why are the wallz thiz high?”

“Who knows.” Viktor mumbled.

Around them, the stands began to fill and soon Bagman ordered the champions into position. The four of them ambled to the opening of the maze, glancing at each other all the while. Dumbledore cast another sonorous charm and a whistle blew.

Harri looked back into the crowd once, just to see the faces of her friends and family smiling at her and then walked into the maze. Cedric, tied with her, stepped in at the same time as her. The second they were in all the cheering and noise from the stands disappeared. The hedges were so high and shadowy that she could not see through them. She took out her wand and whispered lumos. Cedric, next to her, did the same. They started at a slow pace. Harri could clearly recall the deep wound on Cedric's leg and the feeling of suffocation as water filled her lungs, she was not eager to relive anything like that soon.

In the space of ten minutes, the whistle went off twice, indicating that Fleur and Victor had been let inside as well.

She and Cedric came to a fork in the path and decided to go right.

Wherever they went, they happened upon empty paths. A right turn and an empty walkway, a left and four forks in the road. They could almost see nothing beyond what was a foot away from them and the waning shape of the moon. Eventually, they got upended upside down by gold mist and stuck in a riddle with something that called itself the sphinx. When they passed that creature separately and continued on deeper into the maze the atmosphere became more blood curdling.

Harri couldn’t help but be wary and press herself closer to Cedric. It was too silent and they were alone. She took a look behind them and almost screamed. She could have sworn she saw a pair of eyes.

“Someone is watching us.” Harri whispered against Cedric’s ear. “From behind.”

She felt him stiffen. He grabbed her arm and in tadum, they bolted. Though there was no discernible sound of footsteps behind, they ran until they were far away. Harri pointed her wand behind them but this time saw nothing but an empty trail.

She still felt terrified. She grasped Cedric’s shoulder. “Something's not right.”

He shifted his pale face to her. “I know.”

From behind him, a green figure took shape and when light hit its face she recognized that it was a viper. “Cedric behind you!”

He twisted away and Harri cast reducto.

“Don’t attack! It’s my boggart! My fear is of snakes!” Cedric shouted.

He cast riddikulus and the viper disappeared. Then out of nowhere, the sound of crawling came. They checked around themselves. Harri yelped at the sight of four of Hagrid’s blast end skrewets creeping along the ground.

By using stunners Cedric and her managed to repel them away. One was still able to bite Harri in the calf. She winced at the feeling of blood running down her leg.

“Hagrid was wrong for that,” Cedric panted. “I would’ve rather a hippogriff attacked us.”

Harri went to press down on her injury when an ear piercing shriek tore through the air.

She froze, her stomach sinking. “It’s Fleur!”

Cedric stared at her, Fleur’s sceam still ringing.

“Right or left?” Harri asked.

“Right.” Cedric answered.

They raced down the path they thought Fleur to be. Instead of finding Fleur, they found Viktor. He was bleeding from a gash on his head. He tried to run to Harri and Cedric from a hundred yards away.

“Get out of here!” Viktor screamed “Moody—"

A red jet hit him from the side. Viktor fell to the floor. Harri screamed as he thrashed and screeched in pain.

“VIKTOR!” Cedric shouted.

Victor’s screaming stopped. Another jet of light came and this time it was headed for Cedric. Harri pushed him down. It was too dark for them to see who was attacking them. She shivered to think the eyes she’d seen behind them were real and how much closer they had been to getting hurt then.

The two of them crawled behind a hedge and then jumped to their feet. They ran to the other side of the maze. Harri took whatever turn came first.

From above, a humongous black widow dropped onto Cedric. Harri shot spells at it and only managed to aggravate the thing to turn its anger onto her. She was almost stabbed with its pincers but with whatever luck they had, Cedric’s disarming charm caused the spider to fall unconscious a hairs breath from her. Hehelped her up and they leaned against each other gasping for breath.

“We need to send a signal.”

Cedric’s breath stuttered. Harri looked up in alarm, she expected another attack but instead found the Triwizard cup glimmering right in front of them.

They’d done it. They’d reached the end.

Relief didn’t last for long. The black widow twitched and red light shot forward, landing in the space between their heads.

“We have to take it.” Cedric rasped, urging Harri ahead. “Then it’ll end and the professors can get whoever is after us.”

“We can’t!” Harri protested. “The dream, the cup isn’t safe!"

Green shot next to Cedric’s arm.

“Harri if we don’t take it we’re going to die!”

She glanced at the cup and then towards the figure coming for them.

“Harri!”

It was hopeless. There was no other choice.

“Fine!”

“At least we win for Hogwarts.”

“On three then.”

“One—two—three!"

They both reached for the cup at the same time.

Chapter 23: the die has been cast

Chapter Text

Chapter 23: the die has been cast

“Yours is the light by which my spirit's born,
yours is the darkness of my soul’s return.”
— E.E Cummings, silently if, out of not knowable

When Harri was little she’d thought of her soulmate constantly. She dreamt that he was a handsome prince who would come to take her away from Little Whinging. That the two of them would live in his castle and have adventures together for the rest of their lives. It would be happily ever after. Her life as a fairytale.

When she met Tom Riddle she thought her imagination could not compare to how beautiful he was in real life. For that space in time when the possibilities seemed endless, her love had been infinite.

Then his eyes bled red.

And hope was lost.

It felt like that when she touched the cup.

Harri and Cedric landed on the ground feet first. The cup, which had captured their fingers tightly only moments ago, fell out of their grasp at once. A portkey. The damn thing had been a portkey.

Cedric gazed around in a daze and Harri followed him. From the aged tombs surrounding the area, it was clear they were in a graveyard. But Harri couldn't understand why they had been taken here.

The two of them were alone and wherever they were it was miles away from Hogwarts. If someone came for them they had little chance of escape. Harri exhaled and leaned forward on her knees. For some strange reason, this place felt incredibly familiar. She glanced around the horizon trying to find what it was that was so, and her eyes fell on the hill to Cedric’s right. More importantly, her eyes fell on the house at the top of the hill.

Harri’s blood ran cold. She gasped and staggered back, reaching for her wand.

“Cedric!”

“What is it?” He turned around, taking her hand. “What’s wrong?”

“I saw that house in my dream!” Harri yelled. “I saw Voldemort in there!”

His face dropped. He drew Harri closer.

“We’ve got to get out of here.” She swore. “We’ve got to get out now.”

It was too quiet. It was too isolated. Too dangerous.

The sound of footsteps alerted them to another presence. They turned and saw a cloaked man coming towards them with something like black robes held in his arms. Harri braced herself and tightened her grip on her wand.

But Cedric shoved her behind him.

“Cedric no!” And though she tried to fight him, Cedric's clasp was unyielding. “Cedric!”

“Who are you? What do you want?” He shouted.

The cloaked man stopped just a few feet in front of them. Cedric pointed his wand directly at the man's chest. Harri felt momentarily safe, thinking perhaps they would still have enough time to run.

It was then another dream returned to her. Dark robes and a high voice. The color of the killing curse as it struck an old man's body.

“Cedric!” Harri warned. “Cedric in his arms—

The creature in the black robes spoke. “Kill the spare.”

And the cloaked man obeyed. "Avada Kedavra!”

A jet of green light shot out.

Cedric Diggory did not have the chance to cry out in shock nor fear.

He was dead before his feet hit the ground.

Time stopped for Harri. She stared unfathomably at Cedric’s body. His grey eyes were still open, the last expression of surprise still on his face.

She screamed.

Her hands trembled as she crawled to him. "No. Please." Harri hovered over him. She touched his chest. There was no heartbeat.

She needed a second. A moment. She could change things, reverse time and bring him back to life. She would save him and he would smile at her like he always did. They would make it out of this graveyard together.

"Please."

But he did not move and he did not wake. Her hand was outstretched for fingers that would never touch her again.

“Cedric,” Harri cried and touched his face. “Cedric wake up!”

Rough hands seized her from behind. She screamed and thrashed against them but arms encircled her and forcibly dragged her away from Cedric’s body.

She was taken to a headstone, and she saw the name Tom Riddle engraved on it right as she was thrown against it. Her head ricocheted off the marble and tilted her world off its access.

The man that had grabbed her began to tie her arms back and while he struggled to hold her down his hood fell off. Harri recognized him immediately.

Peter Pettigrew.

“You coward!” She screamed. “Murderer!”

Wormtail ignored her. He trapped her and walked away.

Grief left her and terror sunk into her bones. She saw something move through the overgrown grass and hiss. This was when her entire dream returned to her. The diadem, worried and insistent. 'The cup Harri.' The manor, Voldemort, the snake, and Wormtail.

Harri felt incredibly foolish. She had forgotten and now she was paying the price.

Forced to watch as Wormtail lit a cauldron she felt more afraid than she ever had in her life, knowing there was nothing that could stop what was about to happen.

Wormtail reached for the creature he’d laid on the floor. He brought it bare into his arms and Harri almost retched. It was disgusting. Repulsive. A body that was nothing like it should be.

Wormtail plunged the creature inside the cauldron and Harri’s scar began to ache again in such torment that she wished she would die.

Wormtail summoned bones from the dead, the grave to which Harri was tied to and cut off his own hand. His screams penetrated the air.

After, he turned towards her. Harri was weak from the maze and could only cry out when he used a dagger to pierce through her arm. Wormtail took her blood and poured it into the cauldron too. When he finished, a blinding light began to shine from inside. Wind blew around them, strong enough that the elm trees swayed. After a minute the light vanished and grey mist drifted out in its place.

Nothing happened at first.

Then.

A body ascended. Flesh and bone. Tall and frail as a skeleton.

A man.

“Robe me.” Came his high and cold voice.

Wormtail sobbed. He placed the black robes upon his master with quivering hands.

The mist that surrounded them began to vanish and beyond it the man stared at Harri.

She could not look away. She stared back at him.

Voldemort.

He had returned.

Bald, snakelike and with slits for a nose and narrowed scarlet eyes. With Harri’s words on him.

She watched, perturbed, as black letters inked themselves across his wrist. I wish you would die. Irrefutable proof of just whose soul he belonged to.

If he looked down…he would know. He would know exactly whose words they were. Then what would he do? Harri shuddered just to think of it. She prayed harder than she ever had in her life. Don’t let him see them.

She tried to think something else of him. I wish I wish I wish. She brought the diadem to the forefront of her mind. How she ached for him. And so the words changed. She saw the old ink vanish and become: things impossible.

Voldemort looked away from her to inspect himself. His long spidery hands brushed over his arms and his chest and his face. His crimson eyes stopped at his wrist and scrutinized the new words there. But it was fleeting and he averted his eyes. He curled his fingers in awe and smirked.

What if he touched her? Would he know as the diary had known?

He drew out a wand. He used it to throw Wormtail into the open tomb below her.

Harri flinched.

Voldemort’s gaze landed on her again. He was very frightening. One flick of his hands, hands that were so familiar and she would be dead and he would know who she was. One and it was all over.

Harri tried to bury herself in the marble beneath her. She wished she could disappear because feeling of his eyes made her nauseous. This was a moment she’d dreaded for years and hoped would never come. She wasn’t ready to face him, wasn’t prepared for the truth.

Once he knew he could never unknow and that was perhaps the most terrifying thought of all.

Worse than having Voldemort as a soulmate was him knowing she was his soulmate.

He walked towards her. She trembled. He stopped a mere inch from her face and they observed each other.

He was a monster from Grimm’s fairytales come to life. And where was the prince she was promised?

He was lost.

Voldemort’s hands came for her and she prayed for some solace. Please don’t let him know. Please. His fingers curled around her jaw. Harri held her breath and waited for recognition to dawn upon his face.

It didn’t.

His eyes were as spiteful and inhuman as ever. He hadn’t felt their bond.

Harri should have been relieved but any comfort this realization brought did not last long. At his touch her scar was set aflame.

Voldemort laughed in her ear.“You’ve grown since I saw you last.” His long fingers bore down on her face and sent shivers down her spine. “Still.” He stared at her, possessed. “So young.”

His eyes left hers and moved up until they landed on her scar. He touched that as well and it beat against her forehead like a drum. His nails scraped down her cheeks and left lacerations from which blood spilled. Harri winced while he watched in fascination as it cascaded down. Then he swiped a finger across her skin and brought it up to his mouth. She watched, disgusted, as he tasted her blood.

Voldemort’s face gleamed in amusem*nt. “Sweet Harri, what is a little blood between you and me?”

He didn’t know the half of it. Between killing curses and soul ties there was nothing that could have tied them together more.

Unable to look at him any longer she shut her eyes. She heard him chuckle and then felt his hands brush her face again. They covered every inch of her jaw until they wrapped around her neck.

He squeezed and Harri choked.

“Look at me.” Voldemort whispered. “Look at me.” Her eyes fluttered open involuntarily. His hold loosened until he let go completely. “Have I haunted you Harri?” He questioned. “Have you been waiting for this moment as long as I?”

She couldn’t speak, she could barely even breathe. Harri glared. She had waited longer than he could know but they spoke of two different things.

“I suppose not.” Voldemort said, answering his own question. “You were not burdened with the same fate as I on that night so long ago. Why would I expect you to understand what ails Voldemort?”

“You shouldn’t.” Harri whispered through gritted teeth. “The pain you went through is what you deserve.”

Voldemort stiffened. “Foolish child,” His nostrils quivered with fury. “What do you know of what I deserve.You who has been raised in the lap of luxury while I suffered. You who could never imagine the torment, the wretchedness.” Voldemort grabbed her again and squeezed her already bruised neck. Harri wheezed. “Do not speak to me of what I deserve, you who stole everything from me and rendered me less than the meanest spirit for twelve agonizing years.”

Voldemort sneered and cast her head back against the headstone. Her already raw skull throbbed ferociously. “I will enjoy killing you Harri.” He said cruelly. “And I will enjoy giving you, as you so eloquently put, what you deserve.”

He released her neck and stepped away. Harri struggled to take in lungfuls of air.

Voldemort bent down and pulled back Wormtail’s robes. She could see the dark mark there, his mark. Voldemort touched it and painted it black. The same one that lit up the sky during the quidditch world cup.

Through a pained haze, Harri watched, petrified, as bodies began to apparate into the graveyard. Darkly cloaked figures whose faces she could not see. One by one she saw as they dropped to their knees, crawled to Voldemort and kissed his robed feet. They stared at him in fascination and yet trembled in fear. Feeble and false men that they were.

Voldemort began a tirade, accusing his servants of treachery. Those who tried to beg for forgiveness burned beneath his crucio. Those who tried to placate felt the touch of death mere inches away.

And though Voldemort’s voice did not rise beyond a soft timber it chilled everyone as if he had screeched.

“You poor simple fools.” He laughed.

He gave Wormtail a silver hand and called it mercy. He interrogated his death eaters. Snape he said was too cowardly to return. Karkaroff would pay for leaving. Macnair. Crabbe. Goyle. Avery. The Lestranges. Harri remembered Bellatrix’s eyes as she was sentenced to life in Azkaban, her pride.

Voldemort uttered Nott and Malfoy. It was the only other thing that he could have hurt her with. Those names pierced her. She could see the blonde of Draco’s hair and the grey of Theo’s eyes in the crowd. Were their fathers going to watch as she died?

By the end of his spiel, Voldemort’s mouth had curved into a savage grin. The eyes of his followers turned to Harri. Voldemort forced Wormtail to untie her and hand her wand. As Harri fell back against the gravestone, holding herself up with one hand, Wormtail sent her a look of deep regret.

It meant nothing. She locked eyes with him and hoped he saw her mother, remembered her father. She wished his guilt ate him alive. Your fault. Harri thought. All your fault.

Wormtail looked away.

“You’ve dueled before Harri,” Voldemort said softly. “Haven’t you?”

Had she? She must have. But her memories were like sand slipping through her fingers. Before she could raise her wand in defense of herself Voldemort crucioed her. Her body fell like a marionette with its strings cut. The pain of a thousand cuts, of a hundred knives stabbed at her. It stopped perhaps minutes later but she wouldn't know.

Harri climbed back onto unsteady feet, shaking, and listening to the laughter of the death eaters.

“It mustn’t hurt too much for you to be standing.” Voldemort grinned. “Shall I do it again?”

Silence.

“I asked you a question Harri.” She said nothing. His face did not change. “Oh dear, what an awkward situation.”

He raised his wand. Harri closed her eyes. This was it. She was going to die. She had reached the end. Would he die too once she was gone? Maybe that was the only consolation, that right after her soul left this world his would too.

But she thought of Sirius’s face when they would find her body. Hermione’s, Ron’s, Remus’s, Lavender’s, the faces of everyone she loved. She knew intimately the scars death left. Could she leave them like this?

Voldemort shouted. "Avada Kedavra!”

It only took one second, the same that had killed Cedric, for her to make her decision. Harri's eyes fluttered open right before the curse could strike her. “Expelliarmus!”

Green and red light met. Her wand quivered in her hands and small beams of light shot out from where their two wands connected in the middle. A dome of light was created. She held on, gaping, watching the spell lift her and Voldemort into the air. The sound of a phoenix song surrounded them, the very same thrill Fawkes had let out as he cried over Harri in the chamber of secrets.

Voldemort was stunned at the phenomenon as well. From in between the golden lights and from his wand emerged something. A body.

Bertha Jenkins.

Then another came and again another.

The old Riddle house keeper. The shade of the boy once known as Cedric Diggory.

Voldemort shouted at his death eaters to not interfere. Harri tightened her grip even as it felt like the force of the connection would destroy her.

“Harri,” Cedric came to stand next to her. “Don’t be afraid. This isn’t your fault.”

Harri’s eyes filled with tears. She had so much she wanted to say to him. "I'm sorry Cedric."

He brushed her chin. “Don’t be. Live when I cannot and take my body back to my father. That’s all I ask.”

Another being began to take form from Voldemort’s wand. This time came a face Harri had memorized. Her smile in the mirror. The shadow of a man Harri had seen only in photographs.

“My little love, everything is going to be alright,” said James Potter.“Your mother is coming.”

Lily was the last of the shades to appear. Even as a pale imitation of what she had been like in life, she was still so beautiful. So young. Her eyes. Her eyes. Harri wanted to cry. Those were her eyes.

“When the spell breaks you must run and take the cup Harri, you have not a moment to lose!”

Harri nodded fiercely because she could not speak through the lump in her throat.

Her mother smiled and her silvery hands came up to Harri’s face. Her touch cooled the stinging of the wounds Voldemort had inflicted. “You are growing up so well. I could not have dreamed of a more perfect daughter. You’ve been so courageous darling.”

"Do it now!" James shouted over the noise.

Tears finally spilled over her cheeks and Harri threw her wand upward to cut off the connection with Voldemort. The song and dome disappeared but the bodies of the dead did not. They flew towards Voldemort and hid Harri from his sight.

She sprinted faster than she ever had to Cedric’s body and laid a hand on his still chest. Harri accioed the triwizard cup into her hands and looked up at Voldemort one last time before the portkey took her away. The last thing she saw on Voldemort’s face was not fury, it was curiosity.

Her world turned, wrapped her in a whirlpool of colors, and spun her around until she didn’t know where she began and where she ended.

Harri’s body slammed into the ground for the second time that night. She didn’t know if she could move. Her hands were still clutched around the two things that had kept her alive: the cup and Cedric.

It was quiet for just a moment. Just a breath and then voices thundered around her. First there were shouts of joy and elation. The sounds of celebration.

“Harri!” Dumbledore shouted behind her. Harri’s head was water. She pushed herself up and gazed at where her arms lay on Cedric’s body. The feelings that had numbed when she’d been tied to the tombstone crashed into her again. Grief. Shock. Panic. Harri shakily pressed her face into Cedric’s chest and cried.

He was gone. He couldn’t be gone.

“Harri!” Dumbledore’s hands frantically took hold of her. She could hear Snape, Remus and McGonagall following him. “Harri!” Dumbledore grasped her face.

“I couldn’t,” Harri sobbed. “He—

Dumbledore glanced down at Cedric and his expression turned ashen.

That was when the screaming started.

Like wildfire it spread. Cedric Diggory is dead.

Snape materialized behind Dumbledore, his face fallen upon reaching them. McGonagall gasped. In the background, the students were crying and screaming. Sirius came into view and Dumbledore let go of her. Sirius’s eyes went from Cedric’s body to Harri’s arms still wrapped around him. “Oh pup.” He whispered. “You need to let him go.”

More tears fell from her eyes. She didn’t want to let Cedric down.

Sirius got on his knees and gently placed his hands over Harri’s. “His parents shouldn’t see him like this sweetheart.”

They shouldn’t. He wouldn’t have wanted them to. He wanted to make his father proud.

Understanding, Harri looked to Cedric for the last time. Dumbledore must have closed his eyes because the expression of surprise was gone from his face. Cedric looked at peace. Harri pressed her hand against his heart. I’m so sorry. I’m so f*cking sorry.

Sirius pulled her up and wrapped her in his arms. Harri wasn’t sure what happened next. All she knew was the silent screams she pressed against Sirius's neck. He was speaking to someone and she thought it must be Remus because she could feel another arm around her. They were whispering to each other urgently.

In the next moment, Harri felt someone else pull at her. Suddenly she was no longer in Sirius’s arms but being pulled away. She looked up. It was Moody. They were near the east corridor when a spell shot from behind and hit him. He fell and almost took Harri down with him.

At that time Sirius, furious, came into view. She thought he might kill her professor but then to her utter surprise, Remus came and punched him. Gentle, soft Remus broke Moody's jaw.

Right when Harri wasn’t sure she could take any more surprises that night Snape rushed in from the right wing and hexed Moody.

“Go to the headmaster's office.” Snape urged Sirius. “He’ll be there after we deal with this.” He kicked Moody.

If Harri hadn’t just gone through the most horrific experience she probably would have protested to stay. Sirius hauled her towards the tower. He thrust open Dumbledore's door while the portraits watched, incredulous.

Sirius flung open a cupboard and pulled out a vial. He helped Harri sit down and then held it up to her lips. “Drink it please.” His hand cupped her neck. Harri opened her mouth and drank the potion. Sirius’s worried eyes watched her and fell on the handprints bruised on her neck. Rage flashed across his face. He turned around and flung the cupboard shut with such force that it broke the glass.

“Sirius.” Harri croaked. He whirled back around and gathered her in another hug. She could feel his arms shake around her. “I'm okay.”

“It’s not.” He whispered resentfully. “I’m supposed to keep you safe.”

“Not your fault.”

The door opened and Dumbledore entered the room at breakneck speed.

“That man was not Alastor Moody.”

Sirius held Harri in his lap while Dumbledore explained everything he'd just learned. Sirius’s potion spread over Harri and made her numb to any pain. After his explanation, Dumbledore asked Harri what had happened.

She explained the attack in the maze, falling into the graveyard and Wormtail killing Cedric. Sirius’s hands comforted her. Dumbledore tried to assure her with placating words. She continued. She told them about the ritual and Wormtail slashing her arm open.

Sirius threw Dumbledore’s sherbet lemon plate against the wall.

She described how Voldemort had resurrected and what he now looked like. Discreetly, she shook her head letting Dumbledore know that no, Voldemort doesn’t know I’m his soulmate. She recounted how Voldemort summoned his death eaters with the dark mark and at the end how their wands had connected.

“Priori Incantatem.” Dumbledore explained. He told her of phoenix core and matching wands. Then she spoke to them of the shades that had come from Voldemort’s wand. The last murders.The ghosts of Bertha Jenkins, the Riddle home caretaker and Cedric and her mother and her father. She told them how they had protected her from Voldemort one last time and helped her escape. When she was done, Sirius’s face was damp.

Dumbledore said Harri was brave and strong. She felt the exact opposite. She was a failure. She felt ashamed. Cedric was dead.

They walked her to the hospital wing. Sirius’s hand was warm in hers, her anchor to the world. When they stepped inside the infirmary a dozen faces snapped to them. Hermione, Ron, Lavender, Maria, Blaise, Daphne, Remus, Mr. Weasley, Snape and McGonagall. They were all there.

Madam Pomfrey looked as if she’d reached her wits end with everyone and threw her hands up in exasperation. She and Sirius guided Harri to a bed. Hermione, Lavender, and Maria had been visibly crying. Cedric was dead.

Her friends and family surrounded her as she lay down. Harri fell asleep like that and woke up to the sound of yelling.

Snape was standing with his arm out and the dark mark starkly present on his skin. McGonagall was a furious mess. Remus was flushed and Sirius looked as if he would stab someone. They were all staring at Cornelius Fudge with absolute revulsion.

What happened next felt unreal. Fudge was kicked out of the room and Hagrid was summoned. Dumbledore sent Remus to the Caledonian forest. Snape left by himself in a nervous haze and Mr. Weasley returned to the ministry. Sirius eventually had to leave as well, for some unnamed yet significant task. Soon it was just Harri and her friends left in the hospital wing.

Lavender and Daphne climbed into bed with her. Blaise held Harri’s ankle in his hand and Ron sat on the floor with him. Hermione pressed a old compress on her forehead and Maria curled up by her feet.

At that moment, Draco’s absence was louder than ever and they all noticed it.

“Was his father…” Blaise started. “Was his father there?”

“Yes.”

Ron looked at the floor.

“It's not his fault,” Daphne said.

“Well he isn’t here.” Ron said. “Is he?”

Hermione squeezed his shoulder.

Harri looked down. She was surprised to see black writing underneath her gold bracelet. The words were more swift and potent than ever before. She pressed her fingers against her wrist with bruising force and made a decision.

“I have to tell you something.”

She told them everything.

Chapter 24: this too shall pass

Chapter Text

PART II

Chapter 24: این نیز بگذر د (this too shall pass)

“Watched you for as long as I dared.
I don’t believe it was a fluke that I saw you first.”
— David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

The diary, the diadem, the locket and Voldemort, Harri bared it all. The hopeless wanting, the guilt, and neverending ache.

Ron's expression was that of a fish, mouth gaping open and cheeks sunken in. Blaise was gobsmacked, Daphne appeared to be in a state of shock, and Maria was lost for words. Sweet Lavender seemed on the verge of tears beside her and Hermione, who Harri had thought might have been the one to break the silence, remained utterly quiet.

Hermione's countenance was contemplative like she’d uncovered a great mystery. She probably had.

Harri felt fretful. These were not the looks of horror and disgust she had expected to meet. She’d just told them her greatest secret. This thing that had haunted her and torn at her peace. She’d expected alarm and panic, not this.

Her throat tightened and nails embedded themselves into her palms. She felt, for perhaps the thousandth time that night, overwhelmed. “So you…you don’t think differently of me now?”

Ron's mouth closed and he frowned. “Differently of you? Why would we think differently of you?”

Blaise squeezed her ankle with tender eyes. “We don’t get to choose our bond Harri.”

"It is sacred. Soulmates are everything. Even if they are with egomaniac murderers. Or warmongers? What is the right term?” Maria pondered.

Daphne pressed herself closer to Harri. "It's just so surprising! I mean you kept this huge secret. Also the diadem? He was around for an entire year without us knowing anything was different."

Hermione reached for her hand. "Everything makes sense now. Summer of second year and how upset you were. Even last year. I wish you'd felt more comfortable to tell me, I wish I could've been there for you."

"Not to say we don't understand," Lavender piped in. "I don't think there is a right time for something like this. I don't know what I would've done if I were you either."

"That's true." Daphe chimed in. "It must have been difficult to have hidden this and all those times we talked about our soulmates, oh I'm sorry Harri. That must have been awful."

"It's my fault though," Harri's voice was shaky when she spoke. "I couldn't tell you. Even when I knew I should have. I thought I couldn't tell anyone. What if you began to hate me? What would I have done?"

Maria flinched. “How could you ever think that?"

"We would never." Hermione chided and squeezed her hand.

“Nothing could make us hate you.” Daphne said vehemently.

Harri found that she could suddenly not speak. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes. She did not know if she deserved such friends.

Lavender wrapped an arm around her and leaned in to say, “There must be a reason you are tied together. I don't think there can be mistakes. Maybe it's why you survived the killing curse.”

“And who knows who ours are?” Ron pointed out in his attempt to lighten the mood. “They could be lunatics.”

Daphne gave him a dirty look. “Speak for yourself.”

“I’m trying to be comforting.” Ron hissed and gestured to Harri’s upset face.

“Be comforting somewhere else.”

"Is this the time to bicker?" Blaise groaned.

Daphne and Ron quietened and Hermione asked. “He didn’t feel you? Even after he touched you, he didn't know?”

“No.” Harri’s throat ached.

“How could he not? Both the diary and the diadem knew within moments of you being near them.” Hermione tucked her feet under Lavender's. “So why was Voldemort so different?”

“And how did he place parts of himself inside objects?” Maria questioned. "What does that even mean? Also the fact that he called himself a memory is bollocks. He tried to kill Ginny to gain a body, a memory of a person can't do that."

“I don’t know. I’ve looked and I haven’t found anything. Only this book about dreaming and souls that I thought might have been relevant because of the way Tom was able to talk to me after. But I haven't read anything too useful. And Dumbledore, you know how he is. Vague and secretive. I get the feeling he doesn’t want me to know.”

Hermione said. "I would like to point out that the diadem knew about you-know-who's return before it happened. Isn't that a little concerning?"

Ron scoffed. "The wanker ishim.Don't you think that's why?"

"But it's two bodies or two soul pieces, so two sets of memories. They could be almost two people entirely therefore it is suspicious." Lavender argued. "The diadem couldn't have left on his own. He must have had help. What if Pettigrew helped him and in turn, he went to Voldemort and that's how he knows?"

"He wouldn't help Voldemort." Harri insisted. "He wouldn't let him hurt me. Why? After all these lengths to save me."

"That's fair." Daphne agreed. "I don't think that Tom would do that. He always warned Harri, I think he cares for her."

"Could we come back to the part where he placed parts of himself inside objects?" Maria asked.

Blaise gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “It's dark magic. Isn't it obvious? He purposefully didn't explain it to Harri.”

It was nothing she hadn’t wondered herself. She could see the tension visible in Blaise’s shoulders. “I just know that tampering with your soul is something that affects your bond and there is nothing more terrible. It is most likely what he has done Harri. How else was your bond so different with each piece of him? He’s f*cked his soul in some way.”

It hurt to hear. Daphne looked around them at the empty infirmary and then said with conviction. “There are stories, of wizards who went insane experimenting with soul magic.”

Hermione bent forward. “I always thought soul magic was forbidden.”

“It depends on what kind of soul magic but I don't think Voldemort cares if it is forbidden.” Daphne rested her head against Harri’s shoulder. “There are two sides to it, as there are with every kind of magic. To use it for darker purposes is wretched. Because of its effect on the soulbond like Blaise mentioned but there is a light side too. You’ve read of souls feeling each other across time, pulling at each other?”

Hermione nodded.

“And dream sharing, mind magic. You can share magical gifts. I mean that is probably why Harri has parseltongue.”

“Now hold on a minute,” Ron held his arm up. “You said in first year he spoke to you through your wrist. That means he felt your presence back then so what changed? It isn’t like he’s had the time or power to commit to any rituals. Besides the one from today.”

Blaise fell back against his chair. “He could sense her and speak to her in first year because he didn’t have a body. He was the most vulnerable he’d ever been. His own soul was exposed. It would make sense that in that state he had more awareness of the connection.”

“And now he has it all back. His powers, his body. He is stronger than ever.” Lavender rubbed at her thighs, a shiver running through her body. “Harri I can’t believe you met Voldermort tonight. You must have been so afraid.”

Maria took hold of her face and kissed her cheek. “When you returned with Cerdic's body...I don’t think I’ve ever felt fear like that.”

Ron said softly. “When you dropped to the ground...”

“It was petrifying.” Lavender mumbled.

"Dreadful." Hermione's grip on Harri's hand was lethal.

She did not know what to say. She was not sure what to do with this kindness.

If Voldemort was her punishment they were her reward. If he was her darkness they were her light. If he was her soul then they were her heart. And it was those things she’d believe in, even if the whole world thought else.

Sirius returned by the time they roused at dawn. Sometime in the night Ron had half fallen off his chair and decided to stay on the ground even though there was an empty bed beside him. Harri thought secretly that he may have been waiting for Draco to show up, and did not want to miss it. She pushed away from the notion that maybe she had hoped so too. Thinking of him and Theo stung. She could hear the echoes of their father's laughter in the silent corridors.

Sirius refused to disclose where he’d been when he strolled in and sat down by Harri’s bedside. He was silent and kept looking at her as if he thought she would disappear. Remus was not far behind him and brought breakfast from Hogsmeade for all of them.

They awakened fully one by one and huddled together on two beds. While eating they watched the sunrise from the windows. It was the only quiet moment they would have all day.

"He's out there." Remus whispered to Sirius when he thought they weren't listening. "We need to be more cautious than ever. I've already spoken to Dumbledore about guards around the house. Despite that, we should update the wards. I don't want any of us to be alone going anywhere."

After a period, Madam Pomfrey returned and forced everyone except Harri to leave and pack up for the train ride home.

Cedric’s parents appeared a little while later and Sirius held Harri's hand as she told them how he had died. The Diggory’s were in the kind of mourning that one never quite came out of. They did not blame Harri but guilt clung to her as she watched them leave. Every minute that went by she remembered Cedric and her throat thickened.

The scratches on her face had already been healed by Madam Pomfrey and she let Harri go after she assigned a potions regimen to deal with the aftereffects of the cruciatus. Sirius winced at the reminder of what had happened.

When they stepped out of the hospital wing they found Viktor and Fleur sitting on a bench across from the door presumably waiting for her. Fleur’s eyes were swollen.

Sirius brushed Harri's hair back from her forehead. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

“Okay.” Harri croaked.

“Then we’ll apparate home.” He kissed her cheek but didn’t move. His eyes roved over her in worry.

“It’s alright.” Harri gave a false smile. “I’ll be fine.”

Sirius gave her another anxious one over and walked away, glancing back all the while.

Fleur hugged Harri. Viktor gazed unseeingly at the ground next to them.

"Let us go to zhe lake." Fleur rasped. "For privacy. For a better memory."

Their trek down was quiet and so unlike the time, they had all gone out after seeing the maze together with Bagman. The other students were at the leaving feast so they did not pass a single face. Fleur and Viktor must have planned it this way. Harri was sure their absence was noticed but the three of them weren't circus acts to be gawked at for everyone else.

Once the waves were before them Harri opened her mouth to speak but sorrow sealed her throat.

Viktor spoke instead. “He waz kind. Intelligent. Full of life.”

Fleur wiped a tear from under her eye. “Young.”

“He deserved better.” Harri whispered.

She could still see him in her mind's eye. Smiling at her across the great hall and laughing before a quidditch match, full of life.

Viktor's fists clenched by his sides. “Voldemort did this?”

Harri nodded.

“And you will fight him?” Fleur sniffled.

“I don’t think I have any other choice.” Harri pulled her jacket closer around herself.

Viktor locked eyes with her. “You can count on uz, whatever you chose.”

“We will not forget what he did to one of our own.” Fleur placed a hand on her shoulder. "We will be by your side when the time comes."

They did not need to say more.

The three of them stayed at the lake and let the silence speak the words they could not, mourning the boy they had all lost. If Harri closed her eyes she could swear he still stood between them.

A quarter of an hour before the Hogwarts Express was set to board, Blaise came to find Harri in the tower. He gave her a piece of parchment with Theo's name on it and she knew what she had to do. She knew it must happen no matter how much it pained her. There wasn’t another choice, she wouldn’t see anyone else she cared for dead.

Theo was waiting for her in the place where they’d first kissed, the bench beneath the locust tree. He obviously hadn’t slept the night before.

Harri sat down beside him but left a space between them. The world was utterly quiet.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t come to see you last night.” Theo apologized. “I didn’t know how or what to say or do. I thought my presence would probably cause more problems.”

“Because your father was in the graveyard.” Harri murmured.

Theo’s head snapped up. He reached for her but Harri moved away.

“I’m not my father Harri. I don’t believe in that bullsh*t— blood purity or or—”

“That doesn’t matter.”

His face fell. “Doesn’t matter? I don’t even speak with him. We barely have a relationship. He’s only the man who gave me blood.”

Harri bit her lip in frustration. “That doesn’t change anything. He is still your father and where we could ignore it before, it's now become impossible.”

“It doesn’t change anything?” Theo asked incredulously. “What are you saying?”

“Theo we can’t…we can’t…”

“We can’t what?”

“We can’t be together anymore." Harri blurted. "Don’t you get it? You can’t be with me. He’d kill your entire family if he found out.”

Theo pushed himself to his feet, expression panicked. “What are you—we can't! We can hide it! We could try.”

She was emotionally exhausted. “But I don’t think we should Theo.”

“So you’re just going to give up?” He snapped at her.

“What else can I do? I'm fourteen years old and I had to watch one of my friends be murdered last night while your father stood there kissing Voldemort's feet!"

"You could let me be there for you! You could trust me when I say that I don't have anything to do with it!" Theo argued, face tight.

"You will always have to do with it!" Harri yelled, jumping up as well. "He will always be your father! You have his name and his legacy!"

Theo grabbed her shoulders. "But I don't want it! I want you! I don't have to follow him. Harri," He faltered. "I…you know that I…”

"Don't," She lamented.

“Don't do this." Theo leaned his forehead against hers. "Don't just give up."

"I can't be enough for you. Not right now. I want to be alone and,” Harri pulled away. "We can't.It's dangerous, you have your sister to think of and what kind of relationship would it be? In secret? Theo we are too young to live like this.”

It was as if her words had stabbed him. He rubbed his eyes. “Why does this hurt so f*cking much?”

“I don’t know.” She said quietly and began to cry.

Everything was wrong. The forest was quiet. There was no dragon fire behind them, no mermaids singing below. It felt like everything that had once connected them had turned to dust. Harri couldn’t smell caramel anymore.

Theo's hands dropped and he looked at her again, throat working up and down. His face was filled with sadness. “You have to walk away first Harri.”

Her heart staggered in her chest. “Theo.”

“Please.” He whispered. “Please leave.”

Harri tugged at the front of his sweater. He let himself fall forward. Slowly, she brushed their lips together for the last time. He made a broken sound against her mouth and kissed her back fiercely.

In another life, Harri and Theo say the words. They grow old together and stay with each other forever.But not in this one.

In this life Harri walks away and Theo is left standing alone. In this life they end.

Albus had never been quite sure of anything in his life. Not his magic or his family, his choices, the hatred of his brother, or his guilt. He had certainly never of sure of Gellert.

Even on this day, at more than a hundred years of age, while he thought about what he’d just done he was not certain of it.

Knocks sounded on the door and he waved his hand to let it slide open.

“Headmaster.” Severus was a man who had seen better days. He walked inside with weary eyes and an expression that was more vulnerable than Albus had seen for many years, maybe not since the first day Harri had walked into Hogwarts. A sign that the night had not been easy on him. “I have received word that Lupin has reached the Caledonian this afternoon.”

“Good.” Albus laced his fingers together. “Perhaps we have time still. Let us hope that he is successful in his endeavors.”

"Yes." Severus said. "Hope."

“Our people are stationed at Grimmauld?”

“Yes. It’s Nymphadora's shift right now.”

Albus hummed and then contemplated Severus's restrained figure, curious. “Is there something you would like to ask me?”

Severus hesitated. “About the boy,”

“Yes?”

“Is it, are you certain it was the right choice?”

Albus fiddled with the ring around his finger. “I know it must not please you to hear this Severus but I’m as sure as I can be at this moment, which is moderately. But we must always believe in the best of people otherwise what makes us different from them?”

Severus watched him for a moment and then inclined his head before leaving.

“Sure as you can be?” A voice laughed from the staircase.

Elegant fingers wrapped around the railing and Tom descended his steps, smirking. “You have not changed Dumbledore.”

He looked like the mirror image of himself at fifteen. He was still fifteen. This version of him had never aged past that.

Albus observed him. “I like to believe I have changed. You may not see it because you have always chosen to think the worst of me.”

“I think the worst of you?” Tom was standing across the room and staring at him. “Tell me, is that what you tell yourself? Is this how you go on forcing yourself to believe that you are the paradigm of goodness? That it was me who was always wrong and not you?"

"I've never claimed to be such a thing Tom. I did the best I could but you did not make it easy. I didn't want to believe that you were wrong but you so often chose to be."

"Such lies.”

“Perhaps I was not always right,” Albus admitted sadly. “But I had always hoped for you to be.”

Tom sneered, a reflection of the face he pulled at eleven, at fifteen, at seventeen. Even when he’d come to ask for the dark arts position. Then again, he did not know anything except what had happened when he’d encased himself inside Slytherin's locket. Dumbledore would have to tell him.

He sighed. “Come sit.” He gestured to a seat. “We have decades to catch up on and vows to make.”

The first days of break passed in a cloud of sadness. Getting out of bed was a neverending task and the nights brought nightmares. Harri relived that terrible event over and over again. Each time Cedric died and Voldemort came back to life. Some of the nightmares were bad enough that she woke with a scream. Sometimes she could still feel Voldemort’s eyes on her and wondered if he hid in the shadows or under the bed.

What made it bearable was that even on the worst night, Sirius was there. He tucked her into bed and held her against his chest. “Just a dream.” He reassured her. “It won’t last forever. Nothing ever does.”

Nymphy found reasons to visit and check in. Mrs. Weasley sent care packages and asked all sorts of questions. Ron called on the floo and Hermione and Maria on the phone. Her other friends sent letters frequently. She’d seen Draco’s owl at least three times but she just couldn’t find it in herself to open or reply to any of it.

Besides that, it was a herculean effort to not stare at her wrist. It was like her first year again because the words came back and changed over and over. Except that it wasn’t like first year at all because now she knew who they were. A lot of the time they said things that made no sense. Spells that she’d never heard of or her name. Voldemort was good at keeping to himself most of the time. He had to have known what age she might have been, fifteen years since his first mark and so he must be trying to hide. He'd said it before. I wait no more.

She wished she didn’t care.

Two weeks into her self imposed isolation, Harri’s door was thrust open by a fuming Hermione.

“It’s enough!” Hermione stormed inside with wild eyes. She threw back curtains so that sunlight pierced Harri’s eyes.

“Go away Hermione.” Harri groaned into her pillow.

“What is that smell?” Hermione tugged at her foot. “Did something die in here? Was it Hedwig as I can see you haven’t fed her?”

Harri kicked her hands. “I’ve fed her!”

Hermione let go of her. Harry settled back into her comforter and closed her eyes. Then Hermione latched onto both of her ankles and pulled.

“Hermione!” Harri clutched at her blanket. “Get off!”

“Get up!”

Harri tried to wrestle herself out of Hermione’s hands but her grip was strong. “I’ve never even seen you break a sweat, how are you this strong?”

“It's all those books I have to carry.” Hermione twisted her hand and Harri’s body fell to the edge of her bed.

“No!”

“Yes!” Hermione gave another powerful pull and Harri fell face first into her carpet.

With a groan, she climbed onto her feet and Hermione glared. She narrowed her eyes and turned back to bed.

“Don’t even think about it!”

Harri smirked. “Watch me.” She pitched herself forward at the same time Hermione tackled her from behind. They both toppled over backwards.

“Girls!” Came Sirius’s voice from the living room. “Is everything alright?”

“FINE!”

“I'm being kidnapped!”

Despite Harri’s valiant objections, Hermione forced her to dress. Then as the traitor he was, Sirius coerced her into going for brunch at the Burrow.

“It’ll be good for you.” Hermione threw floo powder into the fireplace. “Sunshine, Mrs. Weasley's cooking and some quidditch.”

Maybe she was right, Harri thought, laid out on her back in the Weasley’s garden and listening to the boys play quidditch. Maybe she did need it.

“Oi!” Fred yelled. “Incoming!” He zoomed past her on his broom, leaving a gust of wind behind that pushed her hair away from her forehead and exposed her scar.

“Be careful toad brain!” Ginny scolded, spread out on the picnic blanket next to Harri. “You almost took the head off our seeker!”

George laughed from his makeshift goalpost. “All's fair in love and war!”

"It's an unofficial quidditch game with four players."

"It's the Weasley cup!"

“He’s going to actually get someone hurt one of these days and regret it.” Hermione yawned.

“He already has. He broke Percy’s foot two weeks ago.” Ginny crossed her arms and laid her chin on them. “This is the first time they’ve played since then but you know, boys, I guess. Nothing some skellgrow can’t fix.”

Harri gagged internally, the memory of her boneless arm still too fresh in her mind.

“Speaking of boys.” Ginny rolled over to Harri. “Are we going to address the hippogriff in the room?”

Hermione made a cut it off noise in her throat. Harri shrugged. “Which one?”

Ginny pushed herself onto her elbows. “Uh, Theodore Nott, and the fact that he looked miserable on the train home? Who else?”

“Oh.” Harri picked at the ends of the knitted blanket they were on. “I thought you might’ve asked about Draco and stuff. I forgot you weren’t in the hospital wing.”

“What?” Ginny looked between Harri’s sullen face and Hermione's glare. “What am I missing here? Oh come on! You lot never tell me anything.”

Hermione tugged at Ginny’s pigtail in warning. “Draco’s father was there in the graveyard and Theo's too. Harri hasn't been speaking to Draco and I mean, she broke up with Theodore obviously.”

Ginny’s eyes widened. “No way. I mean I guess I’m not that surprised they were there? That's vile though H.”

"It's fin—”

"Maybe don’t mention it." Hermione interrupted.

“I’m not f*cking fragile.” Harri lashed out. “I can talk about it I just don’t want to. I’m sick of the sympathetic looks everyone gives. Nymphy, Ron, and all of you hovering doesn't help. I’m not okay I think that’s fairly obvious. Can’t I just have some time? Could everyone just give me a moment? It's not easy.”

Hermione and Ginny squirmed.

“Look, I think I’m going to go home.” Harri gathered her things. “I’ll talk to you later.”

She knew she wasn’t being fair and they were trying to be there for her. She knew she was rude and in the wrong. But she couldn’t help but be frustrated. Why was she the one who’d been burdened in this way? Why had her parents been killed? Why was her soulmate Voldemort?

She hated the memory of Theo's heartbroken eyes, hated that she couldn’t speak with Draco, that he was now another reminder of a soulmate she wished she could forget. Most of all she hated that Cedric was gone.

Harri showed up home in tears. Kreacher took pity on her and prepared some chamomile tea. She disappeared to the family library to be alone.

She thumbed through one of the novels found buried underneath her armchair. Harri thought she might be content to enjoy the silence but she wasn’t. Silence meant emptiness. Silence meant temptation.

Hedwig had perched on the window sill a moment before and flew down when they locked eyes. She flipped a page and Hedwig pecked at her fingers.

Harri cooed lovingly. “Such a pretty girl.” Hedwig puffed up in pride and Harri brushed her hand over her snowy feathers.

The doorbell rang.

Confused, she set down her book. That was odd. They weren’t expecting anyone.

The bell chimed again. She sighed. Sirius was mostly likely upstairs in the greenhouse and couldn’t hear a sound so Harri went to see who it was.

She could never have imagined what waited for her behind the wooden door.

.

.

.

Daylight. The smell of London. A ghost. A memory of a memory of a dream.

When she met Tom Riddle she thought her imagination could not compare to how beautiful he was in real life.

Her ghost smiled. Dimples and lips the color of raspberries.

“Hello.”

Harri gasped.

She remembered him at sixteen, short curly hair and stunning blue eyes. She knew him at thirty, older and wiser, burgundy gazing at her in the mornings.

He reached for her hand. She did not need to look.

“My name is—”

They touched. His eyes widened.

Somewhere along the way, they had passed each other unaware. Two ships whose paths divulged long ago.

And yet.

Time had forced their hand. Laid them bare and said speak with only the truth, for your open chest is all you have now.

“Tom.”

Chapter 25: the rule of three

Chapter Text

Chapter 25: the rule of three

There was a fire in Harri’s chest, slowly crawling down her entire being.

Tom was here and standing in front of her. His fingers were wrapped around hers. Their eyes had locked and not let go.

She was in a state of disbelief. Tom was...

He was rain on a November evening and spring come early. He was the sound of bird song, the taste of honey. He was magic dripping down her tongue.

“Harri Potter.” Tom whispered, stunned. His gaze was fierce and all-consuming. It was like looking at the sun, blazing and breathtaking.

To each other, they were a fragment of imagination. A thing they had thought of a thousand times but never believed would happen. A dream that would disappear if one of them looked away.

“Dumbledore told me of you. He sent me here but he did not mention this.”

The name Dumbledore was muted beige in an ocean of Tom Tom Tom.

“Dumbledore? He sent you here?” Then this was the Tom of Slytherin's locket. She was unable to grasp the thought. It seemed inane that the world could exist outside this moment.

“Yes.” Tom stared at her with such hunger. Fascination. “But he didn’t tell me…”

She could see his mind put the puzzle pieces together. Dumbledore knew they were soulmates. Dumbledore sent him here on purpose.

"You..." Tom began to speak and then stopped, lost in thought as he looked at her. “This should not be possible. ”

How many times had she thought that exact thing? In the past four years, she had lived through this same disbelief over and again.

Nothing that had happened should have yet it did anyway.

Not possible? Those words didn’t belong between them.

Tom and Harri, Harri and Tom. Their souls had tied together once and transcended time. They were the antithesis of impossible. They were green light and spilled ink, marvel and heartbreak.

“It’s as possible as anything,” Harri said, though disbelief was still coursing through her. “You should know that better than most. How else could you be here?"

"You knew?" Tom implored, a revelation in his eyes. "You know? That we are bonded?"

"Since my second year." Harri replied. "Because of the-

-Diary." Tom nodded, finishing her thought before she could.

"Dumbledore told you?"

"Yes. He told me much. Though it seems he left out the most important thing. ” Tom uttered.

Harri's jaw clenched. "And you came here anyway?"

Of course Tom had. He hadn't known they were soulmates but Tom was arrogant enough to believe he could walk into the house of the girl whose parents his future self had murdered.

“He told me to."

"I didn't know you were in the habit of listening to Dumbledore."

"I'm not." Tom's hand tightened around hers, frustration passing through his expression. "But I was intrigued by this entire story, the war, the death eaters, my older self brought to death by a baby. By you.” Tom’s pupils dilated. “It's all...fascinating."

His thumb covered her bracelet, her mark and Harri realized the words had changed so often this past month because both Voldemort and this Tom were human again. One after the other, the pieces of him cycling the earth like an ouroboros.

“Would you not agree Harri? That it's captivating.” Tom leaned so close to her that she could have counted every eyelash on his lids if she wanted to. “The girl who lived. My soulmate.” He purred.

Those words brought memories of the diary in her lap and I can’t believe it's you. The diadem in the room of hidden things and look. Look at this. You exist.

“I’m not sure I’m not angry with you.” Harri blurted.

“Are you?” He was almost smirking. The intensity of his gaze was indescribably heady. “Do you blame me for things I haven’t done?”

“I blame you for things that you are capable of. That the others have done. You are a murderer.”

“Would it help if I told you they deserved it?”

Harri scoffed. Though proper outrage was difficult to conjure when his mouth was this near hers. She remembered what it felt like to kiss him. If she pressed forward, would he taste the same?

“It is in the past Harri.” The sound of his voice saying her name was indescribable. “Dumbledore’s even forgiven it.”

“He has?” She wondered if his eyes had always been so blue. The diadems were red and the diaries had been a mix.

“Mhm.” Tom hummed.

She knew Dumbledore couldn’t have possibly forgiven him. He would have asked for some remorse and not even the diadem felt regret for the things he’d done, only how it made her feel.

“Liar.” Harri whispered. “He wouldn’t have believed you.”

Tom laughed. Harri shivered again. The sound of his laugh was an echo of Voldemort’s: high and fake.

“I don’t understand.” She tried to think clearly past the haze of him. It was like blinking back the compulsion of sleep. “Why did he bring you back? Why did he send you here? Why keep it a secret?”

“We made a deal. I promised to help him kill the older me and he promised to give me my body back.”

“He wouldn’t just stop there.” Harri considered. “He doesn’t trust you. At all. I would assume he might have at least asked for an unbreakable vow.”

“We made vows, just not unbreakable ones. And I thought he would've asked for one as well but I understand now. He doesn’t need an unbreakable vow when he has you on his side.” He was amused. “But you don’t trust me either. I can see it all over your face. So wary of me Harri.”

“It’s to be expected. I know you.”

“Do you?" Emotion flashed across his face too quickly for her to read. "I was under the impression you’d only met my diary for a short moment in time and I would think my older self, the one you call Voldemort, wouldn’t have had much opportunity to chit chat.”

Harri almost faltered and then recalled that she hadn’t told the headmaster about the diadem. This meant Tom didn’t know about him either. She wasn’t so sure about the decision she’d made a year ago now. If Dumbledore had brought the locket here was there any reason she should keep the diadem to herself if he asked again?

Tom’s fingers pressed against her wrist, demanding her attention.

“Voldemort didn't get much of a chance. But it was enough to understand you. It was enough.” She lied.

It was the wrong thing to say. A mistake.

Tom’s smile widened. “Liar.” Another laugh from him, this one short and loud, real. “You have secrets.”

“Everyone does.”

Tom was made of secrets.

“Perhaps.” Tom acknowledged. “None of them are as interesting as yours.”

"I'm sure you're wrong," Harri said. “Speaking of secrets, did Dumbledore send you with news? About Voldemort? Or is Remus coming home? ”

When she said Voldemort something dark and greedy entered his eyes.

“Nothing of the sort.” Tom slowly and then almost imperceptibly gently, brought her wrists up to his lips. She watched with her heart in her throat as he brushed his mouth against her knuckles. “He sent me here to stay.”

Oh.

What had Dumbledore been thinking? He’d brought Harri’s greatest weakness to her doorstep. How could he expect Tom to change and how did he think she could go against him if he didn’t? Was it because she had sacrificed the diary?

That had been like a dream, life or death. Something that wasn’t real until it was. Harri had been young, foolish, and afraid.

With Tom now here, in the flesh, Tom who was warm and alive and real, this was a disaster waiting to happen.

"Harri." A throat cleared from behind.

Harri jumped and Tom's eyes flashed.

Sirius’s incredibly unimpressed face stared back at them, still standing in the open doorway with hands pressed together.

She almost physically leaped away from Tom, whose face closed off immediately.

Harri was left feeling cold and empty.

Tom plastered on a saccharine smile and held out his hand for her Godfather. “Mr. Black.”

Sirius came to stand beside her with muddy gloves underneath his arm. He scrutinized Tom from head to toe and then accepted his outstretched hand with minimal enthusiasm.

“Thomas Sayre.” Tom introduced himself. "Tom for short."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. The name was unfamiliar to Harri.

“The headmaster said he sent you a letter.” Tom continued on. “Explaining my situation.”

Sirius nodded. “He did. Just this morning actually. Bit bizarre if I'm honest. Why do your relatives want to transfer you to Hogwarts five years in?”

“They didn’t wish for me to stay in Drumstrang after the situation with headmaster Karkaroff.” Tom painted on an expression of anxiousness and didn’t look Sirius in the eye. “If I’m quite honest my aunt and uncle never truly wanted me there in the first place but my father was schooled at Drumstrang when he was younger and so I insisted.”

“And Dumbledore is a family friend?” Sirius crossed his arms, letting go of Tom's hand.

“Oh yes,” Tom's lips curled. “He knew my parents well before they passed.”

“Right.” Sirius exhaled. “Of course. I’m sorry for your loss.” He then glanced at Harri’s flushed face with suspicion. “Now am I allowed to ask what I walked in on?”

There were certain things about dreams that made you realize that you were sleeping. The details were never quite clear enough and something was always wrong. The trick was just to figure out what it was. Harri usually caught on midway that she was dreaming when the wrong words got spoken by the right person. Though sometimes it never registered until she woke.

When she found herself standing in front of a lavish hotel in London, she knew from the moment it materialized before her that it wasn’t real.

The first indication of this was the fact that the city was crowded with people dressed in elaborate attire. It was clothing you would never see in Harri’s time. And the atmosphere was just too blissful. Couples and families rushed past her laughing. There wasn’t one sour or tried face in sight. It could not be real.

“Mrs. Potter,” A man murmured into her ear directly. Harri swirled around to find a waiter with his arm outstretched toward her. “Please let me take you to your table.”

Harri inspected him, confused. His eyes blinked at her and his smile never faltered. He pushed open a glass door to the hotel. Interested, she followed him into the extravagant entrance hall. He led her to a private restaurant past the registration desk.

While they walked, Harri gazed at the golden chandeliers that hung above them and at the purple rhododendron petals that were suspended in the air. She reached out for one and it fell into the palm of her hand as if it had been waiting for her touch.

Harri then peered around at the couples scattered in the restaurant. At their tables, menus floated in front of them and there were plates of intricate food and cuisine she’d never seen before laid out for them to eat. Dishes zoomed by her face but never collided. A piano played somewhere in the background and created an odd feeling in Harri’s chest. She felt nostalgic for a place she’d never been.

When the waiter started leading her up a staircase she noticed she was wearing a dress. It was long and made of satin. As Harri reached out to touch it however the soft silk she expected to feel was not there. The fabric felt just the same as the cotton of Sirius's eagle's shirt she'd fallen asleep in.

It was an illusion of grandeur.

The waiter stopped on the second floor. He opened a set of large doors located at the end of the staircase. “He waits for you.”

Harri peeked into the empty private room and then back at the waiter skeptically. He only smiled as if everything in the world had never been more perfect. She shook her head in dismay and entered the room.

There were two sets of floor to ceiling windows open and a Turkish carpet covering the entire ground. The silk curtains swung in the night air and a throat cleared next to her. “Hello.” There was woman, presumably a waitress, who appeared next to her.

She gestured towards the open windows."If you would please."

Harri proceeded out the windows and onto a private balcony. There was a beautifully set up table awaiting her. She sat on one of the empty chairs and glanced up at the waitress. A notepad was in her hand.

“What would you like to drink ma’am?”

Harri had never been called ma’am before. She’d also not ever been anywhere this fancy.

“I’m not sure.”

“She’ll have water.” Harri’s head snapped up at breakneck speed. “She’s a bit on the young side.” Voldemort smirked at her from across the table.

Her stomach sank.

“You.” Harri thrust out a hand for a knife.

“Truly child.” Voldemort lazily raised his hand and Harri's fingers froze around the silver blade. He pressed his palms together nimbly. “Have you no manners?”

Anger licked up Harri’s stomach. “What is this?” She slammed the table.

Voldemort raised a nonexistent eyebrow and looked around, mocking. “Dinner.”

“No.” She wanted to rip his nails out of his fingers one by one. She remembered the burn of them scraping down her cheeks. “What are you doing in my dream? How did you get into my mind?”

“Well, that is the problem with blood and rituals Harri. You never know what they will leave open.”

“What does that mean?” She felt panic squeeze her lungs.

“It means that there is a connection between us.” Voldemort grinned violently.

Did he know?

Harri's palms flattened against the table in fear. “What kind of connection?”

“I haven’t the time to work out the logistics.” Voldemort waved his hands in the air. “But you shouldn’t worry Harri. I’ll kill you before it becomes a problem.”

“You’re lying.” She accused. “You’ve had time to set this up and it’s not possible for a ritual to connect us like this.”

Stupid thing to say. She should let him believe it was the ritual.

Stupid. Stupid.

“And why should it not? I have heard we share many a thing Harri.” He had laughter in his voice. “Parseltongue, killing curses,”

Souls.

What would he do if he knew? Would he tell? Would he keep trying to kill her? Would he lock her up and hide her somewhere no one could find her?

She never wanted to know.

“And we would share none of it if it weren’t for your actions.” Harri snapped.

“And I would rule the wizarding world if it wasn’t for yours.” Voldemort said coldly. Amusem*nt had vanished from his face. His emotions were like whiplash.

“If you hadn’t tried to kill me and murdered my parent's none of it would have happened, have you ever considered that?”

“Have you ever questioned why I went after you?” Voldemort demanded. “Do you not think the most powerful wizard in the magical world had his reasons?”

Harri scoffed. His arrogance grated on her. “From what I know of you, reasonable isn’t a word I would use to describe you.”

“Watch your tone.” He warned.

“Don’t try to justify my mother's murder!”

“I do not allow children to tell me what to do.” Voldemort spat and rose from his seat. His wand slipped into his hand. “The cruciatus may not be as potent in dreams but it shall do the trick and tighten your tongue.”

Before he could curse her, dark blue fog appeared between them. Voldemort scowled.

"It seems our time is over for today."

Harri watched as the mist enveloped him and he vanished.

She stared at the newly empty chair in front of her with uncertainty and stretched out a hand at the space that Voldemort had vacated. It was then Harri saw that the purple petal still clung to her palm.

She brought her hand close to examine it and the color of the petal enveloped her. The air around her crumbled and fell away. The hue of rhododendron was the only thing Harri saw as she fell.

Was she waking up?

No.

Her head hit something incredibly soft and the color around her dissipated. Another place began to form around her. It was distinctly different from the hotel. When the image settled, Harri could discern that she was standing in a large antiquated library. There were bookshelves and paintings and dainty chairs.

“Harri.”

This time it was not Voldemort that waited for her. It was the diadem.

He was standing but a foot away from her, surveying her with concern.

The shock of Voldemort’s appearance dulled and her feelings for Tom returned. They were somewhere between longing and resentment.

He buried his face in her hair and without her permission, her arms rose and wrapped themselves around him.

Tomcupped her face in his palms. “You are alright?” His fingers fluttered over her cheeks and traced down the same path Voldemort had weeks ago. His touch erased all unwanted echoes of those spidery hands.

“Where were you?” Harri whispered.

Tom faltered.

“Where were you when he killed Cedric?” She pushed his hands away. “You knew. You warned me. Why didn’t you come?”

He stiffened. “I couldn’t have, no matter how I wished to. I did everything I could to protect you. I thought you would heed my words.”

“I can't remember everything you tell me in this place. Do you not realize these are dreams, Tom?” Harri challenged. “You never even explain anything properly! You always lie!”

“I have never lied to you!”

“It isn’t as if you’ve been entirely honest. You saved me from the dementors, spent an entire year with me and then vanished! Do you know what that felt like?” The old hurt returned.

Tom frowned. “It was the only way I could get my body.”

“You had to leave me to get a body? Does that mean you killed someone?”

“No Harri.”

“Was that you in the black lake? Or was I just hallucinating?”

“It was me.”

“Do you even care about me? Or did you use me and now you’re—

—You are my soulmate I would never use you.”

“But all these secrets?”

“I knew about Pettigrew! Alright?”

“What?”

“Please let me explain,” Tom asked desperately. “That first week after you found me do you remember it?”

Harri nodded.

“When you fell asleep I would leave, right? I snuck to the library and Dumbledore’s office. I found out a lot. There were things I hadn’t known of before. I looked for ways to come back and I did consider murder. I observed who would be the easiest kill and how I could do it. I thought about taking you with me when I did it. Then you found out about Black betraying your parents and I figured it would be him I kill and you wouldn’t mind.” He shook his head.

“One night while I looked through the map, I found Peter Pettigrew’s name next to Weasley’s. After that, it didn’t take me too long to determine the truth. I cornered Pettigrew the next night when he was hiding from Black. This was when he had almost attacked Ron in the dorms.”

She remembered. She remembered everything.

“I blackmailed him. With his help, I was able to access information about my older self and where he was. I also found the kind of ritual that would grant me a body. Then everything fell apart on the last day of your exams and I had no choice but to complete everything before I was prepared. When you left for dinner after telling me about Trelawney I finished the ritual. I didn’t mean for what happened next, it was all quite sudden. But I made the decision to go. I wanted to say goodbye properly and we didn’t have time. The dementors came and Pettigrew ran.” Tom swallowed.

“So you knew about the tasks and Voldemort’s return from Pettigrew?”

“He cannot be trusted but he is easy to imperious. Even easier to use mind magic on.” Tom divulged. “I couldn’t demand things of him or be obvious or my older self would learn of my existence and he cannot know.”

“I understand that at least.” Harri bit her lip. “How were you there in the second task?”

“I astral projected. I was with you in the water. Even in the first task, I was watching the whole time. I wanted to be there for the maze too but I’d used a lot of power the first two times and my magic was weak. It’s still a process. I hoped the dreams would be enough.”

“Where are you now?” She pressed.

“Albania. Where I found Ravenclaw’s diadem the first time. Voldemort also hid here for thirteen years. If I’m to learn anything, this is the only place that will teach me. To be truthful, I’m looking for something.” Tom reached for her again. “I’ve always been looking for it. I think…I think it has answers for me.” His hands landed on her shoulders. “But I miss you all the time.”

Harri touched one of his hands. “I miss you too." And she bit her lip. "I suppose can’t be upset with you about omitting things and not be honest myself.”

“What are you hiding, little dove?” Tom grinned.

“I found a locket.”

“A locket?”

“Salazar’s Slytherin’s locket.” Harri said meaningfully.“I gave it to Dumbledore.”

Tom's eyes broadened. “And?”

“Then this afternoon you knocked on my door.”

"Well, f*ck."

“He says he has an understanding with Dumbledore. Voldemort’s life for his. Should I trust him?”

Tom smiled wirily. “You should never trust any version of me.”

Harri made a face. “That’s comforting.”

“You’ll know what to do.” Tom tilted her head back.

“I don’t think I will.”

“The thing you should always remember about me is that I always think I’m the smartest person in the room.” He caressed her cheek. “But I don’t know that you’re better than me in every single way.”

Harri blushed. “I can’t quite wrap my head around the idea of three of you.”

Tom chuckled. “Don’t you know of three’s Harri?”

She rocked her head back and forth.

“Good things come in threes. There is even a Latin phrase ‘omne trium perfectum’ everything three is perfect.”

“I hope he’s a good thing."

“Was I a good thing?” Tom pressed his thumb against her under-eye.

“I’m not sure yet.”

“I suppose that’s fair.”

He pressed his forehead against hers.

Time passed.Seconds or minutes, it was difficult to tell.

“Tom?”

“Yes?”

“Will you ever tell me what you are?”

“You’ll figure it out soon.” He began to fade. “Don’t hate me when you do.”

Harri woke with a purple rhododendron petal still stuck to her hand.

Chapter 26: stars, hide your fires

Chapter Text

Chapter 26: stars, hide your fires

“My will is mine. I shall not make it soft for you.”
― Aeschylus,Agamemnon

Harri flinched. She dropped the flower petal and watched as it fell. Voldemort had breached her mind. The thought was nauseating. He wasn't aware they were soulmates but he knew that they had some sort of connection. He’d mentioned how he'd taken her blood for the ritual which he believed might have given him access to her mind. That he assumed or the scar.

Since Harri had been dreaming of him before his resurrection, the scar made more sense. Whatever the killing curse had done left them linked in an entirely different plane than just a soul bond. And it scared her. He’d drifted into her dream too easily. The entire thing had been to his imagination and too vivid. Tangible.

Frustration built in her chest, layers upon layers ofit. There were too many unanswered questions and promises to wait for from both the diadem and Dumbledore.

Bitter, she threw her bedcovers off and rose. Harri was not a patient person and she was done waiting. Don’t hate methe diadem had said. But did he not understand by now how much Harri loved him? She couldn't imagine what else could be revealed that would make her hate him. Hate was too strong an emotion and one she knew she could never feel for Tom.

Harri pushed open her curtains. Light fluttered in and the sound of male voices floated from downstairs. It was a reminder of what waited for her outside her room.

The locket.

Harri could scarcely reconcile him in her mind.

Yesterday, when Sirius had arrived downstairs and questioned what was wrong, Harri blurted out ‘nothing’ before Tom could answer.

Sirius couldn’t know about the soulmate bond. She would tell him eventually. Probably. When she was prepared, if she was ever prepared. Harri just knew she couldn’t have done it right then. Sirius had lost almost everything to Voldemort. If he found out the truth…even the thought of his reaction being negative was unbearable to her.

Sirius had let it go fairly quickly and Tom had gone upstairs to unpack. Harri though locked herself in her room. She'd had a little breakdown, feeling despair and hope in equal measure. She was afraid of Tom and being hurt by him but spite of that, she felt fragile optimism. He was here, under the same roof and he was real, in a way neither the diary or the diadem had been. She wanted to get to know him, to touch him and be with him.

With these thoughts racing through her head she’d fallen asleep by accident. Then the dreams had come.

Wanting to delay the inevitable conversation as much as possible she made her bed, took a long bath, and then spent forever choosing a dress to wear. She’d just begun to brush out her hair when a knock came on her door.

Believing it to be Sirius or Remus, Harri opened it without hesitation and came face to face with Tom.

It startled her, like the sound of a school bell ringing. He was wearing slacks and a loose white polo. He looked so handsome Harri couldn’t stand it.

She let him in and locked her bedroom door. Then Harri realized she did not have to wait for her answers. If the diadem refused to give her the truth, this Tom would.

“What are you?” It came out like word vomit, a pressing urge to know that she couldn't suppress anymore.

“What am I?” His hair was damp and curled on the edges. He smelled of vanilla and oranges.

“You were a locket.” Harri said. “Now you are a living breathing human being.”

Tom glanced down and curled his fingers into a fist. “I am.” He stared at his hand. “I am human again.”

“Don’t give me some bullsh*t answer either. You’re not a memory Tom.”

“You’re right. I’m not.” Tom took a step closer to her, contemplative. “I can tell you the truth.”

“And don’t bother trying to—wait what?”

“I will tell you what you want to know,” He affirmed, unbothered. “But I want something in return.”

“And that something would be?”

“You lied to me yesterday and we both know it. You said you knew me and you didn’t mean the diary. Truth?”

Harri nodded. “Truth.”

“Eye for an eye. Tell me how you know me.”

There wasn’t a doubt in Harri’s mind when she answered. “I will.”

Tom smirked. “I suppose I’ll go first.”

Harri moved back and perched on the edge of her bed. He sat down next to her and they both faced each other.

He observed her with a serious countenance. “You won’t like it.”

“I know that.” What was one more thing anyway? The truth would not be kind but it was better than the ignorance she lived in.

“You can not tell anyone.” Tom demanded. “Swear to me.”

“I won’t,” Harri promised. “Does Dumbledore know?”

Tom’s mouth tightened. “Unfortunately. Though he figured it out on his own.”

“Did he know before I gave him your locket?”

“I think he suspected some but he needed to see me for it to be real.”

Harri looked down and picked at her duvet. “Right.”

Tom considered her.

“Well? Go on.”

His jaw clenched. Harri could see that he was gritting his teeth. He looked away and said. “I’m a horcrux.”

“A horcrux? What’s a horcrux?” Was that a thing?

“I split my soul to become immortal. The diary, my locket. They are pieces of my soul. A horcrux tears the soul in two every time one is made.”

“You tore your soul?” Everything moved as if in slow motion. The room blurred around Harri. He shattered his soul. The diary. The diadem. The locket. They were pieces of his soul.

And Voldemort? He was the end. What was left.

It all made sense. If there had ever been a time for denial it was gone now. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. It wasn’t fair.

“Harri.” Tom’s voice came.

But it was far away. She felt like she was twelve and standing across from her was a boy and words in red. She felt thirteen and like she’d just told the diadem 'Tom Riddle is in pieces'. He was. He is.

It was the ground after freefall. The water closing in on a whirlpool.

Harri’s soul would never be whole. He’d mutilated it. Any hope…it was gone.

oh God.

The diary.

She’d killed him.

She’d killed him.

Harri remembered him so clearly, sixteen and beautiful and staring at her in utter betrayal. Kissing her, holding her, dying in her arms.

“Harri.”

The diadem had said the diary was gone, disappeared from the chamber. Did that mean it had survived somehow? Perhaps, perhaps not all hope was lost?

The world materialized around her once more and with it came this Tom. Another piece of him. Another f*cking horcrux.

“What the f*ck were you thinking?” She hissed.

“I didn’t want to die. A horcrux made me immortal.” Tom mused.

“You made more than one genius!” Harri cleared her taut throat. “How could you have been this stupid?”

“My horcruxes are the reason I exist. They are the reason I am the most powerful wizard to have ever lived in centuries.” Tom sneered. “That isn’t stupidity, it is magnificence.”

“Dumbledore.” Harri barked, irked. “Is the most powerful wizard to ever live.”

“Dumbledore couldn’t lay a finger on me.” Tom laughed. “He sure has you wrapped around his finger Harri. Tell me, do you enjoy being his little puppet?”

“Did you enjoy being trapped in a haze of nothing for fifty years?” Harri snapped.

“I wasn’t conscious, so no darling I can’t say I was too bothered by it.” Tom spat. “Here I am, fifty years later, alive. Would you rather have liked me as a decrepit old man?”

“You—"

“I’m sure you would kiss me just the same, liked my tongue down your throat wouldn’t you?”

Harri spluttered. “So what if you would’ve been old? You would be whole!”

An ear splitting pop disturbed them. Kreacher apparated into her room.

“Kreacher has been knocking!” He accused. "Master be wanting the two of yous for breakfast right now!”

“Okay Kreacher.” Harri stood, cheeks flushed in anger. Kreacher popped out of the room.

Harri walked away from Tom, too angry at him. He called out her name. He was still at her bedside and his expression was blank.

“What?” Harri rasped.

“I told you mine. Tell me yours.”

She wanted to wrap her hands around his neck and squeeze. Mess up that perfect face. Take a fist to those beautiful lips and watch himbleed.

“It wasn’t only the diary. I met another one of your horcruxes in my third year.” She turned around and slammed the door behind her. “He saved my life.”

Tom didn’t come down. Harri stewed in her anger.

He’d butchered their soul. What she’d said more than a year ago was true, he was torn apart, mangled, disfigured. Now it made sense, how this beautiful boy with palpable darkness but the afinity to be good had walked down such a dark path.

In hindsight the truth was transparent.

She felt incredibly naive. He’d made a fool out of her. Especially the diadem, who had essentially made of mockery of their bond by what he’d done. A horcrux.

So what if Tom hadn’t known he had a soulmate? That wasn’t an excuse to change your soul, it was not a toy to be played with.

How many had he made in total? She knew of only three. And he wouldn't know about any past his own making.

It had to be forbidden. The act was self mutilation. To damn your own soul? What was the point of it? Immortality? Forever sounded terrible alone.

Maybe somewhere in between all the blood and death, Harri had accepted that she would never have a complete bond but it was excruciating all the same. Surprise turned to fury and fury to hurt. Then a deep sorrow. A reminder of what they would never have.

She massaged her temples in frustration and pressed her forehead against the marble counter in the kitchen.

Sirius and Remus were at the stove, Remus frying his omelets and Sirius making pancakes. The nine o’clock morning news was on in the background and Nymphy slept on the chaise in the living room. She’d come around at the end of her shift at the ministry and clocked out.

Nymphy would be here all night. She was probably waiting for the order meeting. Which was another new thing that had entered their lives in the past week. Sirius had been going to meetings for the order of the phoenix, the secret organization Dumbledore had formed during the first war, but he had failed to mention any part of it to Harri. She only knew because of the Weasleys. She tried to get something out of Remus but they were both hush hush. Sirius kept making it obvious what was happening, despite never verbally admitting it.

“I know it’s for the order you can stop pretending it’s poker night.”

“Did you hear that Remus?” Sirius dropped a hand against the kitchen counter and smirked. “She already knows about it. What’s the point of hiding? I say we let her in.”

“You know Sirius it’s the craziest thing.” Remus flipped an egg. “I’ve actually got this ear wax problem, so I just about missed what was said.”

“Have ya?” Sirius smiled. “How long has it been going on gorgeous?”

Remus glanced back with widened his eyes. “You wouldn’t believe it but right in this exact moment.”

“Huh. Must be some new thing that’s going around. You heard of it H?”

“Bill told Fred everything.” Harri gave them an unamused look. “You can drop this whole act. I know you’ve been having meetings. I know what the order of the phoenix is.”

Sirius raised his arms in mock defeat and gave Remus an exaggerated look.

Remus glared at him.

“And,” Harri added.

“And nothing.” Remus turned off the oven and seated himself across from her. “You are going to go to the Weasleys to spend time with the friends you have ignored.” He then pointed a finger at Sirius. “And you are going to stop dropping hints for her and trying to convince me of this until I speak with Dumbledore properly.”

Sirius was affronted. “Since when do I listen to Dumbledore?”

“Sirius.” Remus scrubbed a hand over his eyes.

“If anyone has any right to be there it’s me!” Harri insisted, hand against her plate. “I’m the one who’s dueled him, I’m the one who’s met him, I’m the one who saw Voldemort come back!”

“I understand that sweetheart.” Remus placed a hand over hers.

“But?”

“But…” Remus trailed off. “You are so young. We want you to have a sense of normalcy while it's still possible.”

Sirius’s arms came up around Remus’s shoulders.

“I will never have that. Not while he is alive.” Harri slumped back into her chair.

“She is right,” Sirius murmured into Remus’s ear. “You know she is.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “You mean you’re right.”

Sirius grinned. “Well.”

Harri pouted. “Please.”

Remus rubbed his eyes again and sighed. “Alright. You can stay in the house but you are not allowed inside the kitchen. We will talk to you about it afterward. Okay?”

Harri beamed. “Great. I’ll go tell Ron. He will want to come.” She pranced out of her chair and into the living room.

Remus groaned and Sirius cackled.

She slid down onto her knees in front of the fireplace and called the burrow.

“Harri!” Ginny’s face came into view.

“Harri?” George’s voice echoed in the background.

“Harri!” Ron pushed Ginny aside. “Mate! Why’d you leave early yesterday? We didn’t even get to go a round of quidditch.”

“They’re having an order meeting today.” Ginny forced Ron back. “Do you think Sirius would let you stay?"

“We made these wicked ears that'll let us hear everything out of the room.” George chimed in from behind her.

“That was what I called you about actually.” Harri said in excitement. “Remus said I could stay for the meeting and that we’d talk after. That practically means I’m going to know everything. You have to come over.”

George whooped.

“Oi hold on, she didn’t invite the family.” Ron gave his siblings a dirty look. “I’ll be the one going over.”

“Actually you should all come. We will probably have dinner too and you know Sirius loves to feed people.” Harri grinned.

Ginny flicked Ron’s ear smugly. “Anything else to say genius?”

"Yeah, stop stealing my friends."

They spoke for a little while longer about the Chudley Cannon's most recent game and Ginny’s new knee pads. Harri’s knees got sore after a while and she ended the call.

She returned to the kitchen to finish breakfast and found Tom in the seat next to hers, speaking to Remus. He was eating a bowl of cereal. It was a domestic yet surreal sight. She’d never imagined it could be possible.

The rest of the meal was quiet. Well, Harri was quiet. Remus kept asking Tom all sorts of questions. She left the second her food was finished and went to do something that would take her mind off the horcrux revelation. If she could just focus on the order then she wouldn’t feel so sick about the fact. She would have to research them and learn exactly what they were, but his explanation gave her a clear understanding of how dark the process must be. The thought once again made her feel ill. And she didn't want to fall into the cycle of hopelessness that came with it again.

She polished her firebolt and when that was done she painted her nails and climbed up to the roof. There she contemplated writing Draco a letter and then ripped up the paper in front of her when she put down the first word.

What could she even say?

Your father is a horrible person and it makes me sick to think of him? I was wounded and nearly killed but you couldn’t bother to get it together for five seconds to see if I was okay? You clearly do not give a damn about me? You hurt me so f*cking bad?

None of that would change anything. It would just cut them both.

Eventually, Harri found herself in the family library attempting to read the book she’d started when Tom had shown again.

Had that really only been yesterday? That was bizarre.

Try as she might, she could not get past the first chapter. She kept going over the conversation with Tom in her head and it filled her with this great anxiety. The implications of the truth were overwhelming.

After a few hours had passed Tom found her.

“I don’t know anything about my future except what Dumbledore has told me. Could you explain, what you meant about…”

“The diadem.” Harri guessed. “Ravenclaw’s diadem.”

“So I succeeded.” He settled in the space next to her.

“In what?”

“I wanted the horcruxes to be founder’s items. Only the best for my soul. The diadem was on the list.” He was close enough that she could feel the warmth of his legs. Their bond flared.

“The best for your soul?” Harri shook her head, indignant. "The best would have been not doing it at all."

Tom rested his chin on his hand. “How old was I?”

“I think he is thirty.” She summoned her diadem to memory. It was easy after she’d just seen him last night. “It’s strange. Should I call him ‘you’?”

“You can call it what you like. Him or me. It doesn’t matter.”

“He’s a person.” Harri made a face, vexed. “It does matter. He is you, another part of you albeit.”

Tom inclined his head. “He may be but he has more than a decade of memories that I do not.”

“Right.”

“How did you find him?”

“He possessed me. Kind of. I dreamt about him for a month and eventually woke up one night in the room of requirement with him standing in front of me.”

“He used you?”

“Yeah.” Harri almost smiled. “I couldn’t stand him at first.”

Tom scowled. “He shouldn’t have done that.”

“I thought I’d never see my soulmate again after what happened with the diary so I didn’t do anything about him. I didn’t tell Dumbledore or my friends. I let him be.”

“The diary.” His eyes shifted to something sharp as he recalled. “Dumbledore said you killed my basilisk and stabbed my diary with her fang. My second horcrux is gone.”

“You were going to kill my friend's sister. What other choice did I have?” Harri surveyed him but he didn’t look upset.“You told me you were just a memory.” She explained. “I didn’t know that I had…I would never have done it otherwise. It was awful. I...it broke me to do it.”

His eyes softened. “You didn’t know.” He sighed. “The diary was quite unstable anyway, being made so soon after me, only a year later. I hadn’t been prepared for another one, I never meant for Myrtle to die.”

“What difference could a year make?”

Tom’s lips curled and his eyes were like molten lava. “You wouldn’t believe much can be accomplished in a year Harri.”

“Like murder?” Harri inquired, resentful.

“Yes and much more. I could tell you all about it.”

“Shall I go on about the diadem, or did you have more sad*stic sh*t to say?”

Tom bared his teeth in a mockery of a smile.

“Dumbledore mentioned Sirius, right? We all thought he was coming to kill me and Gryffindor was in the quidditch championship so like I said, I let the diadem be. There was a lot going on and the only odd thing he did was disappear at night. I knew he was searching for a way to get a body, that's all. Because he was still incorporeal I held the power. I thought nothing would happen. Then Sirius took Ron and we found out about Pettigrew. Tom-he saved us from the dementors and then disappeared.”

“Disappeared? How?”

“He found a way to secure a body.”

“And?” Tom pressed with a strange look on his face.

“We meet sometimes. In dreams.” Harri revealed with reluctance. “He helped me through my tasks for the triwizard tournament and he warned me about you, the older you, Voldemort.”

A muscle jumped in Tom’s jaw.

“When I spoke to him last he explained how he forced Pettigrew to help him and why he left for Albania. He said that was where you—he—found the diadem the first time and that he needed answers.”

“What answers would I find in Albania?”

“That's where Voldemort spent thirteen years after, ” Harri pointed at her forehead. “This.”

“Voldemort.” Tom mouthed offhandedly, pleased with himself. “My followers couldn't call me that in school when I was alive for fear of others. Now others can't call me that for fear of me.”

“The death eaters calling you ‘my master’ wasn’t enough back then?” Harri sniffed.

“They weren’t referred to as my death eaters.” Dimples appeared on his cheeks. “They were the knights.”

“The knights?” She repeated skeptically.

“I couldn’t call them something as imbecilic as Grindelwald’s followers now could I?” Tom’s nose scrunched. "He named them, 'the alliance'.”

Tom started talking about Grindelwald and Harri stopped paying attention. She focused on the way his mouth formed words and how his eyelashes seemed to brush against his skin when he blinked. He said he was different from the diadem and the diary, but to her, he was what they had both been. Impossible to resist.

“Harri!” Sirius’s voice called. “It’s seven!”

Already?

Apprehensive, Harri realized this meant Ron would meet Tom. She also realized she didn't know if Tom should know anything about the order. It was not like he could run to Voldemort just yet. Also, he and Dumbledore had a deal. It would be fine, wouldn't it?

“We’re having guests.” She told Tom.

“More Blacks?”

“Just friends.”

“What are they here for?”

Harri bit the inside of her cheek and Tom raised a brow. "Secrets Harri?"

“You haven’t told me if you’re on Voldemort’s side.” She implored.

His lips pressed together. “Not if he desires to kill you.”

“And if he changes his mind and doesn't want to kill me?” Harri pushed. “When he finds out about me?”

Tom glanced away. “Harri.”

“Tom.”

He looked back. “Don’t ask me to lie to you.”

“I’m not.”

“You told me you know what I am.” Tom’s face tightened. “You know what I want. You even know of horcruxes now.”

What was the point then of him even being here? If he wanted to find Voldemort, the door was open. Harri did not want that for a soulmate.

“Harri!” Sirius’s voice rang again.

“Coming!”

Tom seized her hand. “This Voldemort you hate so much, he is a part of me just like the diadem. Except he is the center of us both and he is your soulmate too whether you like it or not.”

Harri pulled her arm away from him. “We can talk about it later.”

They went downstairs. Bill, Nymphy and Sturgis Podmore were in the foyer. They greeted them with quick ‘hellos’ and a brief introduction. It seemed Dumbledore had informed them all of a Thomas Sayre coming to stay with at Grimmauld. Harri wondered what they’d do if they learned it was Voldemort under their roof and not some innocent boy.

After, Harri searched for Remus and found him with Kingsley, Snape and Moody gathered in the kitchen. “Harri, Tom.” Remus beckoned them over with an open arm and introduced them. “This is Kingsley Shacklebolt and you’ll know Severus and Alastor of course.”

Moody took a swing of his glass of whiskey and Kingsley and Snape gave quick nods. Harri smiled at her professor.

“This is Thomas, he is staying with us.” Remus presented.

Moody surveyed Tom with his roving eye. “On Dumbledore’s orders, you said Remus?”

Tom’s smile turned rigid. He detested Dumbledore.

“Right.” Remus responded and turned to Harri. “Kingsley here is a brilliant auror as well as Alastor. I’m sure he could give you some advice if you wanted for your O.W.L’s.”

“Alastor is considered the greatest auror of all time Remus.” Kingsley chuckled. “But thank you for looping me in with him. Though I doubt I compare.” He winked at Harri and Tom. “He’s the reason half of those death eaters are even in Azkaban.”

“Is that so?” Tom asked.

“The best we had.” Kingsley avowed.

“And you’d have more of me,” Moody exclaimed. “If you let aurors cast those unforgivables."

“Why don’t Harri and Tom head to the living room?” Remus interrupted. “I’m sure the rest of the Weasley’s will be showing up soon.”

Harri tugged Tom away. When they stepped out of the room he asked. “Why are three auror and a potions professor at your house?”

Harri crossed her arms. “I’ll tell you if you swear that you won’t ever tell anyone outside of this who’s part of it.”

Tom contemplated for a moment and then answered. “Deal.”

Harri held out her hand and he clasped it. Their bond lit up like a christmas tree. His touch was warm and when the callouses of his hand brushed her, a soft kind of tenderness filled her. She hated and loved how it made her feel.

They let go and Harri led him to the living room. Inside, there were six people she had not ever expected to see together. Apollo and Callaia Greengrass. Evelina Zabini, Sirius, Daphne, and Blaise.

“Harri!” Daphne bounded over, Blaise right behind her. “Isn’t this exciting?”

“What’s going on?” Harri questioned as they hugged. “Are your parents being recruited?

“If you replied to any of my letters you would know, yes they are.” Daphne pointedly said.

“Maybe so,” Harri drew back. “I meant to get to them eventually, you know it’s been difficult, and then yesterday, well you see something extraordinary happened.”

“Hello.” Blaise was saying to Tom behind them. “Blaise Zabini.”

Harri winced preemptively.

“Tom Sayre.”

Daphne and Blaise both froze. The floo burst open in front of them.

“Arthur!”

“Sirius!”

Mr. Weasley, Ginny, Ron, Fred and George stepped out of the fireplace and onto the carpeted floor. It was the perfect timing. Harri squeezed Daphne’s arm.

“Bill’s already here isn’t he?” Ginny dusted herself off.

“He left ages ago. Where is Mad Eye? I want to go ask him about June.” Fred and George whispered behind her.

“Callaia. It is lovely to meet you.” Daphne’s mom introduced herself to Mr. Weasley.

“Arthur.” Mr. Weasley shook her and Apollo’s hand. “And Evelina, it has been a long time.”

Mrs. Zabini smiled. “I was just telling Sirius we shared the same cohort at Hogwarts.”

“Unbelievable Arthur, who knew you were that young?” Sirius teased.

“Blaise?” Ron said as he came over. “And Daphne? What is Hermione in the kitchen? How come no one told me?” He complained. “And who is this? Another new member?”

“His name is Tom.” Blaise said in a meaningful tone, expression blank.

Ron’s face dropped. “Oh.”

Daphne spun to Tom, grinning sweetly. “Nice to meet you Tom.Since Harri has failed to mention anything at all about you being here, why don’t you tell us what the f*ck you’re doing?”

Chapter 27: courage, dear heart

Chapter Text

Chapter 27: courage, dear heart

“I’ll rewrite this whole life and this time,
there’ll be so much,
you won’t be able to see beyond it.”
— Warsan Shire, Backwards

Tom smiled and he was made of trouble.

Daphne’s words had no impact on him. He was not intimidated in the least if Tom could have ever been intimidated at all. “I doubt that it is any of your business.”

“Harri is a sister to me.” Daphne's arms were crossed, her expression the epitome of unimpressed as well. “If you’re going to be here, living in her house and in her life, it is my business.”

“How touching.” Tom’s tone was patronizing and belittling. “I don’t care.”

“You should care a little.” Blaise scratched his neck awkwardly.

Ron crossed his arms. “Why don’t you go back into whatever part of you-know-who you came from?”

“Who are you again?” Tom asked, mocking. He was amused by her friends and observing them with something like disdain but not quite.

Daphne’s lips tightened, and she along with Ron and Blaise, surveyed Tom with a fierce interest. This was the dark lord. Even if he hadn’t been Harri’s soulmate, that alone made him fascinating.

Harri glanced around the room to make sure no one else was paying attention and said. “Remember how I told you about Slytherin’s locket?”

Ron caught on immediately. “He was inside it?”

“How did he get here?” Blaise questioned. “Let alone…” He motioned to Tom's body.

"Dumbledore, isn’t it, since you gave the locket to him.” Daphne narrowed her eyes. “The man is always up to something.”

Blaise clicked his tongue. “And what was his reason for doing so?”

“Are you against the dark lord?” Daphne asked Tom. “Is that why Dumbledore did this?”

Tom leaned against the wall, nonchalant as could be. “No.”

"Well gave you a body, that couldn’t have been because he feels bad for you,” Ron muttered.

“Maybe he just missed me.” Tom smirked.

A breathy laugh escaped Harri. “You wish.”

Tom grinned at her. She tried not to smile back but the best she could do was tame it. Trying to look away, she made eye contact with Daphne.

Daphne, who was staring at her as if she had never seen her before.

Harri’s smile tightened and she cleared her throat. “I don’t think anyone knows why Dumbledore does the things he does. But I guess we have to trust him, right?”

“Forget Dumbledore,” Ron pinched his nose. “What is Ginny going to do when she recognizes him?” He pointed towards Tom.

“She never saw him, she just wrote to him.”

Harri was ashamed to say she had momentarily forgotten about how they had even ended up in the chamber of secrets. Ginny had fallen into infatuation with Tom. It might have been puppy love, fragile and fleeting, but enough for him to consume her soul.

Tom looked to Harri. “Ginny is...”

“Yes.” The rest was implied, a reminder of their conversation from earlier, Ginny is the sister you almost killed.

The atmosphere between them which had warmed slightly for a moment turned cold again. Wanting to move the conversation, as to avoid an argument Harri inquired of Daphne and Blaise. “Your parents have joined the order as well?”

“Yes.” Daphne sighed. “Over the past few weeks, especially with everything after the tournament they've come to a mutual decision.”

Cedric’s dead body. Harri’s screams. The memories of the night were never too far away.

“I think they regret not doing anything last time because they recognize how close he was to winning now.”

She remembered when Hagrid had first told her about the war and when Sirius and Remus explained what it felt like to live in it. How Voldemort had almost destroyed everything, almost had the wizarding world but a few inches from his grasp if not for a baby and a curse.

The world could have been a very different place right now.

Unease laid its burden on Harri’s shoulders.

“Mother as well,” Blaise was saying but her mind wandered. She heard the breathless sob of her name on a cold October night. She saw Voldemort.

Voldemort rising out of the cauldron, his hands on her face—

Heat against her finger brought Harri back to the present. She looked down and found Tom’s arm parallel to hers. His hand was next to her own and his pinky sliding down hers.

In an instant, her chest felt a little lighter. The feeling of his skin upon her skin was an antidote.

Sirius sauntered over to them with his arms spread out. “Why don’t you lot head on upstairs? We’ll summon you when dinner is prepared.”

They trekked out and up onto the second floor landing. Fred, George and Ginny were already there. Ginny only peeped briefly at Tom but then looked away, a deep blush on her face. Harri felt something funny in her stomach at that. She wasn’t sure she liked it very much.

Fred and George were introduced to Tom by Blaise, while Ron talked to Ginny and Daphne and Harri fell back.

“Harri,” Daphne left a fleeting touch on her elbow. They moved to stand against the opening to Sirius's office. Harri swallowed while Daphne observed her.

It was like the glance she’d received downstairs and she shied away from it. For so long, Tom had been her secret. The way she felt about him, who he was, and everything that encompassed him.

Now for the first time their bond was being seen from the outside. She felt too exposed. She knew she was weak when it came to him and some part of her scorned herself for it.

“You are different around him.” Daphne tapped a finger lightly at the corner of Harri’s lips. “Do you know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile like that.”

“I know.” Harri admitted.

“I wish you would smile like that again,” Daphne whispered. “That is the only reason I haven’t gutted him with a fire iron.”

Harri laughed. “Thanks for not doing that. I guess.”

“Do you trust him?”

Harri snuck a look at Tom, who was still talking to the twins that did not know who he was. “I don’t know. I never do. But Dumbledore chose this and he doesn’t even know about the diadem, I don’t think. And he knew Tom for years before. I guess I’m just thinking what else can I do? The diary is gone, the diadem is in Albania and this Tom is…here.”

“You know I understand. He is your soulmate for better or for worse. You wish him to be with you.” Daphne propped up against the wall to stare at Tom too. “He is really handsome by the way.”

Harri elbowed her in a mix of pride and jealousy.

Daphne leaned in. “Did I hear you say the diadem is in Albania?”

Harri explained her dream with both Voldemort and the diadem to Daphne’s bewilderment. It was insane how much had occurred in the past twenty four hours. Twelve year old Harri was somewhere losing her mind.

“The meetings starting.” Ginny cried out as she ran back up the stairs after she’d checked if anyone was still out in the living room. “Fred, George drop the ears.”

“The what?” Harri and Daphne strode over to the railing where the others were.

“The ears.” George boasted and held up what was indeed a pair of ears to Harri. “This is how we’re going to listen in.” He began to drop one down, attached to a piece of white string so thin it almost seemed invisible, while the other was held up to all of them.

“It’s not an overall idiotic idea.” Tom murmured to Harri, walking over. “If nothing else, I left the back kitchen door open.”

Harri turned surprised eyes to him. “When did you have the time?”

Tom smirked. “Wandless magic.”

Voices emerged from the ear George held up and though muffled they were still distinguishable.

“The attack in Cornwall was devastating to the community.” Sirius’s voice came. “And in Wales the weekend before. Thirty muggles dead, fifty injured. Not to mention the electrical outage and millions of pounds worth of damage to these small regions who depend on them for income.”

“It’s all purposeful of course.” Nymphy spoke next. “He knows the ministry is not obligated to report on muggle attacks.”

“Not like they want to either. Fudge has got the reporters banned from reporting any of it. He is a coward. Behaving as pig headed as he did the night of the triwizard tournament. He would let us all die for his pride. And you-know-who knows it. He’s going to keep killing those muggles and they won’t have a clue.” Kingsley sounded off.

There was the sound of a thud and then Moody’s irate voice. “He’ll slip up eventually. He can’t keep it out of the wizarding world forever. Sooner or later he’s going to attack Azkaban and come for Potter again.”

Fred, George, Ron, Blaise, Ginny, Daphne, and Tom all turned to Harri. She swallowed.

She and Tom locked eyes.

“So what do we do? Keep silent?” Sturgus Podmore questioned.

“Whatever we say, they won't print it. Dumbledore thinks they’ll use it against us.” Arthur said.

“Against us!” Nymphy raved.

“You don’t understand how afraid they are. Sometimes if you believe something is not real enough it makes it true.” Diggle explained.

“People are dying!”

“And more will. All of it is happening again Sturgus. Or what did you think? He’s come back now. He wants his war.”

“What about Harri? What about the rest of the children? They live together, they will fight together. How can we protect them from this?” Charlie implored.

“For now we keep them with us. He’s still weak, that gives us time.” Kingsley replied quickly.

“What does Albus say?” Daphne’s father asked.

“Albus is busy.” Snape replied.

“Enough.” Mrs. Weasley could be heard pushing her chair back. “Enough of this. Let’s call the children down. They must be hungry.”

Fred’s eyes widened and George began to pull the ears up. Harri’s heart dropped when the kitchen door swung open, but it was just Kreacher. George caught the ear and Fred pushed open the office door. They rushed inside and threw themselves wherever looked the most normal.

This meant that Tom and Blaise propped up on a wall while Fred, Ron, and George pretended to rummage through Sirius’s records, and the girls flung themselves on the couch.

Sirius came through as George dropped a vinyl.

“Lo Sirius.”

“Hi Sirius.”

“Lovely evening isn’t it?”

“Say, what is a 'deff leopard'? Is that some sort of muggle pet?”

Sirius cast them all a suspicious glance. “Dinner is ready.”

Most of the new guests sat in the dining room while the kids, Nymphy and Bill ate outside in the garden. There were three tables spread out below the veranda with little flower decorations and candles in the middle. Dinner consisted of chicken tikka, boiled vegetables, and biryani brought from the Pakistani deli two blocks over.

Remus had hung up fairy lights all over the trees and bushes a few weeks ago and by magic, they stayed lit. Mrs. Weasley had brought chocolate cake, enough of it to feed everyone, and salad. Sirius had actually prepared their firepit and visited the corner store early morning to pick up graham crackers, chocolate bars, and marshmallows so they could make s’mores if they wanted to. Despite the anxiety the order meeting had left in Harri’s stomach, the food made everything feel better.

Tom enjoyed it too. He’d bit into the tikka with an apprehensive expression but it had become pleased. His cheekbones were flushed a light pink from the spice and it made Harri feel all sorts of things. He was so beautiful in the candlelight, he was so beautiful always. After the main course, and during dessert, with the sweet tang of marshmallows in her stomach and the moon above them, Harri found it unbelievable that he could exist.

He could get anyone’s attention, even Daphne, Blaise, and Ron's, who all were still wary of him but couldn’t stop talking to him. He was like a beacon that called others to him simply by being. Though she supposed it also wasn’t like her friends could make any dislike they had blatantly obvious now that the twins and Ginny were with them. It wouldn’t make sense.

“Listening in to that meeting was sort of useless,” Daphne was trying to get her marshmallow to toast and not burn. “Wasn’t it?”

“I wouldn’t say useless.” Harri shrugged.

“He’s killing people.” Ron said between bites of his crackers. “We didn’t know that before.”

“Yes, but he was always going to do that.” Ginny added.

“We know he’s getting away with it because of the ministry.” Blaise pointed out, pushing back against his chair around the fire pit. “They’re impotent.”

“Is that what happened last time you reckon? Is that why he got so far?” Ron pondered aloud.

“He didn’t just get far Ron. He almost won.”

“If it hadn’t been for our Harri maybe.” George cracked a smile. “She got rid of him.”

Tom’s eyes burned into the side of her face.

Fred tapped Harri's foot. “What do you say H, got something in the bag for this time around?”

Harri zoned in on Tom from the corner of her eye, at the curve of his jaw and his windswept hair.

“Yeah.” She murmured. “I’ve got something.”

Snape showed up bright and bat-like in the morning with a wand for Tom.

“From the headmaster.” Snape drew the wand out of his sleeves with a dramatic flair. “He believes this should work well for you.”

Tom rose from his seat and accepted the wand. He twirled it in his hands. “Sycamore.”

Snape cast mistrustful eyes on him. “Indeed.”

“And?”

“Dragon heartstring.” Snape said in a low voice. “Quite the instrument to channel dark magic.”

Tom looked at Snape for a moment before looking down again. “Indeed.” Then he pointed the wand up. Purple burst out the end of the sycamore as bright as a flame. It covered the ceiling, spreading out from the center and outward like a waterfall before vanishing and leaving nothing behind.

“It’ll do nicely.” Tom grinned, eyes dark.

Snape let out an attempt at a smile but what came out was a grimace. He gave Sirius a pointed look and then left as quickly as he’d come.

Tom sat back down and returned to eating his french toast. He always finished his meals entirely and he always ate seconds too.

The two of them were different in that regard. Harri could sometimes forget to eat and not realize it at all. Maybe it was because Aunt Petunia had not approved when Harri ate too much as a child. She liked Harri as skinny as she was and any girl above a size four was horrifying to her.

At the reminder, Harri set down her fork. All of a sudden her waffles were no longer appetizing.

“Dumbledore must know you quite well to have chosen a wand that fits without fault.” Sirius remarked to Tom as he sipped on his morning tea on the seat next to Harri. He was still in his pajamas and his feet were laid on the chair next to him. If Harri put a cigar in his hand he would look just like one of those old hollywood stars. Unbearably handsome and divine.

Tom’s grip on his toast hardened.

Harri swallowed a giggle. “They have a unique relationship.” She jumped to her feet and stretched. The toast in Tom's hand folded over and he scowled. “Anyway. I’m going to take a shower. Hermione might call, say lo’ to her parents if she does.”

“Course love.” Sirius swayed forward and kissed her clothed arm.

“Ta.”

Harri strolled out of the kitchen and did not notice the hostile look Tom sent Sirius.

An hour later, she was beside Tom again but in the foyer listening to Sirius as he lectured them on safety.

“Remus isn’t here which means I’ve got to be the responsible one.” Sirius shook his head in disgust. “The last thing I want to do is be overbearing but do not, under any circ*mstances, go anywhere other than what we’ve laid out alright?”

“You realize I know Bill is going to be tailing us right?” Harri mentioned, zipping up her purse.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Sirius sniffed. Then he held out his arms, one for each of them to grab.

They apparated. Pulled apart and put together again.

The motion was exceedingly confining and uncomfortable. After an instant, they appeared at an apparation point in busy Oxford street. As kids were off from school it was teeming with people more than was conventional but it made for a lovely day.

“Right.” Sirius kissed Harri’s forehead, gave Tom a nod and apparated back home.

Harri prepared to ask Tom where he wanted to go first but when she spun to face him, she found him staring at their surroundings with a quiet intensity.

He was observing the new clothing, different kinds of people, shops, televisions, and sounds of joy from children.

“Is it very different from what you remember?” She stepped next to him and watched him watch everyone else.

Harri did not want to sound like a broken record but she thought she would never get over how striking Tom appeared. He was more captivating than Adonis, Hercules, and Ares put together. Maybe she was infatuated with him because he was half of her. It did not matter. There was nothing—no one—who could compare.

“It's unrecognizable. Last I saw of it,” He pointed a finger at Selfridges. “That entire block was demolished. Dust.”

Harri tried to picture it but failed.

“The London that I knew was vacant and full of death. It was a graveyard. And these people, you would have never seen so many of them. Barely any that weren’t white. Certainly, no one not dressed in fur coats and suits. I did not even really know this place.” He turned to her and brushed a strand of hair back from her face. Harri’s heart skipped a beat.

“Orphans weren’t welcomed here.”

“I’ve only been here twice.” Harri said. “Both times with Sirius. My relatives didn’t exactly bring me around with them.”

Tom’s brows furrowed. “Your relatives?”

“I didn’t always live in such a beautiful home. I lived at my mom’s sister's house for almost all of my life.” She explained, hand motioning around them. “I told you how Sirius escaped Azkaban in my third year? Well, I didn’t even know he existed before then. Magic…Hogwarts…Voldemort…all of it. I knew nothing. The first time was when I received my letter.”

“Your relatives didn’t tell you because they didn’t know or because they didn’t like magic?”

“They hated magic.”

The way Tom stared at her, you’d have thunk she told him she wanted to help him kill Dumbledore.

“Did they?” His gaze gained intensity.

“They did. Living with my aunt and uncle was fine but I’m happy I’m not there anymore. I don’t miss it in almost any way.”

“I know.” Tom’s face changed. “I couldn’t stand living with my muggles either.”

“I didn’t like living with them because they didn’t really want me. I was an obligation. Not because they are muggles.”

“They are filthy.” Tom looked like Lucius Malfoy in Flourish and Blotts with his face twisted like that.

“You are standing in a city they’ve built and moments ago you thought it wasn’t all that terrible.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“There is nothing wrong with muggles.” Harri argued.

“What is the point of them?” Tom spat. “They are mindless sheep. Useless. All they are good for is murder and contamination.”

“I am not having this argument with you.”

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

Silence. They stared at each other, faces slightly flushed, both too stubborn and caught up in each other to see the world around them. If they had been, they would have noted the man watching them across the street.

Harri inhaled. She meant it, she didn't want to fight. “Do you think it still exists? Your orphanage?”

Tom’s shoulders relaxed. “No. I doubt it survived the war.”

“Would you show me?” She wanted to know what birthed Tom Riddle. The real reason he despised muggles. Why had he been driven to experiment with soul magic and why the cost of horcruxes had not scared him.

“Yes.” Tom took her hand. Her whole being lightened, and butterflies, thousands of them, fluttered in her stomach.

Sirius wouldn’t be too upset they’d left. It wasn’t like he’d truly thought they would stay. Right?

They took the underground to Vauxhall. Harri couldn’t stop teasing when Tom refused to sit down on the train seat. “Who knows what kind of people have sat there?”

From there it was a ten minute walk to their destination. The place where Wool's orphanage had once resided was unassuming. Replaced by a very ordinary office building. You would never have known the darkest wizard of their age had lived there once a time.

Tom scrutinized the building with dozens of wrathful emotions. “I hope someone burned it down.”

“Tom.”

“I didn’t say with the children in it.”

He was incorrigible.

Harri elbowed him. “What was it like to grow up here before the war? Like before the destruction, I can’t picture it.”

“Dull.” Tom squeezed her hand. “Everyone was common and boring. Our uniforms were itchy and our food was bland. The days dragged on. We went to church on Sundays. School on the weekdays and the parks on the weekends. We barely had any money so we almost never went out for entertainment. The first possession I ever owned truly was my wand.”

“You didn’t have any friends?”

“I didn’t want them.” Tom scorned, loud and harsh. “And you?” He pressed.

“I didn’t think the people I grew up with were dull. Just normal, too normal for me. We lived in Surrey and they still do. Life was monotonous. I did have friends and I liked them alright but my cousin, Dudley, who I lived with, we used to fight all the time and that was frustrating.”

“I didn’t expect us to be anything alike.” Tom said suddenly. He was peering at her with the look again. All heated and mesmerizing. "But we have more in common than I thought."

“Except the muggles.”

Tom’s lips quirked. “Except the muggles.”

He cupped her cheek in the palm of one hand.

Harri could have melted. His every touch felt like she’d swallowed sunshine.

Her soulmate was right in front of her. Fifty years in the future, with July on his pale skin and a smile so beautiful Aphrodite would be envious.

This moment could be likened to a Keat's poem.

‘I almost wish we were butterflies and liv'd but three summer days - three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain. ’

How true that was.

There was no one else she wanted to bicker over muggles with or whose hands she wanted to touch. If they could be like this always that would be enough.

This, here, was the happiest she’d felt since Cedric died.

But as luck would have it, all good things did not last.

The sound of rushed footsteps came from behind Tom and a loud “Harri!” was called. Bill Weasley appeared mere meters away from them, distraught.

“I knew it!” Harri called. “I knew you were following us.”

Bill clasped her shoulder. Tom’s eyes followed his touch and he brushed the hand off. Bill was too busy revealing what had happened to notice.

“Harri.” He said in an uneasy tone.

“What?”

“It’s your cousin Dudley. He was attacked. They’ve taken him to St.Mungos.”

"What?"

Bill exhaled heavily. “It is dire.”

Her stomach dropped somewhere down to her feet. “Dudley? Dudley Dursley?”

“Yes.”

Harri was terribly confused. “I don't understand, what are you saying? What happened?”

“A lethifold attacked Little Whinging, we don’t know how. The ministry has been informed but he was almost suffocated to death. Mrs. Fig found him and managed to alert the order in time.”

A magical creature in Little Whinging?

She became stricken. “It was there for me.”

“Maybe.” Bill sympathized. “We have to get the two of you home. Sirius is at Mungo's already and the area’s been sequestered off. He’ll be back once your cousins stabilized.”

Tom and her clasped Bill’s arms much like they’d done with Sirius, only this time with urgency. They disapparated.

“You and I know well and good that thing was sent to attack Harri!” Sirius’s shout echoed into the upstairs living room where Harri, Tom, Nymphy, and Bill sat. There were pizza leftovers and co*ke bottles spread around the coffee table.

“Sirius calm down.“ Kingsley attempted.

“Calm down!”

It was past one in the morning. They had been awake for hours waiting for news. Sirius, Kingsley, and Snape had flooed in twenty minutes ago and had been rowing since.

“The kid almost died! Don’t tell me to calm down. That could have been my child. Do you f*cking understand that?”

“How did this happen?” Snape said next. “I have never heard of a more ludicrous thing than a lethifold in Surrey.”

“Dumbledore does not think it was Voldemort.”

“Then who?”

“It would be someone who worked in the ministry.”

And their voices trailed off, in all likelihood under a newly formed silencing charm.

Harri looked at Tom. “What do you think?”

He quirked an eyebrow.

She expounded. “I don’t think it was him.”

“It wasn’t.”

“Why not?” Nymphy straightened her legs. “Who else would want to hurt Harri?”

“I don't know but Voldemort wouldn’t try to have some creature kill me. He would come and do it himself.” Harri took a sip of her drink.

“Only the ministry and Gringotts have a record of where you lived. Unless some death eater had access to those there is no way you-know-who could have sent it there. Also, the records should have been updated when Sirius adopted you, which makes us lucky they weren't and you are safe.” Bill divulged, perched out on the carpet with hands behind his head.

“Your Godfather went a long way to seal that information up I assume.” Tom said.

"He hasn't explicitly mentioned it but he doesn't trust the ministry at all."

Bill tapped the floor. “Adoptions go through Gringotts and goblins can be bought. What if Sirius just didn’t inform the ministry? Goblins don’t have loyalty to wizards.”

“If that is true he did the right thing.”

If it wasn’t such a muggle act, Harri was sure Tom would have rolled his eyes.

A while later Nyphmy and Bill left and Sirius called Harri down. They settled onto the front porch steps together.

“Dudley is stable.” Sirius wrapped an arm around her back and laid his cheek against her head. “He’ll be alright.”

“I can’t believe he almost died.” She looked at her hands. “Was it my fault?”

Sirius scoffed. “Most certainly not.”

“I keep thinking about how many times I used to wish he would go away. When we were little and we would fight and my aunt and uncle would take his side. ”

“Poppet, you cannot be feeling guilty that you wanted your cousin to disappear when he was annoying.”

“He wouldn’t have gotten hurt if it wasn’t for me.”

Sirius pinched her nose. “It’s not you who caused this, it’s not you who called that creature. This is on whoever that person is and they will pay for it.”

Harri laid her head down, spent. “Tom doesn’t think it was Voldemort.”

“Oh well if Tom doesn’t think—”

“Sirius!"

The next week Dudley was sent home from St. Mungo’s fully recovered. Sirius did not let Harri visit, seeing as they didn’t know if it was safe. She only heard this from Nymphy and secretly she was glad. She wasn’t sure what she would have said to him though made her sick to think how easy it was for someone to hurt those she was close to. She wished she could have been in his place. She would have stopped the lethifold with her patronus and then dealt with the consequences as they came.

On Friday, Sirius was summoned by the Department of Magical Law and Enforcement for a private meeting and he decided to take Harri and Tom along with him.

They flooed into the atrium and walked to the elevator without speaking to anyone else. Sirius was on schedule and Scrimgeour, the head auror and his ex-boss, was like Moody. An impatient man who was at times crass. Not that Sirius cared that much but he was upset with what happened in Surrey and he wanted to hunt down the person who was responsible death eater or not.

The office was empty as most of the aurors were on their lunch breaks or on cases. Sirius left Harri and Tom outside Scrimgeour's office which was secluded from the others with its own private waiting area and couches.

Harri and Tom got bored quickly and went wandering.

“We shouldn’t.” She whispered, climbing into an empty elevator beside Tom.

“She says as she gets in,” Tom whispered back.

The elevator door closed and he spread his fingers out over the buttons. “I’ve always wondered about the department of mysteries.” He hummed.

Harri had too. Tom leaned in to get a better look.

“You think it needs ID?” He asked Harri.

“Maybe it has thumb printing or like a magical print.”

Tom pressed ten and kept staring at the D.O.M button. "Another time."

The elevator swooped back and began to drop them down. Tom was contemplative until they reached the courtroom on level ten.

The corridors were dimly lit, and like the rest of the ministry, the walls and floors were decorated in gleaming green tiles. It made it easy for them to hide if they wanted to.

They followed the sound of voices to a large black door with a '10’ embossed in gold.

Tom pressed a hand against it and listened.

“There is a trial.”

Harri moved forward and he placed a hand on her back. Someone in there was yelling about Fenrir Greyback?

Steps sounded.

“It must be considered, how much territory does the wolf have? And his loyal—”

Tom glanced back, his hand pushing Harri.

“He desires the matter concluded soon. The ministry is child's play, you know this Lucius.” A raspy voice uttered.

Harri yanked on Tom’s sleeve and they slipped into the empty walkway between the elevator and the courtroom. They pressed themselves against the wall to hide from view.

“But of course. The minister is in the palm of my hand. Let him consider it done.” Lucius Malfoy spoke. His slippery voice was woefully familiar to her by now.

The two men came around the corner dressed in opulent robes of black.

When Tom peeked out at them, his face changed. He recognized them.

“Evan.” Lucius whispered. “What is he planning next? You have his confidence where I do not.”

The other man, Evan, smirked. On his finger Harri noticed a very large ring. Black and gold, familiar somehow.

Tom froze beside her.

"Rosier."

Chapter 28: these are the hands of fate

Chapter Text

Chapter 28: these are the hands of fate

"And the little prince added.
'But eyes are blind. You have to look with the heart.' "
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

“I do.” Rosier said to Lucius. “Yet I would not betray by revealing his plans to you.”

Lucius’s left eye twitched in irritation. Draco, who had always looked like his father, had the same tick. The similarity was unnerving.

“Of course. I simply wished to ask in case I could be of service.”

Rosier’s lips curled up. “Do you think me a fool?”

Lucius’s hands tightened around his staff. “Certainly not. You would not be where you are if you were a fool.”

Rosier stopped in his stride. “Correct.” He stepped closer to Lucius and though they were identical in height, he seemed ten feet tall compared to Lucius at the moment. “When everything fell apart I did not forsake the dark lord as you did. Twelve years passed and I never once faltered in my faith. For that, I have been rewarded. I am once again blessed with his favor. And you who were once in the same position, awarded, privy to his thoughts and plans, desire it again now that he has returned. But you do not deserve it. In fact, you have never deserved it. You crave the power that comes with it...that feeling of euphoria...you will do so much to gain it again. You tell me these questions are under the guise of curiosity when we know that is a lie.”

“Is that a crime?” Lucius pinned his staff against Rosier’s chest and the emerald of the silver snake's eyes glinted against his black coat.

“No, it is not.” Rosier stepped back. “But I ask myself this. Is this attempt of yours because you believe in the dark lord or is it because you do not wish to be punished again? It is difficult to tell when you have been duplicitous to us all.”

“I—

“I did not lie and deny how ardently I adore him. You did. Deal with the consequence now because I have no time for this pandering.” Rosier brushed imaginary lint off his shirt and turned in the direction of the courtroom again.

Lucius stayed where he was with his jaw clenched unbearably tight. He slammed his staff on the marble floor once, twice and then hurried off.

Harri looked to Tom, questions on the tip of her tongue. He shook his head. His eyes were still glued to where the two men had stood.

“We should leave. The trial will end soon and no one should see you here.”

Harri resisted the childish urge to demand an answer that very second and waited until they were inside the elevator again.

“Who is he?”

“I don’t know.” Tom was withdrawn.

“But you said his name as if you knew him.”

“I knew a Rosier. Cassius Rosier. Not the one we saw downstairs.” He said. “But that man was familiar, like Lucius. I suppose he is Cassius’s son.”

“You don’t seem to like him very much.”

Tom pressed the button for the DMLE. “I don’t like many people. But it’s more their family. They have a gift. All pureblood history is rooted in the dark arts in one way or another but the Rosier’s,” The elevator dinged and they walked into the auror office for the second time. It had only been a bit and Sirius was a while yet. Tom wandered over to one of the empty auror desks.

“Cassius said it was a curse.” He flicked at a floating memo, fingers picking at the blue ink. “His ancestors made sacrifices and drenched themselves in the old magic in return for a reward. They wanted their family line to last for centuries. As a gift, they were given sight. Cassius could see things about the people he was near. He knew parts of their past and sometimes, if he tried hard enough, their future as well.” Tom began to pull at drawers. “I imagine Cassius helped me get far in my reign as Voldemort and I see that his offspring continues to do the same.”

Harri slapped his hand away from the paperwork. “You think he is a problem.”

Tom picked up a selfwriting quill and dropped it into his pocket. “Yes. As long as he is not mine he presents a threat.”

Harri knew that was not the entire truth. There was something else about Rosier that had set Tom off. The way he said his name was like he wasn’t just angry but alarmed.

She did not have more time to question him because Scrimgeour’s door clicked open. Tom shut the drawers with the back of his hand. He straightened up when Sirius and Scrimgeour came out.

Harri had only ever seen Rufus Scrimgeour on the cover of the weekly mail Hermione received. In person he had a roughish appearance despite being dressed in formal robes. His hair was auburn and when the light fell on him, the color was like copper. He was not a man Harri particularly liked. He had been head auror for a very long time. Long enough that he was part of the reason Sirius had been in Azkaban.

Sirius was tense next to him. Scrimgeour’s gaze fell on Harri, full of interest the second he saw her. “Harri Potter.” His eyes were sharp and greedy. He reminded her of Cornelius Fudge so very much.

“Harri.” Sirius’s arms were behind his back, probably in fists. “This is Rufus.”

Scrimgeour’s expression tightened at Sirius’s dismissive tone. “Head of the department of magical law and enforcement Mrs. Potter and pleased to meet you at last.” He held out his hand and she shook it with reluctance. His palms were coarse and Harri could feel the callouses of the skin. Tom’s arm brushed against hers and she let go.

“And this is Thomas.” Sirius said in a loud voice. “His parents were close friends with Albus, you know Albus Dumbledore of course. Supreme mugwump and headmaster of Hogwarts for half a century.” Scrimgeour shook Tom’s hand as well and to Sirius’s surprise, Tom engaged the man in conversation. Considering neither Harri nor Sirius were very interested in speaking to Scrimgeour themselves, it was a relief.

After a tedious few minutes more the three of them departed from the ministry. When they arrived home Sirius took off for the kitchen and Harri accompanied him. Tom disappeared somewhere in the house. He was probably going to find find out who Evan Rosier was and where Cassius remained if he hadn't already known.

Sirius withdrew a beer from the refrigerator and pried it open with his teeth. Harri cringed at the sound.

“You’ll shatter your teeth.”

Sirius shut the frig door, harsh.

“Why did Scrimgeour ask you to go?” Harri asked.

He rubbed his forehead in exhaustion. “He knows what happened with Voldemort at the tournament. They all do at the ministry. Dumbledore has made sure of it but they continue to deny it. He invited me to discuss and then lied to me the entire time. This is exactly how Voldemort's last war happened. Muggle murders, wizards going missing, attacks all over England, and the ministry doing nothing.”

Sirius sighed, the sound as if he ached. “Eventually, Voldemort had so many supporters you didn’t know who was what. He had the dark creatures, the purebloods, the ministers and they all let it happen, some out of fear and some out of loyalty.”

Harri pressed her hands against the marble counter. It was cold to the touch. “They are doing the same now.”

Sirius nodded. “They want to give an erroneous sense of safety Scrimgeour said. But Fudge wants to keep his seat and Scrimgeour wants the same. Dumbledore thinks to push them into admitting it, not wanting the past to repeat itself. I think it’s inevitable when the system is so broken. It should have been fixed thirteen years ago. I am tired of trying.”

She groaned. “Why are they this bent on being stupid? I don't get it at all! Look at how many people died last time! This is imbecilic!”

“I couldn’t tell you, my love.” Sirius blew out his cheeks. “Instead of working to fix the system after the war they were too relived it was over. After all the deaths and living a life in fear, it was easier for them to move on than take a closer look at how it could have happened in the first place. Than to admit that something was broken. Maybe they assumed that Voldemort’s end would be like Grindelwald’s. Eternal."

“You don’t seem to agree with Dumbledore’s idea of forcing them.”

“I know better.” Sirius said in a hushed tone. “With these people, there is a price for everything. They will bribe you with false promises and then deface you and leave your carcass out to be mauled.”

“Even in war?”

“Especially in war.”

They did not speak of such things often and because of that Harri blurted out a question that she had wanted to ask for a long time.

“What does Fenrir Greyback want with Remus?”

Sirius froze. “What?”

“He was in the minister’s booth with us and,”Harri hesitated.

“And?” Sirius caught hold of her shoulder, impatient.

“I heard you that night arguing with him.”

His eyes widened. “You what?”

“And during the yule ball Theo and I followed Karkaroff to the forest and Greyback was there.”

“Harri!”

“We were at Hogwarts it was safe!”

“And what is it that they spoke about that had you so interested?”

“Just about the dark mark.”

He groaned.

Harri waited for him to relax. He opened his mouth and closed it again. He exhaled. “It’s not my place to have this conversation with you. If you really did hear us then you know most of it already. When Remus returns you should tell him what you know and ask him.”

"Alright." Harri could understand that.

"Is it too much to ask that you stay where you are supposed to? What will I have to do next, put a tracker on you?" He bent down and kissed her head so he couldn't have been too annoyed.

July ended and Harri’s birthday passed much like it had the year before. There was cake, her friends and her family. Happiness.

Though this time, Tom was there too. And it made all the difference.

At eleven he snuck into her room. He brought a lighter and an apple drizzled in caramel. They sat in between her open window and waited for the clock to pass midnight together.

“This was my tradition for my birthday every year,” Tom explained. “We couldn’t afford desserts, especially once the muggle war began. I would save the fruit from dinner and steal caramel from the bakery down the street. The owner’s wife thought I was sweet.” He smiled and his dimples created craters on his cheeks.

“Of course she did.” Harri watched as he swiped a finger across the caramel drizzle, licking it off his thumb. “She probably knew you were doing it too.”

Tom held up the apple for her, ethereal in the candlelight. “Happy Birthday Harri.”

She smiled and her first wish was that he could stay. Her second wish was that he could be whole, however impossible it seemed. Then she leaned down and blew the candle out. The fruit from Tom’s hand tasted sweeter than every cake.

In August the order meetings increased in rapid succession. Every few days there were reports of small muggle attacks, new ministry rulings and rumors of Voldemort’s plans. Remus still had not returned home. Harri saw more of Daphne and Blaise in the summer than she ever had before with how often their parents and Sirius began to meet.

Tom spent a lot of his time in the Black library and he often bribed Kreacher into telling him what was happening with the order. Both of Ron’s older brothers, Bill and Charlie, as well as Nymphy more or less moved in with them.

Tom complained to Harri about how vexing it was to be constantly surrounded by people who were, for the most part, Gryffindors. Harri mentioned that Nymphy was a Hufflepuff not that this helped his mood in any way. Whenever Fred and George were around Tom left the house and came back an hour later smelling of smoke. The twins tried to follow him once and found themselves with their hands glued to the door handle.

The last week before school was to start Hermione’s parents dropped her off and Sirius decided it was the ideal time for them to go shopping for supplies at diagon alley. Ron and Blaise were to meet them at Twilfitt and Tatting’s where they were picking up their new robes.

“Will no one recognize you?” Harri whispered to Tom once they were wandering behind Sirius and Hermione at Flourish and Blotts. Sirius was chatting to a pretty witch behind the counter and Hermione was throwing book after book into her cart.

“It’s been fifty years.” Tom took a novel off the shelf titled 'poisons and their history in herbology'. “I doubt any of them have the mental capacity to hold such memory.”

“Dumbledore is over a hundred and he didn’t forget you.”

“Dumbledore is obsessed with me.” Tom scowled.

“I wonder why.” Harri teased.

They finished gathering their books and next visited the apothecary. Harri managed to bribe everyone to go with her to Quality Quidditch Supplies for an hour too. Then at one, Sirius and Tom left for Gringgotts and Hermione and Harri went to Twilfitt and Tatting’s without them. As they arrived Harri noticed Blaise and Ron were already there and waiting outside.

After greeting each other Hermione opened the door for them to go in. Ron was laughing at something she said and Blaise was telling Harri about the last article Skeeter wrote as they walked into the store. The door shut behind their group and Blaise was the first to notice who was inside.

Draco was being fitted for robes and Pansy Parkinson was draped all over him.

Ron’s smile disappeared.

Draco saw them in the mirror and startled. Pansy frowned, tugging on his arm, her lips brushing against his ear.

Ron turned around without a word and stormed off.

Harri cursed under her breath and followed, leaving Hermione and Blaise behind. She treaded on Ron’s heels until he reached an empty area and slammed a fist against the wall. She grasped his hand before he could hurt himself and caught glimpse of his face.

“I don’t understand him.” Ron croaked, face red and hurt painted all over him. “I don’t.” His chest was heaving up and down, his hands clenching and unclenching. Harri didn’t know what to say.

“He’s a coward.” Ron snapped, resentful. “He didn’t speak to me after what happened. He didn’t even try. Forget writing a letter, he’d have to f*cking acknowledge me to do that.”

“Maybe he is just afraid of what you will say.”

“Isn’t it worth it to try anyway?” Ron demanded.

It was and Draco should have. But when did any of them ever make the right decisions?

“If it matters, I don’t think he would ever do anything with her.”

Ron scoffed. “Right.”

“He wouldn’t! You know he thinks she's unbearably irritating.” Harri insisted.

“Can you just not be the voice of reason? I want to be angry. Hate him with me for a little bit?”

“Okay that's easy. He is the most insensitive wart we’ve ever had the misfortune to meet. Is that what you want to hear?”

“Precisely.” Ron smiled.

She could only smile back, glad he wasn't frowning anymore. “We should go back. We still need robes and,” She wound their arms together. “It’s not safe to be alone.”

September began with the incredulous thought that she was about to enter her fifth year of Hogwarts. When Harri closed her eyes she could easily see what it had been like that first time. Dudley across from her at the breakfast table. Meeting Hermione and Ron. Draco marching into their train carriage. It was absurd to think how much their lives had changed since then.

Since Remus was not at home and Sirius woke up late they barely had time for breakfast before Kingsley and Nymphy arrived to escort Harri, Tom and Hermione to King’s Cross. Harri was apprehensive on the walk there. Regardless of the newspapers not writing anything about Voldemort’s return, the last time she’d been at Hogwarts Cedric had died.

They arrived at the train with only one minute left to spare. Hermione and Tom went ahead on the train and Harri turned to Sirius.

Sirius hugged her, his eyes sad. “Don't worry about me.”

Harri opened her mouth and almost said something but the words became tangled in her throat. She mouthed I love you, and with nothing else ambled onto the train.

The other students were already settled in their cabins and this made it easy to find her friends on the last coach. Lavender’s familiar shout and Maria’s quick, spilling laughter welcomed her into her cabin and warmed her to the bone.

The two of them were extremely fascinated by Tom and happy to finally meet Harri's soulmate. She'd called them and revealed everything the week after Tom moved in, so it wasn't a huge shock that he was there. They kept questioning him. Lavender asked what the fashion had been like in the forties and Maria asked about the food.

When the train stopped at Hogsmeade, Harri noticed how many looks were being aimed Tom’s way. People were whispering, and she was aware that almost all the girls were giggling and gaping at him.

An ugly feeling formed.

When they were walking to the carriages Tom l whispered in her ear. “Look up.”

Harri glanced up and gaped at the sight before her.

“They are called thestrals.” Tom described. “Visible only after one has witnessed death.”

The thestrals were winged horses. Exceptionally eerie creatures with dark skeletal bodies and reptilian features.

“I saw my first thestral in my fifth year too.” Tom said slyly.

Harri frowned and shoved his shoulder.

The two of them were the last to reach the great hall doors. In goodbye, Tom brushed his hand against her cheek and then sauntered over to the Slytherin table.

Heads swirled his way, following him as he went by. People shoved others to make room for him and Harri watched him settle in like he’d never been gone. He sat next to Blaise, Adrian, Miles, Draco and Flint. The boys and girls gathered around him like panting dogs.

Harri looked away and to her own table. The twins were near the edge laughing raucously with Cormic. Seamus and Ernie Macmillion were flirting with Padma and Parvati. Maria, Lavender and Ron were catching up with Dean. Angelina and Alicia were the first to notice Harri, standing up to hug her when she reached the table.As she was saying hello to everyone else around her, she realized someone was missing.

From between Justin and Dean, Harri tugged on Daphne’s hand. “Where is Theo?”

Daphne’s smile dropped. "He should be here." She looked over and searched the Slytherin table. Theodore's seat was empty. “That's very odd.”

Why would he not be here? Had he missed the train?

“Harri!” Hannah Abbott slipped in next to her and halted her line of thought. “Who was that boy you came in with? He’s gorgeous.”

Parvati, hearing Hannah, came over as well. “He’s even more handsome than Michael Corner.”

“Miles Palvin was already way ahead of Micheal.” Alicia chimed in. “But the new Slytherin definitely takes the lead on all three.”

Harri glanced back at Tom and again noticed the way all the girls were staring at him. Fiona Davis, the Ravenclaw prefect, was sitting next to him. Harri glowered, watching as she touched his arm. Harri wanted to cut her hands off. Fiona looked f*cking desperate. Tom smiled at the girl and Harri had to turn away. There was a pit in her stomach. She could feel her cheeks heating up.

She chose to focus on Hermione and Dean’s conversation instead. “She’s the new defense against the dark arts professor.” Dean was saying. “My uncle told me she works for Fudge.”

They were talking about the woman sitting at the head table dressed atrociously in pink. Dumbledore was making reluctant conversation with her.

“You know what the means don’t you?”

“What?” Maria questioned. “That she is useless?”

Dean chuckled, though Harri and Daphne noted the seriousness in Ron’s voice.

“I’ll tell you what it means,” said Hermione ominously. “It means the Ministry’s interfering at Hogwarts.”

After the feast, the Gryffindors gathered in the seventh year boy's dorm room to have a little reunion. Everyone had a lot to say about the speech that Umbridge had given during the feast. George had a great way of imitating her grating voice but what bothered Harri was that no one spoke of Voldemort.

She knew it was the ministry’s fault. They found that they could control the papers and the media but not Dumbledore and therefore they sent in a viper of their own. They would soon find that Umbridge was a rat in a lion's den and Dumbledore’s secrets had secrets. Fudge would not get away with it.

After midnight the party dispersed and Harri fell asleep as soon as her head hit her pillow.

She did not have a dreamless night.

She found herself in a field covered in yellow carnations.

A few meters away from her stood a lone figure.

Voldemort. He was watching her.

In real life Harri’s hands may have shaken but in sleep they stayed steady. She made her way over to him, wading through the field with the smell of carnations and floral phenolic drowning her senses.

When she was close enough Voldemort smirked. “How is your cousin Harri?” He asked facetiously. “Not well I hope.”

How many other things was he aware of? Did he know about the order of the phoenix ameliorating?

“He’s alive.” Harri said tightly. “As you can see, so am I.”

“Unfortunately but that is alright. I have always planned to kill you myself.”

“That must be difficult for you considering you've failed at it spectacularly.” She spat.

Voldemort did not reply as she expected him to. He picked out a carnation. “Luck has been on your side I will admit. It will make it all the more sweeter when I succeed.” He twirled the flower in his hand. It was disconcerting to see such an innocent gesture in such deadly limbs. “You know what I have been thinking of Harri? I have been reminiscing about the last time we shared a dream. It ended too soon.”

Harri bit the inside of her cheek. “Not soon enough really.”

Voldemort brought the carnation up to his mouth and scented it. “You see, something about it struck me as odd.”

Harri felt the hair on the back of her neck rise.

Voldemort fixed his gaze on her again. “I noticed that you were frightened and wary but not surprised to see me.”

Her heart sank.

“And then I wondered, how is it possible that you were not surprised? It is not common for wizards to share dreams. Only you and I have this connection, it is only I who gave you that scar.” Voldemort crushed the carnation in his hand. “So I ask, who else have you been dreaming of Harri? What else are you hiding from me?”

Harri opened her mouth to deny it but rather than words, a carnation was forcefully expelled from her throat. Harri coughed yellow petals into her hand.

She peered up at Voldemort, outraged.

“Ah.” Voldemort brushed a finger against his mouth. “You may want to keep silent for now, I fear that will not be the last if you wish to lie.”

Harri spat a petal on the ground in front of him.

“Your mind is vulnerable enough that will not take me long to unlock it. I do not have much time before you awake now but I will be seeing you soon. Goodbye for now, Harri.”

The dream faded.

Chapter 29: you, my girls, for life

Chapter Text

Chapter 29: you, my girls, for life

“The world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold.
The curves of your lips rewrite history.”
— Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

There were only a few times in Harri’s life when she felt so angry she wanted to scream. By far the initial days back at Hogwarts were the most maddening she ever experienced.

It started off well enough. After sleeping and missing breakfast the fifth years suffered through history of magic class before they trudged towards the dungeons.

“The day we have class without Snape berating me in some way I will jump into the Black lake with the giant squid in it and celebrate,” Ron announced, swinging his bag onto his shoulder.

Seamus slapped his back. “I’ll be holding you to that.”

“A sure easy way to lose sickles.” Dean teased, throwing an arm over Seamus.

"Prat."

“When Snape isn't in a terrible mood he is a very good teacher.” Hermione said with a wistful tone. “His notes are good and his lectures are interesting.”

“Why do you think he behaves like he hates everything most of the time?” Lavender pondered. They entered the dungeons and Harri could see the Slytherins in the distance gathered outside the potions classroom. Tom was easy to spot in the group. He was nearest to the wall and speaking with Adrian and Miles. Pansy and her friends were right next to them, listening.

Harri rolled her eyes at Daphne.

“Like he cares for pug face Parkinson and her lapdogs.” Daphne bumped her elbow against Harri’s.

“They look pathetic.” Lavender reassured. “Imagine hanging over a guy like that?”

“Pot meet kettle.” Daphne mocked. “You used to follow Lockhart around when you were infatuated with him and when Miles was new you off-

Lavender bent forward and pinched Daphne's waist. "Shut up I was not!"

Harri glanced at the Slytherins again and almost tripped when Theo stepped out from behind Pansy. He was back. A ways away and hidden behind the others but there. Alive and well and good.

She was reminded of a wound that was yet tender to the touch.

As if he felt her gaze, Theo looked up. He didn’t smile or frown. He did not do anything. In fact, he moved away and that was it. Like they were strangers. Like Harri couldn’t remember the warmth of his arms around her and the year between them meant nothing.

Daphne tugged on Harri’s sleeve. “Tom will see.” She hissed in her ear. Harri frowned and looked away. The classroom door opened and everyone started to amble inside.

Tom was still in the doorway when Harri reached it and he walked in behind her. She let out a involuntary smile when he pulled at one of her curls while shutting the door.

Usually both houses sat in mixed sitting in classes. Draco and Ron always together, Hermione and Blaise partners in almost everything, and Harri and Theodore. However, after five years it seemed they were finally going to live up to their rivalry.

Ron dropped his bag next to Maria without thought, not noticing that Draco had been walking towards him. Draco sneered and Blaise yanked on his arm, pulling him down beside himself.

The rest of the class saw this and everyone began partnering up by house instead. Except for Tom who settled in next to Harri as if he belonged there.

The Slytherin girl's faces dropped. Harri chanced a look at Theo and saw he’d finally deigned to show some emotion. Irritation.

A new worry formed. Tom and Theo were in the same house. They shared the same dorm room.

Harri broke into a sweat thinking about possible scenarios of Tom finding out about her and Theo’s relationship and how she could avoid it happening. It was impossible that Tom and Theo wouldn’t interact. Really, it was only a matter of time before Tom figured it out.

He lit their cauldrons and Harri fretted. There was some commotion as everyone continued to sort out their seats. Then Snape entered the room and they all settled. His robes swung behind him like a cape and he looked like a very uncomfortable model strutting down a runway. He swung around once he reached the front of the room and stared down his nose at them.

“This year you will all be taking part in an extremely important examination. The O.W.Ls. You will need to prove what you have learned about the composition and use of magical potions. The study that you may have noticed, whichever one of you aren’t dimwits, will now have spanned over five years."

His narrowed eyes ran over all of them one by one, particularly Neville and Greg.

"In the exam I expect all of you to pass with no less than an E. If you fail to do so, not only will you not be seeing the inside of this classroom for the rest of your tenure at Hogwarts, but you will also avoid my presence at all costs. Because if I do catch sight of you and am reminded of your failure as a former student, you will not enjoy what happens next.” He crossed his arms. “Today we begin the Draught of Peace.” And then under his breath he said not so subtly. “Something I require after every class.”

Seamus choked.

“He’s different from my potions professor,” Tom murmured. “I think I might even prefer him.”

“You’d be the first.” Harri said. “And probably the last."

Tom flattened his lips. One of his curls was loose and hung over his forehead. Harri wondered how it was possible to want to throw yourself at someone because of a strand of hair. Tom cleared his throat. “Are you not going to ask me how I’ve been?”

Harri made a face. “I didn't think it was necessary. You’ve been wonderful I’m assuming as Slytherin seems to be falling at their feet for you.”

“Right.” Tom’s tone was light enough but Harri couldn’t help but feel like she’d missed something. He ran a finger down the scalpel in front of him and then said in a sarcastic tone. “It’s just that, I’m surrounded by these unfamiliar people and in a new strange life.”

“Yes, this must have been difficult when everyone crowded around you like you were a prince.”

Tom’s mouth curled up slightly. “Terribly.”

"Is it just absolutely jarring and so hard because they didn't call you some honorific like your Slytherins did?"

“Harri.”

“Tom.”

“Class.” Snape snapped. “Do I look like the kind of man who enjoys wasting time? Get to work.”

They didn't speak much the rest of the class because the draught of peace required intricate work. At least that was what Harri told herself. That it was because if an ingredient was added incorrectly she might've been seriously harmed and not because the sight of Tom with his brow furrowed in focus and shirtsleeves pushed up to his elbows forged a hope in her heart that shouldn’t have ever formed.

Harri couldn’t take her eyes off the Slytherin table at lunch. Whether it was to watch Tom or Theodore, she looked that way more often than not. The two boys had briefly exchanged words so far but that was it. Theo settled in a few seats away from Tom, who was engaged in conversation from all corners of the table.

It was because Tom was so occupied with everyone else that Harri could glance at Theo without worry that he would notice. The more she stared at Theodore the more she realized something had changed. Theo seemed off. He was stiff and cold. Seemingly aware of everything happening around him but not participating in it. In fact, he and Draco were both behaving like that.

Did this mean that they could have been around Voldemort and the death eaters during the summer? What if they were training for him? Were they preparing to take his mark? And was it because they wanted to or did they think they had a responsibility? Theo had said he didn’t but maybe he'd been blinded by his desires. What if he did agree with his father now?

Maybe Harri shouldn’t have cut everything between them with such finality. She didn’t want it to be like this. He wouldn’t even look at her.

Eventually, she dropped her stare and actually ate her food. It was a methodical act though. There were too many things she was worried about to really enjoy it. Voldemort, Dumbledore, the ministry, Tom, the diadem and the dreams.

She hoped at least DADA would take her mind off things. Typically, it was the class Harri enjoyed the most as it was one of the only subjects that came to her easily.

But of course, it was in defense that her day was completely ruined.

“Good morning students.” The new professor Umbridge had a conniving smile painted on when she greeted them.

Harri and Lavender glanced at each other from their seats. The rest of the students sort of ignored Umbridge. The Gryffindors were loitering around and catching up instead of sitting. Seamus hadn’t even stepped into the room, he was still in the doorway saying something to Sir Nicholas.

“Ahem.” Umbridge called, more demanding. She was ignored again.

Maria took out a quill and popped the bubble Ron was blowing as he settled down next to her. Neville continued to doodle on his desk and Parvati rummaged around her bag while looking for a seat. “Pass me that book will you?” Daphne said to Dean on the table over, braiding her hair.

Harri giggled under her breath as Umbridge’s face turned pink.

“It matches perfectly with her dress.” Maria snickered.

“Shhh.” Hermione shushed with a reluctant smile on her face. “She’ll hear you.”

“I think I see steam coming out of her ears,” Daphne mumbled.

Peculiarly there was still a smile on Umbridge even though it was clear she was fuming. Next, Harri saw more than heard her shout. “I SAID GOOD MORNING STUDENTS!”

It was then that the class went silent. They hadn’t been expecting such a tumultuous noise from such a small woman. Umbridge waved her hand so that the door slammed shut. Seamus flinched and ran for the first available seat.

Umbridge smiled again. “When you enter my classroom I expect you to greet me.” She pointed her finger at them. “What do we say?”

‘Good morning Professor’ Was murmured softly.

“What was that?” Umbridge raised a hand to her ear with a slimy grin.

‘Good morning professor!’ They chanted synchronously and forcefully.

“That is certainly much better.” Umbridge stepped towards the tables and patted Neville on the shoulder as she brushed past him.

“You will find that I am most unlike professors you’ve had in the past. I demand mannered students and my teaching methods are unique.” She wiped nonexistent dust from Ron’s chair. “I would like you to open your books and put away your wands. We will not be needing them.”

Hermione’s hand went up.

“How are we supposed to practice defense without our wands?” Maria blurted.

Umbridge turned to her. “Why ever would you need to practice practical demonstrations?”

“Because this class is defense against the dark arts.” Hermione emphasized, hand still in the air.

“Yes, but you are all children. There is no need to worry about it.”

Dean cast Ron a skeptical glance and Daphne scowled.

“But then how are we supposed to pass our O.W.Ls?” Lavender said in exasperation.

“With the book of course, I believe it’s time to return to the basics.” Umbridge said. “Now I do understand that you’ve had some unsavory professors in the past and even a halfbreed, however I assure you I am far more suited to the role."

Harri was up off her seat before she’d even thought of it. “What did you just call him?”

“Professor Lupin was the best teacher we’ve had!” Ron loyally defended.

“Sit down Mrs. Potter.” Umbridge commanded.

“We should be learning to protect ourselves and Professor Lupin was intelligent enough to know that!”

“And what is happening that you are so concerned about I should teach you to hurt someone for?”

“Voldemort!” Harri hissed and she heard the sharp draws of breath. “Voldemort is what I am concered about!"

“Oh dear!” Umbridge shouted. “I know certain rumors have been floating around. All this…chit chatter…gossip really about some dark wizard…this or that but I assure you,” Here she pressed her hand against where Harri assumed she had a heart. “The minister sent me to assuage these worries. There is nothing of the sort going on. Whatever Dumbledore has told you is simply incorrect!”

“No, he’s not!” Harri argued. “I saw him! I was there! He killed Cedric!”

“That is a lie.” Umbridge’s nose flared.

“It is not a lie!”

“Mrs. Potter if you do not sit down and close your mouth I will be forced to assign you detention.”

Harri kicked her chair back. “Voldemort is back. Voldemort is leading attacks. Voldemort killed Cedric. Voldemort is going to start another war!"

“I said ENOUGH!”

“An innocent boy was murdered and if you keep denying the truth more people are going to die!"

“DETENTION MRS. POTTER!”

“Fine!” Harri spat.

She grabbed her bag and ran out without looking at anyone. She made sure to slam the door on her way out and went back up to the dorms. Harri flung her defense book into the fireplace. She wanted to scream.

Frustrated tears built up in her throat. This is what the order had meant. This is what Fudge was trying to do. This was what Voldemort wanted. Just like Sirius had said, it was all happening again.

Harri paced in her room until everyone returned. Once the others were back they all sat in the common room and raged together.

Then like the first DADA class was a curse, the rest of the week spiraled.

In separate houses it was unfeasble for Harri to see Tom as frequently as she wanted to. He was always occupied with something or someone. This wasn't to say Harri had the time either. She was busy as well. They usually had one class a day together but with quidditch tryouts, OWL preparation, and classes there wasn't much time to find to spend together.

Also, Harri's outburst at Umbridge had gotten out and now the whole school knew about it. It was infuriating to hear people whisper and stare, again. What was worse, it made her blood boil to think she still had to attend class the next week with Umbridge and detention that Friday.

Unfortunately, most of her friends were in just as rotten a mood as Harri found herself. Daphne was upset Victor wasn’t sending as many letters and that when he did they were sparse of conversation. Apparently, he was too also too absored with his studies and quidditch practices to pay her much attention. Maria was struggling with divination and Trelawney was making things worse rather than better for her. Lavender was now dating Michael Corner and when she wasn’t snogging him she was arguing with him. Harri personally thought it was because he had a wandering eye a mile long. And Hermione was frustrated but Harri didn’t know if that was because they were all rubbing off on her or the stress of homework.

In the end, Harri thought after her detention with Umbridge was over she might find some relief. But that wasn’t the case. She left detention resentful and with 'i must not tell lies' carved into her skin. When Umbridge had told her to write the lines and the first drop of blood spilled, Harri hadn't even known what to feel. She'd been too bewildered to be even angry. All she kept thinking was: this couldn't be happening.

And curse her luck for on the way to Gryffindor tower she ran into Tom walking with Fiona. When he saw Harri he said something to the girl and she left.

Harri preferred the ache in her hand to the sting in her chest.

"Harri," He called, strolling over. “Were you just leaving detention?” His gaze ran over her and fell on her clenched fist. “What is that?” Tom stretched his hand out for hers.

“Is that blood?” His eyes narrowed dangerously. “What did she…”

The letters were stark red against her skin and therefore impossible for him to miss. He ran his thumb over the wound and Harri grimaced.

“Umbridge did this?” Tom's face was pale in fury. Harri could practically hear his teeth grind.

“Yes."

His fingers were iron wrapped around her hand. "I’ll kill her.”

“Stop. You know you can’t.”

"Don't worry about that," Tom glared at the cuts. “We need to see Snape. His stores will have a murtlap essence for the pain and paste to prevent scarring.”

Harri could see the gears turning in his head as they started to amble to the dungeons. He glared ahead of them the entire time and didn’t let go of her.

After Snape opened the door, saw the leison and examined it, he handed Tom a jar filled with some kind of puree. Then he forbade Harri from speaking in DADA again as to not get another detention. After that, he departed to go speak to McGonagall.

“How about forbidding the toad from using the bloody quill instead of making me keep quiet?” Harri complained.

“He can’t." Tom pulled a bowl out of one of the cabinets. "She is the minister's undersecretary and at this time Dumbledore doesn’t have the power to get rid of her.” He rummaged through drawers and picked out a vial. He began to knead the paste from the jar onto the bowl and then added the tonic from the vial.

When it was finished he pressed the mixture onto Harri's gashes. His care was enough to ease the throbbing before the remedy even sunk in.

Later, he brushed his lips against her knuckles.

“It will fade.” The words were said against her skin. She could see the anger still lingering in his eyes.

“You can’t do anything to her.” Harri repeated.

“Don’t say that to me.” Tom kissed the center of her palm. “She put a mark on you that isn’t mine.”

Rather than give them the weekend off Professor Sprout decided she wanted her fifth year students to study wolfsbane for their first assignment of the year. She split them into groups and then assigned each group a region from Scotland to collect wolfsbane herbs from.

Early Saturday morning the herbology class met outside the school gates where they would be provided with a portkey, instructions and a time limit.

To cover the gauze wrapped around her hand Harri wore a cardigan for the trip. Still though, when the Gryffindors had arrived it was the first thing Tom focused on.

Sprout began doling out watches, portkeys and parchments. “Your groups are your dormmates and I want no complaints about it. Makes it easier for me to keep track of you.”

She pressed a tiny bell into Harri’s hand and moved on down the line. “Your portkeys are charmed to activate at exactly nine thirty am and at noon. They have trackers on them so don’t think of stepping a toe out of line. The timers will also have warnings when you have less than five minutes. Do not go past the boundaries laid out in the instructions. You are all fifth years now and you should be responsible enough to be able to complete the task and return safely. If you fail to do this I will have the headmaster revoke Hogsmeade privileges. Are we clear?”

“Professor,” Blaise raised his hand. “What if the portkey doesn’t activate for us?”

“Then you stay there and wait.” Sprout pointed her finger at the ground. “I have each of your exact locations marked down and the rest of the professors are aware and available. If you do not return on time your head of house will be alerted and aurors will apparate to your location.”

“Merlin, she’s serious.” Harri heard Draco say.

“I’m happy at least someone cares for our safety.” Lavender praised.

“Do you think they have mushrooms in Inchcailloch?” Seamus whispered in Ron’s ear. “You know the magical sort?”

Dean crossed his arms behind his neck. “If you get stuck in a fairy circle out there I’m not sacrificing myself to get you out.”

“What kind of friend are you?” Seamus sulked.

Sprout clapped her hands. “Everyone form a circle with your group and place your hands on your portkeys!”

Maria, Hermione, Lavender and Daphne crowded around Harri. She placed the bell portkey in the palm of her hand and they each held onto one of her arms.

“Where does it say we’re going?” Maria questioned.

“Timer’s on!” Sprout shouted. “Malfoy get in line!”

“I think it’s called the CaldoniAN!” Lavender shrieked as the portkey activated.

The five of them were compressed into nothing and then thrown out on the hard ground of the Caledonian forest of Scotland. Harri fell face first into the grass as was customary.

“You should all learn how to land properly with portkeys.” Daphne said. She was the only one of them coming onto the ground gently.

“If I had fifteen years of practice I wouldn’t be eating dirt every time either.” Harri groaned. Hermione helped her up.

Harri observed their surroundings. It was a beautiful place. They were on a high plane and the rest of the forest was open below and around them. Hermione twisted their instruction parchment in her hands. Maria rested her chin on her shoulder. “Which way are we meant to go?”

“North I think?”

Lavender procured a compass from her pocket and manuvered herself around to position it correctly. “North is this way.” She pointed to the left, where it was all downhill and there was a path toward the actual trees.

“Are you sure?” Harri plucked one edge of the map from Hermione’s hand. “It doesn’t look like it in the drawing.”

“What if we used a point-me spell?” Daphne asked.

“I don’t think they're that reliable if we’re not advanced enough.”

“How old is that compass?”

“Look, it’s clearly north this way! The picture shows trees like the ones in the key of the map!”

After arguing over directions for twenty minutes they agreed to go left.

While hiking they went over the logistics of the report they were to write and how much of the wolfsbane they would take.

An hour later, Maria brought up Harri’s detention. “How are we getting revenge on Umbridge? Because clearly Snape, Dumbledore, and McGonagall wont do anything.”

“I can’t believe Dumbledore is allowing her to stay.” Lavender scoffed.

Hermione made them turn right. “Barty Crouch Jr might have been a death eater but at least he never mutilated us.”

“That we know of.” Daphne pointed out.

“Do you think Umbridge is going to do this for everyone in detention?” Maria questioned.

“I think so. You should have seen the look in her eyes. She was enjoying it so much and she kept drinking tea. The entire situation was bizarre when it wasn’t infuriating. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a trunk with a body in there too.” Harri said.

“A possessed death eater, a narcissistic fraud, Remus, a deranged death eater and a certifiable toad.” Lavender listed off on her fingers. “Who do we think will be the DADA professor next year?”

“A nice death eater? If we're going off the pattern. ” Hermione suggested, folding up and putting away the map at last.

Maria laughed.

“Wait.” Daphne held a hand up and stopped against a tree stump. “What does wolfsbane look like again?”

“Like a flower. Green stem and dark, almost black petals.” Harri read off the instructions. “Wolfsbane, also known as Aconitum vulparia, is of the genus Aconitum. The plant can be found in most grasslands, however, most of it's species are poisonous. Wolfsbane can be used by werewolves to maintain control of brain function when shifting.”

Maria grabbed Hermione’s water bottle. “Is that common knowledge?”

“Uh yeah, genius.” Lavender ragged. “It’s literally called ‘wolvesbane’?”

Maria threw water at Lavender. “I only meant that most werewolves live in rural areas and because they transform frequently they most likely settle down in environments where it grows. We should be careful.”

“That’s why we have a map and a portkey. Besides, I’m sure Professor Sprout did her research.” Daphne yawned.

“There is no way our luck is so terrible that we stumble into a werewolf pack’s land.” Maria said.

Harri’s mouth flew open. “Why would you say that? You just jinxed us!”

“Stop talking!” Hermione’s arms spread out in alarm. “Do you hear that?”

They ceased moving and listened. For a minute there was nothing out of the ordinary. The birds, the trees, the wind. Then suddenly, there was the distinct sound of a faraway growl getting closer. The noise was ripped out of a throat, fierce but nasally, human and animal at the same time. Distant but loud enough. And then another snarl followed, this one immensely closer and all the more ferocious.

Harri’s stomach fell. Maria, Lavender and her grabbed onto each other.

They had entered werewolf territory.

Don’t move. Hermione mouthed.

Harri felt uneasy, Hermione and Daphne were more than a meter apart from the rest of them. If they moved to them their location would be given away.

We’re screwed. Lavender used her pointed finger to mime slitting her throat.

The snarls got louder.

What about the portkey? Harri pointed at the bell in her hand. Could we try charming it?

Maria shook her head. Not possible.

Apparate? Daphne asked desperately.

Don’t know how. Hermione threw her fists up, helpless.

Wait. Harri gasped soundlessly. She took off her bag and tugged out her invisibility cloak. Lavender helped her spread it out.

Come here. Maria gestured for Hermione and Daphne to advance.

Hermione gulped.

Hurry! Harri put her bag back on and Daphne and Hermione ran to them. The five of them crushed their bodies together and in an astonishing feat managed to make the cloak fit over all of them.

They held their breaths and waited.

When the wolves came, Hermione had to cover Lavender’s mouth as it dropped open. It was Greyback and…Remus.

“Can you smell someone?” Greyback whiffed the area.

“No.” Remus replied. “Nothing.”

He was staring right at Harri.

“Someone has been here. Five someones.” Greyback noted.

“It must have been the village humans.” Remus offered.

“No.” Greyback continued to look around. “There is magic.”

Harri could feel Daphne’s heart thudding against her back.

“Who are you paranoid about coming into your land?”

“A death eater.” Greyback growled.

“You are a death eater.” Remus pointed out.

Greyback sneered. “I’m no one's pet Remus, no matter a mark.”

“I would beg to differ.”

“I have my reasons, as I have told you, even if you don't understand them.”

“Then help me to.” Remus argued.

“Is that why you’re here?” Greyback laughed with insincerity. “To understand me? Because I don’t think it is. Let’s make plain what we both know to be true, you are using me.”

“That’s not true.” Remus denied.

“Forget it. There’s nothing here. I have to return and you should hide, you-know-who is coming by for a chat. That's why I thought...but no.”

Collectively, they tensed.

Greyback gave Remus one last look and then ran off without another word. Minutes passed and then Remus ran to them and yanked the invisibility cloak off. Harri fell into him.

“What are you doing here!”

“Professor Sprout assigned us a project to collect wolfsbane and our portkey was going to take us at noon and we had a map but we must have gone the wrong way!" Hermione explained in a hurry.

“You have to leave. You have to leave right now.” Remus commanded.

“The portkey doesn’t activate for another hour at least!” Daphne protested.

“And I can’t apparate here.” Remus said in alarm. “But we can create a new portkey.”

Maria ripped a bracelet off and shoved it into Remus’s hand. “Here!”

“If I use magic Greyback will know.” Remus objected. “One of you has to do it.”

Hermione grabbed the bracelet.

“I’ve read the theory I think I can do it.”

Remus grasped Hermione’s shoulder. “Listen to me, Hermione. Close your eyes. Visualize the place you want to go. It’s just like any other spell alright? You can do this, you were one of my best students. When you’ve pictured where you want it to take you, you make a figure eight with your wand and say ‘portus’. This will charm the object. Then you know where to go from there?”

Hermione inclined her head.

“Do not think of anything else because this is a very delicate charm. If anything else enters your mind the portkey will not go where you want it to go. Do you understand? Think only of Hogsmeade or the gates of Hogwarts. Nothing more and nothing less.”

Hermione dug out her wand.

“Deep breaths.”

“Portus.”

They had no way to know if it worked but Harri’s scar had begun to ache. They had to leave.

“Be safe. We will be talking about this.” Remus kissed Harri’s forehead and hugged her. Then he stepped away while the portkey activated.

Within one second and the next, the world altered. When they tumbled out it was not to Hogwarts.

“Paris!” Daphne gasped. “You portkeyed us to Paris!”

The street Hermione had brought them to was the very same from the summer Harri spent with her two years ago. Except for this time it was empty and rain was pouring down on them. A thunderstorm.

“Accidentally!” Hermione shouted. “Don’t leave that part out!”

“What now?” Maria sneezed.

“I can’t even see properly through this torrent of rain!” Lavender yelled.

“Let's go over there!” Hermione started running towards a conviniance store on the next block. Lavender protested and Maria groaned but they all followed her.

Soaking, they trekked inside the shop. It was empty of people but for the sleeping manager and preoccupied check-out boy.

They sped through all the aisles and into the back where there was a public bathroom.

In the bathroom Harri ripped off wads of paper towels and handed them out. “What are we going to do?”

“I love that he said to think of only Hogwarts and you thought Paris.” Maria whined to Hermione.

“I did think Hogwarts, at first, after I thought of food and the french toast from breakfast and then it just got misconstrued in my mind.”

“Can’t we just wait for the original portkey to activate?” Maria asked, wiping her face.

“No. It was only meant to take us from one part of Scotland to another. I don’t think we should try international travel with it. As much as Hermione’s wasn’t right, at least it was supposed to come here. Ish.”

“Should we make another one?” Harri squeezed rainwater out of her hair.

“No, because we’ll end up in Egypt or something. Also we’re underage witches in another country without jurisdiction.” Lavender started biting her nails in stress.

“And right now Harri can't get caught doing anything like this by Fudge. He’s frothing at the mouth to get her expelled or to have control over her.” Hermione brought up.

“What if Harri tried to send Tom a message?” Daphne suggested while rinsing out her wet blouse.

Harri perked up. “That could work! I can do that.” She had never purposefully sent him a thought before but it was simple. She just pictured Tom in her mind. She imagined a rope made of starlight that tied them together, extending out from his chest to hers. She recalled the ravishing feeling of his touch. She sent S.O.S.

“We’re going to be in so much trouble.” Hermione moaned into her hands.

Lavender wrapped an arm around her. “But it was kind of fun? Like the adrenaline rush I’m having right now is pretty great.”

Hermione made a disgusted noise.

What? Drew itself across Harri’s wrist.

Greyback and an accidental portkey.

What?

Long story. Can you get us help? In Paris. St. Lucia Street, in a Grocery Store.

Yes. Don’t send anything else. He might see it.

Harri had not considered that.

“Oh.” Hermione whispered. “Oh.”

“Let's hope he didn’t.” Maria whispered.

They waited an hour.

The downpour continued. After drying off they ventured back into the aisles and fooled around. None of them had any money with them but Daphne charmed the checkout boy and he gave them free snacks. He also pointed them to the mini cafe attached to the shop where they were able to rest.

Getting bored, they used the back of their wolfsbane instruction parchment and Hermione’s pen to create a x’s and o’s tournament. Lavender won 10 - 4.

And then POP!

Outside, one by one, three bodies materialized.

Blaise, Draco, and Tom.

Lavender wasted no time, she was out the door before Blaise even lifted a hand.

Tom darted inside. “Malfoy has the portkey, whether you’re speaking to him or not. Harri and I have our own. Go.”

Hermione ran out, hands on her head in an attempt to protect her hair from the water. Maria and Daphne followed.

Then Tom turned to Harri, furious.

“Werewolves?”

“We took a wrong turn, it was an accident!”

“You could have been mauled! What if one of them bit you?” Tom hissed.

“We handled it!”

“You portkeyed yourselves to another country!” He pushed her against the wall.

“Okay—you—we—

“How could you be so stupid!” He snapped and placed hands on either side of her head.

“I didn’t decide to wander into werewolf territory for the fun of it!”

“Could've convinced me!” He looked away. "You're impossible Harri."

“Well you—”

She didn’t get to finish.

Tom closed the space between them and kissed her.

Chapter 30: tom riddle, tom riddle

Chapter Text

Chapter 30: tom riddle, tom riddle

“The boy never cried again, and he never forgot what he'd learned.
That to love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be the one destroyed.”
- Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Merope Gaunt gave birth to her son during a numbing new year's night. The rest of London city celebrated the coming year and she celebrated the birth of a baby boy.

“Tom,” She whispered to the woman who had helped her into the orphanage. “His first name for his father.”

The woman, Emily, wiped Merope’s forehead with a wet cloth. “And Marvolo,” Merope said, insistent, gripping Emily’s hand. “for mine.”

“You should really try to rest.” Emily pleaded, stringing her hands together helplessly as Merope continued to fade. “The doctor will be here soon. Sophie’s taken the baker’s car to get him! It shan’t be long.”

Merope smiled a terribly sad thing. She knew she would not survive the hour. She swallowed past the ache in her throat. “Tom Marvolo Riddle. That’s my baby’s name. You’ll make sure he knows what it's for, won't you?”

Emily inclined her head with reluctance.

Merope looked down at the baby in her arms. Her son was staring back at her already, beautiful blue eyes shining like sapphires.

She stared at him for as long as could. Emily turned away to fetch another towel. Merope’s eyelids began to close and as if he knew what was happening, Tom began to cry. She felt his little fingers curl around hers in panic. Merope wished desperately that she could stay.

I’m so sorry my baby. My Tom.

Tom let out a wail and Merope Gaunt closed her eyes.

Tom was adopted when he was two years old and brought back to the orphanage at the end of the week. A couple fostered him at three and then left him after a month. At four, the other children in the orphanage began to avoid him. At five, there were three things that he knew as fact in life.

The first was that if he didn’t wake up by seven during the weekdays he would miss breakfast and starve until classes were over. The second was that if he smiled at the next door baker he could distract him enough to steal a coin from his donation box. The third was that Mrs. Cole would always know when something happened and blame him for it, whether it was his fault or not.

“Tom Riddle!” Her voice reverberated out of the nursery. “You get down here right now!”

Tom zipped up his pillow and obliged with a scowl on his face.

“Tom!” Mrs. Cole snapped right as when he walked in.

“I heard you the first time.” Tom said sullenly. He glanced at the crying boy in her arms and scowled harder. What five year old cried in someone's arms like a baby? Tom was five too, but he knew better.

“Did you steal Jack’s plane toy?” She glared at him.

Tom crossed his arms.

“Tom.”

He stayed silent.

“If you don’t admit it you’ll have no dinner for the rest of the week.”

Amy gasped from the corner of the room and Jack smiled into Mrs. Coles’ neck.

“That’s not fair!” Tom shouted and stomped his foot. “It was mine first! He took it from me!”

“So you do have it!”

“Because it’s mine! Mrs. Anne gave it to me!”

“Cease this lying Tom. There is no Mrs. Anne that I know of around here.” Mrs. Cole let go of Jack and straightened up.

“I’m not lying! She was at the park and she gave it to me because I helped her find the bakery!” Tom yelled in indignation.

Mrs. Cole grabbed him by the shoulder. “For God’s sake Tom. You expect me to believe every word that comes out of your mouth? You’ll give Jack his plane and then you’ll do his chores and yours for the rest of the week as punishment. Lie again and I’ll make good on the dinner.”

Frustrated tears built in Tom’s eyes.

Mrs. Anne had been real and she’d given him the gift not only because he helped her but because she’d seen that none of the other children had been playing with him. He knew she had done it out of pity but it was the first time someone cared enough to give him something good. The plane was the one thing that was his. Jack and Dennis always stole everything else.

Tom ripped himself out of Mrs. Cole’s grasp and ran out of the room. He ignored her call for him to come back and sprinted out the front doors of Wool's.

Tom continued to run until he was hidden by the bushes at the back of the building.

He buried his face in his knees. Tears came and went. It wasn’t fair. Tom had nothing and when he was given even the slightest bit of attention or presents then they were taken away too.

And he was always alone. Isolated. Hated.

Tom sobbed. He wondered when this pain would end. Was it always going to be him against the world? He was a dirt poor orphan who no one in his orphanage liked. How was he ever going to get anywhere else?

There were boys that grew up and then were dumped out by the caretakers if they were disliked. It never went well for them.

Tom remembered George, a boy Mrs. Cole kicked out when he was sixteen. Tom saw him a year later in the alleyway between the corner store getting pushed against the wall by some older man. George’s eyes had been wide open and his arms scratched on.

Is that how Tom would end up?

He snarled at the thought.

"No!"

Tom was better than George. He was stronger and knew he would end up where he wanted to be. He wasn’t weak like the people he was surrounded by. He could cry and be sad but he would pick himself up and become tougher. He didn’t have anyone else to go to and that made him independent. He was infinitely more intelligent than the stupid children he lived with.

Tom picked up his head and wiped away his tears.

If he was going to be better, he was going to make sure Jack never got another chance to steal his toys again.

Tom looked up and observed the structure in front of him. The back windows of all the bedrooms were facing him. He noticed one of them was open and inside that specific room, by some stroke of fortune, Jack and Dennis’s pet rabbit was sleeping near the sill.

Tom grinned.

There was another thing he knew beyond all else. And this was that he was special. Tom could make anything happen if he tried hard enough. Like narrowing his eyes on a bunny and imagining a noose around its neck. And if he wanted the noose would get firmer…and tighter…until eventually, the animal lost consciousness. Until its windpipe became so obstructed that it asphyxiated.

The rabbit went limp and Tom picked himself up. He wiped his tears and went back inside. He plucked up the plane from his room and handed it to Jack.

Later that night when he was tucked up in bed he heard Jack scream and smiled.

Tom was more powerful than everyone else around him. He was better than this mundane life he was stuck in. He would get out of this terrible place and become more than anyone ever expected.

And he knew it.

Tom disliked Dumbledore from the very first time they met. He visited after Tom's eleventh birthday and proved to him that he should expect wizards to be just like everyone else. Cruel, selfish and useless. Dumbledore was the first sign that the magical world would not be like that of Tom’s dreams.

But that was fine. He was used to disappointment. Tom would protect himself as he’d always done. If anyone got in his way they’d be dealt with like Jack, who never even looked at Tom anymore, let alone ran to Mrs. Cole to complain about him. Even Mrs. Cole herself no longer exercised control over Tom and only ever stared at him with cautiousness.

As Tom aged, he gained more of a grasp of what he now knew to be his magic. With this understanding, he obtained more command of those around him.

He went to diagon alley on his own. He went to Kings Cross on his own. And when he finally entered Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he bared the aversion from the purebloods on his own.

It was no easy burden to carry.

The children were vile and spiteful. Though supposedly superior, they were just as whiny and entitled as any muggle child.

Some of the boys in Tom's class would work to make his life difficult. The worst of them was Edwin Dolohov. He seemed to have some particular grudge against Tom. Maybe because Tom began to receive better grades or because others in the school outside of Slytherin liked him more. Tom didn't know or care.

He despised most people in equal measure but he held a special hatred towards Edwin too. Not because Edwin was the most cruel to him but because Edwin was the one who taunted Tom about soulmates.

In fact, Edwin was the one who’d exposed Tom to a truth more painful than anything else. Soul bonds existed in the wizarding world but Tom only ever had bare wrists. Worse than having no family or friends, Tom did not have a soulmate.

But Edwin did and he made sure everyone around him knew it.

And how it burned Tom.

It was possible his soulmate had not been born but this was a fragile sort of hope to have. Yet it was the only explanation he could cling to while he had to watch everyone else gain their own.

Tom always told himself he never needed anyone. Still, the thought that he was meant to have someone and did not, left him hollow and aching. It almost felt like the answer to why he had always felt lonely despite disliking everyone around him. That maybe it was what had always been wrong with Tom. He had been walking around without half of himself this entire time.

So Tom held onto the idea that they would come soon, in addition to the fear that it could be too late.

These thoughts would follow him for decades.

In the meantime and over the course of his first four years at Hogwarts he bent those around him to fall under his will. He became the favorite student, the one everyone admired, wanted to be and wanted to have. Even Walburga Black and Sebastian Rosier, the snobbiest of purebloods, ate out the palm of his hand.

And if Tom ever had a real friend, it was Tiberius Nott. Ty to his friends. Tavvy to Tom. Abraxas Malfoy and Basil Lestrange were his companions at that point too, but Tavvy was different. He was the only one who liked Tom from the beginning. Tavvy never said a word against him and he was the one person Tom knew he could confide in. Tavvy was honest in a way no one else was. He promised Tom loyalty when they were eleven and stayed true to his word, nudging his way into Tom’s confidence as the years went by.

In due time Tom’s friends, his dormmates and followers began to call themselves the Knights of Walpurgis. They adored Tom. Worshipped at his alter. Mulciber and Rosier gifted him with relics from their private coffers. Abraxas offered him anything he ever asked. Basil would give him the moon on a string if he could.

In between it all Tom lived and breathed magic. His life was finally what he desired it to be.

Then it sort of fell apart.

The second world war started and Tom found himself trapped at the orphanage. He became familiar with the sounds of buildings collapsing, bombs detonating and heavy artillery. The alarm warning of an attack haunted his steps.

Dread became a habitual feeling when trapped inside underground shelters. There was nothing like the heat of a thousand bodies flushed together for hours at a time. It became routine for Tom not to sleep for fear of never waking up. Frequent for a sudden noise to cause a panic attack.

And he was expected to suffer it until England finally won. There was no timeline of how long it would take or even any guarantee that he would survive. Tom couldn’t risk it and he also couldn’t bear it.

He could not die without meeting his soulmate, the other half of his soul. The part of him that was missing. The gaping wound he’d been carrying around his whole life.

In this fear, Tom turned to immorality.

When he made it back for his fourth year his free time was devoured by research. Though he found more answers than he expected, from vampirism to the elixir of life, none were what he desired. Tom knew at the age he was now it would be impossible to find Nicholas Flamel, especially given that Grindlewald was searching for him too, and neither did Tom wish to become a dark creature.

Months passed but he still did not come across a viable method. He was afraid his time was running out. And perhaps that was the reason he became obsessed with the first tangible ritual he found.

On the first Monday in May, Tom snuck into the restricted section of the Hogwarts library using Orion Black's prefect badge and stumbled across the word that changed his life and the life of so many others forever.

Horcrux.

He’d even fashioned himself a name, one the wizarding world would cower behind forever.

Vol de la mort. Flight of Death.

Tom escaped death in more ways than one the summer before his fifth year. His days, though filled with war, were also occupied by his fascination of horcruxes. By the time July came he solidified plans. He would make a real horcrux before the seventh month died.

The only thing preventing him from killing a muggle and finishing the deed right away was that he lacked an object to place a portion of his soul in.

This was resolved when Tavvy sent him a letter inviting him to stay at Nott manor. The letter was a relief, though Tom disliked to admit it. He would be safe. He escaped to Tiberius’s manor and his time there was filled with everything he never had at the orphanage. Peace, the dark arts and freedom.

Tavvy also gave Tom a gift his uncle had gotten him while the family was away in Paris. According to him, his uncle had been looking for a cursed object for the auror office and gone to some shop named Borgin and Burke’s in Knockturn Alley. In the store, the shopkeeper swore to him he possessed the real locket of Salazar Slytherin. So as a late birthday present for his Slytherin nephew, Tavvy's uncle decided to purchase it on a whim. Of course, Tavvy delivered it straight to Tom.

A perfect object to house his soul.

During the long days, Tavvy helped him prepare to make his horcrux and revealed to him the original map his great grandfather had made of the sacred twenty eight.

Through this map, Tom discovered he was siphoned from the Gaunt line. Because before the Gaunt’s had disappeared from wizarding society they had been known as descendants of Slytherin.

“I know you think your father must have been a wizard.” Tavvy flipped the page. “Marvolo was a name passed down through the Gaunts. One of my great aunts married one, Felix Gaunt in 1789.”

With this revelation, Tom’s mind became obsessed with his lineage. He wanted to find whatever existing family he had.

Abraxas and Basil came to visit the following week and together they searched for where the last living Gaunt might be. Abraxas’s father had connections in the DMLE and eventually, they found a report detailing an incident of misuse of magic in the muggle world by a man named Morfin Gaunt. The reporting auror also listed the location of the event.

It was a town called Little Hangleton.

Morfin Gaunt was an inbred imbecile. The only good he served Tom was taking the Gaunt ring off his finger and divulging the Riddle family’s existence.

As Tom walked to the mansion that belonged to his family, he felt stirrings of a deep rage. While he spent all summer suffering the damnation of war his family lived in luxury. Wrathful resentment took hold of his mind.

He gazed at the mansion and remembered how he was starved and beaten at the orphanage. He had suffered his entire life. Fought for everything he had. All the while his father had lived here. This felt to Tom like he’d suffered a great deception.

Before, he only brought Slytherin’s locket with him to show Morfin as evidence of his parentage. But when the doors opened and Tom locked eyes with his father his plans changed.

They shared the same face. The same name. But not the same pain.

A large part of him felt betrayed. Here was this man, a man who looked just like him, who should have taken care of him, who brought him into this world, staring at him in revulsion.

He was a muggle! He was nothing! How dare he look at Tom like this? It was Tom who was disgusted to share blood with this man.

He grit his teeth and pulled out Morfin’s wand.

He would show him. He would show them all.

Green light consumed Riddle Manor.

Tom left little Hangleton immortal and as the last of the Riddle’s.

When he came back to Hogwarts he was changed. He covered it up well enough but if someone were to look closely they would notice.

Tom’s temper became harder to control.

He lost his patience when dealing with other students and he ceased to make an effort pandering to the professors. He’d already established his place where he needed to and now he could finally embark on his other plans.

The next step was clear. It was time for Tom to find the chamber of secrets.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

The only noise in the bathroom. The only sound that could be heard in the silence after Myrtle’s screams.

Tom was unable to move. He was frozen as he'd been since he left the chamber with the basilisk. All he could see was Myrtle’s empty eyes staring at him in bewilderment.

He hadn’t meant to do it.

It was an accident.

The bathroom should have been empty.

Tom Riddle? Is that you?

Sometimes Tom felt restless. Itchy. When he was not occupied he became bored and this turned him vindictive.

He was in his sixth year now and returning from a meeting with Slughorn that went on late into the night.

Tom came back to the common room to find it empty but for Livia Avery. At first, he did not even notice her. He settled into his seat by the fireplace with a glass of whatever Slughorn had given him still in hand. A minute later he felt a dip to his left and became aware of the other girl.

“Hi, Tom.” Livia smiled.

He gave her a nod and turned to stare at the flames. Slughorn had been irritating that night. He was more insistent than usual about introducing Tom to a potions master at Cambridge. Tom denied his request, as he had done every other. His plans were cemented for the next year and he had no interest in pursuing a career in potions.

“Were you in the library?” Livia shifted closer. “You’re always studying so much.”

Tom glared at the ground, irked by her presence. If he ignored her would she go away?

“You should spend more time here. I feel like we never see you anymore.” Livia placed her hand on his bicep.

Tom almost broke it.

“Olivia.” He hissed.

She flinched.

He planned to walk away until his eyes caught on the black ink displayed blatantly on her wrist.

That was right…she was Dolohov’s soulmate.

Edwin Dolohov who had been the worst to Tom his first two years, as nasty as Jack and Dennis. Dolohov who Tom hated despite his apologies and his obedience.

While Tom had found many ways to get retribution over the years by humiliating him, it was never quite enough.Perhaps tonight he would finally get his revenge.

Tom plastered on an apologetic expression. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to snap.”

Her face softened. “That’s alright Tom. I know you must be tired.”

“Still, it’s my mistake.” Tom rubbed his thumb against her cheek. “Why don’t you let me make it up to you.”

Livia flushed.

Tom didn’t even have to lean forward for her to kiss him.

He f*cked her on the common room couch. The next morning he smiled at Dolohov and made it clear who took his soulmate's virginity.

By the time Tom and his followers graduated he had three horcruxes, seven NEWTS and over twenty offers from the ministry. He felt no compulsion to accept any of them. No one would be able to teach Tom more than he already knew. His mind was a thing of brilliance. His greatest power, even above magic.

He had his plans and with Grindelwald out of the way the world was at his feet. There was no other time than seventeen to begin his quest.

For three years he worked at Borgin and Burkes. He learned about the dark arts and artifices in a way he would not have anywhere else. He also formed friendships with wizards he knew would one day be fruitful to him.

Tom spent his free time educating himself on every part of wizarding Britain and immersed himself in pureblood society. He expanded the number of his followers. He studied the lives of the halfboods and halfbreeds, the history of their fae, dementors, and werewolves. The secrets of the ministry of magic and all its faults.

One day Tom would bring it all down and raise it up in his own name.

His last act before leaving England was finding Hepzibah Smith and stealing Hufflepuff’s cup. Taking the founders relic from her was more strenuous a task than he’d first perceived and at many times he was tempted to snap her neck. But soon enough he succeeded. After he made the cup into a horcrux, he packed his bags and left Caractarus Burke without so much as a notice.

Not to return until he was prepared for war.

For ten years Tom lived as a nomad. He began his journey in Argentina and worked his way around the globe. He spent a year in Madagascar and a season in Egypt. He learned to fly without a broom. He grew more than he ever would have in Britain. He met natives of the land who taught him true dark spells and sacrifice. People who welcomed a man who created horcruxes.

He discovered there were others who spoke parseltongue in India and found true peace for a moment in the mountains of Nepal. He encountered the most rare of creatures in Australia, acquired knowledge of where runes were formed thousands of years ago and familiarized himself with proper shielding and curses. Tom became proficient at healing in Iceland and found the origins of curses in the south of France.

When the time came, he ended his journey in Albania. In the heart of its forest, he found a piece of home. A diadem.

Tom wasn’t gentle thrusting into the pureblood witch underneath him, though this didn’t seem to deter her. She tightened her arm around him and moaned in his ear.

The bed squeaked underneath them and the sound of skin slapping was the only other noise in the room. He couldn’t remember the girl’s name but she kept screaming his. Tom buried his fingers in her hair and jerked her head up so that her voice wasn’t directly in his ear. She shuddered beneath him and he let out a groan. He gave one last push inside her and then pulled out, finishing on her stomach. She stared up at him, mesmerized.

Tom got off her and placed his feet on the floor. She leaned back on her elbows and giggled.

He picked his wand off the dresser table.

The girl touched his back, running her hand down his spine. “You could spend the night...”

He drew away from her but turned. She pouted up at him. He rolled his wand between his fingers.

“I’ll make it worth your while.” She whispered, tilting her head back.

He leaned in, his arm brushing against a box resting on the edge of the dresser. He wrapped his hand around her neck and the box fell, its insides toppling out.

The girl frowned and looked past him to the floor.

“Is that a tiara Tom?”

Ravenclaw’s diadem glinted where it had fallen.

Tom smirked. “Something like that.”

The neighbors filed a noise complaint the next morning. Something about a loud horrified shriek interrupting their sleep. Tom gave them a wide grin and reassured them it wouldn’t happen again.

Since he was eleven Tom spent most nights staring at his wrist. Before he slept, he always wondered about his soulmate. Sometimes he thought he could will words to appear on his skin by need alone.

But at thirty he knew it was too late. There had never been a soul bond that appeared this late in life.

He would know. He’d traveled the world searching for an answer and found none. Tom had to accept that he did not have a soulmate. There was no one waiting for him, no one that was born to be his. He would always be half empty.

It was a child’s dream and it was time for him to let it go.

So.

He visited the cliffs his orphanage took him to as a child and placed his locket in the cave below. He gave Basil his cup, Abraxas his diary and hid the diadem back at Hogwarts, right under Dumbledore’s nose.

Then he covered his wrists and never looked at them again. Never imagined ‘Tom?’ appearing on them.

The next time anyone called him anything, it would be the name Voldemort.

Chapter 31: darling, dearest

Chapter Text

Chapter 31: darling, dearest

“Take me to your trees.
Take me to your breakfasts, your sunsets, your bad dreams,
take me to your fingers.
These are worth it. These are what I have come for."
― Margaret Atwood, In Other Worlds

It was a moment she’d thought of countless times over the years with a sort of hopeless wanting. There were a million backgrounds against which she planned it, Harri had dreamed of a thousand kisses.

But the real thing—the weight of Tom pressed against her, the warmth of his body and the bruising force of his mouth—wasn't anything her mind could have conjured. It was better.

She curled her hands around his neck and deepened the kiss.

Tom’s tongue pushed into her mouth and it was, it was, it was needy and fraught and perfect. Their lips moved against each other with violent intensity. Tom’s fingers were around her waist, her back, the curve of her jaw. Their bodies flushed together like they were trying to fuse into one.

“f*ck.”

They pulled back.

Harri stared at Tom and he back at her, the both of them panting. His hands were resting on her cheeks and hers were still around his neck. She couldn’t move or speak. They hadn’t touched like this in so long, not since that morning in Grimmauld Place.

Harri almost felt like crying. The last time Tom Riddle had kissed her, he’d disappeared between the pages of a book but an hour later.

These ghosts passed between them. The Tom of the diary and the Tom in the diadem.

She couldn’t help but think, would this Tom disappear too?

He leaned down and smiled at her. His anger was gone, replaced by something newborn between them. “I’ve wanted to do that for a very very long time.”

No.

This Tom wouldn’t leave her. This Tom was human and he was real beneath her fingertips. He breathed and ate and smiled. He bit her bottom lip until it bled and then soothed it with his mouth. He smelled like cinnamon and his cheeks flushed when he was tired and his touch was made of the sun.

“You called me stupid,” Harri whispered in the space between their mouths.

“You made me feel afraid.” Tom ran his nose up her cheek. “The last time I felt that kind of fear I tore my soul in half.”

“That was stupid.”

Tom laughed. “Touché.” He curled his fingers in her hair. “You could have been hurt.”

That was true. There was nothing clever for Harri to say so she said nothing at all.

Tom kissed her again. His lips were velvet and Harri’s knees were weak. They kissed and kissed and somewhere in between the portkey swept them away.

Upon returning to school, Harri and her friends were summoned to Snape’s office. She only had the chance to let go of Tom’s neck before Maria tugged her away. She looked back at him and even from the distance could see the heat in his gaze. She blushed the darkest pink and turned away.

Professors Sprout, McGonagall, and Snape were waiting in the office and Harri was caught off guard by the fact that Dumbledore was not. She knew his hands were tied with Umbridge (as flimsy an excuse Tom and everyone else found this to be) but surely this incident required his attention if nothing else.

“How did this happen?” Professor Sprout cried out.

Hermione gave a discreet but pointed look to Harri and the girls and answered first. “We were following the map just as you instructed Professor but I had a difficult time understanding it. We thought we were going the right way but we must have made a wrong turn. It was by complete accident that we somehow ended up close to werewolf territory.”

McGonagall inhaled.

“One of them must have caught onto our scent because the next thing we knew there were two turned wolves coming in our direction,” Harri added. “We panicked and as a last resort tried to make a portkey. Obviously, we haven’t learned such advanced spells yet and it malfunctioned.”

“We’re lucky we weren’t splinched.” Lavender said.

“You are lucky none of you died! International travel is nothing to joke about.” McGonagall scolded.

“Of course it isn’t Professor!” Maria stammered.

“Are you sure you only heard the wolves? You would not be lying about seeing them would you?” Snape questioned, looking right at Harri.

He knew. She was sure of it.

Harri picked at the hem of her jacket and avoided eye contact. “We started running around like headless chickens the second we realized where we were and everything happened very quickly. It’s hard to remember all the details.”

“Though it was entirely our mistake and we take full responsibility.” Hermione assured.

Lavender made an incredulous face. “Well not full—”

Harri stepped on her foot.

“Ow!” She hissed under her breath.

McGonagall asked. “Could you explain to us how you were able to get a message to the boys? It is not every day I have three Slytherin fifth years barging into my office telling me my girls are stranded in another country.”

Hermione’s eyes flashed in panic.

Snape cleared his throat. “I don’t think that is the issue here Minerva.”

“I agree.” Professor Sprout concurred. “What is disturbing is the fact that I made a mess of the maps and almost got my students bitten by werewolves!”

Snape sighed like he was irritated. “I meant the issue here is a punishment for the girls.”

McGonagall shook her head. “I don’t think we can punish them, Severus, if not for the case that this was an entire case of misfortune then for the fact that Dolores will find out and demand to give them detention herself. I won’t allow it.”

“Oh?” Snape raised a skeptical brow. “Then are we to stop disciplining our children for fear of a ministry lackey?”

“We can discipline them should the situation call for it but I will not allow that woman’s barbaric methods to be administered on them!” McGonagall argued.

“I'm not saying we allow her to continue. Quite the opposite actually, but that is a conversation to have privately.” He swiped an arm in the air. “Girls out of the room.”

“And directly to the tower without a word to anyone.” McGonagall ordered.

“It's going to get out either way Professor, it always does.” Lavender mumbled. McGonagall shot her a glower.

They left and when they returned to the common room, it was almost empty except for Ron and the other Gryffindor fifth year boys, who were engrossed in a game of chess, oblivious to where they’d been the past few hours.

Professor Sprout and McGonagall really had kept the incident to themselves. Harri would still tell Ron but maybe it was a good idea to wait. He would definitely be upset that he missed out and Tom and Draco had come to their aid rather than him.

Hermione slapped the back of Ron’s head with a newspaper that had been lying on the floor as they passed by to their dorm room. Ron smacked her arm back without looking up from the chessboard.

The exhaustion of the day caught up to Harri after she changed out of her damp clothes. They all sprawled across their dorm floor.

“Can I say something?” Daphne murmured between a long yawn.

“If I said no, would that stop you?” Maria asked genuinely.

“No.”

"Well don’t let me stop you.”

Daphne gave her a dirty look. “Does your brain stop working after six?”

“Oh please get on with it.” Hermione tapped Daphne with her foot.

“I just thought it might be imprudent for us to talk about Remus consorting with the likes of Fenrir Greyback? And the awfully intimate conversation they had in front of us?”

“Oh that.” Harri lifted herself up onto her elbows. “I thought I told you about this ages ago.”

The girls stared.

“I think, no, I know Remus and Greyback are soulmates.”